CHAPTER 6


Listen to Your Gut (Not Just the Stuff You Want to Hear)

Your gut. Your intuition. Your spirit. Your soul’s compass. God. The Universe. Higher Power. Call it what you want, but the fact of the matter is that you have one: a voice inside you that is your guiding compass.

Most people get to know their intuition when they’ve heard it, but pushed it aside like cold green beans they didn’t want to eat. Lo and behold, the situation didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, or let’s be honest — things just completely fell apart. Could be a relationship, or making a purchase, or taking a job.

(Because lord knows, we’ve all had that feeling or voice that said, “Hmm. Not really sure about this person. Kind of an asshole.” But we date them anyway. And sometimes marry them. How’s that working out, hmmm?)

On the other hand, sometimes you’ll have a great idea or thought, but then that voice pops up in the form of pesky logic and reasoning, and you change your mind. Then later, you find out your first reaction or your idea was the correct one.

For instance, think about a specific time when your intuition spoke loud and clear to you. Maybe it was about a person, a new job, or a new opportunity. Did you listen?

And tell me, my friend, if you didn’t listen, what ended up happening?

If you ignored your (correct) intuition, don’t beat yourself up. Most people’s first experience with actually realizing their intuition has spoken to them was when they didn’t listen to it. Case in point: Right after my divorce I dated a guy who turned out to be a complete nightmare. And I’m not exaggerating at all. I remember on our first date thinking, “Something isn’t right, but I don’t know what.” But he was tall and handsome, charming, and funny as hell and I thought he was Mr. Right. On our second date my gut was telling me much louder to run. I still can’t tell you what exactly it was that made me feel that way. It wasn’t anything glaringly obvious. But I felt it, ignored it, and nine months later the whole thing blew up in my face.

Intuition isn’t complex. It’s not rocket science. It shouldn’t take a lot of thinking, energy, magic beans, or any other special powers. It just needs to be listened to. Here’s what intuition might look like:

• Listening to your “aha” feelings even if they make no sense and don’t fit the picture of how you think things should be.
• Paying attention to your body’s signals and then staying away from people who suck the energy from you.
• Listening to the good kind of “goosebumps” as a sign to say Hell yes when you’re making a decision about something.
• Taking action on what moves and inspires you rather than only making decisions based on what seems logical on paper.

If you feel like you need help here, there are ways to strengthen not only your intuition itself but also your ability to listen to it. (Let me preface this by saying this work may feel and sound a bit “woo-woo” and for stoned hippies, but it will help you find clarity. Woo-woo or not, just keep an open mind and get to work.)

First, practice asking your intuition questions. Ask out loud, or write your questions down. Ask yourself whatever it is that you want to know. Questions might be:

• What do I know to be true here?
• Is this a Hell yes for me?
• What does my heart truly want here?

Then, get quiet, wait, and listen. Because your intuition can only help you if you’re listening. Your intuition’s answer is usually the first thing that comes to you. Keep this in mind: It may not be what you want to hear. We tend to screen these intuitional messages and only want to act on the ones that are easy, won’t hurt us or anyone else, and have a guaranteed outcome.

Last time I checked, life didn’t work that way.

Also, check in with your body here. If you feel heaviness or darkness, chances are that is your intuition telling you the answer is no.

Like a lot of people, you might find that intuitional messages evoke feelings of fear. As a result, I get this question a lot: How do I distinguish what is fear and what is my intuition? Sometimes I confuse that “gut feeling.” Great question!

Here are some tips to help decipher the two:

1. Fear lives in your head, and intuition is in your heart and body. Generally speaking, fear is much louder and intrusive. Intuition tends to speak to you in more of a whisper that is inexplicable and is unattached to the outcome of your decision, whereas fear is insistent and based on its perceived logic.
2. Fear is a darker emotion that will present itself through physical reactions to thoughts (examples: sweating, feeling an adrenaline rush, and just generally freaking out). Intuition is a lighter feeling that, if listened to, should not evoke panic. Fear can make you want to get the hell out of dodge, hide, and avoid what you think is coming, whereas intuition is about understanding the possible dangers but having the faith and trust in yourself to move forward.
3. Fear lives in the land of worst possible scenario and intuition lives in the present. When you find yourself thinking of that crazy-ass fear story from Chapter 2, that will be your indication that you’re dealing with fear, not intuition.

BOTTOM LINE: Your intuition is rooting for you. It’s your biggest cheerleader, your biggest fan. Your watchdog and bodyguard. It has your back at all times. It lives in your body and speaks to you. Think of it as the fiercest and sweetest pit bull you’ve ever met, in the form of an angel.

There is absolutely nothing else like it. And it never gives up on you.

You just have to listen to it.