chapter 8
I worked with Faith a few years back to resolve relationship issues. She’s returned for a SESR session to figure out the next steps in her life. Her children are grown and have children of their own. While being a grandmother is fun, Faith has personal goals she wants to complete too. She seeks guidance as to which of three projects she should pursue, if any, and the courage to trust her intuition as she does.
The first project she considers is writing a book to leave behind for her children and grandchildren; the book will be about the interesting, undeniable synchronicities she has experienced during her life. She has traveled and lived all over the world to wherever her ex-husband’s career took them. Her career has always been secondary to raising the children, but she has managed to get her degree and become a counselor out of the desire to help others. She feels compelled to write about her adventures and how her intuition and synchronicities have saved her from perilous situations more than a few times.
Faith has very strong intuitive skills, which she has repressed her entire life out of fear of being judged by others. As a teenager she had an interest in metaphysics and was even accepted to a parapsychology program at a prominent university well known for its metaphysical research; her parents preferred she choose a more traditional career path.
Faith was torn about which school to choose. She struggled with the decision, but her lack of courage caused her to change her plans and choose a traditional women’s college instead. She grew up in a small town in the 1940s and ’50s, and the world was a different place than it is now. She didn’t like standing out from the crowd, so she kept her abilities to herself. Even as an adult she continues to keep her intuitive gifts a secret because the one or two times she has confided in a close friend, she felt their surprise and then concern.
The other two projects Faith has in mind are to either build a home on a piece of land she owns, or purchase a smaller, existing home to remodel. Faith and her ex-husband have lived in many homes in amazing places around the world and she enjoys remodeling them. She proudly shares with me that she has remodeled nearly thirty homes in her life and feels that she has one more remodel to do before she feels complete. While remodeling an existing home is not exciting, she considers it to be less of an undertaking than building from the ground up.
With all of these projects, Faith’s intention is to leave something behind for her children. She believes her family might find the stories of her adventures interesting, while the properties could be something of monetary value they can benefit from too. Faith is at odds with what to do with the time she has left in her current life and wants clarity.
We begin the session with Faith moving through current life memories and into a corridor of light. It was gray and foggy. Immediately, she was shown a carved wooden chair sitting on a platform surrounded by tall pine trees. As she walked around the front of the chair, she saw herself wearing a long black skirt that fell to her ankles and her long gray hair spilling down her back. She was an old woman with a wrinkled face and graying eyes. She was aware this was a small hamlet in Germany during ancient times.
She saw herself standing over a man she held captive, holding an axe in her hands. He was dressed in peasant’s clothing, with his hands tied behind his back. Her prisoner knelt before her with his head bowed. An angry crowd of onlookers watched intently. She knew they expected her to use the axe to behead her prisoner, yet she didn’t want to do it. Facing a dilemma as to what to do next, she walked slowly, stalling for time, hoping someone else would step forward and offer to do it instead, but they did not.
The angry mob feared her for her powers as a witch but appreciated her healing abilities when people fell ill. She was torn as the wisdom of her years told her not to do this; she shouldn’t kill this man no matter how much the crowd pressured her to. They had a right to be angry. He had stolen a baby and been found out. Although the child had been well cared for and they had gotten her back unharmed, the people still demanded he pay for his crime with his life. They didn’t care that he had stolen the baby for his wife who was wrought with grief after their own tiny newborn, who had been weak, had died. She had asked him to find her a baby after she was told that she would never conceive again or be able to have children of her own.
The witch didn’t believe this man would be a threat to anyone again. She could see he felt remorse for what he had done and she could see that the man’s wife was beside herself. She had already lost her child and was about to lose her husband, too. The witch struggled with herself about what to do. What if she let him go and she was wrong?
Having finally made her decision, the witch knew what she had to do. She lifted the axe over her prisoner, bringing it down onto the ropes binding his hands to cut his hands free. He breathed a sigh of relief at being freed. The man and his wife were so grateful she had spared his life, and they promised not to steal any more children.
The crowd began to disperse but they were clearly not happy with her decision. They were angry at her for not chopping his head off then and there. Some wanted to chop her head off too. She told them she didn’t believe the man would steal another child and if he did, it would be on her.
One man angrily pushed through the crowd toward her. It was the father of the child who had been taken. He picked up the axe and swung it at her, slicing her jugular vein as it cut into her neck. She lay on the ground weak and bleeding before she died there.
