Bottoms Up

'ERE, 'ERE, MIND YOUR MANNERS!

This book is dedicated to the enjoyment of life.

...She lifted her arms gracefully over her head, and looked down at her breasts.

“They are beautiful, aren't they?” she said. “I can be quite objective about myself. They're my best feature really. But I haven't found a brassiere yet that really does anything for them.”

My mouth felt rather hot and dry, and I tried to moisten my lips.

“What I mean,” said Gloria, demonstrating, “is brassieres push you in—like this—and apart—like this.” She put the palms of her hands on her breasts, flattening them, and separating them.

“What I need is something that brings me in

—like this—and up—like this.” She showed me what she meant. “Someday I'm going to design one the way it should be. I've done a little experimenting.”

She looked around the room. “If I only had a couple of bicycle clips

—you know the kind you clip on long trousers—I could show you exactly. You don't have any bicycle clips with you, do you?”

1 quickly went through my pockets. “No, I'm sorry, I haven't”

“If I can design a good one,” said Gloria, “it would be a natural tie-in for promotion. I might even form my own company. Make a capital gains thing of it. Some name like Gloria's Cups.”

I tried to visualize Gloria in her cups...