September 15, 2001, was one of the greatest days of my life. It was the day Kristen and I became husband and wife. Four days after the tragedy of 9/11, our wedding ceremony provided some good news in a week when we all needed something to smile about.
I still remember almost every detail about that day. The white pews in the chapel of Peachtree Presbyterian Church in Atlanta were decorated with purple, red, and maroon flowers. The candles on the groom’s side looked as if they were about to fall over. I felt goose bumps rising on my arms as our friend Todd played “You Are Awesome in This Place” on his guitar.
Then I straightened my tuxedo and nervously walked with my groomsmen to our designated spot at the front of the sanctuary. My best man, my brother Chris, stood by my side. Turning to face the pews, I was grateful to see our friends and family who had gathered to celebrate our marriage and lavish us with love on our wedding day.
After what seemed like an eternity, the organ finally began to play the first few familiar notes of the wedding march—and the large wooden doors opened to reveal my stunning bride. I remember being awestruck by Kristen’s beauty as she walked down the aisle to marry me. I admired her splendor and poise and grace. I wasn’t able to restrain my tears of joy as the love of my life joined me to exchange our marriage vows.
Why This Book?
I love a good wedding. I still get a little choked up every time I see a father walking his daughter down the aisle to meet her adoring groom. She usually holds it together while the groom can’t restrain his tears. I enjoy the conversations, the food, the dancing—and of course, the wedding cake! I’ve been to morning weddings, evening weddings, indoor weddings, outdoor weddings in the 100-degree Texas heat, and even a wedding on the eighteenth hole of a prestigious golf course! One of my favorite parts of my job as a marriage pastor is getting to attend and officiate so many weddings.
But the best weddings are the ones when I’m excited and hopeful for the bride and groom. We’ve all been to weddings when we’re anxious about the couple’s future. I don’t want that to be your story. I want you to be ready to tie the knot! When you share your vows and say “Till death do us part,” I want you to know what and who you are committing to.
Lately, I’ve noticed many couples spend more time planning their wedding than preparing for their marriage. The pressure to have an amazing wedding has increased significantly since Kristen and I said “I do.” Today, many engaged couples spend hours and hours looking through bridal magazines and websites, poring over details and pinning images that tend to pull the focus off the marriage and onto the wedding day. Because our society, and even our churches, put a lot of pressure on couples to have a beautiful wedding, far too many couples slide by important conversations and questions that beg to be asked.
Don’t misunderstand me: there is nothing wrong with having a great wedding—unless it’s at the expense of a great marriage.
In 2017, the average price of a wedding in America landed at a whopping $25,764.1 This average cost doesn’t even include some of the extraneous expenses such as the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.
In contrast, the book you’re holding probably cost you, at most, twenty bucks. I wrote Ready or Knot? to help seriously dating and engaged couples take the best next step in your relationship. Whether you are considering marriage for the first time or thinking through the realities of remarriage, reading this book can be the best investment you will make in your relationship.
Let’s be honest: no one plans to end up divorced or stuck in a lifeless marriage. Every couple comes into marriage with the best of intentions. Yet we continually see couples, both inside and outside the church, whose marriages end in divorce or misery.
This book guides you through twelve essential conversations you need to have with your significant other before you tie the knot, including ones you’ve been avoiding and some you probably didn’t even know you should have. When you and your future spouse take the time to talk through each of these issues honestly and thoughtfully, you will be well prepared for a healthy, successful marriage.
Who Is Scott Kedersha, and Why Should I Care What He Says?
Since 2006, I have served as a marriage pastor at Watermark Community Church in Dallas, Texas. I love my job and am grateful that I get to help couples prepare for and start their marriages well.
During the past thirteen years, I’ve helped lead thousands of seriously dating and engaged couples, and I’ve officiated close to one hundred weddings. I’ve served alongside couples with successful marriages, and I’ve counseled struggling couples who wish they had never gotten married in the first place. Along the way, I have learned countless lessons about dating, relationships, and marriage that I want to pass on to you.
How Will This Book Help You?
Before I tell you how to prepare for marriage, we need to talk about traffic lights. Imagine driving your car and approaching a traffic light. Based on the color of the light, you either move forward (green), slow down (yellow), or stop (red). The light is designed for your safety and lets you know the best next step.
After reading Ready or Knot? you should know whether the status of your premarried relationship is green, yellow, or red.
What You’ll Find in This Book
Each chapter of Ready or Knot? features the inspiring story of a real couple, combined with God’s view of marriage from the Bible. These stories take an honest look at challenges faced by couples just like you, whose marriages have been transformed by applying the biblical truths you are about to discover.
As you read this book, you’ll see what makes successful couples stick out from those whose marriages ultimately fail. You will find answers to many of your questions and learn things like how to deal with each other’s differences, how to love difficult in-laws, and how to share the less glamorous parts of your past. Most importantly, you will learn about the gift of marriage and the One who created and designed this gift.
In every chapter, you will find a Knot-Tying Tip with practical ideas to help you strengthen your relationship. At the end of each chapter, look for the following three sections:
James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” As followers of Christ, we need to humbly admit when we need help and then seek God’s wisdom. As a couple getting ready for engagement or marriage, you and your future spouse will need all the help, guidance, and wisdom you can get!
What’s the Best Way to Read This Book?
The information in this book is helpful on its own, but you would be wise to read it alongside someone who can help you prepare for marriage. I encourage you and your significant other to read Ready or Knot? with a married mentor couple you love and respect.
I’m proud of you for taking the time to prepare for marriage. I have prayed, many times, for you as you read this book. I want you and your significant other to pursue each other in the best possible way as you prepare for engagement and marriage. If you are humble, open, and teachable, then it will go well for you.
Ready or knot, here we go!
Am I Ready?
Strengthening Our Knot
Closing Prayer
Lord, we need Your help as we process next steps together as a couple. Please grant us the wisdom to discern how You are leading us as a couple. Help us to be honest, open, teachable, and pure as we prepare for whatever You have planned for us in our relationship. Thank You for the gift of marriage and for Your perfect design for relationships. We need You. In the name of Your Son, Jesus, we pray. Amen.