Strategies for Spirit
Depression’s voice encourages us to behave in ways to fulfill its own needs, but often not very helpful for the individual who is living with it. A spirit itself, it can leave our own spirit feeling bruised and beaten. It’s possible that this spirit doesn’t mean harm at all, but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Helping one's own spirit to heal involves exploring the nature of the harm, finding allies, and reintegrating the whole self.
The idea that the purpose of depression is to aid the tribe by encouraging a sick individual to avoid other people is an intriguing possibility, although it’s not one that has been proven yet. Certainly people experiencing depression tend to withdraw and become more isolated, not feeling like very good company and not wanting to have company either. Even if depression once was a condition that saved lives, so was sickle cell anemia, which swaps out a shortened, painful life for the near-certain quick death of malaria. Any evolutionary benefits of depression have long been supplanted by modern medicine, but this is a tenacious spirit with a job to do, even if nobody asked. It whispers suggestions that are hard to ignore since they are coming from inside our own heads. But by recognizing that this is a voice of a different person than yourself, it’s possible to question this advice as you might from any other person.
The goal of depression appears not just to isolate us from other humans, but from other spirits, as well. Practices such as making offerings, celebrating holy days, remembering ancestors, and attuning our many aspects of self to one another often fall away during a period of depression. Just as it can require tremendous effort to accomplish small tasks while experiencing depression, the first steps toward changing this relationship might feel pointless. They are not. You are a spirit having a physical experience, meaning that you have power you have yet to fully tap. Reading through this section might trigger a twinge deep inside, a response of that spirit to the work. Lean into that twinge. Recognize what approaches resonate, because that spirit knows what it needs for healing, as does the body.
In its simplest form, the advice to manage depression is to do the opposite of what depression asks. “It’s doing the spirit work that gets me out of that state, every time,” that gets Sarah W. out of that rut. That’s a theme that comes up again and again. Courtney Weber finds that spending more time at the altar is key, while Joshua Tenpenny visits a pool that is sacred to Frey.
Our tendency to avoid these activities feels like instinct, but as Orion Foxwod asked, “When a person feels an obligation to a practice and its ideals … and we fall short, did we betray those ideals? If we miss daily practices, did we betray those gods and spirits, and does it cause depression to go deeper?” It is understandable to question why you should turn to your gods and spirits, but give yourself the gift of including another human person in that conversation as a sounding board. As difficult as that can sometimes feel, humans anchor one another in the world in a way that no one else can.
Meditation
I think of meditation as grounding and centering for the sake of grounding and centering. Pagans often talk about “grounding and centering” as if this is one action, but they are not. “Becoming grounded is about getting rid of excessive energy in the body, allowing clean energy to come through,” according to psychologist Diana Raab, while, “Becoming centered is a way to find peace within the chaos that might be surrounding us.” 38 Grounding keeps us from bouncing off the walls, and centering is about remembering who we are once we are still. Meditation is a way to accomplish both and, like everything that can be helpful during a period of depression, it’s something that no one in depression is keen on trying.
An unusual grounding technique that is written about in How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can by Amy Scher calls for a stainless steel spoon.39 The spoon is used to trace intersecting lines over the tops of one’s feet to break up energy blockages and get things moving. That’s just the kind we use in our kitchen, but as this one was going to be applied to the feet I thought it best to conscript a spoon not already destined to spend time in my mouth. Obtaining a single spoon is not that easy; they tend to travel in packs of eight or a dozen. There are plenty of antique stores where spoons are sold, but they’re all sterling or silver plate. One afternoon I drove past a thrift store and realized that this is where I could find flatware sold individually. I was correct, but I wasn’t prepared. I had no cash on hand, and while the cashier wouldn’t say there was a minimum, it was obvious she didn’t want to run a card for ninety-nine cents plus tax. I offered to run home for the dollar—I was only a few blocks away—but a man filling out a job application said, “I’ll pay for that spoon for you.” His kindness made me smile, but as I was leaving I thought about how else I could have taken his offer: did he think I couldn’t afford a spoon, darn him? A scene in which I took umbrage unfolded before me, and I smiled again at my good fortune. I felt blessed, and because I chose to see his act as a blessing, I was blessed. My agathos daimon—the spirit which in Hellenic tradition brings fortune to one’s life—whispered in my ear, and I heard the message. What more blessing than that do I ever need?
When I have tried this method of spoon grounding, I combined it with something else Scher recommends: reciting an affirmation. I use “I am well, I am whole” while I’m breaking up those blockages.
According to Barbara Rachel, “Meditation is, at its most basic, sitting and paying attention without grasping, or focusing on a mantra or phrase. Depending on who the person is, one of these should work at some level.” However, that’s going to require some patience. “It is first important to release expectations of what it can do for you. Meditation is not the short road to enlightenment, it is the gradual journey of quieting the mind. Since a depressed person is often immobile, I recommend that they might as well remain that way and just watch their thoughts as they come and go like clouds in the sky, like the river slipping by, or a train passing. It doesn’t matter if you are sitting or lying down or walking down the road, you can turn your attention to your thoughts, and in that way gain some distance from them and from your depression. It can be helpful just to watch, and return to noticing the breath over and over when thoughts get crazy.”
