Maybe it’s because the last book I worked on was about learning from our mistakes that lately I’m thinking more about mistakes I and others have made. First, the others.
I remember once meeting the movie director Robert Altman. The meeting was set up because he liked improvisation in his movies, and I had a reputation for being good at it. Five minutes into the meeting he said to me, “I know I should like you, but I don’t.” I know that was because he didn’t sense even the slightest bit of deference from me. Again, no one has either felt the slightest bit of superiority from me, either.
I told Herb Gardner about my meeting with Robert Altman. He said, “That’s strange, because when I was laid up with my back, he stood at the foot of my bed and talked for about an hour about backs.” I said, “Well, he’s comfortable in the position of authority.” Herb, who was seldom at a loss for words, simply said, “Oh.”
I believe Robert Altman was an extremely gifted director, and I’ve never heard anyone say one bad thing about him. Quite the contrary. But I found there was that need to feel slightly superior, which in my mind is a flaw many people have. Not a way to win friends and influence people, at least not with me.
A television executive in New York told me he’d call me back in six minutes. It’s been a couple of years now, and I’m still waiting. However, I try not to take these things personally. I know if they’re happening to me, I’m sure I’m not alone.
I’ve learned over the years something that should be obvious to all of us, but I don’t think it is. It’s much easier to feel offense than to know we’re offending, because the hardest person to see is ourselves.
I was talking to a producer in Los Angeles on the phone about a play of mine he chose not to do. It was all very pleasant, actually. I’d never met the man, so I was surprised when he said at the end of the conversation, “I’ll call you next week. I don’t want a week to go by without hearing your voice.”
Well, a lot of weeks went by without him hearing my voice. I called him about three months later about another project, and when he got on the phone he quite seriously said, “Boy, you don’t give up, do you?”
I try to find things amusing whenever possible, and in a short time I found that funny. That’s not to say I don’t also find it offensive. I’m sure he had no idea he was rude.
In a later conversation, when I called him on behalf of a friend, I told him I was going to put the above story in a book, but I wouldn’t use his name. He urged me to use it, but I feel it will make him look foolish, which I don’t want to do, especially since more than one person has told me he’s a very nice guy. Sometimes we obviously don’t know what’s best for us.
In my most recent conversation with him on the phone (I still have never met him), he interrupted me and rudely said, “Let’s cut to the chase.” I was calling him about a script I’d put together from transcripts about Brandon Hein and the consequences of the felony murder rule. I wanted him to have readings of it once a week when they didn’t have a play on, as his theater is close to where the crime took place. I’d already had readings of it in New York. He wrote to me speaking glowingly of the play, but for reasons I couldn’t follow chose not to do it. His salutation was, “Love ya!”
There’s always been a feeling that there’s a lot more show business phoniness in Los Angeles than in New York. I wouldn’t be a good judge of that, because I’ve never been out or around much on either coast, but in my limited experience I’d say it’s true.
That doesn’t mean there’s not appalling behavior on both coasts. I had occasion recently to call the head of a theatrical agency in New York about a friend. Before I could even get to the reason for the call, he said to me, “You know, when you were a commentator for 60 Minutes II, they auditioned two of my clients to replace you.”
That was highly unlikely, since before I resigned from the broadcast I had just been given a very substantial raise, but even if it were true, why say it? In a later conversation he went on to show that his insensitivity during the first call wasn’t a fluke. I’m sure he has no idea how offensive he is. There are many people who feel the need to establish themselves as superior because, whether they’re aware of it or not, they feel inferior.
Perhaps the most offensive thing I’ve ever had said to me came from an executive at MGM who released my movie Movers & Shakers. Richard Graff asked me on the phone, “Do you have a match?” I said, “A match?” He said, “Yeah, burn the print, nobody wants to see your movie.” Later I learned the studio made money on the movie because of its low cost and because enough people wanted to see it that almost twenty-five years later it’s still being shown on cable.
I did have the satisfaction of calling Alan Ladd, Jr., the head of the studio at the time, and telling him of my conversation with Mr. Graff, whom I’m sure got an earful from his boss.
Some people cross a line so egregiously that retribution is a must.