Embracing Being Broken: How to Avoid
Spiritual Bypass
Stephanie Woodfield
I see her shining, the many pieces of herself swirling around her like a whirlwind, like the facets of a diamond. She is serenity and chaos all in one, reminding me that those two forces are more closely linked than I would like to think. She rides atop a crocodile, one foot touching the beast’s back, as she navigates the currents of the river that is life, the other foot just slightly raised, balanced in the air as if ready to step off into the heart of the river’s currents and its chaos.
This is how I see Akhilandeshvari, the Hindu goddess whose name means “never not broken.” I rather envy her serenity. At times it can be easier to relate to goddesses like Kali, severed heads making up her jewelry and tongue sticking out in rage-filled defiance, or to any of the fierce goddesses who represent strife and overcoming it in some manner. Their fierceness can be easier to understand. But Akhilandeshvari’s lessons are necessary before we can embrace the kind of power that fuels Kali.
Akhilandeshvari reminds us that being broken does not mean we are a failure. The moments when we are the most broken are actually our most powerful ones. Yes, when you are a snotty, tear-streaked wreck, doubled over on the floor, you are actually at your most powerful. Why? Because there is nothing holding you back. Our darkest, worst moments can be some of our most defining ones: the moment when we choose change, when we say enough is enough, when we see through the illusions of others or the ones we have held up, when we choose to burn down the framework of our lives and start anew. Very few people just turn around one day and decide to make major changes, needed or not. Sometimes we need a catalyst. We need to fail. We need to be broken, to face our demons and come out the other side knowing they weren’t as powerful as we thought they were.
Ironically this isn’t a concept we tend to embrace very well. We don’t like to fail. We don’t like looking at difficult emotions or working through past trauma or even recognizing that our life is falling apart and we really need to do something about it. It’s messy, it’s painful, and it’s not fun. Furthermore, many Pagans shy away from working with gods like Akhilandeshvari who embody the difficult truth of life. She may be at peace with being broken, but most of us have been taught to feel like a failure when we are in such a state.
In general, there is an emphasis on the positive within Paganism. How many times have you heard someone talk about raising their vibration or banishing negativity? We are rather obsessed with getting rid of negativity and finding our Zen to some degree.
In general, there is an emphasis on the positive within Paganism. How many times have you heard someone talk about raising their vibration or banishing negativity? We are rather obsessed with getting rid of negativity and finding our Zen to some degree. There is nothing wrong with grounding and centering or blessing one’s house or ritual space. I do all of these things. But the danger in concentrating so much on being positive and showing that we have everything together is that then we do not allow ourselves to look at the messy parts of ourselves, 0r accept that we sometimes need those parts. And when this happens, rather than getting closer to a state of enlightenment, we are really sabotaging our spiritual growth.
Not that long ago I attended a workshop on the uses of various crystals and stones. Although the teacher was engaging and I enjoyed the class, by the end of it I realized that more than half of the class had focused on which stones to use to “get rid of” or “banish” negative energy or vibrations. Not only did the teacher talk a great deal about the topic, but most of the attendees had questions that revolved around it. While I stand by the idea that you should never summon something you can’t banish, I found myself wondering if we, as Pagans, have a healthy grasp on dealing with the harder parts of life. Because like it or not, being sad and going through difficult times is a natural part of living. After all, where does all the negative energy we are so obsessed with banishing come from?
A spiritual person naturally would look to their spirituality and gods of choice to help them through such challenging times. I certainly have. But more often than not, in Paganism we simply talk about how to get rid of negativity rather than how to really deal with it. We banish it with sage smudge sticks, we see brilliant white light surrounding us, we use stones to negate it, and we are encouraged to be creatures of love and light, to harm ye none. What we don’t like to admit is that this approach doesn’t always work. You can banish your negativity with a feather and a sage stick all you want, but if you don’t actually look at the root of the problem and deal with it—and walk down into your own personal underworlds with the dark gods we often shun in favor of those who teach less difficult lessons—you will never truly banish anything at all. Sometimes our negativity, our anger, our rage, can be useful. Sometimes it’s what leads to a breakthrough.
Negativity is an umbrella term that we use to cover everything from anger to the emotional turmoil of a divorce or any other life change. We learn how to smudge, do spells and rituals, and ground and center to combat this ominous “negativity.” It’s something we are always battling against. We are told never to do magick when we are angry, that the energy would disrupt our magickal goals or not allow us align with our higher self. Yet I’ve done some pretty powerful work when I was ripping pissed—potent magick that works rather well and quickly, and in which I felt I had justification to be ripping pissed. Some people shrink away from working with dark gods because they think that if they do, bad things will start happening to them. It’s not so much that bad things will happen, but rather that dark deities are no-nonsense. If you refuse to face the things they are urging you to look at and conquer, they are pretty good at pinning you in a corner and giving you no other choice.
