CHAPTER 16
PEACE IN OUR TIME
CLAUDIA
Not only did I get a one-day suspension.
Not only did Mrs. Bevan call my parents and get me in crazy trouble at home.
But now I have a police record.
Because according to Culvert Prep’s zero tolerance policy, the school has to report any threats of physical violence to the police. And according to Xander, what I wrote on his wall was a threat of physical violence.
Even though it was actually just a threat of DIGITAL violence.
And even though, thanks to Akash, it was only going to be temporary.
And even though I never even followed through on it.
Because, really, what was the point? I’d had enough. I was done.
And when Akash’s program automatically restored Reese’s castle and soldiers, my brother was so happy he ran through the apartment yelling “SKA-DA-BOOOSH!” and “HIBBITY ZIB-ZAB!”
Which I guess for Reese was like the equivalent of when World War II ended, and everybody went to Times Square to make out with sailors.
I lost.
I just wish there was some kind of program Akash could run on my life to erase the whole thing so it never happened.
REESE
I don’t get it. If you wish it never happened, why are you writing a whole book about it?
CLAUDIA
Because people have to understand it was your fault!
REESE
But it wasn’t my fault.
CLAUDIA
Yes, it was!
REESE
No, it wasn’t. Read the book if you don’t believe me.
CLAUDIA
Did YOU read the book?
REESE
No.
Sorry. I’m going to! Eventually.
But I don’t HAVE to read it. I was there! Starting with the toaster pastry—
CLAUDIA
It doesn’t—!
It’s not—!
Look…
I HAVE to be able to explain… why my police record… WASN’T MY FAULT.
REESE
Explain to who?
CLAUDIA
People!
REESE
What people?
CLAUDIA
People in the future!
REESE
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
CLAUDIA
Of course you don’t! Because all you want to do with your life is be a professional soccer player!
And nobody cares if a soccer player has a police record. They probably ALL do!
But I CAN’T HAVE ONE!
REESE
Why not?
CLAUDIA
Because… just forget it.
REESE
Is this about you wanting to be president?
CLAUDIA
No!
REESE
Really?
REALLY?
CLAUDIA
Okay, yes.
Do NOT make fun of me! Just because I set very high goals for myself—
REESE
I’m not making fun of you! I think it’s totally cool.
CLAUDIA
Really?
REESE
Yeah! Do you know how awesome it’d be for me if my sister was the president? I could, like, hang out at the White House whenever I wanted—
CLAUDIA
I don’t know about “whenever”—
REESE
Oh, come on!
CLAUDIA
Definitely sometimes. Just not, like, every day.
But that’s the thing—if I have a police record, it’ll come out during, like, the New Hampshire primary, and I’ll never get elected!
REESE
Are you kidding? By the time you’re old enough to be president? EVERYBODY will have a police record.
CLAUDIA
That is ridiculous.
REESE
No, seriously. I heard, like, America puts more people in jail than any other country in the world. So we’re basically ALL going to jail at some point.
CLAUDIA
You realize that’s completely insane, right?
REESE
Whatever. You’ll get elected anyway! You’re totally brilliant. You’re, like, the smartest person in our class.
CLAUDIA
You really think that?
REESE
Duh! It’s obvious.
CLAUDIA
Ohmygosh… That is such a nice thing to say.
REESE
Well, I mean it. Just because I hate you doesn’t mean you’re not awesome.
CLAUDIA
Thanks, Reese.
You’re a really nice person, you know that?
REESE
I dunno. I guess so.
CLAUDIA
I mean, you’re so nice it’s actually hard to be in a war with you. It’s like being in a war with a golden retriever.
Ugh! What a mess. I never should’ve put that fish in your backpack.
REESE
Well, look on the bright side—if you hadn’t, you never would’ve found out Jens likes you.
CLAUDIA
WHAT?????!!!!!!
REESE
You didn’t know that?
CLAUDIA
NO, I DID NOT. TELL ME EVERYTHING.
REESE
Well, after that whole “Vest Song” thing—seriously, I am SO sorry—
CLAUDIA
It’s fine! Just keep going!
REESE
Well, a bunch of us were ripping on him about it at practice. And he was, like, “I don’t care. Your sister is cute. I HOPE that song was about me.”
CLAUDIA
OHMYGOSHYOU’RETOTALLYLYINGHEDIDNOTSAYTHAT!
REESE
No, he did. He said it. Seriously.
CLAUDIA
Why did I not know this???!!! Why didn’t you tell me?
REESE
Because you weren’t talking to me. And by the time you started again, it was, like, weeks later. And I just kind of forgot.
CLAUDIA
You are the greatest brother ever.
REESE
You’re just saying that.
CLAUDIA
True. But I sort of mean it, too. I gotta go tell Sophie. This is CRAZY!
REESE
So we’re cool, right? With this war thing? Truce?
CLAUDIA
Truce. Totally.