What really pisses you off?
Everyone has something, probably a whole list of things, ranging from little irritations to things that reduce them to “I’m a’-gonna kick that person’s ass” pissed off.
What is that thing you want to get up on your soapbox and tell everyone and their mother about? That thing you feel you need to convince everyone you are right about? Got it?
Okay, that’s your “thing.” The thing you truly believe in. You feel it in your bones; it runs through your blood; it’s inside of you. It might be how you feel about the environment, animal rights, political topics, feminism, or the existence of unicorns — anything that is important to you.
There are very few things every person on the planet can agree on. Even if you think your issue is something everyone is on board with, such as agreeing no one should go hungry, you’d be surprised … I’m pretty sure there’s some asshole out there who feels differently.
Yet, you might be a people pleaser (see Chapter 7), and in standing up for what you believe in you might piss some people off, which can make you very uncomfortable. Or worse, someone might not like you (gasp!).
This topic was put to the test for me while writing this book. Just like you, I’m human, and I still have that inner critic that creeps in and talks shit to me about pissing people off while I stand up for what I believe in. With all the practice and work I’ve done over the years, I’m really good at managing that voice, but while writing, I had some fearful thoughts of, “This book is really going to piss some people off.”
My heart said most people would like it; love it, even. But underneath all my courage and confidence, I had little moments of creative freak-out. The fear of pissing people off on such a grand scale was new for me. It’s taken my inner critic to a whole new level.
I can’t please everyone; none of us can. What I know to be true is when we piss people off, we’ve struck a chord with them. And so we can lean into the freak-outs, work on our thoughts, or call a friend/colleague, and eventually the freak-out passes.
When you stand up for what’s inside of you, you’re living your life’s purpose and honoring your values. You’re more likely to be fulfilled and happy and live a kick-ass life. Be an example to your kids, to other women around you, to anyone who’s listening. They might not agree, and they might even judge or criticize you for it. In fact, I can almost guarantee someone will. If you care so much about what other people think or say, sister, let me tell you — no, let me beg you — let that go. There will always be critics. Always.
Finding the courage and personal fortitude to stand up for your beliefs takes practice, just like anything else. I remember when I got my first “you are the stupidest person ever for thinking this/writing about it” comment on my blog. I was devastated. Cried about it. Thought about editing the post. But I stayed strong because I believed what I wrote. And the next time I got a comment like that, I handled it a little bit better. And now when someone disagrees or even criticizes what I believe in, I can shrug it off and even wonder compassionately about that person.
It’s just going to take some falling down and getting back up. Which I’m sure you know how to do.
What if, at the end of your life, there is a questionnaire. Which box do you want to check?
Go ahead, make everyone happy. Keep your mouth shut. Stay in your pretty box of conformity. I’ll even tie up the pretty ribbon for you.
If you believe in it, it’s important to you. It lives in your heart. It’s a fire that cannot be put out.
Remember all those women who marched in protest to earn us the right to vote? Forgive me for getting all feminist ranting on you, but think about them for just a moment. It was the late 1910s, and there was a group of women who were absolutely freaking fed up with being second-class citizens who spoke up for the civil rights of all women. Do you think they got criticized? Do you think people disagreed with them? Oh, yes. Definitely.
They paved the way for us. Not only did they ensure we are able to vote (can you imagine being denied this right today?), but they set an example for us to follow: Stand up for your beliefs. It’s our birthright to have our own beliefs and no one can take that away from us. And in my opinion, it’s our duty as women to express them. Not with a preface of apology that looks like, “I’m sorry but …” but to actually say, “Here’s what I think …”
Haters gonna hate. No matter what. For whatever reason. It’s not your job to figure it out or try to convince the world to get on your side.
There is beauty and creativity in boldness.
There is beauty and creativity in boldness. Your boldness might not look like the next lady’s or mine, and that’s okay. Expressing your opinions and beliefs takes guts. It takes practice. It also takes some confidence. So muster up whatever you have and get out there.
And when I see you in the afterlife, I will ask you which box you checked.