January 1942–April 1942: Reporting for deportation
Marie had been preparing for her eventual deportation since October 1941. The day so long dreaded, when the first family members had to report for ‘emigration’, finally arrived on 27 January and Marie sketches briefly her farewell to Irene and Gustav, dwelling particularly on the kindness of young helpers from the Kultusgemeinde. It is only in a later letter that she confesses her fears for them in the little wooden shacks of the Trade Fair grounds in the Prague disctrict of Holešovice. At a temperature of minus 17, that would indeed be a shocking hardship.
Although Marie would not have been able to go beyond the entrance to this assembly point, it is possible to construct some kind of a picture of what really awaited them – and will await Marie herself in three months’ time – from a vivid description given by Melissa Müller and Reinhard Piechocki. They recount what happened to Alice Herz-Sommer and her family when they were summoned to report to the Trade Fair grounds nearly fifteen months after Marie, in July 1943. The system may have been fine-tuned by then but it is likely that the processing to which Irene and Gustav, followed by Marie and finally by her mother, were subject was in all essentials very similar. With their transport and deportee numbers hanging round their necks they entered the building: ‘The hall was a wooden exhibition shack, gloomy, ramshackle and unheated. Rain seeped through the ceiling. [They] stood in a long queue which had formed before the “registry”. This consisted of five tables behind which officials from the Jewish Community Organisation [i.e. the Kultusgemeinde] were sitting dealing with bureaucratic formalities under the watchful eyes of SS guards.’ They were allocated beds with ‘filthy, worn-out, dusty straw-filled sacks’ which in due course turned out to be filled with fleas, bed-bugs or lice. Then began the long process of queueing at each of the five registry tables. At the first of these the key to their flat, duly recorded and labelled with their unique numbers, was confiscated, at the second ration cards were taken in, at the third an eight-page declaration of possessions had to be handed over, while at the fourth table valuables – gold, silver and jewellery – had to be surrendered and people’s possessions were searched, resulting in a beating for anyone caught trying to hide anything of value. At the final table their certificate of citizenship – something Marie said she was so proud to possess – was cancelled, thus making a reality of their expulsion from normal civil society.
Early on the third day they were lined up and had to
stand up straight for hours in the courtyard of the exhibition complex, and several old people collapsed and were carried away on stretchers. At last the order was given to move forwards to the nearby suburban railway station [Praha-Bubny] under the watchful eyes of Czech policemen and members of the SS. In the order of their code numbers, fifty to sixty people at a time crammed into each of the railway trucks. It was almost three hours before the train was ready to depart.i
At Bohušovice, three kilometres from Theresienstadt, the train stopped and the prisoners, with up to 50 kilos of luggage, had to struggle the rest of the way on foot.
Heda Margolius offers a very personal description of this introduction to Hell:
The scene in the Trade Fair Hall overwhelmed us. Our nerves were stretched to breaking point. Several of the severely ill, brought there on stretchers, died that morning. There were women screaming in sheer hysteria – a Mrs Taussig tore her dentures from her mouth and threw them at our lord and master, Obersturmbannführer Fiedler.1 She raved for several hours until the sounds she made were no longer human. There were small children and babies, too, weeping ceaselessly, while next to us a short, fat man with a shiny bald head sat on his suitcase as if it did not concern him at all, playing Beethoven’s concerto in D major on a violin, practising the difficult passages over and over again.ii
Karlín, Tuesday 27/1/1942
My dearest
Yesterday your letters of the 16th and 19th arrived and they came at the right moment. Today I accompanied my good Irene and Gusti. Their numbers are 135 and 136Y.2 Oh Ernstili, the last eight days, which I have spent entirely at the Lípas’, were hard and difficult and the immediate future won’t be nice. We must now grit our teeth and continue to deal with life firmly and with courage. I must now concentrate on supporting my poor old mother as best I can; it is particularly hard for her. Irene was the best and most gentle child to her, I don’t think I will be able to take her place completely in everything. I can only be very gentle and loving when people don’t hurt me. If they do, it frightens me off and I withdraw into myself. My intentions are good and I will truly try to give her everything. But in no way will I stay here all the time. I will stay at home now and again, that will definitely have some good sides to it. There are two families renting here and then there is a 52-year-old cook. Besides, nobody knows what will happen next. Now that Irene has gone I don’t mind at all if I have to leave, it’s only the question of Mother that would be complicated. In any case, one should never plan for what will happen in the near future, it usually turns out differently from what one thinks.
It has been very cold, we had a lot of snow and 25 degrees of frost. Today it is −17, the electricity was cut off, with all that follows, but it is now partially restored. I’m not allowed to use the tram any more, but I’m going to get myself a doctor’s note and I hope I will get permission then. The gaping hole in the family is an open wound, I need not say more. I can’t describe my pain to you today, I will do it when I am alone with you in my flat. But I will tell you one thing, my sweet, not for one moment, even in my greatest pain, do I forget that I am yours and will be and I shall look after myself for your sake. So don’t be anxious, I will cope and I am at the same time confident and hopeful that I will see them again. They have the wish and courage to live, they are healthy and strong, they wish to work and to hold out, so let’s hope we will see each other again soon. How happy I am that you have been spared many things, the restrictions you describe are unimportant compared with other troubles and torments. The main thing is for things to stay as they are, life has become ‘boring’ everywhere, but boredom is better than fear, horror and uncertainty. Irene and Gustav sent you warmest greetings, those were almost their last words when we parted.
Ernstili, you would have been so delighted if you had seen how kind and good friends were at this sad time, what sacrifices and friendships they offered. And the young people too. The Kultusgemeinde has organized an emergency service.3 Young men, youths from 14 to 30 years, girls too, from every level of society, work day and night to make life easier for those affected and all for free. They fetch the luggage and the things one would have to carry oneself and carry it on their back. So this morning at five o’clock there were three men and a 20-year-old girl at the door. As if it was quite a matter of course the young woman, wearing a headscarf against the heavy drizzle, carried off a heavy rucksack and suitcase and when they arrived others were doing the same work. I was amazed when I saw the helpfulness and humanity and thought to myself: really, if there are young people such as these growing up, the older generation has nothing to fear for the future. Friend Taussig and his wife were there; in the last week they came every day and sat for hours and helped and worked. They did so much for my family, almost everything. Herr Robert too and also a woman from the neighbourhood called Neugeboren.
I can hardly describe to you how kind people have been, it is really a great comfort for people in distress and balm on the open wound. About three-quarters of a year ago Taussig was in a bad way. Gustav could have done a lot for him but he was mean spirited and didn’t do it, although he had always been a good friend to him before. Taussig was very bitter about it and told me about it and I shared his opinion. But now Taussig rewarded his friend for this meanness with the most generous loyalty and friendship. I will always just tell you the naked truth, never more nor less than is true. I think I will have things sorted in two months and [you] will be here in my home where it is lovely and warm and cosy.
In my next letter I will answer some more points from your last one. I kiss you tenderly and am your
Mitzimarie
Karlín, 28/1/1942
My dearest
My letter yesterday was incomplete. I know that there is a lot I didn’t answer so today I will continue. We’re having a hard, cold winter. Snow, hard frost and everywhere it is very cold, often in homes too. It is no joke for my poor Irene in her shed. My heart bleeds for them both. They will not be leaving until Saturday. Mutti and I are in deep sadness, almost as if, God save us, there had been a death. You can just imagine. Mutti moans and groans half the night, waking up is dreadful. Unfortunately Gustav is much to blame because he created this fate for himself and my sister through his obstinacy. Pray God nothing happens to him, he has suffered terribly. The last days were a heartbreaking sight. Nobody can change that, now it is a matter of bearing one’s fate with wisdom and dignity. Given his financial situation, G. could have undertaken to emigrate, which people on all sides were recommending in 1938–9, but he didn’t want to be parted from his money4 and then there he was, with a rucksack, two suitcases of underwear and clothes, a roll of bedding and a suitcase of food. And that’s when I got your letter about money and love of money and the way money corrupts. As you say, most people love money for its own sake and that is a mistake. One should aim to have enough to be provided for in case of illness or inability to work, so that one isn’t dependent on others, but in no way should one try to take care of generations to come, that is pointless.
Continued 29/1/42
One can’t finish any letter here, there’s always someone coming. Today it is much warmer but none the less it is a real harsh winter. In reply to your description of black-marketeering I say the whole world seems to be one single town. Of course such a state of affairs will have to be cleaned up one of these days but who will be the victims? Punishment does not always catch up with the perpetrators of crime, often quite innocent people are the victims. Today I am asking the Red Cross in Berlin for forms so that I can write to Eman.5
The plan to work on the clinic must please you very much. I am proud that your doctor friend gives you the recognition you deserve and acknowledges that you are an expert in your field.
I am at the Lípas’ all the time now, I don’t go to [my apartment in] Karlín every day as I haven’t yet got a permit to use the tram. But I will get it. I don’t always have time to go on foot.
Yesterday I heard that through the Kultusgemeinde one can send parcels and unsealed letters to one’s family who have been at the Exhibition Hall for three days. So today we sent another little parcel with rolls and sardine pâté and a little note. As I can’t buy anything in the morning I had to ask other people to buy the rolls and the time went quickly.6 But Olga is sleeping in my flat and brings me your letters the moment they arrive.
I do believe, my love, that you long to have your own home and all that that means. I do too, and above all I long for you. How good it would be if I could cry my eyes out on your chest, my heart is so sore. I could cry out like a wounded animal, I feel so torn and full of pain. All day and all night I see before me the picture of my family. No, I can’t do it, I can’t describe it to you, it is just too painful and I think I am not allowed to either. Now my poor mother is trembling with fear that the plumpsack man will come for me, apparently he is going to do his rounds twice more. But I hope that he won’t visit me, that he won’t be particularly interested in me. And if he did, I wouldn’t mind very much now that Irene has already gone. I would take Mutti with me and I tell myself everything ends some time. Despite all the sorrow it brings, there are worse things: death, incurable diseases, etc. Yes, it has happened that people have spent years in prison and then lived on as happy people, so it’s a matter of being strong minded. As far as I am concerned I don’t mind spending a few months in discomfort, but for my relatives, who tumbled so suddenly out of their warm nest, people who were always helpful and good, I am bitterly sad, and especially for my good Irene. I tell myself that she is healthy, she has already experienced plenty of good and beautiful things in her life, she will, she must survive this period of trial which fate has landed on her, and he too, I hope. May God help and preserve them. In all events, it is a heavy blow, and an evil stroke for me, but it is not against any one individual but against a whole mass of people. So I can’t ask for any special favours but must just say to myself that what happens to others I too must put up with.
