A book could be written on this subject alone. In fact, many have. And very well they’ve done, too (The Secret, anything by Abraham-Hicks, etc.). The question is this: how do you attract the stuff you want? Well, even that is making an assumption – that you somehow believe you can ‘attract’ things to you. So let’s rephrase the question in less presumptuous terms:
How do you get the stuff you want?
The magic answer (the ‘secret’) is this… drumroll, please…
You want it. |
But not too much.
Yes. Yes. I’m going to explain. Let’s cover the ground either side of this proposition (for successful ‘manifestation of whatever you want’) first, though.
You can go through life not wanting anything specific at all. The people who do this are usually in two camps. One camp has a big + logo painted on the entrance. The other a big – logo.
The – lot (that’s a negative symbol, by the way) drift through life without any idea of where they want to go. They usually feel that life is random, tough, and shitty. They act like victims on the receiving end of the terrible cards life has dealt them. They take no responsibility for anything that happens to them and spend their lives complaining about everybody and everything.
If you sat them down and gave them an easy-to-enact action plan for how to get out of the shitty situation, they’d start their response with ‘But…’ This camp is hard to escape. It’s a prison camp. And everyone in this prison camp is kept in by habit, negativity, and the fact that everyone else around them thinks and talks the same way. If you find yourself straying inadvertently into this camp, and talking to one of the inmates, try to get away as soon as you can. If you have to sit and listen to them, close your ears and think about something else. They’re unlikely to hear any sense. The only thing they’ll respond to is if you say, ‘Yes, it’s terrible isn’t it?’
The + lot (the positive camp) is a happy, laid-back place. This lot has realized that ‘wanting’ stuff is like being on a never-ending treadmill. You want something so bad. Then you get it. And it’s okay for a moment. But then you want something else. Then you get it. And it’s satisfying for a moment. Then you want something else. And so on, and so on.
This + lot have realized that you don’t need to get anything else, or go anywhere else, to be happy. They’re fine with who they are, they’re fine with where they are, they’re fine with what arises in their life in any moment. They have no particular plans. They certainly don’t have any goals. If they feel like visiting another country, then, sure, they’ll ‘plan’ a trip. But they don’t plan to transform their life so they can have twice as much time away. They are spontaneous. They’re very relaxed and nice to be around. And things seem to work for them.
So why isn’t this chapter about them? Because not many people make it to this camp (and if you now make it your aim to get there, you’ve probably missed the point). This chapter is about them to this extent: the reason life tends to work for those in this camp, is that the law of attraction (which we’re coming to) works in some very subtle ways. If you’re happy with your lot and open, and feel good about most of what’s going on for you, yet you have no fixed plans, then you’re still likely to attract some amazing stuff into your life. In fact, you’re likely to attract most of the amazing stuff that those using manifestation techniques want to attract. It’s just that you’re not using any techniques. You’re just living, and it’s working. Lucky you.
This is how most of us operate, because this is how we think we get the things we want. And getting what we want is pretty much what life is like for most of us. I’m not just talking about the material stuff, of course. Whether you want a Porsche, or to meet the perfect man or woman, or to get promoted, or to be happy in your skin, or to live in the countryside, or to have more friends, or to float your company for a billion dollars, or to find more peace in your life, or to start a family, or to make a difference, or to be able to access your higher self, or to meditate like a monk, or to have sex with more than 1,000 people before you’re 40, or to complete your collection of Mickey Mouse teapots, or to free yourself from the confines of your ego, or to make a breakthrough in science and win the Nobel Prize, or to enjoy the heady scent of power, true power, or to become famous, or to get better, or to run a marathon, or to find enlightenment, yes, become enlightened, truly enlightened…
You want something.
And the way to get that something you want is, usually, to follow these four steps:
And this IS an effective way to get what you want. Yes, I’ll say that again: this is an effective way to get what you want. And this is how many people have gotten what they wanted. Maybe it’s how most people have gotten what they wanted.
Period? No.
It has its price – in fact, prices. I’ll number those, too:
Are they happy when they get what they want? Often not. The very nature of the programming (which includes something like I’ll be happy when I get…) means that, once the ‘wants’ are achieved, then they’re replaced by other wants. Steps one to four are repeated forever. For the sophisticated seekers, it ends up with ‘I want enlightenment.’ Even Buddha wanted that. Conclusion: it’s a bottomless pit of desire; the serially fulfilled wants never fully satiate the core desire (which is, usually, to feel good).
Exhausting, in fact. Look around you and what you’ll probably see is people literally exhausted by the process of following the above programming. It works on its own terms (you might get what you want), but it knackers1 you out, and will probably make you ill.
If you’re very focused and stick to your plan, follow your steps and persevere no matter what, you close yourself to the numerous opportunities and sights that exist around your plan. You’ll know this to be true from every part of your life. For example, on a journey, say, in your car, when you’re entirely focused on where you’re going and what you’ll do when you get there, you tend not to notice what’s going on around you. You don’t consider other routes that might be more picturesque or more pleasant or less busy. You don’t notice the whole world of life out there through the window. You don’t notice the old woman who’s just eased herself onto a bench to enjoy a bar of chocolate; you don’t notice the leaves held up above the street, momentarily motionless because of the meeting of two air streams; or the burned-out restaurant you used to go to with your wife before you were married; or the kid pulling on his mother’s hand, wanting to go into the toy shop; or the poster pasted onto a boarded-up storefront advertising a meditation and mindfulness course. And that becomes your life. You don’t notice what’s really going on, because you have your eyes on something else. Well done, though, at least you’re focused.
