CHAPTER 7
THE CLICKCHAT ATROCITY
CLAUDIA
I apologize for losing my temper at the end of that last chapter. I could have edited it out, but I think it’s important to leave it in as proof that the scars of war run deep, and that people who are involved in such conflicts often have emotional problems that last for years after the fighting has stopped.
I am going to try to get through this next section very quickly, because even now, just thinking about it makes me want to cry.
And also stick hot needles under my brother’s fingernails.
First of all, it is very, very important to understand that the song I was singing was A) definitely NOT about anyone in particular; B) actually about a lot of different things, not just vests and foreign accents; C) not even called “The Vest Song,” which is a name Reese and Xander totally made up; D) a very rough first take that I fully intended to rewrite and rerecord, definitely without a falsetto (because I agree it wasn’t working); and E) absolutely, positively NOT MEANT TO BE HEARD BY ANYBODY BUT ME.
For the rest of my life, when I record anything, I am going to sit facing the door so I know if someone’s poking their head in with an iPad to secretly record me.
I am also never, ever going offline again for more than fifteen minutes. Because if I’d been on ClickChat that night and caught it early, it wouldn’t have been so bad. But I’d turned off my phone and the Wi-Fi on my laptop so I wouldn’t get interrupted while I was recording. And when I finished playing guitar, it was late enough that I went right to bed without bothering to go back online.
So I had no idea what had happened until the next morning, when I turned on my phone and found twenty-seven new text messages.
Sixteen were from Sophie. The rest were from Carmen and Parvati. For the historical record, here are a few of Sophie’s texts:
SOPHIE (text messages)
ANSWER YR PHONE CLAUDIA
SRSLY THIS IS EMERGNCY
OMG YOU NEED TO GO ON
CLICKCHAT NOW AND SEE WHAT
REESE POSTED
V BAD THINGS ARE HAPPNING
WHERE R U???? CALL ME STAT!!!
CLAUDIA
After seeing Sophie’s texts, I was pretty much in full panic mode before I even opened ClickChat. And what I found on Reese’s feed was so horrible that when I first saw it, I got a stabbing pain in my chest like I was dying of a heart attack.
For the record, here is what it looked like (minus the actual video, which eventually got deleted). I only included the first 15 comments—by the time Reese deleted the video, there were 135 of them:
214 likes
goddessgurrl OMG!
mdith_timms ikr?
goddessgurrl guys shes singing about Jens
lingurding EPIC FAIL
lurvlyc hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!
i_m_ batman_4realz my dog heard this and now he’s howling
tasha_sez Miranda Fleet call ur agint u r in TROUBLE hahaha
goddessgurrl so sad. there is no way Jens likes her
sophie_k_nyc Reese this is NOT FUNNY Claudia will hate u
mdith_timms what is Jens username? someone should fwd
lurvlyc MY EARS… THEY BLEED…
sophie_k_nyc srsly Reese DELETE THIS NOW
goddessgurrl shut up Sophie. cant you take a joke?
mdith_timms yea we r just appreciating her awesome talent
<3 <3
lingurding omg Claudia shld probly move to Alaska or sumthing
CLAUDIA
Trust me when I say the next 120 comments were even worse. Which is why, as soon as I made sure I wasn’t actually dying of a heart attack, I went to Reese’s room to kill him.
REESE
Xander was right—after we posted the video, the girls in our grade (plus a few boys, but mostly it was the girls) all went totally nuts in the comments section. It was actually kind of scary how nuts they went. Like, even before we went to bed, I’d started thinking it might have been a bad idea to post the video.
CLAUDIA
“MIGHT HAVE BEEN”???
REESE
I’m sorry! Anyway, we were up pretty late, so I was still asleep when Claudia came in and started kicking Xander.
CLAUDIA
I was NOT kicking him. I am a peaceful person.
He just happened to be lying in a sleeping bag on the floor, and it’s a very small room. So on my way over to your bed, I accidentally hit him with my foot about five or six times.
REESE
If you weren’t kicking him, why was he screaming?
CLAUDIA
Because he is weak. I AM A PEACEFUL PERSON.
REESE
If you’re so peaceful, why’d you start punching me?
CLAUDIA
You’re my brother. It’s different. Besides, you totally deserved it.
REESE
It’s not fair! You know I can’t hit you back.
CLAUDIA
Because you’re weak, too.
REESE
No! ’Cause you’re a girl!
CLAUDIA
That is totally sexist, Reese.
REESE
Fine! Next time, I’ll hit you.
CLAUDIA
Like to see you try.
REESE
Will you just chill? I’ve apologized, like, fifty times for this!
CLAUDIA
It’s never enough.
REESE
Can we get back to the moral history?
CLAUDIA
Oral history.
REESE
Whatever. So, all the yelling woke up Dad. And he came in and separated us, and that’s when you got all hysterical and totally freaked him out.
But he had to deal with it, because Mom was at the gym.
MOM AND DAD (text messages)
(DAD) TOTAL TWIN MELTDOWN PLEASE
COME HOME ASAP
(MOM) Is anyone hurt????
Not physically. But Claudia hit Reese
Can’t you deal? Only good spin class
all day starts in 5 min and I have not
worked out in ages
This is way over my head. Lots of
tears and girl stuff
Eric, YOU MUST DEAL. I will be back
by 11:00
OK but no promises kids will be in
one piece when you return
MAN UP!!! You wanted kids
REESE
I deleted the post even before Dad told me to. Because I seriously did feel bad about it. Like, even when I was lying in bed the night before, I was thinking, “Maybe I should delete it.”
CLAUDIA
BUT YOU DIDN’T.
REESE
Well, Xander was there, and… I’m sorry! Really! I am. It’s, like, the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Are you ever going to forgive me?
CLAUDIA
Hmm. Let me think.
NO.