I recently came across a diary that I kept for one year in the early 1990s. For the most part, it expresses what I feel today. Here are some random excerpts, in the order in which they appeared.
• Extraordinarily rare sleepless night.
• Screw people who don’t care about others.
• Startling how quickly I get bored. I was having a conversation with a perfectly good guy. It’s me.
• Writing enormously gratifying.
• On work overload—watch out for compulsive.
• Going to try to slow down, not work nonstop.
• I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing—but at a slower tempo.
• It’s all about effort.
• Saw Jeffrey Lyons at museum. He said, because I do many things, I seem like more than one person. I wonder if people resent that.
• Love Carol Burnett.
• Happy time with Carol Burnett.
• Nicky’s birthday party wonderful. Elissa did a superb job.
• Great talk with Jack on phone. Absolutely no competitiveness. I’m so lucky to have him as a brother.
• Ran into Schwarzenegger. I asked him if he worked out. He wasn’t amused.
• All in all it’s a wonderful time.
• The filming is going well. Between doing the movie and writing the book, every free moment I’m really engaged which, of course, is the key.
• All is well. I’ll take this kind of life anytime.
• Try to get company to be considerate of sick actors. SAG needs deputies.
• An excellent period.
• Some people don’t get it. Respect, not aggression, is appropriate toward all.
• Life is excellent. It was a very good year.
What has changed as much as anything in my life is my former naively optimistic point of view. It’s sad for me to finally realize how few people care about others, how many people don’t mean what they say, and how many don’t do what they say they will do: “When we say we’re going to make your movie, that doesn’t mean we’re going to make your movie.”
It’s very important to me to do exactly what I say I’ll do, and for people to know they can count on that. My favorite review came from what the editors of my high school yearbook wrote about me: “Chuck’s a boy we all can trust. As class president he’s a must.” I’ve always tried to live up to that. It’s a way better review than “If you want to know what it feels like to die sitting upright in your theater seat—go see this movie.”
As far as how I spend my time now is concerned, the major difference in my life today is my involvement with prisoners’ issues. My mind keeps going back to my grandfather sitting on my brother’s bed all those years ago, telling me to better serve my father, because “his head is mmmmmmm.” That’s the way my head feels today—for different reasons—but agitation is agitation. Still, as I’ve said, working on behalf of people in prison who shouldn’t be there is the most gratifying thing I do. I consider myself one of the lucky ones to be given this opportunity to help.