Emptying the mind can seem confusing, which is why returning to noticing the breath is helpful because by focusing the attention on something neutral, it helps limit the number of thoughts. There are other ways to create focus: gaze into a candle flame, a bowl of water, or passing clouds; burn the same kind of incense during a meditation session; recite a mantra silently or aloud; or play a track of meditation music or shamanic drumming. If there is one particular memory, thought, or feeling that you are struggling to release in meditation, consider a different tack: lean in. Use this particular thought as the focus, and allow it to unfold as you observe it dispassionately. Sitting with a specific thought and its role in your life is a form of shadow work, which is explored in more depth in the section by that name.
Not everyone can sit or lie still, and for those people Rachel suggests looking into yoga, calling it “meditation in motion—a way to stay present through doing something. Movement can break obsessive thoughts. In Alcoholics Anonymous they say, ‘move a muscle, change a thought,’ so if repetitive thoughts are an issue, people can consider just standing up and getting a glass of water to break the spell. The act of noticing without judgement helps us realize that we are not our depression, or our thoughts, or our situation. We are more timeless than that. We can discover the witness that is our true self.”
If you are unsure if you can meditate at all, try this exercise.
EXERCISE 
What you’ll do:
Find a place that is free of distractions, and you can sit or lie down undisturbed. Lie flat or sit with your back straight and set a timer for one minute. Close your eyes and allow your thoughts to rise. Acknowledge each thought as it is created, but then give yourself permission to release it. When the timer goes off, open your eyes.
You may find that a surprising number of thoughts can run through your head in just one minute. I find that the first minutes of meditation are the most infuriating for me, because the brain requires time to slow down. This may be why so many people believe that they can’t meditate at all. The goal with micro-meditation is simply to get into the routine of sitting with oneself at all. Then, we can deepen the practice.
You can build on your success with incremental meditation.
EXERCISE 
What you’ll do:
Return to your preferred place to be alone with your thoughts and not be disturbed. Sit with your back upright, or lie down flat, as you prefer. Set your timer for one minute longer than you set it the last time you meditated. Close your eyes, allow your thoughts to rise, and remember to release each one in turn. When the timer goes off, open your eyes.
What I have discovered is that each additional minute I sit in meditation is a minute with fewer thoughts to acknowledge. The mental clutter at the beginning can be so full that I actually get rapid-eye movements, even though I’m awake! My eyes tend to relax during the first minute, though, and are no longer distracting. By the third minute, I sometimes forget that I’m meditating, even while I’m doing it. The goal of incremental meditation is to increase the length of time to twenty minutes, although you could choose to go even longer if you prefer. If you don’t wish to get there in just twenty sessions, that’s fine too—add an extra minute every other session, or every fifth or tenth, whatever pace works for you.
Guided Meditation
Another way that a session can be given focus is as a guided meditation, in which you mentally follow a script that you have reviewed thoroughly ahead of time, or arrange for it to be read aloud. Guided meditation is intended to help you have a specific experience, as in the following examples, but I have found that sometimes my experience takes a 90-degree turn from reality and I end up meeting gods or discovering hidden knowledge that has nothing to do with the script. That’s because sometimes I need a distraction from the here and now to open myself to deeper experience, and the guided meditation provides that opportunity. For the most part, a guided meditation is a way to relax into a narrative as a way to free yourself from other thought.
EXERCISE 
Guided Meditation: To Receive the Gift of Stars
What you’ll do:
Settle into a comfortable position and begin meditating. Arrange with a friend to begin reading the following, or record yourself reading it ahead of time to play now. In the alternative, study the following paragraph with care, and allow it to unfold before your mind’s eye as you meditate. Keep your physical eyes closed.
As time passes in silence, you are becoming more and more aware of the surroundings beyond your closed eyelids. Echoing sound reveals walls, trees, and other objects; smells bring to mind nearby objects and beings. Without opening your eyes, you are able to clearly picture all the details that would be within sight. You look up, and as you do there is a change: a shimmer passes before you, and the starry night sky extends from horizon to horizon. The view is so clear that you feel you could almost see each of the stars in the milky way. Among those points of light is a darkness that sometimes feels infinite and inevitable, but now it feels as natural and necessary as exhaling is to breathing. The stars begin to rotate faster, but they are not circling the planet; they are circling you. With no sense of dizziness, the stars swirl up into a great funnel-shaped cloud above you, pulsing with the life and energy of all that is. Remaining seated, you look off into the middle distance toward the horizon, but you can feel the swirl of stars above you as a tingle in your scalp. It swirls faster than imagination, but the point of the funnel moves languidly, as if through water; slowly, it reaches the crown of your head. When it touches, you feel a warmth and love enter your mind and brain, traveling through your nerves outward to each of your organs from your bones to your skin, causing each of your cells to glow with an inner light. You are made of the universe, and its light is your own light. The contact ends, the stars slow their circling, and return to their positions in the sky. You look up again and know that you have returned to your original surroundings. Take three slow breaths, and as you release the third open your eyes, stretching your body when you are ready.
EXERCISE
Guided Meditation: The Owl’s Flight
What you’ll do:
Settle into a comfortable position and begin meditating. Arrange with a friend to begin reading the following, or record yourself reading it ahead of time to play now. In the alternative, study the following paragraph with care, and allow it to unfold before your mind’s eye as you meditate. Keep your physical eyes closed.
