Deborah Castellano
T he idea that you could (sometimes literally) hear a goddess speak to you was incomprehensible to me when I first became a Witch. I was brought up Catholic, and prayer always seemed to require a lot of tedious repetition and waiting—and never, ever getting mad at God for failing to deliver ponies, boyfriends, good hair, or extra trips to the library. Getting pissy with God meant that you doubted her plan, that you weren’t patient and were possibly faithless. Also, God is very busy and she doesn’t have time to fulfill every boring little request you put in.
Even on the best of days, I was a far cry from the teenage-girl Catholic saints I liked to read about. I got restless from being on my knees too long, I didn’t want to fast, I cussed a lot, and I got into cars with boys. Few people would describe Catholic Teen Deb as pious, though I was as faithful as I knew how to be.
When I became a Witch, it took some time before I met people who had two-sided conversations with goddesses and spirits. It took me a while to trust that voice, because if hearing voices was not a sign that a long and prosperous life was on the horizon even for Joan of Arc, I didn’t think it would bode terribly well for me either.
I’m still not one of those people who receives verbal messages from goddesses and spirits all that often. This can be frustrating, because if the people around you who practice magic receive messages this way, you start to wonder whether you are doing it wrong. You feel like if you just tried harder, your magic would work like the majority of the occult population’s magic appears to work.
But your magic is your magic, and it’s going to work the way it’s going to work. Just because most books about practicing magic tend to focus on visual thinking doesn’t mean you can’t practice magic if you’re not a visual thinker. Maybe singing works for you, or dancing, or sketching. Maybe working with a friend and collaborating works for you, or maybe you work best by yourself. Maybe looking at magic like a logic problem works for you. If you find a method to do Witchcraft and it works, then that is the right way to do it.
Just because most books about practicing magic tend to focus on visual thinking doesn’t mean you can’t practice magic if you’re not a visual thinker. Maybe singing works for you, or dancing, or sketching. … If you find a method to do Witchcraft and it works, then that is the right way to do it.
For me personally, my indicators that my Witchcraft is working tend to be more along the lines of radiomancy, the Golden Moth Illumination Deck (which has a very free-form interpretation system), and sometimes dreams. My sister, who is generally thumbs-down on all magical experiences regardless of spiritual background, is actually more attuned to the other side of the veil than I am, which is every bit as annoying as it sounds.
How to Win Spirit Friends and
Influence the Universe
Here are some things to consider when communicating with spirits.
Who Is Initiating This Conversation?
Sometimes, when a goddess or spirit is interested in you, much like when a corporeal person is interested in you, they give you little signs: a small bit of good fortune with something that symbolizes them, seeing and hearing about them everywhere, a dream with them in it, and so on.
If you are not that into them, you can keep hitting “ignore” until they get the message—which works the same way as it does with other people: sometimes the goddess or spirit won’t get the message or will willfully ignore it in pursuit of you. Or, even better, you can firmly (but kindly) let them know that you’re not interested.
If you are interested, you could ask for a specific sign that the goddess or spirit is actually trying to contact you.
If you are the one trying to make contact, it is generally good manners to try to make contact with the goddess or spirit much like when you are invited to someone’s house for the first time. Pay them compliments, offer gifts (tealights, fresh water, incense, and flowers are just about universally well received), and be polite. Do this once a week for a month. After the second week, start asking for a small sign that they are interested in continuing the conversation.
If they are not that into you, you’ll know because either you will be the recipient of some ill fortune or, more likely, nothing will happen. All your little niceties will amount to a dead, wet, cold fish on the floor. Jesus is tasked to love all of our sad, sorry little selves; the rest of the spirits and goddesses are not.
You Received a Positive Omen! What Next?
Well, what kind of relationship do you want to have with this spirit or goddess? What kind of relationship do they appear to want to have with you? Do both visions match up? If you want to be equals and pals and she wants you to be a devotee with strict devotee boundaries, that may not be a great fit. How deeply involved do you want to get? Do you want your Witchcraft to be centered around this relationship, or do you want your craft to be something that you do and your goddess or spirit occasionally steps in to lend a hand with?
Don’t Give In to Spiritual NRE
(New Relationship Energy)
You know how, when you first start dating someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with that person and you would promise them anything? You know how you think that person is the smartest, best-looking, funnest person alive? Then three months later you realize you have nothing in common, and you now think this person is vain, shallow, and stupid and you want nothing to do with them? Well, that experience isn’t limited to the physical world. Sometimes initially you “click” with a goddess or spirit and you make vows, but then in a few months you don’t want to keep them.
