I start my hunt for Internet pornography by going to Pengus-Picks. Pengus-Picks always has at least a few clips that interest me on the site itself as well as several links to other portals. After downloading a few clips from the main site, I click a link to one of the portals. Then I click on a link that reads “U GOTTA C THIS.”
I’m taken to a page that has three free movie clips: cucunt.mpg, squashfuck.avi, and cantaloupe.mpg. The idea of bitches ramming vegetables in their cunts doesn’t necessarily turn me on, but the novelty of it is interesting enough for me to download all three clips.
Cucunt.mpg is forty seconds long and depicts a woman sliding a sizable cucumber in and out of her cunt three times before inserting it in her anus and then licking it.
Squashfuck.avi is fourteen seconds long and depicts a man inserting a small squash into the cunt of the same woman from cucunt.mpg.
Cantaloupe.mpg is thirty-two seconds long and depicts a different woman forcing a small but entire cantaloupe into her cunt and wincing in pain.
Despite the fact that I don’t actually find the idea of women using vegetables as dildos arousing, there is something about the looks on their faces as they’re doing it and the idea of using something that you normally eat as a misshapen dildo that gives me a hard-on.
I loop the clips in my Windows Media Player and jerk off. I get through the second playing of the third clip, cantaloupe.mpg, before I shoot a load that goes all over my hand.
As I get up to get some toilet paper from the bathroom, the phone rings. I answer it with my clean hand. It’s my mom. She wants to know if I got the sweater she mailed to me and she wants to know if it fits.
The sweater is sitting next to my dresser in the box it was mailed in, still unopened. I say, “Yeah, I got it. It fits fine.”
My mom says, “You’ll wear it then?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, because sometimes I buy you things even though I know you probably won’t wear them.” The semen is dripping down my hand.
“Mom, I need to go.”
“Why? What’re you doing?”
“Nothing, I just need to get going.”
“All right. Well, I just wanted to make sure that sweater will work and I miss you and I love you.”
“You, too.”
“I also wanted to see when you were thinking about coming to visit next.”
“I don’t know. I’d have to check my work schedule.” The semen is about to drip off my hand onto the floor.
“Well, check it when you can and let us know.”
“Okay.”
“Well…I guess good-bye then. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
The semen drips off my hand onto the floor. I hang up the phone, wipe my hand with some toilet paper, and get the spot that dripped on the carpet. Then I try on the sweater. It fits.