You are aware of a sort of darkness around you. It is not new. Sometimes it clouds your vision and freezes you with uncertainty, but at other times it recedes to just beyond the corner of your eye. It is time to pierce that darkness. Take a deep breath, and feel air slightly chilled by the night enter your lungs. As you release that breath, you become aware that you are perched on a branch, your strong talons holding you fast. You take a look around, your wide eyes taking in detail and especially movement. With no moon to be seen, the forest before you is drenched in light. Tiny insects zip from leaf to leaf through the air, while others walk on the bark of the tree. Above you, bats flit back and forth, snatching airborne bugs up with their mouths. Stretching your wings, you take silently to the air, the bats deftly avoiding you as you circle around to a nearby meadow. The small mammals are dark blots against the dark ground, but you know that darkness is but an illusion, and everywhere there is light. Your pass above the meadow confirms that there are many mice below, unaware of your presence because you are a dark blot against a starless sky. You are no mouse, though; in this moment you are the owl, and you know that darkness is but an illusion. You circle the meadow twice more before alighting briefly on a rock. The rock grounds you to your human body, and you let out a soft owl’s cry before again becoming aware of yourself and the lessons you learned from the owl’s flight. When you are ready, open your eyes and take a stretch to help yourself fully return to your body.
The above guided meditation is inspired by shapeshifting, an advanced form of ritual magic that involves possession by or shifting consciousness into an animal. Kirk White has a detailed script for a shapeshifting ritual in the book Advanced Circle Magick.40
Shadow Work
Carl Jung was the one who popularized the idea that each of us has a “shadow self,” a place in our minds where we suppress those parts of our personality that we learned in our youth must be hidden if we are to survive. This separation of aspects of the self is acknowledged in many cultures and traditions, although the specifics vary. One might speak of retrieving pieces of the soul that have been lost, or repairing the connection between heart and mind. Shadow work is that collection of techniques intended to reintegrate those hidden parts of the self, which otherwise can become triggered and cause unexpected behavior. Untangling what’s hidden in the shadow can release some of what’s making you into a comfortable place for depression to set up housekeeping.
Courtney Weber says that shadow work in witchcraft helps: “I was in a dark spot, trying talk therapy, and couldn’t get out of the funk. I’ve always resisted taking medications, I never have. I don’t deserve that.”
“There’s been a lot of shadow work that I’ve done which, whilst it hasn’t specifically focused on depression, has shifted a lot of the underlying trauma,” Siobhan Johnson told me. “Something that was initially a hard pill to swallow but has worked wonders since is the idea that if I don’t have something that I want, I’m blocking it or rejecting it in some way.”
As with most methods of real healing, shadow work is not a quick fix. It can take years to dredge up and accept those rejected parts of the self, and it can be as painful as setting a broken bone. Witches often undertake shadow work on their own, but some people find it’s easier to engage your shadow self with a trusted companion, such as a therapist. When someone else is helping, they can ask questions to help direct your thoughts as described in this sample exercise.
EXERCISE
What you’ll do:
In this exercise, you will think about a person who gets under your skin. The goal is to allow the thoughts and feelings to rise up so that you can observe them and acknowledge how—and why—this person affects you as they do.
- Take a few moments to relax your body and mind into a meditative state.
- When you are ready, think or say aloud the name of a person who really bothers you.
- Take some time to think about this person’s most irritating qualities.
- Now, name any of those traits that you sometimes exhibit.
- What changes in you when this person is around? What traits and qualities emerge?
- How do you feel about the parts of you that are reflected back by this terribly annoying person?
Now, take some time to talk through what you’re thinking and feeling with your therapist or other partner, or reflect on it privately in a journal entry, to aid in integrating what you have discovered. When you're ready to wind up this exercise, take a few minutes to release these thoughts and feelings, ground the excess emotional energy, and center yourself through meditation.
Shadow work can be used to connect with parts of the self that are deeply hidden. This exercise is just a beginning. There are many excellent books available that explore this process more deeply.
In the Company of Spirits
It’s not always easy to find ways to live in community with other humans when experiencing depression. Fortunately pagans have other options open to us, in addition to human company. Other companions may include domestic animals, nature spirits, ancestors, other spirits, and gods. Any and all of these can and, in my opinion, should be part of one’s community, but humans should be as well. If you are in a place where that does not seem possible, don’t fixate on it, but know that the company of one’s own form of life is important. Other humans might feel completely alien, but through a combination of evolution and cultural indoctrination we all understand something about connecting to one another that cannot always be explained in words. As Courtney Weber observed, “We are not cougars, we are not solo creatures. We’re wolves. We’re pack animals.”
Feeling at home in a place is to be attuned with the spirit of that place. Kari Tauring shared how a sense of “home” promotes healing: “The water we are drinking makes our bodies,” she said. “All of my water is from the Mississippi River,” and she finds she notes its absence when she travels, even to her ancestral Norway where the sense of belonging runs deep in her. “Back home, in my little house in Minnesota on the Mississippi, I have that full-body sense of belonging. This is the water I drink, the food I eat, the air I breathe, the microbes getting into my bloodstream.” There is a very real chemical change that occurs from drinking water in a new place, and Tauring said it takes about seven years to become fully “of” the new locale. From that point on, “that is your healing space.” One can feel ancestral or past-life connections and longings that make one feel immediately at home in an otherwise unfamiliar place, as well. Regardless of how it comes about, “The point is to find the place that puts you in that hug-like, playful, delighted space,” which is where healing of the spirit can occur. If that space is also in nature, so much the better.
