Round about now, certain similarities between my father’s musical career and mine began to become apparent to me – most obviously, the fact that we were both musicians who’d performed in musical quartets at the top level. Granted, his had performed classical music and mine had performed classical rock, but we’re splitting hairs here (specifically, those of a facial variety: he had a beard and I had a moustache).
It’s hard to believe that almost 40 years apart we recorded and performed in the same venues – the Koko building on Camden High Street, formerly known as The Camden Palace, and the BBC recording studios in Maida Vale.
The BBC Concert Orchestra wasn’t enough for my father, though. He wanted to make his mark, so he formed The Edinburgh String Quartet with his friends. The combo toured in many exotic locations worldwide before he eventually retired to his idyllic Caribbean retreat after the pressures of touring led to him being sacked and splitting up with his French partner, Catherine (pronounced K-A-T-E-R-E-E-N), before leaving his offspring behind.
And what of his offspring? One of his sons had taken up music at a late age and started to gig around Camden, enjoying popularity as a member of the group Empire. Yet another link here – his classical recitals were broadcast around the British ‘Empire’ on the BBC World Service.
But the Camden indie scene wasn’t enough for me; I wanted to make my mark so I formed The Darkness with my friends. The quartet toured in many exotic locations worldwide before I eventually retired to an idyllic French chateau after the pressures of touring led to me being sacked and splitting up with my Danish partner, ‘Katrine’ (pronounced the same in Danish as it is in French: K-A-T-E-R-E-E-N – spooky), before leaving my offspring (The Darkness fans) behind.
If you still haven’t clocked it, I suggest you read back over the preceding four paragraphs – it really is uncanny. Imagine if we’d been the same age, both playing in The Edinburgh String Quartet, and arguing over lead violin duties. Or The Darkness might have ended up with two bass players, albeit one with a moustache and the other with a beard – but both, nonetheless, with unmistakable pirate headbands.
Heavy drinking, headstrong and hard-boiled – just three tendencies beginning with the letter ‘h’ that characterise the behaviour of myself and my father during our respective musical careers. To which you might add another three: ‘humdrum’, ‘half-baked’ and ‘halitosis’. All are seemingly random and unconnected, but taken collectively they go a long way to explaining what went wrong.
