Expressing doubts and uncertainty

Conversation: Advice to a friend

PAT: Hi, Katie—I’m calling you to cry on your shoulder. Do you mind if I come over? I really need to talk to you.

KATIE: Of course I don’t mind; come over. I’ll make a pot of tea. Pat, what’s the matter?

PAT: It’s just that everything is wrong with my life. In the first place, there are so many problems at work. My boss is really out to get me. He’s on my case for every little thing. Lately I can’t do anything that pleases him. Plus, he makes me so nervous that I’m beginning to make unnecessary mistakes.

KATIE: So, what’s the reason for all that?

PAT: It’s probably because he has problems at home. But that doesn’t give him the right to take it all out on me, does it?

KATIE: It’s just the opposite. It’s at work where he ought to seek a little peace so he can work out his personal problems at home. At least that’s what I think.

PAT: I have the impression that nobody is really happy. The situation at my house doesn’t exactly cheer me up either. You know what? Those two guys I share the house with don’t have a clue about how to keep it clean. They don’t lift a finger to help me. Last night I spent two hours cleaning the kitchen while they pigged out on pizza and watched TV. I’m sick and tired of their behavior. But that’s not the worst! As if that weren’t enough, Brad refuses to talk to me. Like out of the blue he’s decided he wants his space. I really feel like throwing in the towel.

KATIE: Calm down, Pat, and let’s look at one thing at a time. I don’t think things are as bad as they seem right now. For a start, why don’t we make a list of the positive things in your life? That way, you’ll realize what your strengths are. Then we’ll make a plan to begin changing the things that aren’t working for you. You shouldn’t let yourself get depressed.

PAT: Thanks, Katie. You know, I already feel much better. You really know how to cheer me up.

KATIE: I care about you. After all, you are my best friend—and have been from the get-go. I know I can count on you for good advice from time to time.

Improving your conversation

In the first place

In the first place is an expression that precedes the first point or argument you present when trying to convince someone of something.

I don’t want to live in the southern part of the county. In the first place, the schools are not very good there.

For a start

For a start is an expression that precedes the first suggestion related to a plan.

We both want to buy a new house, but for a start, we need to see if we have enough money.

Alternatives to this expression are for starters and to begin with.

I will consider your marriage proposal, but for starters, we need to work out some of our problems.

Let’s talk about our plans for the new house. To begin with, we need to decide exactly what we want.

Plus

Plus introduces a second, third, or further point in a positive or negative argument.

I loved that movie. It was a western; Clint Eastwood was in it; plus, it lasted three hours.

I hated that movie. It was a western; Clint Eastwood was in it; plus, it lasted three hours.

In addition

In addition introduces a second, third, or further point in a positive argument. In the following example, it is understood that the speaker likes westerns, likes Clint Eastwood, and was happy that the movie was long.

I loved that movie. It was a western; Clint Eastwood was in it; in addition, it lasted three hours.

Besides

Besides introduces a second, third, or further point in a negative or defensive argument. In the following example, it is understood that the speaker does not like westerns, does not like Clint Eastwood, and was unhappy that the movie was long.

I hated that movie. It was a western; Clint Eastwood was in it; besides, it lasted three hours.

As if that weren’t enough

As if that weren’t enough introduces a final point at the end of a series of positive or negative arguments.

It was a terrible date. He arrived late. He was rude to my parents. And as if that weren’t enough, he was in a bad mood the whole evening.

At least

At least indicates a minimum possible amount.

You have at least $100 in your pocket (possibly more).

He has at least three cars!

At least can introduce a comment intended to show that something is good, in spite of other negative information.

It’s cold and rainy, but at least I have my umbrella.

After all

After all introduces a reason or a justification of what was just said.

Don’t expect him to behave like an adult. After all, he’s only ten years old.

I didn’t do my best at work today, but after all, I was sick.

Cry on someone’s shoulder

To cry on someone’s shoulder means to tell someone that you need sympathy and support.

I just got fired from my job. Will you let me cry on your shoulder tonight?

Matter

To matter means to be important.

To be the matter indicates what is wrong or what is upsetting someone.

Just the opposite

To be just the opposite indicates that the truth is very different from what was just said.

Out to get

To be out to get someone means to want to hurt or make trouble for that person.

The president of the club refused to listen to any of our suggestions. I think he is really out to get us.

On someone’s case

To be on someone’s case means to constantly criticize or scold someone.

My dad’s always on my case about my long hair. He really wants me to cut it.

Take it all out on

To take it all out on someone means to build up anger and frustration over a problem and then show that anger toward a person unrelated to the problem.

I know you’re disappointed that you didn’t get better grades at school, but don’t take it out on your little sister!