Your home, your place of belonging, is full of spirits, including some that happen to have a corporeal form. We are always in the company of spirits, but it’s the spirits we seek out and intentionally build relationships with who are most going to help with healing.
Who belongs in that company of spirits? Here are some options:
- Pets and other other animals. I have already spoken about the many animals that are always in residence at Kirk White’s Laurelin Retreat Center. My own life could be described as a series of relationships with cats. During my most difficult period there was more than 400 miles of distance between me and the cat I considered my familiar. I was living in my college town and didn’t have the resources to care for my Biff there. A roommate took in a friend’s pregnant cat when that person moved away, and one of those kittens bonded with me, but finding a rental space for humans and cats proved impossible and I had to re-home sweet Arthur. I’d been more than a year without any animal companions by the time I hit rock bottom. I’d long thought that it was best to be far from any beloved animals during that time, but now I see another possibility: that their presence can make life easier in some ways. Research done during the early months of the pandemic in the United States supports that position, suggesting that pets are a source of considerable emotional support.41
- Nature spirits is a category that might include any physical being found in nature (such as trees and wild animals, but also rocks and rivers and flowers), as well as aspects of nature that don’t have an obvious physical form, weather phenomena from breezes to storms, for example, as well as beings that are called fairies and wights, among other words. It is beyond the scope of this book to dig into the ways to attune to local land spirits, but I will say this: when in depression and beginning such relationships, keep it simple and keep it hyper-local. Remember how Orion Foxwood’s mother would simply spend time with the plants in the garden. Don’t become the self-appointed protector of a forest preserve to start; try sitting with your back against the tree that is closest to your front door. If stillness doesn’t suit you, there is a technique I would use when I was primarily a gaiaped: walk a wooded path or trail, and touch the trees that are in reach as you pass. This is a gentle way to gradually come into communion with a larger wooded area, albeit without the same level of commitment as that self-appointed protector position might carry. Leaving an offering for your local spirits is a common way to build this relationship; a little milk or honey in a bowl on the windowsill is one way to do this. As with all offerings, remember to clean the dish out after no more than a day. Small steps are positive steps. It’s always possible to take several steps in quick succession.
EXERCISE
What you’ll need:
- clothing that’s suitable for the weather, and something to sit on if the ground isn’t suitable.
- a journal or other means to reflect upon the experience.
What you’ll do:
- Find a place to sit outside where other humans are unlikely to interrupt you. It’s fine if there are humans around, as they are as part of the natural world as everything else.
- Have a seat and allow yourself a few minutes just to breathe naturally as your body relaxes. You might lean against a tree, or climb one, or find a comfortable patch of grass, or a favorite sun-warmed stone, or a spot on the bank of a river or the shore of the ocean. What’s important is to be outside, under the sky instead of a roof.
- Close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you. Some may be human language or machinery, and these may draw your focus, but allow yourself to hear all the sounds as one, including that of your own breathing.
- Open your eyes and take in the scene. Do not look at any object or detail; leave the focus of your eyes in the middle distance and try to get the sense that you’re seeing everything through peripheral vision only.
- Place your hands upon the ground and, using touch alone, try to learn something about the earth that supports you. If you’re unable to reach to the ground, reach for a living plant and explore it without destroying it.
- Open your mind and senses to the world around you and, if you’re led, write something in your journal that is inspired by the spirits around you.
- Ancestors can be really intimidating to work with, but that’s because many of us make the mistake of just thinking about dead family members we knew in life. That’s a good place to start for genealogy, which can certainly inform an ancestor practice, but it’s not always the best way to begin honoring one’s ancestors. By some definitions, anyone we knew in life is not an ancestor at all—these are the beloved dead, who have not yet gained the perspective of an ancestor. It’s sometimes easier to get one’s mind around dead people if we have a name and a picture associated with them, but the vast majority of family ancestors lived before there were cameras, and little if anything about their lives will ever be known to us. I actually avoid using any pictures in my ancestor shrine to remind me of this very fact. Fortunately, none of this has much to do with ancestor veneration. Everything I just described comes from a place of life privilege, and presumes that the dead have the same priorities as the living. Names, deeds, and likenesses are tools created by the living to remember people who are no longer living. There is little evidence that the dead actually care about any of these trappings of mortal existence, and it’s a shame to allow problematic relationships with people we knew in life to stand in the way of connecting with that long line of people without whom we would not be alive at all. Ancestor veneration can instead focus on the uncounted generations of ancestors who contributed to one’s existence. We can ask that they walk with us, shore us up, share wisdom and coping mechanisms for similar life challenges (including depression), and affirm that we have value if for no other reason than by bearing their genetics into the present day. The Norse concept of orlog, as explained by Kari Tauring, suggests that illness has a lineage and that by naming that lineage we can negotiate with the illness directly. One does not have to know that specific, named ancestors experienced depression for this to be important; trust that some of the stress borne by your ancestors and passed down for you to carry has worn away your resistance and made it easier for depression to slip in. Our ancestors offer their resilience, their weakness, their acceptance, their resistance. Their spirits and the spirit of depression have danced full life cycles together, and no secrets or fears remain. There is no darkness darker than death, and death holds no fear for the dead.