30/1/42
So today they left and my poor little mother cries and wails so that a stone would take pity on her. I am rushing around, there is always a lot to do. You must not worry about me in any sort of way, my dearest. I am always careful to make myself look as good as I can, remembering your wishes, and keep trying to do all I can. I can’t put right the wrongs done by others, I can only try to ease I. and G.’s lot and get some relief through that. Now I am doing all I can to keep Mutti going. Will I succeed?
I am thinking about your week. We will keep being selfish and live for each other, our life together and our future. I keep imagining our reunion and seeing each other again, and then I am as strong as iron, I stretch up tall and say ‘And yet, despite everything, the day of our reunion will come.’ A thousand sweet loving kisses.
Utterly, utterly yours,
Mitzimarie
My most dearly beloved
Today, Tuesday, I was sure I would have news from you because it is already eight days since your last letters arrived. But we know there are hold-ups and we must be patient. I am writing to you again just so as to give you a sign of life at this particular time. It is already a week since our loved ones left us. A bitter, anxious time. The grief that has settled on us is impossible to describe, tormenting Mutti especially. I do all I can, am patient and forbearing, and give myself up to her as much as possible. Thank God I feel myself strong enough to control my nerves, only occasionally, exceptionally, I too am shaken by deepest grief and by fear for my good sister.
It is still proper winter, a lot of snow and frost, the temperature has already dropped. The smell of snow is in the air, fresh and healthy and I remember how lovely the walk to Leonhard7 was on days like this. Where has the time gone? And will it ever come again?
How are you dealing with the food problem? I can’t help it, I am worried and very much afraid that you are suffering deprivation. A little while ago I read that order had been restored with you and that food distribution was under control.
It is two years now since our correspondence began, Ernstili. Do you realize? My thoughts are with you all the time too now, especially when I can gather them together in the evening and at night. Then I am entirely with you. During the day I can’t live my own life much. There are always errands to do, and I can no longer put together a letter like I used to send you. I am constantly being interrupted and disturbed. I can only concentrate in my flat, when I am alone.
The Lípas’ room has been closed off, the key handed in.8 It is in darkness and feels strange. I am living with Mutti in one room, we put a camp bed up in the evening. Every other day I go to my flat, where Olga is living. She has promised to bring me your letters as soon as they come. As one doesn’t know how things will be in the near future, I won’t change the address for my letters for now. We share the use of the bathroom, sitting room and kitchen with the other occupants of the flat.
Is it warmer for you now? The milder weather must be beginning for you by now. I remember how we used to look for wild daffodils already at this time of year.
Oh my treasure, what would I give to be able to curl up in your arms at last! Now especially I could really do with that. I will stop for today, because I keep being interrupted. I will write to you again from my flat.
Farewell good, dear love, greet your loved ones for me, a loving embrace and a thousand kisses from
Your Mitzimarie.
Karlín, 5/2/1942
My dearest
Today I can draw breath and I want to use the free time while I am alone (Mutti is out visiting) to chat with you. So, I can give you the good news that the plumpsack man ignored me and that now he is going to take a rest for about six weeks and go to the provinces.9 I forgive him for not paying me a visit but now I am going to get busy preparing finally for the time after the six weeks, because I think that then he will come to see me too. Then I will take Mutti with me. She looks so bad, I can’t imagine leaving her with strangers and I think to myself that it makes no difference. She would be better doing without various things with us and just sharing our life, even at the risk of it not suiting her, which is indeed very likely. But for now it is better not to plan and worry about what is still two months away, because today two months is a very long time.
If I could describe to you everybody’s agitation your hair would stand on end. (Have you still got some? Don’t be cross, I would like a bald head too!) Everyone is worrying about their present fate and that of their family, friends and acquaintances. And when it is the turn of a family, then friends come but also strangers and help with packing and baking and give presents and advice and try to get through the difficult time. I would also like to help others now, in what free time I have. A service to help people has been set up which, if necessary, works night and day, and then there are individuals who are always there at the right moment just when they are needed. My friends, the Taussigs, for example, are fantastic people who excel themselves in their self-denial and humanity and love for their fellow beings. When fate summons them, most people are incapable from that moment of doing anything properly. It is as if they were paralysed, one moment they are brave, the next in despair. It keeps changing. And very few stand above it and accept things as they are.
People from our home town have left: both the Schiffler couples, three Schwartz brothers, many, many more. In Karlsbad the conductor Manzer has died.10
The rest of the letter is missing.
No date, but filed after the letter of 5 February 1942. Earlier page(s) missing.
… … I love what you write about the children. Bubi sounds as if he is the very picture of you! I imagine Mädi as already a young lady. I would certainly devote a lot of time to them, that would be great fun.
I have a sister-in-law and two nephews in Brno. The latter are employed at the J[üdische] K[ultus]G[gemeinde] so it is likely that they will leave later than the rest.11 Their address: Fredy Kessler, Brno, Adlergasse 7.
Photo 16 Ernst Löwy with his grand-children Erika and Heinz.
Frau Hede Sternschuss will write to you. I’ve sent you her address. My friend Olga knows all about my situation. If I left and she was still here she would also write to you but who knows which one of us will go first.12 I also have some good friends here: Emil Taussig, Prague X, Rokycanová no. 1. If they are still here when I have left, Herr T. will be the best one to tell you everything that he knows.13
Up to now there has been no news either from Łódź or from Irene, except for one card from the Lípas with five words, that is why I am warning you to expect a break in the correspondence and not to worry. They can’t make any exceptions, and those who abide by the rules will eventually return alive and well to their families.14 I am resolutely determined to do so. Everything I have written here is all just in case. Nobody knows yet who will draw the long or the short straw in the coming weeks.
My treasure, do all you can to amuse yourself, don’t ruin that life of yours which is so precious and dear to me, even if there is no news for a few days.
I say farewell, may we see each other soon and happily.
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 14/2/1942
My dearest
Today I am in my flat again and I am alone, so I can talk with you in peace and enjoy this time to recover. I keep re-reading your letter of the 6th. Unfortunately I can’t answer everything as I would like to. Are you really so naïve, talking about coming to visit? That really makes me shake my head. It’s different in the case of your hope for the peace which will come and will bring us together. Yes, I am completely of your opinion on that and it is only this hope which gives me the strength and courage to struggle on with this bleak and dismal existence.
Life with Mutti is filled with petty, trivial activities which I really detest. I would never have let myself get involved in them if things had been different. But now it means almost nothing to me, at most it irritates me now and again but nothing more. She still sees me as her child of long ago and just like Gustav and Irene, she doesn’t completely trust my ideas. Only when other people who are less involved give their approval is she ready to do something or other that I suggest. You can imagine how this annoys me. But nobody is allowed to interfere in my affairs. Gustav and Irene have unfortunately had to pay dearly for many things so I am not going to abandon myself to grief, but will remain selfish. I do want to remain at least half way human, externally too, for you, my sweet, for us for when we are together one day.
The cold spell has broken but the wintry weather continues. Today I am going to talk to Hede’s sister Grete, perhaps she will be able to give Jurgscheit15 what is needed. I hope she will now make an effort because I wouldn’t be in a position to do so.
I can now write to Gustav and Irene. One is allowed to write 30 words in capital letters, that’s a fine task! It is sweet of you to save for Gustav but he won’t be able to smoke now, as far as I know. He already had to get used to doing without.
My beloved, it will be our own special thing not to let ourselves be pulled down by everyday things and keep enough time for each other. I also intend to be loving to those around me, to all my fellow humans, as far as that is at all possible.
I wrote to you that I got the permit for the tram, it is even for an unlimited period, isn’t that fine?
(The lower part of the page has been torn off)
… … … Nothing has come so far from Irene. But several families have already had cards from Theresienstadt. However, those who sent them have been there a lot longer than Irene.
I had a happy experience in the last few days, one which gave me a glimpse of hope for the future. I will tell you in due course. You know that Emmerl, and since his death, I, had good friends in our business who valued our honesty and fairness. Because I did my duty by them, even from here, they recently remembered me after a gap of 1½ years, in the nicest way. People still know about my ‘competence’, my ‘skills’, and I will receive a visit shortly. I am really curious what it is about. In fact I can almost guess already. But I will remain without work, as it must be for now.
My sweet, it is so lovely of you to picture so beautifully my being together with my family again. Yes, of course, I hope that my dear children will be kind and good, as they always were but in fact I am expecting even more from you, almost my whole expectation rests on you.
There is no more room so, what now? Quick, onto your knee. I hug you till you can’t breathe, press you close and with love and kiss you more and more passionately. In deepest love, your Mitzimarie.
Sheet 2, without a date. Possibly 23/02/1942
… … Despite that, my Ernstili, don’t worry. I know what I owe to you, to myself and to the children. I never forget my external appearance and do all I can to keep myself presentable because I believe in our happy future which will bring us all together again. You sense (I absolutely know that) how important the fate of my loved ones is to me, I can feel that. But on the other hand, I think to myself that I am not doing any good to anyone if I make myself ill. On the contrary, if I can keep myself fit it can only be an advantage for each one of them. Of course there are hours, or moments, when the pain is very sharp but on the whole I try very hard to bear things as the times demand.
24/2
Today I am still at home, but nothing has come from you yet. And yet the channels must be open because friends of mine received a letter yesterday from Turkey. On Friday I am expecting Emil.
This afternoon I even played bridge with my ladies but I can still find no real peace, as you can imagine. Yesterday I had such a beautiful dream about you. That is always my loveliest time when I escape the constant sorrow. We were both having a rest on the sofa after the meal. I was listening to you snoring with amusement. Afterwards both of us said it was the other who had been snoring. It turned into a real physical tussle and we had great fun.
Stay healthy, keep cheerful, dearest hugs and kisses from
Your Mitzimarie
My most dearly beloved
Please forgive me this paper16 and the less than perfect presentation. My own paper has run out and, as always when I am particularly longing for you, I want to get close by writing to you.
