PROLOGUE
Ed. Note: (i.e., the very, very beginning)
CLAUDIA
Wars are terrible things. I know this because I’ve read about a lot of them on Wikipedia.
And also because I was just in one. It was me against my brother, Reese.
That might not sound like a war to you. Trust me. It was. In fact, it was a lot like other famous wars I’ve read about on Wikipedia.
Just like World War II, it involved a sneak attack on a peaceful people who never saw it coming (me).
Just like World War I, it lasted a lot longer and caused a LOT more problems than anybody expected, especially people who were totally innocent and didn’t deserve it (me).
And like all wars, when it was over, somebody had to write a book about it (me), so that historians of the future would know exactly what happened and whose fault it was (Reese’s).
This is especially true of the part where the police got involved.
REESE
Calling it a war is kind of stupid. But Claudia always has to make a big deal out of everything.
I mean, yeah, it got out of hand for a while there. But it’s not like anybody died.
Except on my MetaWorld account. THAT was a horrible, bloody massacre.
It wasn’t actual blood or anything. It was pixels. But it was still pretty bad. There was, like, little red pixel blood splooshed all over the screen.
And that was all Claudia’s fault, Ed. Note: NOT my fault (see above) and totally NOT COOL.
I would never, EVER do something that mean to my sister. I’m nice to her almost all the time!
Except when she’s mean to me first. And then it doesn’t count.
Also, I had nothing to do with the cops. That was all Claudia. I have a totally clean record. Ed. Note: wait a few years—this will change Seriously! Call the cops if you don’t believe me.
MOM AND DAD (Text messages copied from Mom’s phone)
(MOM) Claudia says she’s writing a book
about the incident
(DAD) Like a novel?
No. Oral history. Interviews. Like that
zombie book. But real
Great! If published, will look good on
college apps
I’m worried it’ll make us look like bad
parents
How?
She wants us to participate
By interviewing us? I might have
time after Entek deal closes. Getting
crushed at work right now
No interview. Says she just wants to
quote from our text messages
Me neither. But she already has all
of them
How?
I left my phone on the kitchen counter
last night
Tell her no
I tried. She got upset. Now I feel guilty
Ugh. Fine. Let her use them
Really?
Yes. If we don’t like the book, we can
always sue her to stop publication
Are you kidding? I can’t tell
I can’t either
Ed. Note: Dad has not sued me. (Yet.)