This is also explored in family constellation therapy, “which was founded by a German therapist named Bert Hellinger,” and “focuses on the hidden role of ancestors in shaping our lives and works to help us make peace with these ghost-like presences.” 42 This is something we can ask our ancestors to aid us with, both the naming and the negotiating. Who better to help negotiate than those who wish us well, but whose burdens we often still carry?
Engaging with dead people we knew in life is much more advanced work that is part necromancy and part therapy. One reason they are qualitatively different is because when a person dies, that precise self of that living person is no more. At the very least, the body—which is part of our identity as human beings—is lost. If it is true that emotions emerge from the body, then someone without a body is not going to experience emotion in the way that we living experience them. There may be memories of love and hate, anger and happiness that are very strong, but they will not be accompanied by changes to respiration and heart rate, temperature and pupil size. I see my connection to the people I knew in life—parents and grandparents—as a bridge between myself and my ancestors. My ancestors are people whose lives shaped the foundation of my own, but died before my birth. They have no memories of holding me in their arms, and their interest in my well-being has different motivations. I never felt grief at their passing because they were dead before I knew how to grieve. The wisdom and healing I can access through my ancestors is not filtered through life experience, and represents a completely different perspective than what I gain from my more recently dead relatives.
This concept of ancestors is focused on the family tree, but that’s not to suggest that genetics is tied to ancestry. My stepchild has every right to claim my ancestors. Anyone adopted into a family is part of that family and all of its ancestors. The priests in my temple consider all the prior priests of our gods to be ancestors, and heroes are often considered ancestors of entire peoples because of the influence they have had. Do not allow another to define for you who may be named an ancestor, unless that ancestor agrees. As with many spiritual matters, divination and discernment are important tools for answering these questions, and they are tools that are much less effective when used in solitude.
EXERCISE 
What you’ll need:
- stationery, a post card, or paper, as well as a writing implement.
- envelope (optional).
What you’ll do:
- Find a spot with good light and a solid writing surface where you can sit undisturbed.
- Have a seat, close your eyes, and allow yourself to breathe naturally.
- Visualize your parents standing behind you, each with a hand upon your shoulder. If you have other parental figures in your life, you may find them standing in for, or beside, your biological parents. Feel the weight of those hands upon your shoulders, expressing support.
- Continue to breathe naturally, and with each exhalation visualize additional generations: your grandparents with hands upon the shoulders of your parents, great-grandparents’ hands upon grandparents shoulders. If you were to turn around you could not count all the people standing in succession, each supporting the next generation, all supporting you. All your ancestors, stretching back through the mists of time, are with you.
- Without opening your eyes, ask aloud or silently if there is one among your ancestors who wishes to help you now. Wait until you sense a positive response. You may receive a name or picture a face, but this is not common.
- Open your eyes and write a letter to this ancestor. Ask about their struggles and challenges. Ask if they have ever experienced depression and describe your own experience in as much detail as you are willing. Share your fears and anxieties.
- Sign and date the letter, and fold it up. If you wish, seal it in an envelope.
- Place the letter under your head the next time you sleep and be open to receiving a response in your dreams. We do not remember most of our dreams in our conscious mind, but an answer will be received.
- If you do recall anything of your dreams, try to write down your impressions upon awakening.
- You may destroy the letter later if you wish, or keep it in a safe place so that you or your own descendants will have a record of your journey.
- Other spirits can certainly be part of one’s community. Not every person is associated with an aspect of nature or is an ancestor by genealogy or choice. For example, Hellenic tradition speaks of the agathos daimon, the good spirit that helps to provide opportunity, facilitate luck, and ensure that signs are neither missed nor misinterpreted. Witches and magicians sometimes refer to the “higher self” that is an aspect of the individual; I daresay that parts of oneself that are distinct enough that we do not automatically know their thoughts and motivations should probably be included in one’s community, and thus might fit in here. The caution I offer is about spirits that are unfamiliar to other humans in one’s life, because a being without a body has certain advantages when it comes to being misleading about its nature and motivations. Spirit work is also beyond the scope of this book and should not be undertaken without training. Stick to those spirits already vetted within your religious or esoteric tradition if you lack that training, and especially don’t go introducing yourself to unfamiliar spirits during a period of depression without some friends along.
- Gods are a tricky bunch at any time, and depression is no different. Even those of us who have cultivated close relationships with particular deities find them going silent for periods of time, and that can feel really awful when it coincides with depression. It could be unrelated, or it could be that the god is providing support in ways you cannot detect (which an unknown Christian attempted to describe in the poem Footprints). Some gods will be more present during depression; Joshua Tenpenny described such a relationship with Hela. From my own experience, I know that my life is fuller and more stable because I choose to maintain a regular practice honoring certain gods without fail, whether I feel a presence or not. I do not make offerings with an expectation of anything in return, and usually that is exactly what I get. However, my life is full of blessings, even when I fail to recognize them as such. I only number a handful (well, a double-handful, maybe an armful) of gods as part of my community, and I feel honored that they wish to be included.
