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The Tantric Orgasm for Men

The Tantric Orgasm for Men The work of the Tantric orgasm is the same for men as for women, but it is accompanied by the dissociation of orgasm and ejaculation. In this respect, most authors talk about “controlling the ejaculation.” On the contrary, it is really about abandoning all control in a very deep relaxation and easing of the breath.

Many Kashmiri masters, including Devi, use massage as a kind of yoga. Thanks to the contemplative state of the masseur, the person receiving the massage can, little by little, let go totally and allow a marvelous consciousness of the body to emerge, which brings great freshness and spontaneity. That is one of the beauties of this Kashmiri work, where the body is unceasingly kept in tremoring vibration so that consciousness may entirely occupy it. By the massage of points situated on the meridians, the respiratory functions relax. The diaphragm becomes more supple, and the deep muscles release. The whole pelvic region finds an autonomy and an easeful relaxation, both of which will permit progressively and successfully “forgetting about” ejaculation without holding back anything whatsoever. Those who think that tantrikas hold back anything at all have not assimilated the basic principles of total physical and mental relaxation and ease. A mind that produces nothing in the course of a sexual relation, in association with a body that lets go totally: This is the practice of the tantrikas. This practice is of course impossible unless consciousness is profoundly liberated throughout the whole body-mind.

Every man knows that the very idea of holding back engenders physical and mental tension detrimental to the abandon of sexual relations. A man who holds back is in a position of flight compared to the woman, who “gives herself.” This attitude establishes a break in communication, a divergence of mind that slips toward a divergence of sensitivity in desire.

If the tantrikas thought about and perfected this feminization of the male reflexes, it is in large part thanks to the teaching of the yoginis supported by all the male masters. Their aim is to open us to the ecstatic duration, to the continuous tremoring garnered by the open senses of the yoginis and yogis. Ecstasy is for them a natural state. All our energetic reflexes block this flow, particularly ejaculation. In order for a man to be able to follow a woman on the successive waves of pleasure, he has but one solution: to become a woman energetically. That is, to abandon himself totally, let go, surrender, completely.

When sexual excitement no longer finds its usual relationship with the ego, it is space that penetrates the man and the woman. They are said then to be “clothed in space,” or “dancing in the infinite sky,” not only to indicate that they love, like Lalla, to go around naked, but also to mean that they are innerly naked and have become space.

The massage of points situated around the pubis allows us, once the respiratory points have been liberated at the diaphragmatic and abdominal levels, to attain an uninhibited breath, whose depth and slowness will permit the miracle of orgasm without ejaculation.

Contrary to the usual ways, the sexual rhythm of yogis starts in impassioned ardor, where everything works toward bringing excitement to its peak. The more the union is prolonged, the more the rhythm will slow down, until the point of total immobility. All the processes will tend toward calmness while ecstasy itself will follow a lightninglike mounting.

From a practical point of view, the yogini who has taken on the mission of training a tantrika for the Great Union will test his progress on the path of abandon by using all kinds of ways to stimulate him sexually. Those who practice holding back are then demasked. No holding back can resist the skillful stimulating of a sensual woman or a Shakti.

When ejaculation happens, it is not a failure: The yogini will use it to help the aspirant become conscious of the ejaculatory process with its very rapid succession of phases. Sometimes, in the beginning, the yogini will use the various pressure points (banda) at the perineum level or two fingers above the right breast, which are designed to short-circuit ejaculation. But these are only temporary tricks to prove to the aspirant that he can let himself go all the way to orgasm without any plan of holding back and that, despite this, ejaculation will not take place. This is, at first, a veritable revelation for a man.⁴⁸

Little by little the habit of relaxing mentally and physically in relation to a goal will become established. The aspirant will totally relax the breath and, one day, the dexterous yogini will no longer press one of the inhibitory points; then, in total surprise, the aspirant will experience one, then a rapid succession of orgasms without ejaculating. If women often need, in order to go from one orgasm to the next, a period of time to rebuild excitement, they will discover that with total relaxation this time of building up energy again is no longer necessary. Each partner can thus cross the different stages of excitement until subtle levels are reached, where orgasm will be quasi-continual or in any case very long, for both.

Through the course of the night, placed in the center of the magic diagram (yantra), where each is recognized as an incarnation of the divine, Shakti-Shiva, by ritual touching of all parts of the body (nyasa), yogini and yogi will reach the state of immobility, without any voluntary contraction but in a total abandon to the tremoring vibration in a union that lasts a whole night. When the initiator is an authentic master, this experience can open into a rising of the kundalini—in other words, to the presence of Shakti in the form of energy. Because in our school the kundalini is liberated through the opening of the heart and not by the working of the lower centers, it is a gentler, more spherical experience than those described by the various authors who have had the experience or who describe those of others.⁴⁹