If selecting your wedding party is like choosing players for your team, think of hiring the help as putting together your coaching staff. You want the people you hire to work for you behind the scenes to have your best interests in mind and to know how to pull off a winning wedding. They should have experience, offer good advice, and also know when to pull back. When you find the right people, you’ll know it, and the ideas below will help make the process less overwhelming.
Be sure that your coordinator is a member in good standing of the Association of Bridal Coordinators (ABC).
Contact your coordinator’s references, including several brides who have worked with him or her, to make sure the coordinator performed well on those brides’ big day.
The wedding coordinator can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Before you decide to hire a specific coordinator, be sure that you all get along very well and that he or she is responsive to your needs.
Give your coordinator a complete list of the names and numbers of all of your wedding support staff, parents of the bride and groom, wedding attendants, and so on.
Discuss your coordinator’s attire for the wedding day.
Defer to your coordinator if he or she has suggestions for florists, bands, caterers, or other wedding support that you may need. Chances are that your coordinator has an amazing network of professionals and services from which to choose, at various price ranges.
Trust that your coordinator will not lead you astray with unnecessary staffing recommendations (even if earning a referral fee!), because he or she wants your event to go as smoothly and seamlessly as possible.
Many brides and grooms feel that a coordinator can be an excellent go-between with their families, especially when divorce or stepparents are involved. Coordinators have had lots of experience in handling sticky family situations and can often be a much-needed (and worth the cost!) ally on the wedding planning front.
The coordinator should be formally introduced to your wedding party as the point person for questions, concerns, or issues that arise on or around the wedding day.
Have your coordinator provide you with a copy of the schedule of wedding day events, from the moment you wake up until you and your new husband drive off together.
Be sure your coordinator also provides schedules to all wedding party members so they know when to be where during the course of the wedding day.
Have your wedding coordinator carry a cell phone and distribute the number so that guests, attendants, and you can reach him or her in case of an emergency.
Assign your coordinator the responsibility for providing special coverage of the men’s dressing and preparation area, to make sure that they are running on time, prepared for their photographs, and ready to walk down the aisle.
Choose an officiant who will set the tone you are looking for in your ceremony. See if the officiant has a video of weddings at which he or she has presided, or ask if you can attend an event to see your officiant’s style prior to your wedding.
You may want to ask for a copy of the officiant’s script before the ceremony to be sure you are comfortable with any references it may contain to your commitment and God or other religious ideas.
Look into your officiant’s background, references, or credentials before making a hiring decision. Make sure the officiant is authorized to perform marriages in your state.
Find out if the officiant will attend your wedding rehearsal.
A justice of the peace, judge, or close friend can also do the honors of marrying you if you so choose. (For more on nontraditional officiants, see chapter 6.)
Most of all, be sure you click with your officiant. He or she will be the unifier of you and your fiancé, joining you together in a sacred bond.
A priest, rabbi, or other religious leader may be your only choice as officiant for church-related and family reasons. Just be sure, when you meet, to communicate what you want and ask lots of questions.
If you or your fiancé does not know or has not grown up with the officiant as a religious advisor, be sure that person is comfortable with him or her.
The more information you provide about your backgrounds, the history of your relationship, and your life’s dreams and aspirations, the more personal your officiant will be able to make your ceremony.
If you have an interfaith or intercultural ceremony—one with a priest and a rabbi, for example—be sure that they both contribute equally to the ceremony and that one is not more demonstrative than the other.
Some issues with regard to your religious beliefs may be sticky, so be clear and up front with your officiant regarding how you want the religious aspects of your ceremony to be handled.
Sometimes a religious leader or judge who is also a close family friend is asked to conduct your ceremony. Often they will refuse to charge you a fee, or the subject of payment will be awkward to discuss. Be sure to give them a personal gift, write a special thank you note, and perhaps donate to their house of worship or other meaningful charity in their name in lieu of monetary compensation.
Discuss with your officiant any documentation or licenses that you may need prior to or at the actual ceremony. Find out who obtains them or if they are included with the officiant’s fee.