- Living human beings are part of any complete community. I understand that this can be a big problem for someone experiencing depression. The mind wants you to withdraw from the field, not advance. The thought of interacting with other humans can trigger stress, anxiety, and fear. At the same time, depression can result in behaviors that are specifically anti-social, like outbursts of anger and expressions of awkwardness. Sometimes we feel unwelcome because the voice of depression is trying to get us alone, but other times we feel unwelcome because we really are unwelcome due to depression-inspired acts. Poor attention to hygiene, weight gain or loss due to an altered relationship with food, or even a sense that you’re not “all there” because of brain fog or poor sleep habits can all contribute to others feeling uncomfortable in your presence. Humans can also give off cold pricklies when they are confronted with someone whose body or brain functions differently than what is expected, as well as people who have diseases with obvious physical symptoms. Quite a bit of social justice work deals with trying to mitigate or eliminate these kinds of reactions. Resolving those societal issues is beyond the scope of this book, but it’s important to be aware that they exist, fair or not.
EXERCISE
This longer-term project is to create and use a shrine as a way to engage with depression as a spirit.
What you’ll need:
- Three coins of the same denomination; these will be your depression divination coins and will be used to communicate with the spirit of depression, as well as for asking other questions related to the condition. If the three coins you select are also minted in your birth year, this fact will help them attune to you, but it’s not a necessity. You can always replace coins in the set with some minted in your birth year as you come upon them.
- An offering bowl.
- An opaque container with a covering, which can be as simple as another bowl with some aluminum foil to close the top, or a coffee can, gift box, or a basket with a cloth. All it needs to be is darker on the inside when it’s closed.
- Candle holder and candle, or an LED that looks like a candle.
- A spool of black thread.
- Offerings for the spirit: I use wine, but another edible food or drink should be acceptable. In time, you will ask the spirit directly what it prefers.
- Shaving from an exposed tree root (optional).
What you’ll do:
Step one: Identify a location.
Pick a spot in your living space that you will see every day, but that won’t become an obstacle to others living in the same place. Clear off a space on a bookshelf, windowsill, dresser top, corner of a desk, or space on a kitchen counter. If communicating with housemates is not enough to help select a spot, divination may help. Here’s a sub-exercise for that purpose.
EXERCISE
Divining a Location for Your Depression Shrine
What you’ll do:
- Narrow down your choices using the criteria in step one: identify a location.
- At each of the potential locations, flip your depression divination coins while asking: "Is this the preferred location for my depression shrine?" Record the number of coins that land heads up.
- The location with the most number of heads is where you should site the shrine. If there is a tie, do another round of coin tosses for those locations only, repeating until there is no longer a tie.
Direct these questions to the universe, or the gods that oversee divination in your tradition, or your patron deity, or your ancestors, or the spirit of depression itself. You may not be ready to engage directly with this spirit just yet, but you will be.
Step two: Assemble the depression shrine.
The basic layout of the shrine is simple: Place the offering bowl and the candle side by side, and put the container either between them in a line or behind them, so they form a triangle. That’s all you need. You may wish to add more, such as an altar cloth under the objects, but simple is fine and shrines tend to grow with time. Trust your intuition as to what and when to add to it.
Step three: Create a depression totem.
It’s time to make a physical form for the spirit to inhabit, and invite it in.
To begin making the totem, sit before the shrine and take a few moments to center yourself. When you are ready, take the container, remove the covering, and hold it in your lap or hand. Turn your awareness inward, and seek out and focus on a symptom of depression to help bring the feelings to the surface. When this becomes uncomfortable, visualize pouring some of that feeling into the container as you break a length of thread from the spool. Say, “Spirit of depression, you have tangled me up, but I would like to offer you something else to tangle.” Roll the thread between thumb and fingers, place it in the container, and cover it up. Place an offering in the bowl and say, “Spirit of depression, I am making for you this fine home. If you move from me to this place I will honor your sacrifice with offerings such as this.” Light the candle and say, “May this light fill the hole in my heart from your leaving me, spirit of depression. Know that I will be well if you free yourself from me.” Remain quietly at the shrine until you feel ready, then extinguish the candle and withdraw.
From this point on, repeat this next series of steps to build the totem. These steps can be repeated at whatever frequency you wish. If you don’t work on the totem at least once a day, though, remember that offerings usually should not be left more than twenty-four hours before disposal.
- Dispose of offerings by leaving them outside, placing them in a compost bin, or by wrapping and placing them in the garbage; wash and dry the offering bowl.
- Sit before the shrine and center yourself.
- Pick up the totem container and open it.
- Awaken the spirit of depression within you by focusing on a current symptom, then direct it into the container.
- Break a length of thread from the spools and say, “Spirit of depression, you have tangled me up, but I would like to offer you something else to tangle in the form of this fine, new home.”
- Pick up the totem and tie the new piece of thread to it, creating a tendril. Pass it through or around other threads, if you feel that leading.
- Pour or place a new offering in the bowl and say, “Spirit of depression, I am making for you this fine home. If you move from me to this place I will honor your sacrifice with offerings such as this.”
- Light the candle and say, “May this light fill the hole in my heart from your leaving me, spirit of depression. Know that I will be well if you free yourself from me.”
- Remain quietly at the shrine until you feel ready, then close the totem container, extinguish the candle, and withdraw.
If you have collected a shaving from an exposed tree root, this can be added during any cycle. These root shavings are good for tangling things up,43 and I find it works as well as setting a candle in the holder with melted wax. Just tie one of the totem’s tendrils around the bit of root, making it part of the totem. Tie later threads wherever it makes sense, as the root is now as much a tendril as the threads.
