“Let’s make love.”

“Let’s have sex.”

Is there a difference? Most definitely. In fact, the two are worlds apart.

Sex is the joining of two bodies; love is the joining of two souls. When sex grows out of love, it becomes a deeply emotional, bonding experience. When having sex is viewed as nothing more than satisfying biological urges, that’s all it does. It is never ultimately fulfilling. It is more animal than human.

Throughout human history, love and sex have always been related. However, in contemporary culture, love and sex have been equated. The common perception today is that making love means “having sex.” Love is defined as a romantic feeling, and sex is its logical expression. Sex outside of marriage has become as common as sex within marriage. Sex has been separated from commitment and is viewed as a form of casual entertainment, much like being on a roller coaster or some other amusement-park ride. When it’s over, we look forward to the next ride. This view of sex has left thousands feeling emotionally empty and longing for something to fill the void of the soul.

I believe that the Christian faith, which is built upon the Jewish faith, offers a wealth of insight on making love, not just having sex.

For example, both the Jewish faith and the Christian faith view sex as a gift from God. Both teach that God has given us guidelines on how to relate to each other sexually. It’s interesting that recent sociological research has come to the same conclusions as those found in the ancient Jewish and Christian Scriptures. One such conclusion is that sex within marriage is much more meaningful and satisfying than sex outside of marriage.60 While this truth is not popular in secular society, it bears the support of both research and Scripture.

The purpose of this part, “Making Love,” is to explore the Judeo-Christian teachings on love and sex and on how love and sex relate to each other. I believe sex without love will never be ultimately fulfilling, but sex that grows out of love will take a marriage to a whole new level of satisfaction. I feel certain that thousands of marriages can be greatly enhanced as couples learn to make love, not just have sex.

This part of the book is not designed to be a comprehensive sex manual. My goal is to show you the difference between making love and simply having sex. Ideally, you and your spouse will read the book together, answer the questions at the end of each chapter, and then share your answers with each other. If you choose to do so, I believe you will find yourselves on the way to becoming real lovers.

However, if your spouse is not willing to read and discuss this topic with you, it will still be well worth your time to read these pages yourself. I strongly urge you to follow the suggestions made. Reach out to your spouse. Extend the opportunity for your husband or wife to respond to your efforts to stimulate growth in your relationship. I’m sure you know that you cannot force your spouse to do anything, but you can greatly influence your spouse by means of a loving attitude expressed in loving words and actions.

You can probably read this part of the book in less than two hours, and I believe you will find that reading it will be a good investment of your time. At the end of each chapter, you will find practical suggestions on how to weave these ideas into the fabric of your own marriage.

If you desire greater sexual satisfaction, you must learn to love.