Call your local marriage bureau or marital governing organization to inquire about blood tests, required paperwork or other documentation, and fees you will need to pay in order to have your license and marriage recognized by your state.
Inquire about any rules or restrictions on video, audio, or photography equipment at your wedding site.
If you are getting married outdoors, ask whether the officiant will provide audio amplification or whether you should consult with your videographer about that.
Ask the officiant how he or she feels about the two of you exchanging your own vows, if that is what you would like to do. Some officiants are more strict than others about altering their traditional ceremony script.
If you must turn your back to your guests during the ceremony, be sure that at some point the officiant has you two turn around to look at your guests. The effect is very personal and dramatic.
Try to remember not to look just at the officiant during the ceremony. Look into each other’s eyes. After all, you are marrying each other, not your officiant.
If you have children from a previous marriage, ask your officiant how he or she plans to incorporate them into the ceremony. Discuss what you would like and how your officiant has handled this situation in the past.
Ask what type of insurance coverage your photographer has for lost or damaged photos.
Check his or her references.
Be sure to view current samples of a photographer’s work before making a hiring decision.
Negotiate an agreement that the proofs will be included in the cost of your photo package. These pictures are great to send with thank you notes or to make up mini-albums for grandmothers or special relatives.
Also, having the proofs will eliminate the need to order extra individual photos for some family members who request them. You can give them a framed proof instead.
Be sure your photographer is sensitive to the details—how your gown is hanging, your hair, if your face is shiny from excitement, and so on—so that he or she can address these issues before taking formal pictures.
Ask your photographer to bring two working cameras to your wedding, just in case one of them malfunctions or the film is bad.
Have your photographer and videographer film the moment when your groom first sees you, whether it is before your session with the photographer or at the moment the doors open and you begin walking down the aisle. This candid image of his facial expression is worth a thousand words.
Make a master list for your photographer of all the formal shots you want taken, detailing the particular groupings you would like so you are sure to get at least one picture that includes each of your most important guests.
Get everything in writing and read all of the fine print in your contracts. Be sure you understand all of the points of your contract, including issues of deposit refunds and loss or damage to pictures, before signing on any dotted lines.
Assign your photographer’s assistant, or a guest whose hobby is photography (and wouldn’t mind), to take only candid pictures. That way you ensure that some of the spontaneous moments are caught on film.
Some high-tech photographers offer, for an added cost, to have their assistant take pictures with a digital camera. By doing this, they can actually produce a mini-photo album by the end of your wedding for you and your guests to see instantly.
Plus, with digital photos, the bride and groom don’t have to wait until after the honeymoon or until wedding proofs arrive to see images of the event.
As a gift to the bride and groom, one guest obtained a guest list and took a picture of everyone in attendance, using an instant camera. Some pictures were taken in groups and others alone. She inserted these into an album and had the guests jot a note at the base of the photo or on the album page as a kind of photographic sign-in book. By the end of the wedding, the book was completed and she presented it to the bride and groom. The cost of the film and album came out to about what she had planned to spend on their gift, and this was an instant souvenir that they could cherish forever.
See for yourself that your photographer has film in his or her camera and that the used rolls are being put in a safe place. Unfortunately, mistakes have been known to happen!
If you have a theme wedding where guests come dressed in costume or other attire related to your theme, consider hiring an additional photographer to take portraits of these guests in a designated area with a fun backdrop. The photos can then be given or mailed to them as wedding favors.
Consider having black-and-white photos taken during your wedding. The effect is timeless.
Know that color photos can be reprinted in black and white if you so desire. Black-and-white film cannot, however, be converted to color; it can only be hand-tinted.
Get everything in writing and read all of the fine print in your contracts. Be sure you understand all of the points of your contract, including issues of deposit refunds and loss or damage to videotape, before signing on any dotted lines.
Be sure to view current samples of a videographer’s work before making a hiring decision.
Check his or her references.
Reach an agreement with the videographer about how many guest interviews you want included in your tape. If the videographer will not be bringing an assistant, you don’t want him or her tied up interviewing guests while other events are happening that should be recorded.
