The Book of Leon by Black, Leon -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Dedication Foreword No Turning Back

He Ain’t Wrong . . . He Just Ain’t Right The Front of This Damn Book Book Clubs The Shit The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Low Blow

Early Life

Pee-Pees and Johnsons Who You? And Vice Versa Roomies Style Master

Sex

Black Belt in Fucking The POHTA VD Gets Around Mattre-asses Those Taddies Fuckable Professions 4 Play Call of the Wild

Courting, Marriage, and Divorce

Sign Language Mouth on You Courtin’ Tats Balls and Chains Wife Insurance Escape Clause

Raising Kids

Name Dat Baby Hard Head—Soft Behind It Takes a Damn Village Birds and Bees Ran-aways

Managing Money

In Me I Trust Walkaway Plan Man-Made Dine and Ditch, Bitch Always Bet on Black IKEA Parties Homeless Depot Jehovah Witness Protection Program

Getting Over and Getting Ahead

Slow the Fuck Up Snitching Positive Snitching Self-Esteem Defense Shutting Shit Down In It to Win It

Inventions and Ideas

Technology Speaking Uberstand Uberfeet Strip Pay Edible Underwear 2.0 Cruises—not the Kid

Health And Diet

Time to Get Ill Biggest Loser Part-Time Vegetarian/Full-Time Cannibal

Staying Healthy

Spot Me Flu Dick Pussy Tea Drug Youse The Five Deadly Steps Dr. Doctor, PhD

Food for Thought

Flix and Chicks Cat Dog Monkey Falcon Soup Sperm Bank Account Catfish and Grits Disneyland and World Souped-Up Camp Fuckthat Time Travel Agent

Old Age

Cougarland Vintage Sex Positions Speaking of Old Ass People Single-Serving Seniors Jiffy Lube for Seniors Kaput

Words to Live By

Mission Impossible Four-Legged Race Buffetarian

What I Say—What I Mean

Word Artist Bring the Ruckus Get in That Ass Topsy-Turvy (Flip That Shit) You Can’t Pause Toast Champagne-Filled Croissants Somebody Always Gotta Get Fucked Up, Larry 82 Is My Shit

End and Endings

Step Out That Ass

Epilogue Acknowledgments Apologies About the Author Copyright