To All the Penises I've Ever Known · Erotic Shorts by Lori Schafer

Ranging in style from funny to filthy, this erotica collection features author commentary on selected stories and my open letter to you-know-who. The paperback version of this book also features my long short story "The Hannelack Fanny, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Rump."

“Morning After”

“I glanced down at my body, dappled with the warming rays of the sun. My breasts were bare. My belly was bare. My thighs were bare. In fact, the only part of me that wasn’t bare was my right foot, which still clung to the more stubborn half of a cotton ankle sock...”

Short story. Includes author commentary on why threesomes make for the funniest erotica.

“Ballroom Dance”

“Tonight’s the night. The grand finale, if you will. The final class in ballroom dance…”

Flash fiction of the extra-dirty variety. The less said about it the better!

“To All the Penises I’ve Ever Known”

My open letter to you-know-who.

Essay. Includes author commentary.

“Me and Fat Marge”

“Her breasts alone are the size of honeydews and as I stare, my eyes popping, at the nipples poking through the thin cotton I wonder, in spite of myself, if they’re equally as sweet.”

Short story. Includes commentary on my first published piece of erotica.

“Missed Connection”

“He nuzzled between my open legs and without stopping to think, I pulled him eagerly forward, the blunted cloth of his khakis growing damp with my wetness as I stroked myself against him, feeling his cock so close, so unbearably close that I couldn’t believe that it wasn’t inside me, that it was still relegated to the realm of teasing anticipation…”

Flash fiction. Includes commentary on the genesis of the dirty version of this story and the confession that prompted it.

“Complete Your Assignments!”

“She was going to fail this class, she thought as she felt her cheeks tingling with excitement. But it would be worth it!”

Flash fiction. No comment!

“Lori Schafer: I Write Erotica”

“Q: What are peoples' reactions when they find out you write erotica?

A: If they know me at all, they’re not very surprised.”

My author interview with Guy Hogan of The Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette.

"The Hannelack Fanny, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Rump"

A young woman's life is changed forever when she discovers what everyone around her has known all along: that a renowned family characteristic has re-emerged in a most unfortunate location - her own backside. Follow her journey from embarrassment to acceptance to unbridled joy as she learns to appreciate the wonders of going through life with the Hannelack fanny.