Donna Gatsky was a woman with pointed cheekbones, pointed glasses, a pointed haircut, pointed chin, pointed nose, and pointed shoes. Even her black pinstripe suit was sharp. She was famous in the Hollywood movie business for getting her way by being absolutely horrible to everyone. I’m only telling you this so you don’t feel too sorry for her when you find out what happens next.
As you can see, Donna is pretty scary. What’s even more frightening is that the person she is shouting at is her mum!
Donna was about to board the flight to Brazil, but first she needed the loo.
Miser had been passing the time by picking pockets with his tentacles as easily as you or I would pick up groceries from the supermarket checkout conveyor belt. This wasn’t just out of habit—Miser was trying to find someone who had a ticket for the flight to Brazil. Preferably someone flying alone.
Donna stomped right past Miser with her steel wheelie suitcase in tow, and Miser, Stan, and Puff followed her into the bathroom.
Once Donna had finished on the loo, she came out to wash her hands and reapply her trademark deep-red lipstick. In order to do this, she laid her passport and boarding pass beside the sink, giving Miser a chance to check the details.
“This American lady is traveling to Brazil on the very flight we need to be on,” he announced excitedly. He continued: “Stan, prepare to catch this beautiful creature. Puff, I must ask you now to pass your ghastly gas and send this lady into a deep slumber.”
Puff did exactly that. Before Donna had a chance to pop the cap back on her lipstick, she had flopped like laundry into Stan’s open arms.
“Very good,” said Miser. “Now I must take this lady’s suitcase next door to Master Nelson while you two find an appropriate place for the lady to rest.” Then Miser dashed out with Donna’s suitcase, boarding pass, and passport.
* * *
“I’m not dressing up as a woman!” protested Nelson, who had by now managed to get most of the gloop off his clothes. It had been bad enough dressing up as Adolf Hitler, but dressing up as a woman and then getting on a plane in front of all those people made even driving the van seem easy by comparison.
“At least you can wear clothes,” moaned Spike. “I can’t. They’ll just get ripped to bits. I’d love to know what a nice coat feels like. Or a woolly hat. Or gloves. Or slippers—”
“Shut up about slippers!” shouted Stan, who had just joined them, and Spike sighed.
Nelson stared at the open suitcase and the suit that lay folded neatly inside it. Donna was clearly a woman who did not like variety, as it was identical to the one she was already wearing.
“Yer look like a girl anyway,” said Stan, and the monsters burst into hysterics.
“Shut up, Stan,” said Nelson, who right then and there decided the first thing he would do when he got his sister back was to get her to cut his hair. Very short.
* * *
The suit fit pretty well. That extra height Nelson had gained this year was suddenly coming in handy. Donna was only a couple of centimeters taller than him, so he just had to turn the trousers up a little for them to fit properly. The hair was easy to mimic. Nelson soaked his hair with water and then allowed Spike to style it into a severe bob, using his spiky hands as combs. A handful of Nosh’s sticky slobber made excellent hair gel so that it would stay in place for the flight. Nelson packed all his clothes into Donna’s suitcase, tried to apply the red lipstick to match the photo in the passport as best he could (while the monsters all chuckled at him), and then added the finishing touch—a pair of dark sunglasses. No one wears sunglasses in an airport in the middle of the night except rich and crazy people, but fortunately Donna fit both of these categories, so it would not arouse suspicion.
The only problem was the shoes. Donna hadn’t packed a spare pair so Nelson would just have to keep his filthy sneakers on and hope they didn’t draw too much attention.
This is the drawing Nelson never wants anyone to see.
Nelson looked into the mirror. Instead of an eleven-year-old boy with one freckle on the end of his nose, messy hair, and a slightly goofy expression, he saw a very smart woman called Donna who looked like someone who always got things done her way. Katy Newman would love this, thought Nelson, before taking a deep breath and unlocking the bathroom door.
“Nelly-son look like lady!” cried Nosh with a big laugh, but Nelson ignored him.
“Ready?” said Nelson.
“Ready!” said his seven monsters, and Nelson opened the door.