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Hey! Jerkface! Get your neck out of that noose!

The underground Internet sensation, J. Andrew Haknort, is finally available for your Kindle reader thingy, so you don't have to kill yourself!

What? Haven't heard of the Woobie Award winning poetry of Haknort?

He was voted the worst poet in history, by people who vote for things like that, probably when they should be working instead of screwing around with Internet polls. Your boss knows you slack off. He's got a little tracker bot on your computer, so he sees how often you check your Facebook page. He's also got a spy cam in the washroom.

Where were we? Oh yeah. The ebook.

This ebook collection of over one thousand terrible, offensive, vulgar, dirty, politically incorrect bad poems and awful jokes is just the thing to brighten up your miserable life.

Unless you're easily offended. Then you shouldn't buy this. Spend your money on something better for your soul. Like meth. Or bullets.

But... if you can handle extreme bad taste, and you're the type of person who has a bunch of goofy friends who like to get drunk and play "handtool dodgeball," then this may be the book you've been searching for your whole miserable life.

This ebook contains hundreds and hundreds of hilariously awful poems and gut-busting jokes. Plus it's fat free. And it makes you more attractive. And it cures warts.

Plus, it's pretty funny. Not funny like your Aunt Zelda, who your parents put in a home because she thought the squirrels were plotting against her. This ebook is haha funny.

In fact, this is 100% guaranteed to make you wet your pants laughing. If you don't wet your pants, we'll send someone over to wet them for you.

Come on! Buy it already! You got something better to do with your pocket change? Maybe head on over to the vending machine for a little snack action? Save yourself an angioplasty, chubbo, and spend your lousy buck on this book instead.

Or maybe you're thinking of saving your pennies for the jukebox. If so, you're probably over 50. Jukebox? Get an iPod, Gramps! Join the 21st century!

The fact is, there isn't a single thing you can spend your money on that will give you more enjoyment than this crappy little ebook poetry collection. Except maybe feeder mice. They get so freaked-out when you drop them in the aquarium with your pet snake, and they run around all scared, but where are you going to run, little Mr. Mouse? You're stuck in an aquarium! You can see through the walls of your glass prison but you can't escape!

Snakes are cool.

If you took all the snakes in the world, and laid them all end to end, it would probably take a lot of time.

About this ebook:

We're not telling you anything else that will be helpful. Other than the fact that this is CHEAP.

Let's face it. Ebooks SHOULD be cheap. It's not like they're being printed, and shipped, and sold at a bookstore, with every Johnny Middle Man and Suzie Retailer taking their cut.

Ebooks are a bunch of ones and zeros. They cost nothing to produce or send. So why the hell are some bestselling authors charging $11.99 for a Kindle version? Aren't they rich enough yet? How many Porsches do you need, writer boy?

They should GIVE THE BOOKS AWAY FOR FREE!

But no one ever listens to us...

Contents:

Contents? Why should we list the contents here? You want life handed to you gift-wrapped on a sesame seed bun with an extra side of money? Click on the SEND SAMPLE NOW button, you lazy goof. There's your contents.

About the author:

J. Andrew Haknort was a beat poet. He got beat a lot. Ha! Ha!

Then he died, and now we're making fat bank off of his legacy. Don't give us that look. You'd do it too if you thought of it first.

A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this ebook go to a good cause. But don't get up on your high horse there, John Wayne. It's not a large portion. It's not even half.

In fact, it's no proceeds at all. But it wasn't a good cause anyway.