But, since what I now want above all is to mean something to you, meaning that I want to appear in your eyes as I really feel and think, and now that I know, since we declared our love, that you understand me as no other person does, then you too must understand how strong your love and the bond between us make me, how it is that I am able to bear the burdens of existence. It is a bit as if somebody who was drowning was being drawn towards the river bank, spurred on repeatedly to find new strength.
Hede and her mother are glad that the Rudolfs’ friend comes frequently.
If you should meet our nephew (Thesa’s husband17), then please tell him the following: he should not have any ideas about going to be near his beloved. She would not deserve such a sacrifice, nor would she want it. I myself strongly advise him against it, it would be pure madness. It makes no difference any more whether he is without work for a few more months, he should just enjoy the free time. When his beloved one day becomes his wife she will make plenty of demands on him and keep him busy, so he should just sit pretty for now and enjoy his bachelorhood. It is better than jumping into the fire or into the waiting arms of his beloved. Obviously my opinion is well considered and based on the advice of people who are well known, not only to myself, but also to our nephew. And he should not be annoyed about this; it can’t be any other way. He is my favourite nephew and I have only his best interests at heart. I will bear full responsibility for my conviction and will give him a complete account of it. His beloved will know how to take care of herself in the meantime; she has good friends and advisers. It is more important that our nephew looks after himself for her and for a later time; then his wife will need him far more in all domains, I am quite sure of that. She has an enormous amount of work to do which she will only be able to do with her husband.
Robert [Steininger] was able to stay because he had a church marriage and his children were born from that marriage. Emil, too, should it prove necessary, has the same advantage.
Your bald patch was not very big. I always wondered if I could treat it with some cream but I was careful not to mention this wish because of Thesa’s jealous nature; I knew that that would be the end of our meetings. My treasure, it was beautiful, our journey to Leipzig that time, do you still think of it? I felt so safe in your care.
What you say about mortality applies entirely in our circles too, nobody takes any notice when people they know, or relatives, die, whether their death is natural or unnatural. This afternoon (Saturday) I am going with Mutti to Hulda’s. Lydie is there too. The latter has a tear in her wound because she could not take a rest after the operation. She has lost a lot of weight, has no income from her shop, nor is she allowed to let it, so she is miserable. Her brothers can’t send anything either now, you know that of course. Spirits are very low.
My good one! I dreamt today that we will soon be together. Be brave still and think of me when nature opens up in all her beauty. I am determined to experience that with you.
Most lovingly, your Mitzimarie.
P.S. No news yet from sister and brother-in-law. We are expecting it any minute but apparently they are well, everything has improved. Mutti is still full of trouble and torment and worry.
Karlín, 5/3/1942
My most dearly beloved
It is always my greatest joy when, as today, I spend a few hours in my cell, gathering myself together, and then, then, when I come out, I find a letter from you waiting for me.
Two days ago I asked Karel to send the application so that we can get consent for the wedding as quickly as possible. I think he will have done it already, as agreed. Of course I made enquiries beforehand and took advice and, after thinking it over, I came to the conclusion that, at present, nothing unfavourable will happen at this end either. As soon as the formalities are completed, and hopefully I will still be here – one can never be quite sure – we will get married at once.
I am very sorry that you are again without news of me. It must be because of my unclear handwriting. I don’t understand Jan and his tactics; I very much regret the affair. I hope that Horst18 will give you a full account. Unfortunately, we still have no news [from Irene and Gustav] and that worries and saddens me greatly. It is a matter of chance because the cards [from Theresienstadt] are lying here in boxloads but only 20 to 30 are delivered each day. But when one keeps hearing that this or that person has received a card you can imagine all sorts of things. Mutti has not improved at all either; sometimes it is almost impossible to put up with it, to see and to listen to her. She works off her anxiety on me, pestering and annoying me with petty matters and I find that very hard to put up with. My head is so full of big and weighty worries, why should I be tormented with bagatelles?
You are only allowed to write 30 words to Leopold,19 in BLOCK CAPITALS. The address too, and also the name and address of the sender must be in block capitals. On the left side of the card, where the address is, enough space must be left for the censor’s stamp. It is … … …
The rest of the page has been torn off by the censor
You can hardly guess, beloved, how happy I am that you are confident, and deep down, at the bottom of my heart, I firmly share that confidence. The present time, the comings and goings are hideous, my surroundings and everything connected with it. One never hears anything cheerful or happy any more. We too have miserable, slushy weather, constant snow, which turns to dirt. I am probably going to get involved here and there with the social welfare service, because I was asked to do so by some ladies. In particular for the sake of a Prague lady (Jewish),20 who has asked me to do it and who is very nice to me. So, on Sunday I will go to a tea party for poor children and on Monday to a session of the assistance section of the social welfare service.21 There are so many abandoned people (old) etc., then there are children, sick people and everyone should do something [to help]. I want to as well. When you talk about a visit to the café it sounds so strange, as if from another world. May God keep that all for you!
So take comfort, my good one, I have a goal unswervingly before my eyes and it is: to possess you completely. Utterly yours,
Mitzimarie
Received 9 March
An earlier page of this letter is missing, presumably removed by the censor.
Page 2
… ….Up to now, we can eat our fill of bread, we get 1.5 kg of bread a week and one roll a day on account, and 2 kg of flour a month.
The weather here is still wintry, but the blackbirds are already starting to sing and soon spring will arrive here too. Only in people’s hearts no spring can enter because everywhere there dwells grief and discord, sorrow and worry.
So Jurgscheit has gone. Oh well, he’s no exception to the rule. Have you found a replacement? And how is it that you have had so many guests lately? Do you have to sacrifice your comfort? I hope not. Leave Jan alone, if he is as you describe; in those circumstances let’s not bother about the various bits and pieces.
On Saturday a card finally arrived from Irene with 27 words. She is well and in good spirits, asks about Mutti’s eyes, and is already working. Her address is: Transport ‘V’, number 136, Theresienstadt, Hamburger Kaserne, room 158. Frau I. L. Gusti is number 135, Transport ‘V’, Ther[esienstadt]. Please to God that they can stay there and not have to move on. I would also like to see or hear something from Gusti. Always these frightening worries and anxieties, whether now about G. and I, or about one’s own fate; yes things have changed. Thank God that I feel so in control of myself; I never used to before. And whom should I thank for that? You, of course!
You need have no worries about our provisions. We simply have meals without meat five times a week; at lunchtime a vegetable soup, then a vegetable and potatoes or, instead of vegetables, a dish made from potatoes, but all nicely prepared. We don’t cook with butter at all and only a little with fat, we just use margarine, but we have a proper breakfast, teatime and a modest proper supper. We have no fruit; there is none for us and we don’t miss it at all. Our meat ration is enough for two midday meals; we use our smoked meat rations to help out. So you mustn’t think that we are lacking anything so far. And I have plenty of practice at being careful to stretch things out. So don’t you worry either. If I could only do what I would like to do. What hurts and saddens me is that I can’t send anything at all to Irene, that is what is the most urgent, but sadly I can’t help.
Now I want to tell you what I was asked for. A company, quite a big one, which ignored my existence for the last year and a half, wrote to me recently. One of the bosses begged me to let him know whether he could visit me. He asked for my advice on setting up a company to manufacture EBE products. It was the firm I offered everything to three and a half years ago, but at the time they refused. And now? A letter came, larded with compliments about the quality and reputation of these products (Fox and Crow22) and at the end they came to the point: they were interested in getting the recipes, information, advice etc. And I? I wrote that, owing to changed family circumstances, I was unable to receive him, in his own interest. If you can’t understand this please ask me, but I believe you will understand why I have behaved as I did.
Today I was at a meeting of the social welfare service. Women are doing a great deal there. I too would like to add my small contribution.
I kiss you lovingly and will write a second letter.
Your Mitzimarie.
My dearest
I have been carrying Emil’s letter to you in my pocket for a week. In this letter he tells you about an acquaintance who, like you, was wounded in the World War and had similar honours and because of this he is able to continue his career as sales representative and perhaps may also be allowed to stay here.23 Emil was glad to be able to let you know that, and when I had thought it over long enough and taken the advice of others, I left the letter here and thought I wouldn’t send it. It was a crazy idea of Emil’s and mine and we should be sensible and not crazy.24 Now I would like to have news of Gusti. People are going from there to the Ashkenazis again and everybody is trembling once more for their loved ones.25 One can no longer free oneself from fear and worry. And it is supposed to start again here as well but I don’t care. I have become indifferent to it. Unfortunately one is not allowed to send Irene and Gusti the smallest thing. I tell you, my treasure, I am at a loss for words when I think about them. My mother is still unhappy and doesn’t want to go outside any more, she only does so briefly, she doesn’t play bridge either, doesn’t enjoy her friends’ visits at all, and you know, with her, that means a lot. Yes, she was simply a mother her whole life long and she can’t cope with this blow. Well, I hope she will find a little courage. Tomorrow I am going with her to the doctor because she is complaining so much about her head, so that he can give her some medicine.
(Continued the next day) Today I had a letter from Karel and I wanted to tell you about it. When there was still no signature on the declaration, new men joined the office which deals with decisions about marriage permits and they demand all sorts of proof, how, why, etc., and also your new certificate of citizenship; in a word there are difficulties now which weren’t there before. I agreed with Karel that he should just do what he could.
The doctor found that Mutti weighed 59 kg unclothed and that her blood pressure was 250, so that’s not very good. She is to go back in a week; he gave her bromoral. Now I really have to laugh. Mutti has given me her plan for tomorrow, what other baking she wants to do. I say to her ‘Yes, you have your worries’ and she: ‘Everyone has their worries, you have love worries and I have hunger worries.’ That is absolutely her, I had to laugh a lot, this once after so long. I am doing a lot of running around, I can’t find any peace, I go here and there, look up friends and acquaintances. I also travel almost daily to Karlín to check up on things and I still have my usual shops there.
Tomorrow Grete Rudolph is coming to visit me. It was she who had the idea that her friend should visit you. I am very curious.
Treasure, my beloved, you only ever write very little about yourself now. I beg you, write to me about everything, don’t spare me, because I want to be your trusted friend. And you mustn’t think that I have enough [to deal with] anyway and that you have to be considerate. It isn’t how you think. God made me strong, I bear a lot with a certain calm and steadfastness, see it as the fate of a multitude of people, a piece of history, even if very grave history. But history moves on and I tell myself to keep my nerve, hold out, stay strong and brave, so that I’ll be able to live with the others, above all with you in happy times. That is always before me, that is why I won’t let myself be so easily pushed under and it is why I should know everything about you and [help you] deal with it. It is your life, and the kind of life you have, which is uppermost in my mind.
Are you having nothing but sunshine now? This morning we had minus 15 degrees again, there was a proper frost; it is a hard, long winter this year. When will the work in the vineyard start? If I were there I would like to have hens, that would be a pleasure, because a fresh egg today is a very precious treasure. We’re allowed four a month, but up to now we have only had two per person, the rest are to come. I have still got some preserved ones but they are to bring to you.
100 g parcels are now allowed through the military feldpost but only in the most urgent cases. Everybody wants to try it but are unsure whether things will arrive. This feeling of powerlessness all around is very bitter.
And now I am going to bed. I kiss you tenderly and fall asleep a happy woman. Most lovingly yours,
Mitzmarie
Karlín, 16/3/1942
My dearest
Again in my flat for half a day because I was expecting the maid and I also invited Emil here today. So now I am cooking here: pea soup, dumplings, that is all. I received your letter of the 6th. If I think that in a little while – four to six weeks – it is perhaps possible that our correspondence will have to cease entirely, then I feel really dreadful.
I read with great pleasure that you are always careful to eat when you are hungry. Few people have the courage to part with their money, even when they surely know that the money can’t be of any use to them in the near future because they will soon have no opportunity to go shopping. Mutti is one of these and it often irritates me. That is why I sometimes regret my decision to live completely there with her but I can’t change it now. I beg you, my beloved, to sacrifice the last penny for your well-being and not to think what may be later. I am quite sure we will not die of hunger, if we are allowed to work. So don’t worry, don’t save up for that time.
Don’t offer too much to Hede Rudolph’s friend, despite the friendship and family ties; it is always best to measure out one’s kindness, my sweet.26
I very much regret that my letters sound discontented and out of sorts. I really don’t want that. In the meantime a card came from Irene – did I already write that? She is well and in the place where she lives there is supposed to be running water and central heating (apparently) and once a week a bath. That makes me very, very glad. That will be all right for a while. Nothing has come from Gusti. Unfortunately one doesn’t know who has travelled on in the meantime, but one must always hope for the best.
Up to now, beloved, I have done everything one can ask for my well-being. I have the basic essentials, like a healthy place to live, the ability to care for my physical needs and a decent kitchen. Nevertheless, the mental anguish which every family has, sorrow wherever one looks and listens, is unavoidable. I am still envied by everyone for how well I look. Recently I have lost a lot of weight and apparently it suits me very well. I feel fit, of course I often don’t sleep for hours, falling asleep is particularly difficult. I stretch out comfortably on my bed and then I think of [Gusti and Irene]. With my lively imagination you can just picture it. Then I quickly have to think of you and of the time ahead of us, and a happy smile spreads over my face.
It must be dreadful for you, your few words say a great deal.27 What I would want to say to you would sound as if I didn’t care, because I can’t explain it in a letter as I would like. Let me just say one thing to you, Ernstili. We are experiencing enough sadness with our family and friends, that is why we shouldn’t let the fate of those around us touch us too nearly. You too, my sweet, must not let yourself be overcome by grief, you too must keep thinking just of yourself and then of me – think of us first of all. What use is grief if one can’t help? One always helps better when one has strong nerves. Besides I have noticed that the majority of people have no interest at all in the fate of their fellow humans, they aren’t interested in listening. I have sworn to myself I will likewise be indifferent.
I took it for granted, dearest, that you snore. That is a part of you. Yes, I snore sometimes, apparently. So you can look forward to that! But you can always wake me up if it disturbs you. So you be healthy, full of hope and confidence, don’t worry, everything will turn out well. In deepest love,
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 20/3/1942
My dearest
The approaching spring has made me a gift of a nasty catarrh or flu. I am supposed to stay inside. So yesterday, assuming that the letter I was hoping for from you would be there, I lied and cheated and toddled off home on wobbly legs and lo and behold! The letter was a delight. So I read it and was happy, undressed quickly and got into my own bed. Three hours later I went back and managed all right. Today I already feel much better.
A few days ago I had a delightful dream. The reason it was so beautiful was that everything was so lifelike and I saw you before me as if you were quite real. Picture it, my sweet. First of all, I was in Karlsbad in a bank and by chance you were there too. There was a mistake and you joined in the conversation with an official. You helped me to explain the error, and then I left. After a while you followed and said to me ‘I can’t see why we should stand so far apart, come with me now.’ Without a word I took your arm and went with you. And then – we were both very young and you were laughing, bright, merry and entertaining – you began to kiss me so lovingly and gently and I let you do it and waited for you to hug me tight. You didn’t do so out of consideration and I was quite surprised (but didn’t say so). The dream went no further but when I woke up I was quite radiant, the dream had made me so happy. Beautiful, isn’t it?
I can imagine how scarce things are if you walk four hours to get bread. My God, how bitter it is to know this, and that one can’t help each other. My love, I am really proud of you, that, touch wood, you can walk so far but you must not overstrain yourself. After a walk like that one has to have a good meal and is that what happens? And when you live in the vineyard, of course the quiet will be restful, but – don’t be angry – I really wouldn’t like to think of you there alone. Please, my good one, don’t stay there alone overnight. One never knows what might happen, especially at present.
As you will already have read in an earlier letter, the wedding can’t yet take place because they still want various things which wouldn’t have been needed in November. I am waiting for news about this from Karel and will send it on to you.
Your description of the blossoming of nature is beautiful and I can imagine it all vividly. If only I could enjoy all the beauties with you! I will be almost as much deprived of them as Irene and Gustav because I must obey the regulations.
Today my brother-in-law Karl28 and his wife are also travelling to Irene or somewhere else, who knows? And shortly also Emmerl’s sister and nephews,29 all, every one, from their town.
I hug you tightly and kiss you most lovingly.
Your Mitzimarie.
23/3/1942
Olga Löwenstein
Prague XII
Sleszká 26
My most dearly beloved
Your letter of the 16th already arrived today; it is an unexpected joy not to wait in vain. Your letter of the 11th came 2 days earlier than your card of the 11th, isn’t that funny? I haven’t received any other cards at all recently.30
Tell me, my sweet, if it won’t be on my birthday, then will it be on yours that we meet again? Or not that either? Please be truthful. I don’t know where I will be by then. Probably not here any more. But we won’t try to look ahead because it is pointless. Emmerl’s home area will be completely ‘free’31 in a week, I think. Irene will certainly be very glad to have news from you, poor thing. Are you in correspondence with Ulli? I would like to send him her address some time. Think what would be best.
The Relief Committee was supporting various people with gifts from Portugal but it doesn’t seem to have been possible to find a way of reaching Irene, only Ashkenazi, I believe. Ulli works with the Committee.32 Alois and Emil are well. It is the first time that I have heard one can’t write from [where Irene is], or do you know more than I do? Probably. I don’t often have a newspaper. Can you buy whatever papers you want? I’m sure you can or I hope so. It would be bitter if we could not write to each other. I keep thinking about the time a year ago when it wasn’t possible. In any case, you will have taken note of Hede’s address, Beethovenstrasse 33, Prague II. She will know all about me and will at some point be able to tell you exactly.
When I wrote to you last time about what we get as rations, I didn’t know that there was a revision on the way and it is severe. We have enough bread but only twelve rolls a month, very little flour. I’m not complaining about it, I just want to comfort you. Next month there is supposed to be less bread and meat, the latter doesn’t make any difference to me! It is widely known that there is such hunger in your country, it is dreadful. One reads about it, but also that help is being given. Yes, without organization everything is much worse, very sad. Enjoy your roast lamb, buy yourself the things to go with it and eat two portions. It makes my mouth water to think of roast lamb. Eat, Ernstili, as much as you can and want, don’t count pennies, not necessarily every day but now and again. The main thing is to have something good, tasty. Then drink a little glass of wine with it, go home and think of me.
Will you be able to plant something in the vineyard? I mean, will you have the seeds? That must be the most important thing. And the fruit trees, the young ones, they may already be bearing a little fruit? Have you turned the earth around them, and protected the bark from insects? Or doesn’t one need to do that there? Here I always saw fruit trees in spring with a grease-band round them so that they are protected from caterpillars. We still have constant dreadful weather, winter won’t go away, we keep having frost, snow, cold, etc.
Do you know, my beloved, I can hardly think? Everything is pointless. I mean everything as far as the present or the near future are concerned. We are living in such gloom and apathy you can hardly imagine what sort of a condition that is.
Emil has just been here and had a card from Alois saying he was well. A. seems to have some special protection. Emil told me his family have you to thank that they are so well provided for and sends you many greetings.
Oh Ernstili, if we had just spoken to each other once, who knows how different things might have been. I beg you, allow yourself everything, don’t think about later, think of yourself and your loved ones. Just don’t deprive your body of the strength it needs. I am constantly battling with Mutti about that. She is pathologically miserly and penny-pinching and I tell her to live properly, as long as it is possible; we are two hard stones! I will not give in, at least not for myself, I know that. But I very much dislike having to argue about it, it depresses me and then one hasn’t the energy for much more important things.
Farewell my sweet, be healthy, enjoy the sun, the light, the air and sea and vineyard and think of me.
With deepest love,
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 26/3/1942
My most dearly beloved treasure
I haven’t had any further news from you for a week, but just now I have such a longing for you so I am writing. The sun is shining here for a few hours as well now and soon spring will make her entry. Nevertheless it is still minus 3–4 degrees in the morning,
I am glad to read what you believe about my fate; I hope you are right. At present nobody knows what the next weeks will bring. For me it is somewhat complicated as regards Mother, because she simply will not understand or digest certain things. Anything which doesn’t suit her she rejects. So if it comes to it, there will be such lamenting and distress. Once again I myself can bear a lot but have to stay calm, at least outwardly, since I know that things are unalterable. And this constant nagging sometimes wears me out. Mutti has all her mental faculties, one could be amazed at her, and that is why I can’t accept that she quite refuses to endure this great test which nevertheless is not without hope. So don’t think I have no patience – I have. It is only regrettable that a constant undertone of discord and disharmony creeps in around me which I find difficult to bear. I always felt a need ‘at home’ to sense the pull of love and kindness in our family circle. Mutti still wants the best for me now, I’m sure, but a lot does not suit me here, above all, her penny-pinching for herself, for me and for others. I have already taken the law into my own hands about various things. I can only get the better of her with lies and I don’t like lying. When a third person was involved there have already been fights, sometimes quite nasty. For example she gives me a 2 crown tip for the two coalmen for hauling three sacks of coal to the 5th floor when one should give 10 crowns if one doesn’t want any trouble. And one could argue every day about things like that. It all depresses me very much, I find it quite repugnant. Can you understand that?
I am glad you have your room back, at least I hope you have.
Why do you think I won’t be able to write to you, my love? Do you think there is going to be an interruption? It is possible but it isn’t the case yet. It is only bad with parcels, they can’t be sent and just only 100 grams by feldpost, and then only in urgent cases – I can’t myself send anything by feldpost. Other people don’t like to do it for me, or simply won’t. Nowadays the situation is such that one can hardly ever ask anyone for a favour. I don’t know how it is for you, but here people are preoccupied with themselves, all one’s good friends have disappeared and in any case one doesn’t even want to ask anything of them. Only a very few friends have remained faithful and they can’t help me in this.
I could tell you all sorts about Fox and Crow, but face to face. When I came here Herr Fox was very fatherly and nice to me. He often visited me here in Prague and behaved like a well-wisher and it seemed as if he really wanted to be helpful to me. But then there came a time when, contrary to his usual custom, he didn’t answer several of my letters. I could understand that looking after oneself takes precedence over being useful to others – that is what I thought and I accepted it. Then, all of a sudden, his fear has disappeared and it’s now all kind words, so how is that? He’s worrying about the changes which will come later and wants to have everything ready. And it has to be my advice that he must have now? I was, and am, just tiny, quite tiny next to him.
Can you still remember Waggonmüller, our former general assistant?33 He took everything, some of the recipes, copied the brand name, stirred up and poached the staff, even before I left. He took our trade-name (Karlsbader), our customer base, which cost us a fortune, and now he is already a big man, and Herr Fox, who used to be his supplier, gets envious, it gets too much for him and that is why he has turned to me – he wants to hurt him. I shall not make any move, I am not interested in anything, as you know.
The meetings of the social welfare service interest me a lot. A large building has been set up just for the offices and mostly it is people who offer their services free for charitable work, at least the majority of them. You must know, of course, that the care of the sick, the old, including those not in hospitals and old people’s homes, and of children, is organized by the welfare service, and that the poor – and there are many of them – are clothed and everything is done by allocation. There are repair and sewing rooms, home cooking, a meal for 7 crowns, soup kitchens for the very poor and children, etc., etc. And you would be amazed at who asks for help these days. For example, Irma Ullmann34 and her husband, and many like them.
Today Emil came, he looks well and sends greetings. He is worried about our wedding. He went to see Karel who said it will happen and when the time comes he will let us know. At the moment there is talk of a longish pause ‘here’ and people sigh with relief. God grant that it is so. The provinces are worried that it is their turn but nobody knows anything definite.
My treasure, I am so full of grief and sorrow that once again I may not experience the spring with you. I imagine everything so vividly and could almost quarrel with destiny for trying us so hard. For me, soon nobody will be able to do anything right, I am as peevish as an old maid, nothing gives me pleasure any more. Only when I imagine your presence, then the happy smile flits over me, then I am in ‘our’ world. And that is how I seek out my favourite place, whisper something lovely in your ear. Then all worries are gone and all torment, I kiss and cuddle you, press you warmly to me and then say goodnight.
Your Mitzimarie.
Karlín, 30/3/1942
My dearest
Treasure, I’m vexed that you felt my letter of the 12th sounded troubled, that is not what I want at all but it is so hard for me, people can always tell at once how I am, even in letters. But I am going to pull myself together. Besides, two days ago there was a card from Gusti; he is living in the Cavalry Barracks,35 room no. V 67b, Transport V, no. 135 (that is his number).
Photo 17 EBE recipe book cover.
Once or twice a week I meet the Taussigs and I get on brilliantly with them. They have the same views as us and it is wonderful, the conversations we have together. The following dialogue took place between Mutti and me today: She: The Taussigs must be very rich (because they help all those in need). I replied: Oh no, they don’t have a fortune, but something else: a very big heart. And when we spoke about it they both laughed heartily and nodded in agreement.
Unfortunately we can’t send anything at all to I. and G. and he [Gustav] wrote that salami, striezel and pumpernickel are good. They are living separately but see each other often. We are very glad that they are not in Lublin where many of their acquaintances have gone.
With regard to Karel, this is how it is: he can represent us, but he is not allowed to take on any new cases.
Here people are now allowed to slaughter dogs and cats but they must be ‘inspected’. As for the weather, it seems to be the same all over Europe. We also had a few days with frost in the morning and it was icy cold. But nothing is in bloom, no sign of it. I love almond trees, they are enchanting, a feast for the eyes.
200 kilos of potatoes is a large quantity, you would have a lot to harvest, I hope. I wish you very good luck with it. Now I also know how one makes good fried potatoes. The potatoes must be well cleaned with a brush (perfect) then one cuts 2–3 slices from one potato, sprinkles each slice with salt and caraway and one bakes them a golden yellow, that makes a fine supper.
With heating fuel it isn’t easy in other places either. It is different for everyone. I know people who had absolutely nothing, no scrap of coal, etc. We had some. Do you have more bread now? There must be vegetables there now. We’ve got Italian vegetables here – fennel, which I have never seen before, salad – I think you must have your own crop of that.
In two days it will be Passover Seder evening, without Seder, without matzos, without anything.
This week I want to tidy up my flat but when I am there I feel uneasy about Mutti, and on the other hand, here at the Lípas’ I don’t feel good at all. Unfortunately there is an unhappy mood here which comes from a peevish, grief-stricken old lady, and I am one of those who don’t like that and who always said that one should keep up a certain front for the sake of others. So I flee to you, and relax from all the sorrows with you. And I am actually going to Karlín now to my home, then to the post with my letter. It is a beautiful early spring day, the sun is shining and I am with you. I wonder if you are in the vineyard.
Farewell, beloved, be cheerful and happy and I will try to be too. In deepest love,
Your Mitzimarie.
Karlín, 2/4/1942
My dearest
I have just received your letter of the 26th. No-one knows anything, we just have no news at all. The few words tell us nothing. Irene is living separately from Gustav;36 they see each other from time to time. For Gustav, who was, after all, so spoilt, that is doubly hard. But I am sure others will help him prepare a little food. Nowadays there are many men who can cook brilliantly and know all about all kinds of housework. I always disliked it very much when men did housework but circumstances have forced us to.
I am not pleased to hear you predict that with you too people’s fates are to change. It was always my joy that you are there and have been spared all sorts of things. Well, as God decrees! Your opinion about our future may well partly come true. I will admit that I am always aware of developments there and never miss an opportunity to find out in good time about everything which matters to me. I mean by that everything which affects my fate. But nobody can know what the next day will bring. At the moment they are saying that all people capable of working will be assigned to various jobs. However, apparently there will be an age limit. And in the provinces what happens is that those capable of working are assigned to jobs, the others apparently go to Irene or to Ashkenazi. I have already got an employment record book. Whether this will be of any use there I do not know, but it is quite obvious that I would gladly work and if it is possible I would volunteer for it. At present there is no talk of any of that here because now it is the turn of the provinces. And when the time comes I hope I too will be used for work. So I think, my treasure, that you should not worry about me at the moment.
I send Erika belated good wishes for her birthday. If we live to see the day we will, one day, celebrate her birthday at ‘our house’ if the dear child will be our guest. People always said about me that I knew how to make something lovely of a birthday celebration. Her writing paper is still lying here and waiting for the opportunity [to be sent]. The dear child, I can still remember exactly when she was born.
Karel doesn’t seem to need anything else; he hasn’t made any further move. Next week I will go and see him. I deliberately don’t go very often because the star horrifies everyone; one has to take care. I would never have guessed what consequences such a symbol could have.
It may be right that it is not possible to contact Irene from where you are but keep their addresses carefully and keep the most important address (Hede’s) particularly safe. Her mother, Grete Rudolph, lives there too. Hede will always know where each one of us is. Unfortunately I have to answer your question whether all bonds37 are being dissolved with a ‘yes’. That is what is so very wearing. I see you are slowly beginning to understand the situation. Even if this understanding doesn’t help to cheer you up, I still believe that everyone should be properly informed, because it is in everyone’s own interest to know the bare truth. Hiding one’s head in the sand has not proved a good policy in these times; it brought the opposite consequences. My anxiety was not only not exaggerated but indeed an urgent response to the times. Everyone was repeatedly urged to emigrate but many could not bring themselves to decide to leave their warm nest and their lovely bank account. They did not appreciate the situation and have themselves to thank for their present fate. All those who decided to draw a firm line beneath their life up until then and resolved in time to set off on their travels were the wise ones. They are living far from their homeland and to some extent, or even mostly, have had a difficult start, but they are living with their family and can slowly – some of them even quickly – move forwards. Have you any idea how they are all envied?
My catarrh still keeps me inside; the air is still so biting. But in the last few days I have had some urgent business. I will tell you about it soon. Now I must see that I get rid of my catarrh. I don’t want to lose too much weight myself.
Now I am going to hurry back to Mutti, who always waits for me with longing and anxiety. Do not worry, enjoy the spring and imagine I am with you. Farewell, be healthy, cheerful and happy. With dearest love,
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 7/4/1942
My dearest
Yesterday, Easter Monday, brought me your letter of the 29th and my heart was lightened and more peaceful again. How glad I am at your comment about yourself, that you feel young and well, touch wood. Look, Ernstili, that is something nobody can take from us. How we feel closely reflects our character and disposition and will remain ours always. Because we are no longer dependent on earthly possessions and have recognized in time that there are other more precious things which make for true happiness, that is why there will be peace and sunshine in our home.
