Weddings of the new millennium have no hard-and-fast rules. The number of completely traditional weddings—with the typical church, hall, and reception format—has decreased dramatically as family geographic limitations, mixed marriages, blended families, and second weddings have become more prevalent. Today’s couples get married on live television, atop mountains, in theme parks, and even under water. Whether or not you are daring enough to be this extreme, you’ll enjoy these fun ideas for how to have a traditional wedding and still incorporate modern twists.
Consider using an alternative site for your wedding, such as a museum, an aquarium, a clifftop, a historic mansion, a boat, a baseball field, a beach, a ranch, or even the zoo. The sky’s the limit! (For more unusual locations, see chapter 8.)
Instead of using a priest, rabbi, or judge as your officiant, have a close friend marry you: perhaps the person who introduced the two of you, a significant family friend, or even a member of your wedding party. Ask a wedding coordinator, do research on the Web, or check with your justice of the peace about the requirements for becoming a wedding officiant in your state. In most states, your officiant can obtain a certificate that is legally valid to lead your ceremony.
One couple happened to love dinosaurs, so their friend who officiated read from a children’s book about dinosaurs and taped the words of his ceremony inside.
Write your own vows (see chapter 10). The words of love that you exchange can include poetry, music, and personal anecdotes in addition to, or instead of, the traditional “to have and to hold from this day forward for as long as you both shall live.”
When writing your own vows, be careful not to include too many inside jokes that none of the guests will understand. The ceremony is not the time for this.
Mail all the wedding guests a small piece of fabric several months before the wedding, with instructions to decorate it with a permanent message or image. For a Jewish wedding, the fabric pieces can be stitched together into a marriage canopy (or chuppah) that you and your groom stand under during the ceremony.
For a non-Jewish wedding, the fabric pieces can be made into a bridal quilt that will be a beautiful and personal keepsake to hang on the wall of your new home or to use at the end of your bed.
An alternative to this idea is to send a piece of beautiful paper to all the guests beforehand and have them inscribe a message to the newly engaged couple: a piece of advice, a poem, or a thought about marriage. These thoughts can then be put into an album or scrapbook for the guests to peruse at the sign-in table.
For Jewish weddings, have your ketubah (marriage contract) designed by an artist instead of using a traditional document completed by the rabbi. You and your fiancé can work together to add symbols significant to your relationship. Later, you can hang the ketubah in your bedroom as a permanent reminder of the commitment you two have made.
One couple designed a travel-theme ketubah with painted images of landmarks of places they had visited together, while another incorporated meaningful quotes, colors, and other symbols of their love. Be sure to display the ketubah prominently on an easel at the reception for guests to view.
Wedding programs have become a popular way to make all the guests feel included in the ceremony. You and your fiancé can print a personal message in the program as well as list the names of the wedding party members and other participants and your relationship to them. Religious or cultural wedding traditions can also be described succinctly in the program.
Print in your programs or announce prior to the wedding that guests should turn off their cell phones, beepers, and watch alarms so as not to disrupt key moments of the wedding.
Have some other items for people to view at the guest book sign-in table, such as pictures of the two of you, a poster with fun snapshots from your relationship mounted on it, or even framed photos of your parents and grandparents on their wedding days. While waiting to sign in, guests can look at these happy images.
As an alternative to a guest book, mount an enlargement of your engagement photo or wedding invitation and have guests sign it with a silver or gold pen as they enter the wedding.
Make a wedding banner with your names and wedding date for guests to sign with permanent markers at the wedding or rehearsal dinner. It will be a special keepsake from your big day.
More and more couples are choosing to have both their mothers and their fathers walk them down the aisle to “give them away.”
One bride arranged to hook up her laptop computer to a video camera at the wedding so her out-of-town friends who were unable to make the wedding could attend the ceremony virtually.
Many brides and grooms also choose to walk part of the way down the aisle alone to symbolize their independence from their parents.
Walk down the aisle to something other than classical music, and exit the ceremony to a song other than the wedding march. A rock and roll or other popular song offers an upbeat twist.
Have the flower girl drop rose petals as she walks down the aisle. One bride saved and dried the petals from the roses her groom had given her at their engagement, and gave them to her flower girl to scatter in this way.
Instead of having the ring bearer carry a pillow with the rings attached, consider using something more personal to your relationship, such as a baseball glove (if you two met at a game or are big fans) or another special symbol of your love.
