Feeling lonely? Need a little buddy for company? My last trip to solitary was a bit like that. I found myself talking to the walls, the little voices in my head . . . Rather than fight the inner demons, I decided to make myself a real friend . . .

Amazingly, my pal Stinky was fabricated almost entirely from things I had with me in the pokey—an old sock, buttons from my work suit, dirt from the exercise yard. I had to trade my dessert cups for a month for the needle and thread, and the groundsman took my last pack of smokes in exchange for the grass seed, but my cool buddy was all worth it.

A former carny and grifter who just can’t fly straight, Stinky is waiting for water, a little love, and a sunny window in which to grow.

SUPPLIES

Buttons for eyes

Old, unloved sock

Needle and embroidery floss for the eyes and face

¼ cup grass seed (see Note)

Potting soil or loose dirt

Rubber band

Coffee mug or similar container

Accessories (hair ribbon and eye patches are great)

HOW TO

1. Sew on the button eyes just beneath the toe seam of the sock, and use a running stitch to embroider facial features.

2. Pour the grass seed into the sock.

3. Stuff the sock with dirt, firmly packing it in. You’ll want to put your hand inside the sock while doing this, making sure the dirt pushes the grass seed to the top and back of your grass buddy’s head. Of course, if your buddy starts to sprout weird facial hair in the front, you can either pluck or trim it——that is half the fun!

4. When your sock is full, bind off the opening with a rubber band.

5. Submerge your pal in a bowl of water or run him under running water, letting the dirt become completely saturated.

6. Prop up your buddy in an empty coffee mug or other container in a sunny window. Spritz him every few days if he starts to dry out, or put him back under the faucet.

7. As your buddy’s hair grows, trim and pluck as you see fit. Add the accessories of your choice.

Note:

I made Stinky from fast-growing wheatgrass, but really any variety will do. A lawn mix makes soft, fuzzy hair, and I’ve even done a feline treat of cat grass for the strays that live out back.

He’ll last 6 to 9 weeks before becoming a bit moldy around the edges. At that point I’ll probably compost my pal, perhaps harvesting his eyes for a replacement friend, Stinky II.