Your account of the arrival of spring with you is more dear to me than all the treasures I ever lost. The present times make demands on the entire person and anyone who can’t face them, whose nerves fail, will go under. The world continues to turn and who will ask questions about them? For me, too, cheerfulness and a happy mood always win the day, surprising those around me, and I know very well that it is you I must thank for that, and your letters, in which you again and again lift me up, as a gardener restores his trees which have been bent by the storm.
I am very surprised that you can read French books. I can’t compete with you in that. Since my childhood I have always adored French. The language, everything about it, was always something that delighted me, it sounded like music in my ear. I just loved it very much and always felt very proud when I was having a lesson and made progress. And then when my sweet little children at 5 or 6 years could already chatter away so happily, I was so glad. I saw in their success everything flowering so nice and easily which I never had a chance to be taught. And now you write to me about your progress in French. For me that is an unexpected, delightful surprise. I am also amazed at your memory. I’m afraid that my memory, which was once excellent, has suffered a lot.
Your account of Erika and Bubi gave me great pleasure. They must be beautiful and smart, as I imagine them. Bubi definitely looks like you and when I see him one day I will be able to imagine how you looked as a boy. Erika may look like her father. Is her character a bit complicated? ‘Slovenly’ isn’t very nice, but can be excused in the young. That is what upbringing and education are for and if it is an unpleasant fault it is certainly not the worst. There are far worse ones among today’s youth.
My ‘stay’: I don’t want to waste too many words on it because there is something new every day. I see it as my duty to make you aware that we have to expect the journey. It is not inevitable but it could be ripe for a decision within 14 days, just according to who draws the lots. I agree with you that one just has to cope with this waiting. And even when one is there, even then there are always some individuals who, if they are lucky in the distribution of work, can bear their lot more easily than others. Everything is a matter of chance, a bit of luck etc., etc. I heard that 1,000 women were sent to Wald.38 … (the rest of the letter is missing)
This letter was returned by the censor because, at six pages, it was too long. Marie then re-sent the earlier part, intending to copy out the last two sides and send them separately, but they are missing.
Karlín, 10/4/1942
My most dearly beloved
Until today, Friday, I have had no further news from you, but I’m hoping for some tomorrow. Emil was here today. I read him some of your letter of 29/3; he was very pleased. At the moment he is a little anxious about his future because they need his building and its occupants must leave. E. could, as the husband of his wife,39 have a claim to remain but his future upkeep is a worry. He still has two weeks; as long as nothing definite has been decided one can keep hoping.
We haven’t heard anything more from Irene. The post is often just left unsorted for a long time and one worries oneself to death. Many acquaintances have gone to Izbica40 (Ashkenazi) and now write of ‘golden Th[eresienstadt]’.41 Alois also wrote again, he and Emil both send warmest greetings. Alois wrote that he isn’t writing to you because he has little time and he has to give up writing because of the long distance to the designated post office.
Life is strange. I am doing a lot of running around, sometimes with more success, sometimes with less. I can’t find peace any more at home. I have a lot on my mind which no-one can help me with, I mean I would like to help but can’t. Now I have two refugees. One is Frau Ella Schwarzkopf, born Weiss (from Buchau). She lives nearby and is very poor and sick after a serious illness. I visit her 2 to 3 times a week and usually bring her something to eat. Then there is a 15-year-old girl who is not without means but is much to be pitied. She lost her father and grandfather prematurely, her [maternal] grandmother is still alive but is as if dead for her. The other grandmother (Regine Zuckermann, daughter of mother’s cousin) took her own life. I was very good friends with her and she recently wrote me a letter begging me to take care of her granddaughter, because the child’s mother was in Palestine and the father (they were separated) had died. I exchanged a few letters with her and then the child came: her Grandmama was dead. The road to Ashkenazi was too hard for her and she made an end of it. A smart, elegant, likeable woman, a good person.
Now I am looking after the young lady; she needs advice and to know that she is not entirely abandoned. My mother Louise blames me for it a little because she thinks I have enough to do for myself but I do it discreetly. I do what I think is possible and appropriate. In any case, I am making further preparations to equip us [for the transport]. I need to have new covers made for our quilts; yesterday I bought camping bottles which had been unavailable. Today I have taken linen to be dyed. Can you imagine medium blue bed-linen, sheets, work clothes (former maid’s and working clothes)? Yes, one can’t wear light things for peeling potatoes or working in the fields and particularly if one has to be soooo careful with soap.
Tomorrow afternoon we are going to Hede’s; on Wednesday they are always at our house. On Monday at 4 o’clock I have a meeting; at 5.30 the Taussigs always come. They visit us regularly, they are most loyal and self-sacrificing friends, not only to us but to other people too. Wonderful people. I am already looking forward to when you will get to know them. But you met them already in Karlsbad.
I am very sorry that I can’t tell you all sorts of things which I experienced this winter, but it would be going too far. I myself think that you too should keep various things to tell me later if you think they are important. Even if you think it is worth knowing, I am not curious, although there will remain no change in my interest in you and what you are doing. After all, the time when we will see each other again is not so far away and then there will be endless talking, won’t there?
Do you know what we had for lunch today? Chopped tripe and potato dumplings. That way one can get 1 kg of meat out of 250 gram meat ration coupon. That is a generous meal.
It is obvious that in our future life together we won’t get worked up about acquiring things. It will be such a different way of life. The time of the old ways of thinking is over. He who best understands the art of living is and always has been the person who knows how to adapt to change at the right moment. Have no fear, Ernstili, we won’t burden ourselves with big demands and will choose rather to live simply and modestly, so as to squeeze a few more hours of joy and happiness out of life.
Saturday 11/4
The post brought nothing again so now I am hoping for Monday. The weather is still mostly cool while no doubt for you there is sunshine and springtime. My sweet, do go regularly to the vineyard again, at least every other day. Why should you deny yourself such a harmless and yet special delight? Seize the opportunity, go out into beautiful, calming nature without any doubts or guilty conscience. I am sure, if you want it, you will find company for the walk.
Last night I dreamt of you, with you. We were in Karlsbad and were planning a Saturday outing into the Erzgebirge.42 I was looking forward to it with childlike delight. We were going to go alone. Yes, if the reality isn’t possible one has to make do with dreams. Today’s letter is again about nothing. The contents could be extremely heavy but I prefer to chat with you.
I have paid another quarter’s rent for my accommodation. Will I pay again? Who can know? Here in my house I feel very close to you; strange, here there is peace and calm and I feel very good. I always feel as if you’re close by me, I hear you coming, see you looking round with a questioning or ironic gaze, and if I don’t like it I have my own ways of cajoling you gently and softly. I’ll do it discreetly. That is how I fantasize and just don’t want to leave you, but I have to, so farewell, beloved, keep healthy, happy and content. With dearest love and kisses.
Your Mitzimarie.
Prague, 14/4/1942
My dearly beloved
Again one of your letters appears to have gone missing because today I only got your card of 2/4 and last week only one letter. And the content of this card is so strange, as if you had had a great upset which indeed, in the present times, would not be at all surprising. Ernstili, whatever happens, so long as it doesn’t harm body or soul, don’t worry about it. Only thus armed can one cope with these times.
On Monday the ‘call-up’ was delivered. I must report on 21/4 and leave for Theresienstadt on the 24th.43 My transport reference is Am. 976. Don’t be upset, I’m not. It has to be. This time it is Haus Lanner44 which is the reason. My biggest headache, is Mutti. She is not included this time. Should I take her with me as a volunteer or not? Everyone advises against this on the grounds of common sense. But imagine leaving her alone. So it is dreadful. Of course I will let Mutti decide and it seems that she wants to stay here after all.
And now to us, beloved. I beg you, don’t worry unnecessarily because I don’t believe you need to. It is not a nice time that lies ahead of me but what others can bear I hope I too can bear. In any case, whatever happens, I will look for employment as far as possible. It is a great comfort to me that I shall see my sister and brother-in-law again. Besides, the whole business must, after all, end some time, nothing lasts for ever in this world. I’m not much worried about food scarcity, or living very basically. I know the latter from my young days. My life here for the past year has not been pleasant at all, disagreeable, sad and full of worry, controlled by others and driven by circumstances, so the parting will not be hard for me, it can’t get any worse. I lived partly alone and cut off, I who by nature so love intimacy. But I knew how to banish my loneliness because I was together with you in letters and in my mind too. The happiness I found in our love helped me to overcome all hardships easily and I know already now that that is how I will survive Theresienstadt as well, because I want to, because I want to experience bliss in your arms and because I want to see a happy you in the flesh. Willpower can do a lot in life, my sweet, so don’t be grieved. There are much worse things today and so long as a person is alive and healthy one must hope and have trust. I do that with confidence. I just have to imagine that I was a man, a soldier, and going onto the battlefield. If I imagine the women and mothers who have to send their sons to the front, then I prefer to go to Theresienstadt because the memory of these worries is still fresh in me.
My birthday will be here soon. Who knows whether I might not celebrate it with you? Or otherwise yours? It isn’t so far away either. A lot of people I know are going with me, I won’t be alone. Here good friends have taken me under their wing and are helping me. It pains me to have to give you this worry, but it is not my fault, my sweet. It is only your letters that I will miss. I will write to Hede as often as I can. She will send on to you my 30 words and you can write to her.
15/4
Today I am at home, preparing – that is a terrible job. The Jewish bush telegraph keeps talking about a postponement, so there is still hope but, as I said, I don’t care either way.
Photo 18 Card ordering Marie to report at the Trade Fair grounds on 21 April 1942.
Now Hede and a good, kind friend have come to help so I have to stop and will write again tonight.
Farewell, you will have news from me a few more times. The northern spring is longing for the southern, as always, and if nothing else the autumn must bring the spring.45
Where am I sitting? And then? Then I kiss you with all my heart and am entirely
Your Mitzimarie.
Prague, 17/4/1942
My most dearly beloved
Now, four days before I report, I want to try to write to you in as organized a way as possible. I will first of all deal with the most important things.
