‘To create a philosophy based on your own behaviour, you should first write a book on your formative experiences, then analyse your actions and thinking processes. Eventually you will pinpoint trends and rules of behaviour and the philosophy will come like enlightenment came to Buddha and Mohammed.’ Those were the words of my Polish cleaner when I tried to show off to her about how many books I’d read.

There is philosophy behind every man, so here are my very own eight steps to ‘Dancing in the Darkness’: