Getting the cows to go fast had been easy, but getting them to slow down was more of a challenge. It wasn’t that Nelson wanted to take his time, but as the gaps between the trees narrowed, the chances of having his head knocked off by a low branch became higher and higher.
* * *
“I’m too weak. I can’t control the cows anymore,” said Spike, but he spoke in a faint whisper and Nelson didn’t hear him.
He didn’t need to; one look back at the cactus monster barely clinging to the back of a rampaging cow told Nelson everything he needed to know. Spike’s skin was no longer bright green and rubbery. It was a dull brown and shriveled and bits of it were peeling off. Even his eyes seemed to have vanished into their dark sockets. For the first time ever, Spike had every reason to moan.
“He’s leaked too much! He needs water!” shouted Nelson to Puff, who was riding closest to him, but Puff just yawned and continued to cling on to his cow like a great purple blanket spread across its back. Nelson turned to Miser on his left side and shouted, “Spike needs water! We need to stop!” At that very same moment, the bull Nelson was riding charged straight through a large bush, which was shredded by its horns, covering Nelson in splinters.
“If we stop now we shall lose the herd, Master Nelson!” said Miser, using his tentacles like whips to spur on his cow.
“But what about Spike?”
“Who cares about that moaner?! We have to get to Celeste!” bellowed Stan.
“Nelly-son! Nelly-son! We almost there! We almost there! Nosh feel it in his big belly!” cried Nosh, who proceeded to blast flames out the top of his head after digesting a delicious branch that had snapped off in his cobblestone teeth only a few moments before.
“Hold on, Spike! We’re not far now!” called Nelson, even though he had no idea how far it was. But at that very moment Spike’s cow jumped a fallen tree and Spike lost his grip, tumbling from the back of the cow and rolling in the dirt.
“Spike!” shouted Nelson, and let go of his bull, but his ankles were so unprepared for the landing that they twisted beneath him.
Skronch!
This is a word I just made up to describe the sound Nelson made as he hit the ground. It’s lucky he landed in a patch of dried leaves and sticks to cushion the blow or he might never have gotten up again.
Nelson rose from the dust, coughing and spitting out bits of twig as he ran toward the spot where Spike lay.
The rest of the monsters realized Nelson’s change of direction and reluctantly leaped from their cows, who ignored the fact that their passengers had disembarked and continued to charge through the jungle at high speed.
Nelson cradled the brown husk that was Spike without fear of being pricked by needles, as they had all fallen out now.
“Spike? Spike?” he said, panting furiously.
“Water,” whispered Spike through parched lips that, like the rest of his body, were beginning to look more like wood than cactus.
Nelson looked around in a panic, ignoring the shouts of protest from the rest of the group, who were ambling through the brushwood like angry children who had been forced by their parents to go for a walk.
“Hoot! See if you can find some water. Even a tiny bit. There must be some nearby.”
“Water? Splendid idea! I am rather thirsty.”
“Not for you, for Spike!” yelled Nelson.
“Ah! Yes, I must say he does look rather dehydrated.” Hoot took off through the trees.
The sound of the stampeding cattle receded into the distance, making room for the chirrup of crickets and the chatter of parrots to be heard instead.
“What’s … the … problem? He’ll … be fine,” drawled Puff, as he flopped onto the ground.
“He’s not fine though, is he? I mean, look at him,” said Nelson, looking down into Spike’s now hollow eyes.
“’E’ll bounce back. ’E’s a cactus, innit?” Stan stomped angrily on a branch, snapping it in two.
“Master Nelson, there are times when one must make sacrifices for the greater good,” said Miser, bowing low to avoid Nelson’s gaze.
“Sacrifice Spike? Just leave him behind in the dust? All he needs is water. Then we can carry on.” Nelson addressed the entire group, as it was clear they were all on Miser’s side.
The awkward silence was broken by a very loud call from Hoot, who sailed through the trees toward them.
“Fear not, my dears! Once again, good ol’ Hoot has come up trumps and saved the day! With my keen eye I have spied us some water, here beneath these rocks no less. But please, there is no need to shower me with praise. I already know how much you admire me and I can’t blame you—I am rather dazzling, aren’t I? Now follow me, it’s just over here. Step lively. Come on now. Look sharp.”
“Gawd, I hate that bird,” growled Stan.
Nelson carried Spike in his arms (which was very easy as, without water, Spike was featherlight) to where the rest of the monsters stood gazing into a gap between two huge bare orange boulders.
“Clever old me tossed a stone down there and heard a plop. All the water you need!” announced Hoot, tossing his head back and standing with one claw poised like an explorer waiting for someone to take his photo at the end of an impressive expedition.
Looking down between the rocks, Nelson only saw darkness and heard the echo of Hoot’s words.
“Are you sure?” he asked, as the ends of Spike’s arms began to crack and wither into dust.
Hoot tossed a pebble into the hole. It rattled down between the two huge boulders like the last grain of sand in a timer before disappearing into the black void below.