Ask to review the raw footage of your video prior to the final edits so that you can choose to eliminate any extraneous elements that you don’t feel compelled to include, such as extra-long toasts or too much footage of the dance floor.
Choose songs for your videographer to incorporate that pertain to your relationship. There is nothing worse than watching the precious moments of your wedding day set to elevator music or other songs that do not appeal to you.
Give the videographer CDs or cassette tapes labeled with a list of the songs you would like as background music, as well as a master list of these songs, so that you can be sure the video will use the music you enjoy.
A montage of photos of you and your spouse at different stages in life as you grew up makes for a fun opening to your video. Be sure to follow this with highlights of your relationship leading up to the wedding.
Watch your wedding video and look through your photo album on every anniversary to remind yourself and your spouse of the joy you experienced on that day.
Arrange with both your videographer and photographer to have two cameras going during the procession and ceremony. That way you’ll have images of the wedding party as they enter and exit as well as the bride and groom’s faces and reactions throughout.
Put your videographer and photographer in contact before the wedding so they can make sure that their various supplemental lighting and equipment will not conflict with each other’s work.
Be sure the videographer places a three- to five-minute recap of the entire wedding at the end of your video, so in the future you can show just that portion to friends and family who may not have the patience to sit through your whole wedding tape(s).
DJs will typically be a less expensive option than a live band. Decide with your partner how important this element of your wedding is to you and what your budget limitations are.
Arrange a time to hear your prospective DJ or band at a live event prior to hiring them or, at a minimum, prior to your wedding so that you can offer feedback or comments as to your desires and expectations.
Check the references of your band or DJ from multiple sources: brides and grooms who have used them, wedding coordinators or hotels that have worked with them, and so on.
Read the DJ or band’s contract closely with regard to their policy on overtime payments as well as any hidden costs you may incur such as setup and take-down fees, permit fees, meal costs, frequency of breaks, or insurance.
Choose your song list in advance of the wedding to ensure that you and your guests enjoy the selections.
If your band or DJ does not offer certain songs that are important to you, see if they will learn or locate them. At least offer your own personal copies for their use at the event.
Check what music selections will be played during the musicians’ breaks to be sure you like what they have chosen. You don’t want to eat dinner to classical music if you would prefer soft jazz.
Some weddings use DJs that provide interactive entertainment such as teaching guests the bunny hop, samba, Electric Slide, or Macarena. Be sure you discuss these choices with your DJ prior to the wedding so there are no surprises and so you do not feel that they are overinvolved in the flow of things.
Some DJs or bands bring maracas, costume paraphernalia, and even backup dancers to mingle with the guests on the dance floor. Be sure you agree to and desire these added elements at your wedding.
You and the groom, not the musical performers, are the stars of the evening … unless, of course, you want them to be. Make your wishes clear up front.
Before the wedding, take dancing lessons together so you’ll look good during your all-important first dance. The classes are fun and will get you motivated for the big day.
If you don’t want to spring for more expensive dance lessons, check with your local college or community center’s dance program. See if the instructor will moonlight and give you a few private lessons to help you choreograph your first dance, or at least teach you a few moves that you two can practice and feel comfortable doing together. You will probably find these private lessons to be cheaper than formal group dance classes.
One American groom and his Argentinean bride learned to tango together for their first dance. The bride even changed into a red dress with fishnet stockings and the groom actually held a rose between his teeth. It was great entertainment, and the bride and groom had a ball as they displayed the wonderful blending of their cultural heritages.
Warning: If you choose a song for your first dance that is currently on the pop music charts, you may not be able to ask a band to play “your song” on future anniversaries because they won’t know it. At a minimum, have a timeless tune as your secondary wedding song so that you’ll be able to dance to it on anniversaries well into the future without digging up your old CD or tape.
If you want to have the wedding party join you on the dance floor during the first dance, make sure you and your fiancé have some time alone on the dance floor first, before the band or DJ calls up the rest of the party, so that guests can enjoy watching the two of you dance as husband and wife.
Choose a special song for the father-daughter dance and invite your groom to do a mother-son dance if he so desires.
