Often I Sit and Muse on the Nature of Love
Often I sit and muse on the nature of love
And my role in the scheme of things;
Of love and lovers and dear ones too,
Those too close to bear to lose;
Of parents to whom all respect
Is due and brothers who over time
Grow distant with passing age,
Their lives a pale copy of former climes;
Of children, those fruit of my loins,
And those of theirs, those precious coins,
These tokens of love whose lives become
Treasure to me in my immortality.
But am I that only—a mother, a grandam,
Sitting and sewing and advising those ones
Who make the same mistakes,
Love the same, feel the same way?
I have loved too much in my way—
Lust that died far too soon,
Passion that withered like a leaf
In autumn, drying and browning.
Love left me sour, dried, regretful,
Wanting to leave, needing to go,
Trying to find a way
From a coming winter of loneliness.
—For more is needed; more is wanted.
Life is empty when love is spent.
Life needs love to feel alive.
Life’s not lived when love has died.
But I remember, then, that I cannot go.
Those children, those calls on my life,
Who are all of life to me
Need my life for theirs to grow.
Is that all I am—a grandmother
Sitting and sewing and advising,
Warning against missteps, mischance,
Caring for and minding the young?
For love is many things:
Agape, philia, eros, and
Even storge, philautia.16
Each has a place in the grand scheme;
But is my place, my role, my duty
To sit and sew and advise the young,
Growing old and dry and passionless,
Dry and lonely within a crowd?
—For all my age, I am young at heart,
Willing Eros to mark me with his little dart
And give me that which I thought had gone,
Along with youth and relentless time,
For time is the enemy in all these things.
Love grows and wanes with time.
Time changes those whose love is best,
As time changes those who are left.
Eros comes and goes, passion and lust,
Time not dimming or changing need;
All is there for someone to come
And pick up on the continuing need.
And if indeed Eros’ dart struck
And gave me back my youth again,
Would love make me young once more,
Turning back time’s relentlessness?
No, love won’t stop time,
But time stops with love, pauses.
Time passes in another realm;
Love conquers everything.
For love is needed, required;
Even for an advising grandsire,
The matriarch sitting and advising
Wants eros as well as agape, philia.
—Love in all its forms, all its ways,
Lives in all of us, all our days,
The need not dying with passing time—
Indeed, time passing the only crime.
For love is powerful and must,
Like time, pass from stage to stage.
Like time, it has seasons that grow and wane.
Love changes as time progresses.
But of all that time has checked,
Eros is the one that time has bid
Good night; with age comes loneliness.
Eros is youth, and youth won’t stay.
For all the talk of love, in all its forms—
Agape and philia and eros—
Eros is mostly invited to play,
Even when he won’t deign to stay.
1 This poem was written for a contest on allpoetry.com to demonstrate the difference between the words ‘fall’ and ‘descend’.
2 Note: The quoted first line and the reference to the cloud in the title come from the poem known as “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth (1807).
3 The flexor carpi radialis and the flexor digitorum superficialis are tendons of the wrist/hand. The hallux valgus is a bunion, commonly found on the big toe.
4 The title refers to Shakespeare’s “All the World’s a Stage” from As You Like It, Act II, Sc VII.
5 This partial quote is taken from the first line of chapter 1 of L. P. Hartley’s The Go-Between (London: Hamish Hamilton, 1953).
6 A cento poem: a piece of writing, esp a poem, composed of quotations from other authors or poems. 17th century, literally: patchwork garment. Collins English Dictionary, HarperCollins Publishers
7 The spectacular sulphur-crested cockatoo, Cacatua galerita, is a protected bird in Australia but is also considered a pest. They will destroy the wood panelling on a home in a few days if they feel angry towards the household—for example, if they are refused food. Feeding them in suburbia is forbidden, as it encourages them to ask for food, which is not good for them.
8 Totalisator: the machine that records bets on a horse race (for example) and works out odds, pays out winnings in proportion to the stake. Collins English Dictionary, HarperCollins Publishers
9 My father would frighten us as children with stories of this vicious creature, Thylarctos plummetus, and the terrible fate that awaited those who ventured outdoors in the bush late at night, unprotected. For more information on these unique and mythical creatures, see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drop_bear.
10 Riz: a colloquial word meaning ‘risen’, or ‘grown’., and is taken from a ditty that my father would sing at Springtime: “Spring has sprung/ The grass is riz/ I wonder where/ The birdies is?”
11 This is the abbreviation for “transient ischemic attacks.”
12 Ta-ta is Australian vernacular for “See you again” or “Goodbye.” It originated as baby talk and is also used by family and close friends. It is not to be confused with tah, which is baby talk for “Thank you.”
13 Brolga: a regal, long-legged crane, Grus rubicunda, grey and silver plumage, these birds are beautiful dancers, famous for their elaborate performances which appear to be both for pleasure and courtship. The Aboriginal people have immortalised their graceful steps through dance. I was assigned to the brolga by my father when I was born.
14 My thanks to Shakespeare for the well-worn clichés for this almost cento.
15 This line uses the last line of the poem “When We Two Parted” by George Gordon Byron
16 The following are types of love: agape (love for everyone), philia (deep friendship), eros (sexual love), storge (fondness of association, such as family), and philautia (love of the self).