Correspondence:
(1) via Hede. She will write to you frequently about me. Please will you also write her a card at least once a week? Perhaps she may now and again be able to send you my correspondence. We’ll see how it all turns out and what will be allowed or possible. You can trust the whole family, in character and decency like Gusti. Correct to the fingertips. What an irony of fate that today I received a letter from Karel saying that the marriage application will be settled favourably in the very near future. Unfortunately it will be too late for me. I would probably still have had more time if my name had begun with an L instead of a B.46
(2) via Emil and Käthe Taussig, Prague X, Rakonitzergasse 1.
Hede and Rudi know all about everything, they know my best acquaintances and friends whom you don’t yet know. I am mentioning this particularly because I have a great wish that, whatever happens, you will get to know them some time. If I still have time I will go once more to see Karel and will tell him, too, this wish and everything related. I am leaving my mother behind, as she prefers to carry on staying here. But it may happen that she follows soon.
My future place of residence represents a sort of ghetto, it has the advantage that, if one obeys all the rules, one lives in some ways without the restrictions one has here. Up to 3,000 people live in one barrack and the men can visit the women from time to time. Women up to the age of 55 work, according to their abilities and achievements, the old people go into an old people’s home or an infirmary, the children in a children’s home. There are already locksmiths, workshops, carpentry shops, laundries, gardens, poultry rearing, etc. If one is lucky one gets a job which suits, if one is unlucky one just has to do something one doesn’t enjoy as much. In any case I will look for work, then one spends less time brooding.
So it is communal living. One can take as much food from here as one wants, so I am taking plenty for Gustav and Irene as well, as you can imagine, and if I am allowed to keep the things we won’t be in need for a while. The food won’t, of course, be what we are accustomed to but there is enough for one to live. And I think everyone keeps getting something from the new arrivals etc. If one is lucky and finds a job which allows one to stay, that is an achievement, but the onward journey to the Lichtmanns on the other hand, is a minus. But even that is no misfortune. From the Lichtmanns one can write here. From Theresienstadt a card with 30 words, only once a month, whereas from the Lichtmanns one can write as often and as much as one wants. Only not from Litzmannstadt, one can’t at all, there is no question of it.
I have many acquaintances in Theresienstadt who can show me goodwill if they want to. There are also masses of relatives there. So, my dearest, there is no immediate danger for me and you must not worry. I will do everything I can to hold out and survive this time. What particularly pleases me is that the women can take care of their bodies, wash, etc., even in Theresienstadt, and one hears that there is a nice, friendly social life with informative lectures, both serious and amusing ones, in the evenings, so people – at least some – know how to create some light hearted moments even there.47
Your letter of the 11th has just arrived, in which you preach such a pretty sermon. At the same time my letter of the 7th to you was returned because it had six sides so I am sending four sides of it again and then I will copy out the rest anew. I am happy with what you write about yourself, thank God it is so and I am reassured. My sweet, you have no idea what an enormous amount of work weighs me down at present, forgive my disorganized letter. I am on edge and in a great hurry before the helpers and visitors arrive, as then it is quite impossible to write.
I embrace you with deepest, most passionate love and whatever my worries I will remain
Your Mitzimarie
Prague, 18/4/1942
My most dearly beloved
Waking from the most beautiful dream (at 4 a.m.) I hop joyfully out of bed. I want to write it all down for you in detail but oh dear, I am starving. Funny, isn’t it? Probably a nervous reaction.
Right, I’ve eaten and now to you. I dreamt that a telegram from the friends summoned us to them. I rang them up and asked them ‘What are you thinking of? We are a worry for you.’ The answer was ‘Everything has been brilliantly prepared. You can throw your worries out of the window and come just as you are.’ I said ‘Ernstili, what do you think?’ You thought for a moment and then you said ‘I’ll tell you something, Mitzimarie. We will visit them anyhow, since they are making the journey so very easy for us. Let’s go and see how it looks where they are, then we’ll decide further.’ And my preparations for Theresienstadt became preparations for going to the friends. On wings of lightness and joy we put our seven bundles together and then we went off to town.
In reality, too, I now feel a lot lighter in my heart, except for the great worry about Mutti. That is tearing me apart but for the moment one must just think in a matter of fact and practical way. I am making provisions so that, as far as is humanly possible, Mutti will live her life as she is accustomed to. But who can appease her longing for the children? That is such a misery. I worry about her, because sometimes she is as helpless as a two-year-old child. There are good friends around but one can’t expect too much. And who knows how soon they will also have to go? And then, when the summons comes for Mutti, that is the worst thought for me. The social welfare service of the Kultusgemeinde deals with all that but it is cold and hard, much too hard for my mother. I don’t know if you understand completely; it is impossible for you to grasp the present situation. My mother’s poor sight makes her helpless, even if people don’t realize it. One has to put everything in her hands, she is constantly looking for things. And yet it is better for her to stay here as long as she can, so that is how it must be.
If I keep coming back to whether one or the other of us will be the boss, why shouldn’t I? I need to have this point out in the open with you, my beloved, so that you then don’t experience any of the disappointments that you often mention. So if you are not rigid, neither will I be; our hearts will teach us to make compromises. But when will that be? I say soon, by your birthday, I am absolutely certain, but it could even be by my birthday that it happens. That is why I am not at all unhappy when I think about my journey, first of all because I hope to see Irene and Gustav. When I say ‘hope’ it is because I am anxious about Irene’s health. It seems odd to me that she has only written once. There are plenty of reasons or excuses for it, but in fact Gustav has written three cards, she one. But I will see them again in good health and then will come the moment when I will be able to bring them all these things! How happy I will be and forgiven for many things. I am not going to worry about the restrictions ahead, I will bear them easily and willingly as a fact of life, thinking all the time of you. I will always have in my mind’s eye the moment of reunion with you and the friends and I will think ‘What does it matter, something else must come, some time this too will end.’
I have already mentioned Frau Isa Strauss a few times, the well-known philanthropist, the top woman in the I.K.,48 who has worked so very hard for social welfare. She is the mother of the beautiful Käthe who once stayed with us as a teenager. Kätherl was and is Gretel’s best friend. You once met her. Well Frau Isa is coming too this time, I have heard. I hope she will give me the right job in the welfare service. In any case, we will see each other and talk during the three day wait here. Of course, I have many acquaintances there and you must not worry.
I am very much pitied for having to go on my own but I don’t feel at all alone because you are with me all the time. I am also enormously admired for my apparent bravery (not conceited, please). I have no intention of wailing or lamenting because there is no reason to and because I am going to live, not in the present, but for and in the future.
I embrace you in deepest love and am
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 18/4/1942
My most dearly beloved
As long as I can – so tomorrow and Monday – I will write to you a lot. You must just take these letters as an ‘advance payment’ and spread them out over the period of the break in our correspondence. Your moralizing sermon in the letter of the 11th made me laugh – don’t be cross, my love, I was just amused. I wasn’t at all angry but you see, unfortunately I wasn’t grousing. It’s just that there are always restrictions on how one writes, that is why you misunderstand and get the wrong ideas from my letters. But there is nothing one can do about that. I am very happy about what you write about yourself and if I don’t answer certain things it is only for lack of space. As far as the star is concerned I will just say that its consequences are unexpectedly unpleasant. Not that there was any shame, but the practical effect was different from what was expected.49 And you write to me ‘You, as a believer, must think differently.’ I would like to discuss with you exactly what my attitude is to belief, and to ask you, if I am not able to see my children again – one is only human after all – to pass on to them something of my thinking.
To you I say I have my own religion, I believe in God, a God who is God to all people. If I enjoyed keeping up the old traditions and made a connection between them and God, it was out of reverence for everything from my childhood and youth and because my belief was enhanced by it. I have never denied my Jewishness, that would have been pointless. But I do not believe in an afterlife and my opinion that every creature has only one life entirely supports the principle that one should shape this one life for oneself as pleasantly as possible. And here I agree unconditionally with you: whoever wants to live in Europe should, in the interests of their descendants, accept the prevailing religion so that these sad experiences do not keep occurring at shorter or longer intervals, for which parents and grandparents cannot escape reproach. So away with it because every person should live their life and anyone who cares so much about Judaism should go to Palestine.50
You should only pass on to my children this view of mine if I don’t live to see them again, which is not what I hope. So, my treasure, I am and remain a believer, but I too think it is folly that one should have to sacrifice oneself again and again for an idea. Do you understand me? If I now ask you to do everything you possibly can from now on for your own good, that is like a prayer, even if I am praying to you only as my most dear one and not as God. Or is the most dearly beloved more than God? With regard to this request, he is.
So, my sweet, look after yourself, keep yourself healthy and young and smart for me. I will also try to do my best, although that will no longer depend entirely on my will, as I will be living in a community and not on my own. However it may turn out, I hope I won’t become ugly because my soul will remain pure and bright. And the soul is reflected in the face. That is what I think and hope. A loss of weight can only make me look younger, so have no fear or worry. But if I become a misery, then rest assured that I would not want to belong to you, whether married or not. I wouldn’t be happy about that. I never want to be ugly, at least not at the side of my beloved. But away with these thoughts, it won’t happen, I hope.
It is possible that they will sometimes be able to send your letters on to me, there may come about a relaxation of the rules about sending mail, be prepared for that, please. I asked Hede to keep any letters coming from you unopened, etc. On the other hand, I am going to burn all your letters except for a few which I am taking with me.
I beg you, my best of all, my sweet, good one, my child, my husband, my father and my beloved, on my knees I beg you to keep yourself healthy and not to worry. Trust me and accept my words with the sincerity with which they are expressed.
Believe me, hope with me for a beautiful, happy, joyous future. I press myself into your arms, kiss you most lovingly and am
Your Mitzimarie
Karlín, 20/4/1942
My dearest, my beloved!
The time has come; this is the evening before my departure. I will leave the house tomorrow morning at 8.30. I hope that one more letter will come from you. How am I to take my leave of you now? Tired, utterly exhausted, I’m sitting here and could still be busy the whole night long. In the daytime there are always visits from relatives and acquaintances which take up most of the time and then one has to use the night. Beloved, I remain full of courage and hope. I am confident and determined to hold out and you too must stay calm.