If you do the hora for a Jewish wedding, be sure you enlist strong men to lift the chairs that you and your groom will be sitting atop.
Have the best man or groom explain the significance of this festive dance prior to the ceremony so that the designated men know what to expect with regard to their weightlifting duties.
You may also want to have young uncles, cousins, or close friends who are not a part of the wedding party on stand-by to assist with the lifting.
Be sure to use chairs with arms for the hora since brides and grooms have been known to fall or get knocked off during the excitement of it all. Armchairs give them a better grip to hang on tight.
If you are having a Mardi Gras or New Year’s Eve theme wedding, audience participation dances may be more appropriate than at a formal sit-down affair.
Be sure to select a few songs that appeal to every generation attending so that all guests will feel included and inspired to get up and dance.
Have your wedding coordinator, groom, or best man be the middleman between you and the band if you have any comments you’d like to make during the reception. The bride shouldn’t need to be going up to the stage to chat with them.
If you are unhappy with some of the band’s antics, their volume, or their level of involvement with the guests (too much or too little), communicate that to them via your middleman throughout the course of the night.
The same goes for your pleasure with their performance. If you praise them, they will continue to work hard.
Some computer-savvy couples of the new millennium are using an MP3 player at their weddings, which can organize preselected songs via a computer and play them at the reception or during the dance portion of your celebration.
If you and your fiancé are the more daring sort, seek out a singing celebrity impersonator to add some fun and humor to your wedding reception. If you two are big Elvis, Frank Sinatra, or Barbra Streisand fans, your city should have someone who can liven up the party.
If you or your fiancé are musically inclined, consider writing a song for each other to use as your wedding song or just to sing at the reception.
If someone from your wedding party or a close friend will be singing during your ceremony or at the reception, discuss this in advance with your band or DJ. Put your singer in touch with the musicians prior to the wedding so they can discuss key details of accompaniment.
If both your and your fiancé’s parents are still married (or if just one set is married and this would not be awkward), arrange to have their wedding song(s) played at some point during the reception. This will please them.
Provide guests with detailed directions, the phone numbers of wedding-related locations, and an emergency cell phone contact number to call if they have any problems getting from place to place.
For out-of-town guests or those who do not rent cars, you may want to provide group transportation by buses or minivans.
Arrange for your local friends to transport out-of-town guests to events or between the ceremony site and reception hall (if they are located in different places).
A decorated car or a double-decker bus is a fun way to transport guests around the area for sightseeing or wedding events.
Provide the bus or van drivers with detailed directions for each destination as well as contact phone numbers for the place they are going, in case they get lost or stuck in traffic.
Be sure bus or van drivers are equipped with CB radios or cell phones so they can alert the wedding coordinator or location manager of any delays.
Arrange assistance for elderly guests or those with special needs.
Consider alternatives to the traditional (and expensive) limousine exit. You could go by horse-drawn carriage, boat, hot-air balloon, taxi, streetcar, vintage automobile, motorcycle, convertible, horseback, or even tandem bicycle if your dress permits. Choose a fun and clever send-off if that suits your style or wedding theme.
Have a friend be your chauffeur in a rented town car.
Arrange for food and beverage to be waiting for you in the limousine or car in which you exit. Chances are you will have eaten very little at the wedding and won’t realize how ravenous you are until you get into the car.
Be sure to have a few extra slices of wedding cake packed away for you to nibble on at the hotel. Wedding cake tastes great as a midnight snack in your honeymoon suite or for breakfast the morning after!
Is someone from your wedding party planning to decorate your going-away car with balloons, a “Just Married” sign, empty cans, or shoes tied to the bumper? These touches make for a more festive send-off.
Other fun ways to decorate your exit vehicle include fresh or silk flowers, streamers, painted messages on the windows, pom-poms or ribbons attached to the antenna, and even a funny enlarged photo of the couple displayed in the rear window.
Have the driver of your send-off car drive you around through your town or city if you so desire. This is the one time that all eyes are on you, and you may want to relish the moment even more.
Kiss, cuddle, and savor your first drive together down the highway of life as husband and wife.