[Gutenberg 60630] • The Log of the Ark, by Noah; Hieroglypics by Ham

WEDNESDAY, b.c. 2349. Course—to Ararat. Weather—clear and rain. Wind—starting to blow. Sea—calm.Ship’s Run—1 league. Remarks:
 Weighed anchor: 2240 pounds.—My rheumatism hurt. I just knew it would rain.—A large crowd came down to see us off. Received delegation of S. P. C. A. They presented me with a gold-handled umbrella.—Someone sent the women folks a bunch of American beauties.—Many of my neighbours say I am crazy.—It began to rain—crowd dispersed.—There is a lot of hubbub in getting an Ark off.—Half an hour late in starting. Ham doesn’t understand some of the levers.—Ship’s band played the national anthems as we sailed away.—Sent sailing lists to all my friends. Gave them to the pilot to mail.—Dropped pilot at 7.30 p.m. I was sorry to see him go.—Cargo all well and quiet.—I wonder if I will be seasick? THURSDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—higher. Sea—still calm. Ship’s Run—2. Remarks:
 Rained all last night and today. I didn’t sleep well. Mrs. Noah insists upon having the lower berth. I had to climb up top. If I fall and break my neck it will be serious.—Spent morning in smoking-room reading steamer letters. Several magazines offer half a shekel a word for my story. Some vaudeville manager wants me to go on the stage if I get away with the trip. The University of Bagdad ask me to will them my brains.—Mrs. Japheth forgot one of her steamer trunks, and wants us to go back.—Ham says he thinks he knows which levers will stop the Ark.—All well on board. FRIDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—same as yesterday. Sea—very calm. Ship’s Run—1½.Wireless Report; Mountain resorts doing good business. Hotels all crowded. Remarks:
 We ran aground this morning. Mrs. Noah and the girls were badly frightened. I signalled for a tug which pulled us off. The captain wanted to know about the salvage. I told him to see the owners or the insurance company. Doubt if he ever will be paid.—I can’t sleep very well. The bunk is too narrow. I don’t like steamer bunks any more than I do a Pullman.—Mrs. Noah complains of the motion of the ship. I haven’t felt it, but the throbbing of the engines is annoying.—Didn’t eat much today.—Cargo still quiet. I’m a little worried about the two caterpillars. What if they are not mates? SATURDAY. Course—straight ahead. Weather—rain. Wind—shifted. Sea—same as yesterday. Ship’s Run—2.Wireless Report—C. Q. D. Antioch. Remarks:
 The rooster woke me up this morning.—Oldest inhabitants can’t remember when it has rained so hard.—There’s not much fun standing on the bridge for four hours at a time. I thought all the captain of an Ark had to do was talk to the ladies. There’s some responsibility connected with a vessel of this size, and such a mixed cargo. It might have a serious effect on posterity should we be wrecked.—All indications point to unusually high water. We passed several mountains today. Mountains do look strange without their valleys.—I’m learning to read the charts.—Japheth complains that the triceratops prorus, the iguanodon bernissartensis, and the dinosaurs are not eating. We’re always having trouble with those what-you-may-call-its.—Mrs. Noah says the Ark is beginning to smell like a barn. I can’t help that.—Took my bath.