We like to think that as Pagans we don’t have some of the problems other religions have. But we do, and really in many ways we are more susceptible to one in particular. Spiritual bypass is a term that was coined in the 1980s by psychotherapist and Buddhist John Welwood, who defined it as the use of spiritual practices or concepts in order to avoid dealing with unresolved emotional or psychological issues. Robert Masters, author of the 2010 book Spiritual Bypassing, describes this as “avoidance in holy drag.” In his book, Masters says: “We need to stop impaling ourselves on various spiritual shoulds and practices and preoccupations of being nice, positive, and spiritual. We need to recognize and act on addressing our darker or less spiritual emotions, impulses, and intentions and stop denying them as part of who we are. We must be aware of our need to be someone special, spiritual, advanced, and stop dividing everything positive and negative, higher and lower, spiritual and non-spiritual. We want to reach a state of immunity to suffering.” 7
Paganism attracts people for a variety of reasons. Pagan blogger John Halstead proposes that there are four distinct types of Pagans: those who are nature-centered, deity-centered, community-centered, or self-centered.8 Some Pagans may find that they fall into a single category, while others may fall into more than one camp. There are those whose focus is on nature, seeing the divine in our connection to the earth. The main focus of deity-centered Pagans is their relationship with and worship of the gods, while those centered on their community find fulfillment in maintaining the traditions of what they see as tribe or family.
Self-centered Pagans, according to Halstead’s definition, are those who focus on self-improvement, becoming stronger, magically and otherwise, and finding the divine within themselves. And it’s this particular group that can be very susceptible to spiritual bypass. The desire to create real and meaningful change in our lives, to cast spells and connect to powerful gods in order to reshape our lives, is a tantalizing thought. We think that if we do just the right spell or say just the right chant, we can land the job of our dreams, find love, and have a happy and content life. Magick can do that. But actually manifesting these things isn’t as simple as we’d like it to be. What we want is the Emeril Lagasse approach to spiritual growth: BAM! Instant enlightenment and all your problems are dealt with!
But it doesn’t work that way. And when we are taught to concentrate so much on being positive and just sweeping our shadow and negative feelings under the rug, we are just prolonging the inevitable. Eventually we will have to deal with those monsters under the bed. And ignoring them just makes it worse.
Spiritual bypass is a trap that anyone can fall into, no matter what religion or spiritual tradition they practice. The trick is to recognize it and not fall into its cycle of avoidance. We need to remember that it’s okay to be broken, to be angry, to not have all the answers.
Spiritual bypass is a trap that anyone can fall into, no matter what religion or spiritual tradition they practice. The trick is to recognize it and not fall into its cycle of avoidance. We need to remember that it’s okay to be broken, to be angry, to not have all the answers. You don’t have to hurry up and figure your life out. If you do the work, transformation will happen naturally. And it’s important that we create safe spaces within our communities and traditions for those dealing with difficult life circumstances and emotions where they can explore transformation and shadow work without stigma.
We are not all love and light, perfect love and perfect trust, all the time. Sometimes we have to be like Akhilandeshvari and find power in being broken. And when we are at our worst, when our lives and inner selves are lying shattered on the floor, we are at our most powerful. There are no more illusions; we have embraced our demons. Like Akhilandeshvari, we are broken, and we should celebrate this. It means we get to pick up the pieces and decide what the new shape of ourselves can be. And being positive, always seeing the good things, won’t get us there. Sometimes the greatest wisdom can be gained only through pain and tears.
Invocation to Akhilandeshvari
Akhilandeshvari,
Never-Not-Broken,
I call to you.
Lady who is constantly in motion,
You who tear apart yourself
Again and again,
Ever changing, every recreating yourself,
May I navigate the currents of life
Knowing there is beauty in change,
Beauty in being broken.
Resources
Beckett, John. “The Four Centers of Paganism.” Patheos, May 28, 2014. www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2014/05/the-four-centers-of-paganism.html.
Fossella, Tina. “Human Nature, Buddha Nature: On Spiritual Bypassing, Relationship, and the Dharma: An Interview with John Welwood.” Tricycle (Spring 2011). Available at www.johnwelwood.com/articles/TRIC_interview_uncut.pdf.
Masters, Robert Augustus, PhD. Spiritual Bypassing. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 2010.
Stephanie Woodfield is the author of Celtic Lore & Spellcraft of the Dark Goddess: Invoking the Morrigan and Drawing Down the Sun: Rekindle the Magick of the Solar Goddesses. Stephanie has been a practicing Witch and Priestess of the Morrigan for over sixteen years. Her articles have appeared in SageWoman magazine and The Portal and on the Witches’ Voice website. She is one of the founding members of Morrigu’s Daughters, an online sisterhood dedicated to the Morrigan. Visit her blog, Dark Goddess Musings, at http://darkgoddessmusings.blogspot.com.
Illustrator: Tim Foley