Just imagine, I have 12 pieces of luggage, including a vast amount of food, both cooked and preserved, a lot of provisions, everything possible. Up to now one has been allowed to take unlimited quantities of food. If everything is as it has been up to now and if I keep my luggage in order, then I will give Gustav and Irene much joy and that would give me real satisfaction. There was at last a nice card from Irene. She is well and says her friends there are very good people. That is very important. I too will be travelling with friends and will have friends there. Frau Isa Strauss is going at the same time as me and I will try to work in a team with her when I look for a job. I can only tell you so much, that you must not worry. I can’t say more at the moment. Ernstili, trust me, I beg you. Time will pass and then we will see each other again. I keep picturing our reunion and then a lot of things just vanish. Emil was here today, he was very depressed. All my acquaintances were kind and good. The kindest and best of all were Emil Taussig and his wife. Please write to him, he wants to write to you too. It would be good if you could get into correspondence with him because you will hear everything about me from him.
Hede and Rudi Sternschuss were also kind and very, very good, and also my friend Olga. She knows more about me than Mutti or other relatives and acquaintances and she was a great help to me. Please write soon to Hede and Rudi too. You will surely hear something, above all from Emil. Olga too will answer you immediately. She can tell you all sorts of things. The parting from Mutti was heartrending.
Darling, I beg you now just to look after yourself as you promised me. Then everything will come right. We will hold out, follow our goal tenaciously and unflaggingly. It will be worth it, my sweet, despite everything. I don’t know how but, try as I will, I cannot see it all as tragic because I am convinced that for us too there will one day be peace, sunshine and joy again. We will just have to be brave for a while. In fact, in recent months I have been very worn out, I wasn’t at all well any more. You know how unhappy I was. It was because I could see that I wasn’t able to give my mother what I had intended. I was disappointed and unhappy. Emil also did some jobs for me today.
Greet Hella for me, the children and Salvator, see your friends regularly, keep yourself entertained, play poker and bridge and carry on writing letters to me and keep them until it is possible to send them. Send Hede a card once a week because it may be that she can send them on, Olga will do the same. I can only write after 5 or 6 weeks and then only 30 words, so be patient. But perhaps it will be sooner. Who knows?
Thank goodness I feel healthy and strong and everybody is amazed at my calm. Or don’t I know what is waiting for me? Am I wrong in what I imagine? I doubt it. Only the fact that I have the determination to be strong so as to be able to be with you makes it all easier for me than for others. It is true that I will miss your letters unspeakably: they were everything for me. Who can change things? Peace. And it will come one day. Darling, I can’t write any more, forgive me. You know what you mean to me, be strong and firm and carry on being my support and my hero. Farewell my treasure, keep healthy,
I sit down on your lap, hug you with deepest love and kiss you from the bottom of my heart with all the love and passion I have for you. May God protect you.
Till we meet again soon in joy and happiness.
Your Mitzimarie.
On the same evening that she penned her last letter to Ernst, Marie also wrote the following letter to her daughters in England. This letter did not reach them until after the war. She had left it for safekeeping with Hede Sternschuss until such time as it was possible to send it.
Prague, 20/4/1942
My dear children and dear Franz
Before my departure to Theresienstadt I want to send you a few lines in case it should turn out that I am not able to be with you again. I leave here calm and confident, in the expectation of seeing you in the autumn. If fate should decree otherwise, then you will have to accept it and comfort each other, because it just could not be any other way. You have the Sternschuss parents here; they are wonderful people, they will be much, they will be everything for you. You, my dear Greterl, try to marry and to be happy. Stay close together, may your bond be as strong as iron. Never forget uncle and aunt, they will be parents for you, they may need your support. Grunzi has, sadly, aged terribly from all the dreadful blows; I cannot write about that today. My motherly love surrounds you for always, may my blessing bring you happiness, health, fresh courage and enthusiasm and help you find contentment.
Be brave and courageous in life’s struggle. Do everything that is good and just – that will help you. Don’t be weighed down by tradition and too much religion. Remember that we were sacrificed because we were Jewish and what we experienced others will tell you. Those who want to live here should accept the religion of the land, so that future generations do not have to undergo these sufferings again. That is what my experiences have taught me. Those who wish to stay within Judaism should live in Palestine. Always, and in whatever place, I will think fervently of you and all my loved ones, so that I can find the strength to face this time of trial.
And now, my beloved ones, I hug you tightly, press you to my heart and pray that God may protect you. I kiss you with all my heart and am, with deepest love,
Your Mutti.
1Johann (Hans) Fidler (or Fiedler) (*1913) was a member of the Prague Zentralstelle in charge of organizing deportations from Prague and from the provinces. He escaped from Prague before the end of the war.
2These are the numbers which they were allocated on the transport to Theresienstadt and which remained their detainee numbers while they were there.
3The Kultusgemeinde was tasked with the smooth execution of the deportation, including the securing of the Jews’ property.
4Marie refers to the reluctance of many Jews to emigrate at the time when it was still possible.
5In December 1941 USA entered the war against Germany and letters could only be sent through the Red Cross.
6Czech people.
7Leonhard was a café in the woods near Karlsbad.
8They handed it over in the Radiomarkt at the Trade Fair Grounds near the exhibition hall when reporting to the transport.
9Deportation from Pilsen (Plzeň) took place in January 1942 and from Kladno in February 1942. Deportation from the second largest community in the Protectorate, Brno in Moravia, started already in November 1941 and continued, with minor breaks, until April 1942.
10The Schifflers were the parents and other relatives of Edith’s good friend Stella. Robert Manzer, a Sudeten German, was the father of Edith’s other good friend, Litti. He conducted the Karlsbad Symphony Orchestra and Edith was very fond of him. He died in Salzburg.
11Rosa Kessler and her sons Fredy and Walter were in fact deported to Theresienstadt on 8 April 1942, in the last major transport from Brno (as members of the Kultusgemeinde). Rosa died later in Treblinka, while her sons were deported to Rejowiec, a transit ghetto near the Bełżec extermination camp, on 18 April 1942. They did not survive the war.
12Olga Loewenstein was deported from Prague to Theresienstadt on 2 July 1942 and onwards to Maly Trostenets near Minsk (now in Belarus) on 14 July 1942.
13Emil and Käthe Taussig were deported on 10 June 1942 directly from Prague to Ujazdów, in the so-called punishment transport after the assassination of Heydrich by Czech and Slovak paratroopers sent from London.
14Did Marie know about the first executions in Theresienstadt? On 10 January 1942, nine Jewish prisoners were hanged in Theresienstadt. They were accused of breaking the ghetto laws or contacting their relatives in the Protectorate.
15Jurgscheit was a German soldier billetted on the Cougnos.
16The letter is written on Gustav Lípa’s old business notepaper.
17Marie is deliberately obfuscating again. She means Ernst himself.
18Horst’s identity is not known, but he may be the person referred to in the previous letter as ‘the Rudolfs’ friend’.
19Leopold Steininger (*1856) was deported from Pilsen to Theresienstadt in January 1942. He was murdered in Treblinka in October 1942.
20A reference to Mrs Isa Strauss, referred to by name in the first letter of 18 April 1942. She is the mother of Grete’s friend Käthe Brock-Strauss.
21The Kultusgemeinde was in charge of the social welfare system for the Jewish community (Reichsprotektor’s decree of 5 August 1941). It is unclear whether Marie helped with the Kultusgemeinde welfare system, or if this was a private initiative.
22A reference to the Æsop fable, where the fox flatters the crow, encouraging it to sing, so that it will drop the food it holds in the beak.
23Marie believes that decorated war veterans would be treated differently from the rest of the Jewish community. According to the Nazi propaganda, those from Germany were sent to the ‘model ghetto’ or ‘spa’ in Theresienstadt.
24Emil appears to be suggesting that, because of his First World War record, Ernst may be able to return and remain in the Protectorate.
25Marie was soon aware that people were deported from Theresienstadt further to the East (to Occupied Poland).
26Is Horst 100 per cent trustworthy?
27Probably a reference to the severe famine in Greece.
28Karl Bader and his wife Frieda were deported from Brno to Theresienstadt in March 1942 and soon they continued to Lublin, and from there to Siedliszcze or Ossowa in Poland on 9 May (none of the 999 deported survived). These were transit stations for Treblinka and Sobibór. The Baders were most likely murdered in Sobibór.
29Rosa Kessler and her sons Fredy and Walter (see footnote 11, letter filed after 5 February).
30She is indicating that she has had no further communication from Irene and Gustav.
31Referring to Brno, Marie uses the word ‘frei’ (free). The Nazis used the expression ‘judenfrei’ meaning free of Jews.
32This is most likely a reference to Relico.
33Ernst Müller worked for the Baders in Karlsbad.
34A sister of Fritz Ullmann.
35The Magdeburg barracks.
36Men and women lived separately in Theresienstadt.
37Possibly a reference to relations between Jews and non-Jews.
38Between April and June 1942, 1,000 women from Theresienstadt were sent to a work assignment in the forest near Křivoklát.
39Married to a non-Jewish person.
40In March 1942 there were two deportations from Theresienstadt to Izbica. Almost none of the 2,000 deportees survived the war.
41The deportees were allowed to send cards with short messages from Izbica to the Protectorate.
42Krušné hory.
43It is unlikely that Marie received Ernst’s response to the information before her departure from Prague.
44Marie thinks she has been selected for this particular transport because she annoyed someone when she refused to sell the house in Karlsbad.
45The northern spring is Marie, the southern is Ernst, but in the second part of the sentence the spring is their reunion, and if it doesn’t happen in spring, as now seems unlikely, then it must happen in the autumn.
46Marie means if she and Ernst were married. She seems to have the wrong impression. The list of deportees from 24 April contains surnames starting with all letters of the alphabet, including tens of names starting with ‘L’.
47The Nazis invested a lot of effort in the propaganda campaign that presented the life in the ghetto in a good light.
48Isa Strauss set up a clinic in Prague to treat the Jewish community early in the occupation. Although she was deported on the same transport to Theresienstadt as Marie, she survived longer, until she was sent to Auschwitz in October 1944. The I.K. is most likely the Israelitische Kultusgemeinde (Jewish Community office).
49The compulsory Star of David was introduced in Thessaloniki in February 1943.
50Marie articulates her views on the ideas of Jewish assimilation. Marie’s belief that religious assimilation would end the persecution suffered by Jews throughout history fails to recognize that the Nazi persecution was based not on the Jews’ religion, but on their racial origin.