Or use a homemade ring pillow made from beautiful handkerchiefs that belonged to your grandmother, great-aunt, or other older relative. Stitch these family heirlooms together and stuff the pillow with feathers or scented potpourri.
There is no rule stating that the bride and groom must face the officiant and turn their backs on the guests for the duration of the ceremony. Instead, turn toward your guests and have the officiant stand alongside you (or with his or her back to the audience). This personal touch makes guests feel that they are a more intimate part of your wedding, because they can witness your expressions and your love for each other.
If you are lighting a unity candle in your ceremony, have one made with extra wicks to allow your children to participate in this part of the wedding. What a beautiful way to reflect the blending of your new family with this special symbol!
During some wedding ceremonies, the couple shares a cup of wine at the altar. (Just be sure that it is white wine, so there’s no chance of accidental stains!) You and your groom can each be given your own glass of wine and then together pour it into one larger cup, so you can both share sips from the same glass.
A new trend known as a rose exchange is popping into ceremonies. A single red or white rose is exchanged as a first gift between the bride and groom to symbolize their love for each other. The couple then exchanges a rose in a special location in their new home on each anniversary or significant highlight in their marriage, reminding them of the vows they exchanged and the promises they made on their wedding day.
If yours is a marriage that blends families, include your children in the ceremony and vows. Exchange personal vows with them as well. Giving them a ring or other token will make them feel special. One couple gave their eight-year-old daughter a tiny diamond ring at the rehearsal dinner so that she could proudly wear it to the wedding.
At the end of the traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, the groom breaks a glass with his foot. For a more egalitarian ceremony, some couples choose to break the glass together or to have two glasses, one for each person to break.
If you are getting married in a church, arrange to have the church bells ring at the moment you kiss and are pronounced man and wife. It is a dramatic touch.
If you are not getting married in a church but want the church bell effect, you can give guests a tiny bell tied with a white satin ribbon to ring at the conclusion of the ceremony as you and your new spouse walk down the aisle.
Instead of throwing rice (or the more ecologically correct birdseed) at the end of a wedding, consider tossing rose petals or confetti, releasing balloons or butterflies (if outdoors), or having tiny bottles of bubbles for guests to blow at you.
Some couples even release white doves at the end of the ceremony to symbolize the couple’s love, faithfulness, and peace. (These are specially trained homing pigeons that you can essentially rent to use at your ceremony. Consult your yellow pages or local bridal directories for these special services.)
Other unique touches that are becoming popular to incorporate into traditional weddings include fireworks displays, skywriting, or airplanes flying overhead with banner messages. The sky’s literally the limit!
Consider having a special song that is meaningful to you and your fiancé played or sung during the ceremony.
Wedding books and consultants will offer ideas or mandates on everything, from specific ways to proceed down the aisle to the spot where you should stand for the ceremony. Remember, though, that this is your wedding and that you are allowed to bend the rules to accommodate your desires.
At the beginning of the reception, when the married couple is announced and members of the wedding party are introduced, instead of a drum roll or cheesy music, consider having the DJ or band play the theme from Rocky as you enter.
Other fun songs that can jazz things up include the Tonight Show theme song; Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust or We Are the Champions; Celebration; Rock-n-Roll Part 2 (a sports event/group participation song); the theme from Star Wars, Jaws, or Indiana Jones; the fight song from your alma mater; or any other song that is upbeat and meaningful to you both.
Whenever wedding guests clink their glasses, the bride and groom are supposed to kiss. Many couples put a twist on this tradition by finding out who started the clinking and making them kiss their date. One couple had pink (female) and blue (male) balloons prefilled with air and a guest’s name: if clinking occurred, one pink and on blue balloon were popped and those guests had to kiss. This new tradition incorporated and embarrassed everyone (and also cut down greatly on the clinking!)
Alternatively, the balloons can contain messages or trivia questions about the bride and groom, which the guests will have to answer when clinking occurs.
One couple had a movie screen lowered and projected on it a short slide show accompanied by the words of a love song displayed karaoke-style, so that guests could sing along.
My own lifelong friend and angelic-voiced bridesmaid sang during the dance portion of our reception, which was very special.
After the wedding and honeymoon, print your vows on pretty paper, and then frame and hang them somewhere in your new home where you two can glance at them and remind yourselves of the promises you exchanged.