You might be led to include other small items, such as beads that represent loved ones who have suffered due to your experience of depression. As long as the object is durable, has significance, can be attached to the totem, and is added with intent, just trust your gut on what to include.
The attractiveness of the totem as a home for this spirit can be enhanced by juicing up the individual threads. Here are some variations that may speak to your condition:
- Alcohol: If you are able to be around alcohol, or you have some on hand that you probably shouldn’t, dip a thread in it and say, “Spirit of depression, you have bottled me up, but I wish to give this [type of alcohol] back to you.” This variant would also be suitable if alcohol has influenced the lives of any of your family or ancestors.
- Saliva: Moisten the thread in your mouth and say, “Spirit of depression, you have taken the spit out of me, but I am now giving you my spit willingly. Come take up residence in this fine, new home.”
- Urine: Moisten however is most convenient and say, “Spirit of depression, you have taken the piss out of me, but I am now giving it to you willingly. Come take up residence in this fine, new home.”
- Sweat: Collect as appropriate and apply to the thread, saying, “Spirit of depression, you have brought the sweat of fear and anxiety upon me. I give you my sweat willingly and say: the danger for me will pass if you would but take up residence in this fine, new home.”
- Blood: This can be reserved for when you are already bleeding. Moisten the thread and say, “Spirit of depression, you have been in my blood since it was in the veins of my ancestors. Take this offering of my precious blood and take up residence in this fine, new home.”
- Tears: Wipe the thread in your tears and say, “Spirit of depression, through you I know sadness before all else. Take these tears and the weight of your sadness and come live in this fine, new home.”
If other personal concerns or fluids come to mind, follow the same pattern as in these examples to include them.
You can stop adding on to your depression totem when it feels like it is starting to fill up the container. Since it’s entirely or very nearly entirely thread, it could take some time for it to reach that point. As it grows, you may find that it becomes more uncomfortable to sit with the container open. This means that the container is starting to be filled with the depression spirit. If you find yourself either a) unsure if the totem is getting physically too big for the container or b) unwilling to open the container and look upon it, then your totem is probably as big as it needs to be.
If you feel you need confirmation, flip your depression divination coins and ask if the spirit of depression is ready to move into the totem. Three heads is an enthusiastic yes. If the response falls short, either ask again the next time you come to the shrine, or ask follow-up questions to determine if you need to adjust the frequency of your visits or the type of offerings. For these responses, three heads is a clear yes, three tails a strong no, and two of one or the other is leaning in that direction.
Step four: Maintaining the depression shrine.
The depression totem and shrine are intended to be an inviting place to live for a spirit that is used to getting attention. Convincing it to reside there full-time takes time and effort—in other words, attention.
With a depression shrine set up, it becomes easier to engage with the spirit of depression. The depression divination coins can be used to ask questions about the type and frequency of offerings it desires, as described in step three. This is a spirit that asks a lot to appease it, but every relationship with a spirit is a negotiation, and what it asks for the first time around isn’t necessarily the minimum it will accept.
During this ongoing tending phase, continue to use the candle as a reminder of the love and life that fills that part of yourself that’s no longer taken up by the spirit of depression.
A depression shrine is also a physical symbol of your relationship with depression. Over time, maintaining the shrine can begin to feel tiresome, and it may become neglected. Since the spirit of depression desires your attention, rest assured that if the shrine becomes dusty, disorganized, or overlooked, then the spirit has likely relocated back into you, and you will have to clean it up and begin making offerings again to entice the spirit to return. Depression coming in cycles may already be familiar, but this exercise allows you to negotiate as a way to take control of the cycle and encourage the spirit to move back out of you again. Failing to tend the shrine is not what causes the depression to return to you; rather, it’s a warning that this has already occurred, one more way to recognize this shift. When you realize you’ve been neglecting the shrine, try to restart the habit of logging your moods as a way to confirm your condition.
In time, you may want to try asking other questions using the depression divination coins, such as its purpose in your life. Despite the devastating consequences of depression, I’ve come to realize that this spirit’s intentions are not malevolent. In deepening the relationship, I hope to reach an understanding that intentions don’t matter as much as the results, and to find a way toward restorative justice.
Tending a depression shrine is not a substitute for other practices, such as meditation, prayer, participating in community, therapy, and medication. Some or all of these will always be part of maintaining healthy boundaries between you and the spirit of depression. The shrine allows for those boundaries to have a tangible marker, though, putting physical distance between yourself and depression.
Divination During Depression
Practicing divination from within depression can feel like shouting into the void. The depression divination coins that are described as part of the tending a depression shrine are useful to communicating with the spirit directly, but that’s a very limited scope. Divination for oneself is fraught with difficulty under the best of circumstances, but during depression it’s largely an opportunity to draw the least favorable conclusions while interpreting a reading. This is an opportunity to get readings from another person.
Acknowledging Depression
In addition to isolating ourselves, one of the behaviors we often assume during depression is simply denying the condition entirely. Speaking about it can bring a sense of shame, and even thinking about it is uncomfortable. Accepting your relationship with depression is a valuable step toward transforming it.
Johnson believes that “listening to one’s depression/anxiety without judgement or accepting what it says at face value, is the most important part of healing. All your depression wants is for you to be safe, and not hurt, and when that makes you too numb it asks you to be hurt to try and wake you up. Your shadow is confused, it has all the best and all the worst of you and is just trying to love you in the best way it can.”
