Spinning Around

Catherine Jinks s wickedly witty novel examines what happens when the days of cocktails, sample sales, tight abs, and strappy slingbacks end -- and real life kicks in...

Hello? I think there s been some mistake...

The life I ordered was the one with the gorgeous, helpful husband, the two well-mannered, angelic children, and the self-cleaning dream house. Here s what was delivered: Matt, the sort-of soul mate with great stories and sketchy domestic skills; Emily, a sweet little girl who could get carsick on a tricycle; weirdly sensitive toddler Jonah; and a home perpetually coated in grit produced by the renovation from hell.

I m pretty sure I didn t sign on for this...

Of course I sensed going in that family life might, at times, be less than idyllic. But abject denial of such tedious realities is nature s way of insuring that humans keep making more humans. Then came weight gain. Weird stains. Money drain. In the midst of such bliss, is it wrong to wax nostalgic for a time when I actually used my suede brush on suede? When sex was a priority instead of a luxury? When my husband could be trusted to avoid not-so-clandestine lunches with young (very young) purple-haired women?

There is a return policy...right?

I m sure there s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Matt was seen (by my best friend, in broad daylight) cuddling up to Girl With Purple Hair. And I ll find out what it is, just as soon as I have the nerve to confront him. Until then, I ll take refuge in work, mothering, and the somewhat flirtatious attentions of the P.I. I hired to follow my husband around. Because when life hands you lemons, if you re my perfect-mom neighbor, you make organic lemonade. And when life throws you a curve? If you re me, you get the hell out of the way...