My name is Ania and I clean flats and brains. I met this Frankie guy when I went to clean a nightclub in France. One of the irregular customers – Alfonso Art Dealer told me he knows this Scottish genitalman who needs cleaning.
I took on this job as I wanted to work in many places in order to save money for non-terrorist airplane-driving course and sexy cat suit for special occasions.
I was very positively surprised with this Scotty Frankie guy as he had 60% good manners and was not super gay. He told me he was in famous band in England once but to me he didn’t look anything like Spice Grill or Take That.
I began doing secret scribbles about him. When he discovered them I think he got a bit overexcited since he got possessed by a desire to write a book. I looked at him like at elephant claiming for benefit and said, ‘Anything is possible in your English land of comfort and joy. You try your best and I will correct it if it’s wrong.’
To be super honest, at first I thought Señor Frank was typical League of Gentlemen type but soon I figured out that his brain is a good mix and he indeed had lots of adventures.
It is true that sometimes he uses words that even Queen would not understand, but then I clean it up with the speed of light with the bright questions of simplicity: ‘What is this story about?’ ‘Do you want to entertain the humans or feed your post-fame case?’ ‘Do you want to do heritage for humanity or the manuscript for new series of Big Brother?’
Of course, I also corrected grammar sometimes – best English teachers in Aberdeen are Polish. I’m the brains behind this whole masterpiece.