Perhaps the most profound wisdom Orion Foxwood shared is that if one does “sit in the authenticity of the place you are, and speak straight from that mystery, you have more presence.”
The ability to deny is one of the most awesome powers of the human mind, but here it is used in service of the spirit of depression. In effect, it’s much like a freezing spell that’s used to still the tongue against speaking out. To be ready to sit in the authenticity of the place you are, you must be willing to free that stagnant energy, to thaw that freeze. Depression uses our own strength against us, so the question to ask is how you are blocking yourself from acknowledging the presence of depression, and who can help you clear that barrier?
Purification
As meditation is to the mind, and washing is to the body, purification is to the spirit. Regularly using a purification method to cleanse the aura and clear away spiritual clutter can be just as beneficial as keeping the sink clear of dirty dishes. Depression thrives in the mental, spiritual, and physical clutter that we accumulate while experiencing depression; this is a relationship that grows because it feeds upon itself. Purify when you feel unworthy to use your altar, or when you feel guilty for neglecting an oath or promise, or when you feel like a bad person, or any time you feel like you need it.
EXERCISE
What you’ll need:
- a bowl of water.
- a match.
What you’ll do:
- Light the match and extinguish it in the water. You have now created khernips, an ancient Greek form of holy water, using the simplest of recipes.
- Sprinkle some of the water upon yourself, or use it to wash your hands and face.
- If there is any remaining, use it to wipe up dust or dirt on your altar or sacred objects.
- Dispose of the remainder by pouring it outside.
EXERCISE
What you’ll need:
- a fireproof bowl.
- a bundle of sage or another dried herb that you use for purification.
- a lighter or matches.
What you’ll do:
- Light the sage, blowing on it as needed to make it smoulder.
- Using your hands or another implement, waft smoke around your head and body, keeping the bowl ready to catch the ashes.
- If there is any remaining, you may preserve it for later by putting some water in the bowl and extinguishing the sage, hanging it up to dry.
- Use the water to wipe up dust or dirt on your altar or sacred objects.
- Dispose of the ashes by leaving them under a plant or on bare earth outside.
EXERCISE
What you’ll need:
- essential oils used for purification, such as sage, myrrh, or mullein, or an aromatherapy blend of purifying scents.
- a diffuser or other means to distribute the scent.
What you’ll do:
- Activate the diffuser and add the scents or oils as directed.
- Sit or stand nearby, and allow the scent to enter your nostrils naturally.
- Take several deep, cleansing breaths once you detect the scent. Fill your lungs to a slow count of four, hold the air in for a slow count of four, release to a slow count of four, and hold your lungs empty for a slow count of four.
- If the gods or spirits of your tradition accept oils or aromatherapy scents as offerings, give some now. If your altar or sacred objects are dusty or disused, give them a quick wipe with a cloth to help reawaken them first.
EXERCISE
What you’ll need:
- a gong, bell, or tuning fork.
What you’ll do:
- Sound the instrument and move it slowly over and around your body, sounding again when you are no longer able to hear it. A tuning fork may only need to be struck once or twice, while a bell may need to be jingled constantly.
- Once you have covered your entire body, allow yourself to fall into silence for at least one full minute.
- Shake off any residual spiritual impurities by flicking your hands in the direction of an open door or window.
- Take a moment to review your sacred space, and dust or reorganize it as needed.
JOURNAL EXERCISE
Set a timer for seven minutes.
Write down all the ways that you feel you have suffered due to depression. As you write, visualize the words smouldering or catching fire from your feelings. Your list can include symptoms like stomach discomfort and headaches, or lethargy and irritability, but don’t stop there. Jot down the times when you’ve declined social engagements or fell short on the job, relationships that have changed, and opportunities you’ve missed. You might imagine that you’re building a case against depression and you’re gathering evidence, or you could decide you’re composing a complaint letter. However you frame it, don’t hold back. Include anything you’ve ever blamed on depression.
Continue after the timer runs out if there are ideas that really need to come out. When you finish, close your journal and close your eyes. Visualize your journal, still smoking slightly from the power of your words, and imagine a slight chill coming over your body because of all the heat you expelled during this exercise. Sit quietly until your breathing and heartbeat feel like they have returned to a resting state.
38. Raab, Diana. “What Is Centering? What Is Grounding?” Psychology Today, February 3, 2020. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/202002/what-is-centering-what-is-grounding.
39. Amy Scher, How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can, (Woodbury, MN: Llewellyn Publications, 2016) 62.
40. Kirk White, Advanced Circle Magick: Essential Spells and Rituals for Every Season (New York: Citadel Press, 2007), 174–82.
41. Ratschen, Elena, Emily Shoesmith, Lion Shahab, Karine Silva, Dimitra Kale, Paul Toner, Catherine Reeve, Daniel S. Mills. “Human-animal relationships and interactions during the Covid-19 lockdown phase in the UK: Investigating links with mental health and loneliness.” Plos One: September 25, 2020. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0239397.
42. Pollan, How to Change Your Mind, 256.
43. Ballard, Byron. Staubs and Ditchwater: A Friendly and Useful Introduction to Hillfolks’ Hoodoo. Asheville, North Carolina: Silver Rings Press, 2012, 59.