The problem is, generally speaking, goddesses and spirits have access to energy that you don’t have access to. That’s part of why you decided to work with goddesses and spirits. It can be a really good reciprocal relationship, but if one of you no longer wishes to reciprocate, then it can be a problem. Imagine working in a company of ten people and you start dating your boss. You dump your boss after promising that you would be together forever and spend every Sunday at their beach house for the rest of your lives. Your boss didn’t want to break up, and jobs at other companies in your field are few and far between, so now you’re stuck at this company. How do you suppose the next few years at work are going to play out? Not well.
So don’t make any crazy vows or promises at the beginning of your new (spiritual) relationship unless you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. Do something super crazy instead: get to know each other, keep giving offerings, get yourself attuned to their energy, and see if you’re a good fit for each other.
Start as a Bottom Feeder
One of my mentors refers to herself as a “spiritual bottom feeder,” meaning that for her, the relationship needs to be reciprocal—a favor for a favor. Start with small favors. Favors I’ve asked for include getting rid of a cold, a long nap, an evening that goes smoothly, etc. I do X (prayer, offerings, etc.) and ask for Y. If you try this a few times and it doesn’t work, there’s something wrong with the connection: that goddess or spirit is not interested in you, you’re too grabby, they don’t want to grant your requests for whatever reason, and so on.
Goddesses and spirits aren’t magical gumball machines. If you’re always going to them with your hands out, they’re going to get annoyed with you. You need to build an actual connection between the two of you, ideally one that isn’t built solely on the granting of favors. Think about it this way: If you ask a bunch of strangers for ten dollars, one of them might give it to you, but probably not. If you ask a friend for ten dollars, they will probably give it to you. On the other hand, if you’re always asking that friend for a ten spot, they are going to feel used and abused and either cut you off as a friend or cut off the money.
But friends and family do often want to help you, especially if you’ve helped them in the past. The same is true of goddesses and spirits. If you are asking for a larger petition, you need to be willing to give more yourself—more time, better jewels, more energy, more devotion, or whatever your goddess or spirit is into. Typically, when asking, you would give the goddess or spirit half up front and the other half when your petition is granted.
But remember, goddesses and spirits can be just as opportunistic as any human (if not more so!). If you give a mouse a cookie, he’ll probably want a glass of milk. In other words, if you’re going to keep giving and giving and giving and not ask for anything back in the relationship, that goddess or spirit is going to ride you like a prize-winning show pony until you have nothing left. If that’s not your goal, then you need to set some boundaries and the expectation of reciprocity. If that goddess or spirit is not willing to work within your boundaries, you need to do some serious thinking about whether you want to be in the relationship anymore. If you don’t, you may need to consult someone, such as a mentor or a goddess or spirit you already work with, about how to extricate yourself from the situation.
Stranger Danger
For some reason, when dealing with goddesses and spirits, some people completely disengage from their common sense. After all, speaking with someone from the spirit world isn’t common, so common sense shouldn’t apply, right? Wrong. Until you get to know your new goddess or spirit, your guard should be up as much as it would be with a new acquaintance. Once you get to know your goddess or spirit better, your guard should be up about as much as it would be with a close friend, a sibling, or your spouse. They most likely would never willingly hurt you, but there’s always that chance that they will. If something seems off, don’t rush into agreeing to a relationship. Meditate on why it feels off. Ask for clarification.
You don’t need to be hostile, and you don’t need to be magically armed to the teeth—unless you are using force in your invocation and compelling the spirit to be your friend. That’s sort of like trying to make friends by drugging a stranger, wrapping her in a rug, and tossing her in the back of your windowless white van. BFFs, right?!
If you want to consort with spirits that are known to be more dangerous, hey, it’s your party and you can cry if you want to. Personally, I don’t consort with people who require me to have a gun in my purse in my regular life, and I don’t have any desire to consort with goddesses and spirits that require me to do the same. Just remember, “dark” doesn’t always equal “dangerous,” and “well known and well liked” doesn’t always equal “safe.” Use your critical thinking skills, use your gift of fear, use your common sense. It’s a wild ride, but that’s why we’re Witches, right?
Deborah Castellano is a frequent contributor to occult/Pagan sources such as the Llewellyn annuals, PaganSquare, and Witches & Pagans magazine. She blogs at Charmed, I’m Sure (www.charmedfinishingschool.com). Deborah’s book, Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want, will be published by Llewellyn in the summer of 2017. She resides in New Jersey with her husband, Jow, and their cat. She has a terrible reality television habit she can’t shake and likes St. Germain liqueur, record players, and typewriters. Visit her at www.deborahmcastellano.com.
Illustrator: Bri Hermanson