Nobody's Perfect

Nobody’s Perfect:

My darling children, please forgive me ,what I am about to do now Is the hardest thing I have ever done, not taking my life, that’s not hard because I’m already dead your father has done that, he has taken my hopes, my dreams and now my life.

No the hardest thing is leaving you both, never seeing you grow up, Please don’t hate me I don’t expect you to understand why I’ve done this now but hopefully in time you may find it in your hearts to forgive me.

All I ever wanted was for us to be happy, I thought I had found it with your father but he wanted different things I was never good enough for him I did try to be what he wanted but it was never enough, he has made my life unbearable he has tried to control all my thoughts and actions through bullying and beatings, for years he has tortured me mentally and physically even while I was carrying the both of you the beatings continued, Well this is my time now, I am doing this as my last act of defiance against him, He has threatened to kill me before but this time I know he means it, I have hurt him but I am happy knowing that by doing this I am depriving him of his vengeance.

Leaving the two of you is hard but as I sit here writing this my last words to you, my mind is filled with all the firsts I have shared with you, your first teeth, your first smile, your first words, the list is endless and those memories are what I take with me now.

I made a mistake now your father has found out and is going to make me pay for that mistake, I can’t let him do that I’ve lost the will to fight anymore I’m too tired of living in fear and darkness I need to escape.

I thought I had found it, I thought I had found our way to happiness but it was an illusion, a dream I had. This is my life, this is my reality, I have never been so scared and alone before, I wish I could come down stairs and hold the two of you tight and make everything ok, I can hear you downstairs laughing and playing oblivious of what’s going to happen, I have tried to protect you to shield you from the truth but this is the truth, this is what your father has done to me. I will not let him take what’s left of my life I will not give him that satisfaction I hate that man and curse the very ground he walks on and I hope one day he will be as scared and alone as I am now.

I want you to look after each other protect each other, you are all that’s left of my time on earth, my legacy I’m so proud of you for being my children; I love you so much I know you will be sad for a while but always remember I will be watching over you always. Be strong I haven’t done this to hurt you I have done it to save you from being dragged down into my life of hell.

Along with this letter there is the tape from the answer machine it may be useful one day.

Please be happy and think of me now and again remember I’ll always love you.

Goodbye and God bless both of you.

Mummy.