Alex Cross

Detective Alex Crossed is hunting the world’s vilest villainous villain, Boris Ballcrusher. In turn, Boris Ballcrusher is hunting Alex Crossed, the world’s most incompetent and politically correct multiracial police detective, in this parody of the Alex Cross novels by James Patterson. With the aid of a ninja, a dwarf, a Google-created android named Ali Mode, and a monomaniacal air force general, Crossed must travel to Castle Dracula, Egypt, and Topeka in his quest to stop Ballcrusher from taking over the world.

Not widely praised by the greatest crime, thriller, and comedy writers of our time, ALEX CROSSED MUST DIE! is, nonetheless, a jaw-dropping story created for James Patterson fans who have a sense of humor, for disgruntled fans of James Patterson, and for those who enjoy highly irreverent and very politically incorrect humor.

ADVANCED PRAISE FOR THIS PARODY

“Unbelievably funny and acerbic. A. James Patterson proves that he can write not only better than THE James Patterson but make THE James Patterson look like an unseasoned beginner. Many are going to love how A. James Patterson parodies the Alex Cross novels, especially in the use of extremely short chapters….”

—Suspendered Magazine

“I laughed so hard that I wet my panties. And oh, my, I did it again!”

—Okrah Winfrey

“A. James Patterson is not THE James Patterson but THE man.”

—George Carlin, channeled at M. Ruth’s Hoodoo Shop

“ALEX CROSSED MUST DIE! is full of surprising revelations almost biblical in their intensity, and has bizarre twists and turns of the gonads, along with heart-stopping suspense and sharp-edged, cynical humor. If you’re a fan of THE James Patterson and have a sense of humor, a disgruntled fan of THE James Patterson, or someone who loves highly irreverent and politically incorrect humor, then this book is for you.”

—I. P. Yellow

“ALEX CROSSED MUST DIE! might not sell as well as the most recently released James Patterson novel of the day, but this parody of the Alex Cross novels deserves five-star reviews from any serious fan of comedy.”

—Hillary Rodham Clinton Donald Trump

THE WORLD’S GREATEST PARODYIST OF THE WORLD’S #1 BESTSELLING WRITER

THE JAMES PATTERSON has sold millions of hastily written novels, which he writes with the aid of others. His politically correct heroes and heroines earn him substantial amounts of money. Hooray for THE James Patterson. This is A. James Patterson’s first novel, which he wrote slowly and without the aid of others. Like a cat, A. James Patterson lives in a cardboard box and licks his nards in public. Balls to the walls for A. James Patterson.