There was a pause.
A long pause.
And then finally a plop. A distant but significant plop.
“Hoot, it’s flippin’ miles down there!” exclaimed Nelson.
“I do jump-jump!” said Nosh, bouncing up and down like an excited sack of potatoes, and before Nelson could tell him that was a bad idea, Nosh had slid down between the rocks with a great “Wheeeeeeeeee!”
“Nosh! No!” cried Nelson, but it was too late. Nosh had gone, his voice tailing off into the distance like the whistle of a cartoon anvil about to fall on someone’s head.
Then silence. Nelson and the remaining monsters held their breath.
Splash!
It might have been a mile away, but it was definitely a splash—the sound of something falling into water.
“Nosh? Nosh? Are you okay?” called Nelson through the gap in the rocks, but Nosh didn’t reply, he was too busy laughing.
“Jumpy-jumpy!” he cried, clearly having a whale of a time down there.
“Hoot. Fly down there and bring up some water in your beak or something. Fast as you can— Spike’s shriveling up. Look, I think he’s stopped breathing.”
“Ah, now, there’s the hitch, sir. I’m afraid I cannot fly into this cave for it is dark and a tad on the scary side.”
You couldn’t hear Nelson begging Hoot to reconsider over the sound of the other monsters cursing Hoot at the top of their lungs.
“There’s no use getting all hot and bothered. I am a vital member of this group and therefore it is of the utmost importance that I remain safely by the side of our leader, Nelson.”
“Honk!” blasted Crush, sending Hoot flying up into the trees.
“Can one of you take Spike?” begged Nelson, but it was clear from all their faces that this was not going to happen without an awful lot of wasted time.
Nelson was going to have to jump with Spike by himself. He’d never even had the guts to jump off the top board at the swimming pool before, so this was ridiculous! If it had just been Nelson standing on his own, he would never have jumped, but because he was cradling a monster that needed water to survive, he had no choice.
He might well be scared.
He might even scream.
But he had to jump.
And he did.
Well, he didn’t jump at first. He sort of skidded down the rocks until his sneakers couldn’t keep up, and just when he felt he was going to fall on his face again, he jumped. And he screamed. All the way down through the inky blackness. Falling and falling and falling through the air and finally crashing with an explosive pow into the waters below. The cheer from the other monsters above was as loud as the splash.
Seconds later there were bomb-sized splashes all around him as the other monsters landed in the water.
Nelson sank so deeply into the pool that it took him several seconds before he could kick to the surface again with Spike in his arms.
As he broke the surface, Nelson instinctively flicked his head so that his bangs flew out of his eyes. He didn’t need to swim to the rocks at the side of the pool because Miser was already on a dry rock and reached out a tentacle to pull him in with great ease. Everyone was laughing at the thrill of it all, and when Nelson realized he could stand as he raised Spike from the water, he found the patient looking back at him with a stunned but reassuringly lively expression.
They had landed in a cave of indeterminate size, as the only light came from the gap between the two boulders above.
“Ooh, look at the little baby!” said Stan, who was watching Spike gurgle and blink himself back to life in Nelson’s arms. The monsters’ laughter echoed around the dark cave, which in that moment gave Nelson a fleeting memory of standing beneath the dark dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral the night he had made his monsters.
“I say! Not so bad after all, eh?” called Hoot as he spiraled down toward the others, but they were all too happy to bother throwing a rock at his head.
“Ow!” said Nelson, as cactus needles began to protrude once again from Spike’s rubbery flesh. Crush ran to Nelson’s side and hugged him with all his might (which was a great deal of might).
“Honk!”
Spike sat up by himself and blinked slowly as he stretched and twisted his body back to life. “What are we doing down here? What happened to the cows?” he said.
BANG!
The noise was so loud it was minutes before anyone would hear anything other than the ringing in their ears. The explosion had been magnified in volume by the cave acting as an echo chamber. The blast of air that accompanied the noise sent every single one of them flying back into the water, and when they finally rose to the surface, startled and terrified out of their wits, they found the air to be full of swirling blue smoke.
* * *
At this precise point in time, just outside St. Paul’s Cathedral, a young man called Frank Mole was serving hot dogs from his small kiosk to a couple of football fans on their way to a match.
BANG!
The explosion happened right beside Frank’s kiosk and sent hot dogs flying in all directions, like little meaty torpedoes. No one was hurt, merely dazed, deafened and disoriented, but for a few terrifying seconds Frank Mole thought he was covered in blood, until he realized it was actually his own tomato ketchup. As a cloud of blue smoke drifted away on the breeze, people turned to see the patch of scorched earth where the explosion had taken place.
What they couldn’t see was a very, very startled monster standing in the middle of it all. It was Nosh, and he was as surprised to be there as the folks who were picking themselves off the ground. And the reason for his sudden appearance was about to pop out of his mouth.
Nosh had never once eaten anything he found disagreeable, and this was the first time he had ever thrown up. The Bang Stone fell out of his mouth and onto the pavement, where it fizzed for a moment before Nosh quickly picked it up again and stuffed it back into his mouth.
