Little Jan

An erotic-pornographic fiction novel.

Little Jan, crippled from birth, without arms and mentally retarded, is lovingly raised by his mother, without realizing in his clumsy childish world that she has to work as a prostitute. In the simple, restricted life of the adolescent, sexuality takes on a dominant importance. Almost logically, a soon violently escalating incestuous relationship develops, which ends in disaster. In the orphanage, a convent run by former nuns, Jan experiences his first wonderful love. He is adopted by a girlfriend of his mother and shuttles between her whorehouse and the convent, having no idea that his love for a nun is as unusual as his work in the foster mother's establishment. Little Jan's world is whimsical and simple-minded-innocent - like a little Perceval, he stumbles over taboos and hilarious situations, trying to grasp the adult world with childlike eagerness. But the real world around him, which is not ours, goes completely crazy: when aliens begin to conquer and destroy the earth after the first moon landing, the world threatens to sink inexorably into war and chaos. In the hail of bombs, Jan is saved by a mysterious girl, Lena. For Lena has chosen the small, crippled Jan to put a stop to the aliens. And Jan begins to realize that Lena is not just any little girl....

It is a strange story. Through the eyes of the little handicapped person, his family history, his sexual development is described. You read a paragraph and you know that it was like that and that it couldn't have been like that, or could it?! Adult women enter into a relationship with a childlike cripple almost recklessly and without the slightest scruples, what a contrast to the everyday hustle and bustle in our real world! A murder that could happen like that, of course, but it is already a very strange murder. The assassination in Dallas, Texas, on November 22, 1963: in this story it is quite different from what the media reported at that time. Convent women falling in love with the little cripple? Lesbian sex behind convent walls? A nuclear war triggered by aliens who want to breed humans as gene suppliers? A small, handicapped boy who learns magic powers from a space girl and saves the world with magic? Strange indeed!

I imagine that the little Jan sits today in a nursing home, one of those withdrawn people who sit hour after hour in the television room, motionless and with a dripping mouth corner staring at the screen and with whom one does not know whether they watch television or whether they have lost themselves in a waking twilight state.

I see him before me, the forty-year-old with the mind of a chick. His long arms, emaciated by muscular atrophy, hang down uselessly to the left and right of his wheelchair. He has no arms, at least he cannot use them. Others have to do for him what has to be done. His mother, she did everything for him - he was her child, her only, her dearest. He was so sweet, always playing the same little games with her, always playing with the same old disheveled bear, and even learning the ABC's to K, as she told everyone with glee. Her boy loved to bathe and enjoyed being lathered up as much as being washed off. What she never learned was what was going on in his head when she bathed him - was he perhaps dreaming of doing something with her that he couldn't even put into words? Or - was the incest actually happening? But maybe the sex raged for decades only in his head, without finding its way to the body - just as he could imagine to have been born without arms...