You might get what you want, but maybe not what you need. The two are often different. Watch any movie. Most movies are about a character who wants something very, very much and tries to get it. They are presented with challenges along the way, sometimes apparently insurmountable ones. But they usually prevail and (usually) get what they want. Along the way, however, usually by confronting what’s referred to as their ‘ghost’ (something deep within them that they haven’t been able to face previously), they realize what they ‘need.’ And it’s often different from what they ‘want.’ So getting what they need usually becomes the point, and the satisfying aspect, of the movie. In the end, getting what they want becomes a sub-plot, less important to them and you than getting what they need. Therefore, if you can work out what you need, rather than what you want, you could save yourself a lot of time. Indeed, if you can work out what you really, ultimately ‘want,’ it starts to converge with what you need. With a bit of thought, you might realize that you simply want to feel good, now. And all your want-chasing is, underneath, motivated by that simple desire to feel good. If all you really want (and need) is to feel good, now, why not cut a long story short and decide you can feel good now, without anything else? I will, now. Ahhhh, that’s better.
I see now that this is literally the ground in the middle – and good ground it is to be on, too. So attraction does work:
It works for those who don’t want anything in particular, but are feeling good in the now: they attract lovely stuff into their lives that continues to make them feel good. This is like the soft side of ‘Life’ (or the ‘universe’ or ‘God’ if you prefer, I’ll use ‘Life’ this time): saying, ‘Well, I love the fact that you’re so laid-back and grateful just to be you and to be doing what you do, so I’m going to give you something really rather lovely… I know you don’t need it to be happy, but I’m going to give it to you anyway; call it a “thanks-for-not-bothering-me” gift, if you will.’
And it works for those who are very focused. This is the more business-like side of Life. It’s the subcontracted fulfillment house of Life saying, ‘Yes, Yes, I know I promised that if you asked, then you’d receive, so we’re working hard here on providing what you want… we’re doing our best, you know, it’s just that it might take a little time, please be patient, thank you.’
And if you combine elements of those two methods of successful attraction, you get something rather magic (which it’s why it’s in this magic section).
So, begin by learning from the first group: learn to be fine with who you are, where you are, and what Life is giving you on a moment-by-moment basis. (Turn to Thank It for how to do this.) Learn that you can feel good now, without going anywhere or doing anything, or improving anything about yourself.
Next, learn from the second group: if you keep something you want in mind, you’re very likely to get it.
Then fuse the two together. You begin to lead a life in which you’re fine with you, who you are, and where you are in life. But in this space of acceptance and gratitude, a desire arises for something else. And that desire for something else doesn’t mean that what you are now is wrong. It’s just a gentle desire. It’s like walking in a park in a wooded area. You’re enjoying being in this area, among the trees. But you then have a thought that you’d like to be next to the lake, watching the ducks and the swans. That thought doesn’t make you dislike where you are, or unhappy with being among the trees, but you now start to walk gently toward where you think the lake is (you know there is one, you just can’t completely recall the exact spot). You enjoy the walking. And when you reach the lake, you enjoy the experience. But while you’re there watching the ducks, you realize you’re hungry, and have a desire for Chinese food – crispy duck, in particular. And this desire doesn’t make you dislike the experience of watching the ducks (though it’s a little weird), but you now plan how to make your way to a Chinese restaurant. Later, on your way to your favorite Chinese restaurant, you bump into a good friend whom you haven’t seen for a while. She’s free and wonders if you want to eat together. You know she’s allergic to MSG, and she suggests going to a great Italian restaurant she knows. So you agree. You let go of that thought for crispy duck easily. And you start looking forward to a tagliatelle al ragu, which, when you get to the restaurant, the waiter informs you they don’t have on the menu. But they have gnocci with a duck sauce, which is strange and you go for it. You try some of your Italian on the waiter, and you get chatting. And a week later you’re sitting in a Chinese restaurant with the sexy Italian waiter, eating a dish of crispy duck.
So you have a few apparently contradictory things going on here (which is what makes it an interesting art to practice):
If you can figure that out, then you give Life a fine old time, too. Life is happy because you’re happy, so the pressure’s off (for you and Him/Her/It). Life is happy because the brief is clear, but the ways to achieve it are loose (this gives the fulfillment house much more flexibility and the opportunity to be CREATIVE – and they love being creative). Life is happy because if, for whatever reason, there’s some kind of f**k up down at the fulfillment house (and mistakes do happen, that’s Life), then you’re not so attached, so it’s fine.
Everyone wins. It’s magic.
I’m a consultant. I do well – well enough to pay the mortgage, lead a nice life, take the odd vacation, and run a sensible car. And it was on a F**k It Retreat in Italy, in fact, a couple of years ago, that I decided to say F**k It to the sensible car thing. I knew it would be a stretch on the bank account. But I also thought If not now, when? I’d always wanted to drive a Porsche, so I thought that I should take the plunge and try one out.
As we all shouted ‘F**K IT’ together at the end of the retreat, I wondered how long all our great F**k It intentions would last. I wondered how long mine would last. In truth, I expected that I’d still be driving my sensible car along sensible roads throughout that winter. But then I got home. I went into my house, put my bags down, and before I knew it I was in my local Porsche dealer…
Then I was driving my car. And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since – not terribly sensible, but massively rewarding in a visceral, primal kind of way. The next summer, I went on another F**k It Retreat in Italy. This time, in Roxy my Porsche. I still have Roxy. I get joy from her every day. I occasionally double-take at the garage bills. But it’s been worth every minute. And I’ve gone from saying ‘F**k It, I’ll buy a Porsche,’ to ‘F**k, I’ve got a Porsche.’
Mark Seabright, UK
Just one of 100 F**k It stories in the new e-book I Said F**k It, available at www.thefuckitlife.com/extras.
1 British colloquialism meaning exhausting; also knackered (derived from ‘knackers yard,’ slang for an abattoir).