BANG!
The poor people who had already been scared senseless by the first explosion screamed for their lives at the second blast, and Frank Mole decided that although he had found this spot to be extremely profitable over the years, from now on he would sell his hot dogs somewhere else.
BANG!
Just as Nelson and the monsters had begun to haul themselves out of the water and onto the shore, yet another explosion sent them flying backward.
This time, when the blue smoke cleared, they would find the culprit of this loud and very, very scary incident.
* * *
Nosh threw up the stone and quickly put it back inside the little clay pot he’d discovered in the bag Miser had secretly stolen from Brian. Nosh would never have gone looking through Miser’s belongings, or anyone else’s for that matter, but the stench of rotten eggs was irresistible, and he was so hungry. It was this eggy smell that had reminded him of one of the other smells he liked the most, which was fried onions. He had caught a whiff of them from a hot-dog stand beside the subway-station entrance when he and the monsters had escaped from St. Paul’s Cathedral and begun their journey to find Nelson, and it was precisely this place he had been thinking of when he popped the strange eggy stone in his mouth and exploded.
“What on earth did you just do, Nosh?” spluttered Nelson, as he collapsed on the rock for the second time.
“I explode,” said Nosh, shuffling his feet awkwardly as if about to be told off.
“Yeah, I know that, but how come you’re still alive?” said Nelson.
“Hot dogs,” said Nosh.
“’E’s lost the plot,” groaned Stan.
“No, Nosh fink of hot dogs and Nosh go bang! And me go to da hot-dog man,” said Nosh, rubbing his empty belly and wishing now that he’d picked up a few of those stray frankfurters.
“What hot-dog man? Where?” said Nelson, who had decided not to get too close to Nosh until he knew for sure he wasn’t about to explode again.
“Da big place. Da church. Where Nelly-son make us.”
“St. Paul’s Cathedral?” said Nelson. This made no sense.
“Yeah! San Pauly Thedral! Nelly-son right! Yeah! I eat stone, I fink of hot-dog place by Pauly Thedral and bang! I there. Then I fink, oh no, I not wanna be by Pauly Thedral. I wanna be back wiv Nelly-son, so I eat eggy stone and I fink of Nelly-son, and bang! I back to Nelly-son!”
* * *
Nelson could have berated Miser for stealing Brian’s belongings or Nosh for letting his hunger win out over common sense, but there was no doubt that without Miser’s greed or Nosh’s gluttony they would never have discovered the Bang Stone. This must be that magic stone his uncle had told him about. The one that had enabled Pogo’s dad to travel to Brazil and back so quickly. Cars and planes and cows had brought them so far, but with this stone they could travel directly to Celeste without another wasted moment. It was a gift beyond value.
* * *
“This actually might explain things a bit,” said Nelson as he hauled his backpack over his shoulders. “On the news they said there’d been an explosion on the boat my sister was on. It could have been the same as this. Yeah, Brian must have eaten one of those stones. He must have swallowed it and taken my sister with him.”
The monsters were not interested in solving clues. They just wanted the ache they had felt ever since they came into existence to go away as quickly as possible. And it wasn’t going to go away until they saved Celeste.
* * *
Nosh had agreed to swallow the stone again and was already looking forward to having the eggy taste back in his mouth. The rest of the gang huddled around him, reluctantly preparing to give Nosh a big hug.
Hoot cleared his throat and spoke loudly and clearly to the group, like the coach of the world’s smallest and ugliest football team. “Now then, just in case we are all blown to smithereens, I would just like to say how much I have enjoyed your company, as I am quite sure you have enjoyed mine. And if by some astonishing miracle we should survive this explosion, I would like to offer each of you my very own styling and grooming tips, which I guarantee will vastly improve the looks of even the most hideous of you. Very good. Carry on.”
You would have thought Hoot’s last comment would have been met with a barrage of insults, but the rest of the monsters were too stunned by his arrogance to reply.
“Okay, is everyone ready?” said Nelson.
“Honk! Honk! Hooonk!” said Crush.
Nelson held hands with Miser and Stan. Puff had crawled up onto Nosh’s head like an ill-fitting purple wig, and Crush wrapped his arms around Nelson’s neck and clung on.
“Why do I have to hold hands with Hoot? He’s a total fool,” said Spike in his usual surly tone, but no one took any notice. Miser took Spike’s other hand and they all squeezed in around Nosh.
“You ready, Nelly-son?” asked Nosh, as he opened the clay pot and the stench of sulfur shot up all of their noses like a stinky bullet.
“We just close our eyes, we think of her, and we say her name—Okay?” said Nelson, and all the monsters nodded. “Right. Phew. This is it. If this works, we’re gonna rescue my sister. Okay, do it, Nosh.”
Nosh greedily stuffed the blue stone into his mouth.
Nelson and the monsters closed their eyes, pulled each other close, and said, “Celeste.”