Work out

To work out a problem is to solve it.

We’re not going to get married until we can work out our problems.

To work out can also mean to be satisfactory.

The new arrangement of desks at the office is working out very well. Everybody likes it.

Our relationship isn’t working out. It’s better that we not see each other anymore.

To work out can also mean to exercise.

You look fantastic—I can tell you’ve been working out.

Not have a clue

To not have a clue means to not know what is happening or what others are thinking.

Not lift a finger

To not lift a finger means to not do anything to help or contribute.

She is so spoiled. She doesn’t lift a finger to help her parents with the housework.

Spend

To spend means to use money or time.

Oh my gosh! I just spent $100 on groceries.

I wish you wouldn’t spend so much time playing video games.

Pig out

To pig out means to eat too much.

Oh, I really pigged out on that cake. It was so delicious.

Sick and tired

To be sick and tired means to no longer tolerate something.

He’s been here pigging out all week. I’m sick and tired of his behavior.

Out of the blue

To be out of the blue means to appear or happen with no warning.

So I’m driving down the turnpike when out of the blue I get a call from Freddie!

Want one’s space

To want one’s space is a delicate way of saying you want to end a romantic relationship.

Elizabeth, we’ve been arguing a lot lately, and I’m getting uncomfortable with it. I really feel like I want my space for a while, so I can think things over.

Throw in the towel

To throw in the towel means to stop trying to do something. An alternative expression is to give up.

Work

To be working for someone can mean to be employed by that person.

I’m still going to school, but I’m working for my dad this summer.

It can also indicate that a certain strategy or program is suitable for someone.

This new diet just isn’t working for me. I’ve actually gained weight!

Teaching at the public school really works for her, because she has the same schedule as her children.

Cheer someone up

To cheer someone up means to make someone feel happier.

She was feeling lonely, so we went over and cheered her up.

Count on

To count on someone means to expect that that person will support you when necessary. Alternative expressions are to depend on someone and to rely on someone.

We can always count on Bob to make us laugh.

She doesn’t worry about spending money; she knows she can depend on her mother to pay her bills.

You’re always late! I can’t rely on you when I need you.

To be there for someone means to support someone whenever necessary.

I count on Ann. She is always there for me.

He’s a great dad, always there for his kids.

Do you mind . . . ?

Do you mind . . . ? is a way of asking someone’s permission to do something.

Let’s

Let’s is a way of suggesting an activity for you and one or more other people.

Let’s eat Chinese tonight.

Let’s not argue about it.

Why don’t . . . ?

Why don’t . . . ? is another way of suggesting an activity to one or more people. This may or may not include you.

Why don’t you study Japanese?

Why don’t we invite the neighbors over?

Strengths

Strengths are the positive traits of a person. The negative traits are called weaknesses.

Often in a job interview, they ask you what your strengths and weaknesses are.

It’s a good idea to emphasize your strengths.

So

So has a number of uses. So many emphasizes that there are a lot.

She has so many friends on Facebook, she can’t keep in touch with them all.

So + adjective means very.

He is so funny—he makes everybody laugh.

So can indicate—or ask for—a conclusion as a response to new information.

Not exactly

Not exactly, when used before an adjective or a noun, means not at all.

She’s not exactly shy. (She’s aggressive.)

He’s not exactly a stranger. (We know him well.)

Hardly can be used with the same meaning.

He’s hardly my best friend. (We are rivals.)

It’s hardly rocket science. (It’s not difficult.)

From the get-go

From the get-go means from the beginning.

He has been enthusiastic about this project from the get-go.

She’s been a pain in the neck from the get-go. Let’s get her off the committee.

From time to time

From time to time means sometimes. Other expressions with the same meaning are (every) once in a while/(every) now and then/every so often/occasionally. These expressions can go before the subject or at the end of the phrase.

I’m not still in love with him, but I think of him from time to time.

She’s not a big football fan, but every once in a while she goes to a game with me.

Now and then he sends me an e-mail.

We have a family reunion every so often.

Occasionally I get together with my high school friends.

Fill in each blank with the most appropriate word or expression (after all, besides, in the first place, in addition, plus, as if that weren’t enough, at least).

1.   I like the house on Oak Street. a. _________________, it’s in a good neighborhood. b. _________________, it’s in a great school district, c. _________________, it’s close enough to the school for the kids to walk. d. _________________, the price is under our budget, and we’d have money for decorating. You’re right, it’s not really close to a shopping center, but e. _________________, that’s not the most important thing to us. f. _________________ we have a reliable car for trips to the grocery store.

2.   I hope you don’t choose a college on the other side of the country. a. _________________, we can’t afford out-of-state tuition. b. _________________, the in-state tuition is much lower. c. _________________, our state universities are among the best in the country. d. _________________, think how expensive it would be for you to come home for holidays.

Fill in each blank with in addition or besides, as appropriate.

1.   I don’t want to go to school today. It’s really boring, and _________________, I have a bad headache.

2.   I didn’t enjoy the game. There wasn’t much action, and _________________, we lost.

3.   The birthday party was awesome! There was a clown who did really cool tricks, and _________________, there was a huge chocolate cake.

4.   I really want to move to New York. It has interesting neighborhoods, great restaurants, and fantastic museums. _________________, you can get around easily on public transportation.

5.   No, we can’t move to New York. It’s too far away from my family, it’s expensive, and _________________, you don’t even have a job there!

Match the words or expressions in the first column with those in the second column that have a similar meaning. Note: There may be more than one match for each expression.

Circle the most appropriate response to each question or remark.

1.   I can’t handle this anymore.

a.   Don’t lift a finger.

b.   Get off my case.

c.   You can cry on my shoulder.

d.   I’m sick and tired.

2.   She criticizes everything I do.

a.   Why is she there for you?

b.   Why is she on your case?

c.   Why does she cheer you up?

d.   Why does she cry on your shoulder?

3.   He asked me for a date.

a.   I think he’s out to get you.

b.   I think he wants his space.

c.   I think he likes you.

d.   I think he’s on your case.

4.   Why are you so upset?

a.   My boyfriend wants his space.

b.   My boyfriend just pigged out.

c.   My boyfriend is there for me.

d.   My boyfriend works out.

5.   What are his strengths?

a.   He doesn’t lift a finger.

b.   I don’t have a clue.

c.   He’s out to get me.

d.   He spends too much time on the telephone.

Circle the word or expression that best completes each of the following sentences.

1.   I really _________________ tonight. Now I don’t feel so good.

a.   worked out

b.   pigged out

c.   mattered

d.   cheered her up

2.   He’s my best friend. He’s always _________________.

a.   wanting his space

b.   working for someone

c.   there for me

d.   pigging out

3.   They _________________ a lot of time fixing this place up.

a.   worked out

b.   counted on

c.   spent

d.   wanted their space

4.   Thank you! That really _________________.

a.   cheers me up

b.   lifts a finger

c.   spends a lot of money

d.   is on my case

5.   He spends a lot of money, so he must be rich. It’s _________________; he hardly has enough to pay his rent.

a.   out of the blue

b.   just the opposite

c.   a strength

d.   the matter

Circle the most appropriate response to each question or remark.

1.   Is it true you have a great new office manager?

a.   Yes, she doesn’t lift a finger.

b.   Yes, she is on your case.

c.   Yes, she doesn’t have a clue.

d.   Yes, she is working out.

2.   You look fantastic!

a.   Thanks, I’ve been pigging out.

b.   Thanks, I’ve been working out.

c.   Thanks, I’ve been lifting a finger.

d.   Thanks, I’ve been wanting my space.

3.   Can I count on you?

a.   Of course, I am sick and tired.

b.   Of course, I don’t have a clue.

c.   Of course, I am always there for you.

d.   Of course, I am on your case.

4.   Do you mind if I sit here?

a.   Of course not, go right ahead.

b.   Of course, go right ahead.

c.   Of course not, you may not sit there.

d.   Of course, I’m sick and tired.

5.   Can I cry on your shoulder?

a.   Of course. I’m on your case.

b.   Of course. What’s the matter?

c.   Of course. I’ll take it out on you.

d.   Of course. I’m out to get you.

Write a question or remark for each of the following responses. Ask an English-speaking friend to check your work.

1.   ___________________________________________________

Yes, it works for me.

2.   ___________________________________________________

She doesn’t lift a finger.

3.   ___________________________________________________

Yes, he’s really on my case.

4.   ___________________________________________________

Yes, they’re always there for me.

5.   ___________________________________________________

No, I don’t mind.

Match the words or expressions in the first column with those in the second column that have a similar meaning. Note: There may be more than one match for each expression.

Answer the following questions in complete sentences. Ask an English-speaking friend to check your answers.

1.   Who is always there for you?

________________________________________________________________

2.   What happened recently in your life out of the blue?

________________________________________________________________

3.   What do you spend a lot of time doing?

________________________________________________________________

4.   Who counts on you? What do you do for that person?

________________________________________________________________

5.   What cheers you up? Why?

________________________________________________________________

Write a paragraph in which you try to convince someone to agree with your opinion or viewpoint on a topic that matters to you. Use at least eight of the expressions explained in this chapter. Ask an English-speaking friend to check your work.

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