At the moment her spirit left her body, the witch could only think of how disappointed she was in the people. She was angry about being put in the position of having to decide another man’s fate. She didn’t want to be the one to make the decision. She just couldn’t kill him. She understood why he took the child and she also realized why the child’s father was understandably angry. Although the child had been returned to his parents unharmed, that wasn’t enough for the outraged father. He wanted revenge. She considered for a moment what would happen to the angry father for killing her. Would he be killed for her murder? She felt sadness for his wife having to raise that baby alone. They would all pay the price for him losing his temper.
The first figure to greet her in the spirit world is dressed as a character out of a children’s storybook. He is wearing a top hat and a long black coat. His face is covered with black whiskers and he holds a walking stick in his hand. He resembles a combination of Ichabod Crane from the headless horseman story; Abraham Lincoln; and a small business owner she knew in her current life. Faith comments that she feels a bit like Alice in Wonderland after she fell down the rabbit hole. She laughs as her guide speaks to her, reminding her that she enjoys working with metaphor and symbols in the dreamwork she does with her counseling clients. Donald Duck appears next and she chuckles as he teases with her to get her to lighten up: “If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it is a duck.”
Faith’s guide appears to her as her Divine Child with long curly hair to her waist. She is dressed like an angel and carrying a wand. She taps Faith on the head with her magic wand and says, “You overthink everything!” as she reminds Faith that making decisions has always been difficult for her.
Her Divine Child, an archetype symbolizing innocence and playfulness, goes on to tell her that she’s not going to tell Faith what decision to make. She tells her that she can make it or not make it. The things she’s trying to do are fine. One is not better than another. She can do all three projects if she sticks around on this planet long enough. And even if she makes a mistake, she’s old enough to make a mistake, and it won’t matter in the long run whether she gets the story down in a book, builds, or remodels. The indecision is what’s causing the issue now as it had in her past incarnations.
In the scene as the witch, even killing the peasant or not wasn’t the big issue in the end. Either action brought about someone’s death. She wasn’t an evil witch; she did a lot of good for the people in the community.
Faith’s guide tells her that she worries about money too much and that she should spend time writing her book instead of worrying over what to do. She has the money to spend if she chooses to. Faith admits she has always been overly worried about spending.
Her guide shows her a comparison to the small business owner, who often traveled to Europe for his business. He hadn’t been afraid to spend money on things he enjoyed doing. In fact, he considered it an investment. And he benefited from the experience of having done it.
Faith also recognizes others from that life as people she’s known in her current life. The angry father who had killed her in the past life is someone she’s known and always had an uneasy feeling about. And the man she had freed is an acquaintance who always seemed like a decent guy.
Her guide explains that the purpose of the past life as the witch had been to find who she really was and to have the courage and confidence to act on it. She is briefly shown other past lives where she tried to help people when others didn’t approve of her decisions, yet she found the courage to be who she was.
Even in her current life she confesses that she has not always followed her heart’s desire. As a young girl she’d purposely give the wrong answers in class to avoid the stigma attached to being a smart girl. And as an adult she faced her share of obstacles with others who were fearful of therapy. She recognized a pattern of wanting to share her gifts with others but feeling held back in some way.
Faith’s guide tells her that she won’t make the decision for her, that this is something she’ll have to figure out for herself. She is there to give guidance but ultimately it is up to Faith to decide what she wants to do.
Faith speaks up with confidence as she says it is time for her to write those stories down and turn them into a book for her children and grandchildren. She already knows how she plans to approach it and arrange them. Next, she decides that although she is passionate about building, it has its drawbacks and that purchasing a smaller house to remodel is the answer. She recognizes that to build or not to build wasn’t the issue at hand, that these options were presenting themselves to her to help her resolve her longstanding issue with indecision.
Her guide smiles, cautioning Faith “not to be such a scaredy-cat. No matter what you do, no one’s going to take an axe to your throat.” Faith chuckles again, seeming lighter, as she repeats this to me. The guide advises Faith it is time to release reluctance and fear of risk in making big decisions. The fear of making the wrong decision holds her back from making any decision most of the time.
Upon reflection, Faith recognizes how trying not to act by doing nothing has closed doors for her in her current life. She once believed the Universe had made the path and she was to just follow it as best as she could by not making decisions. Now it is time to change that.
A significant past life for Faith was one as a leader with intelligence and the gift of vision. A respected shaman in a Native American tribe, he trusted and followed his visions to lead his people out west, away from the white man during a pivotal time in Native American history. The tribe blamed him for the loss of their land, but it ultimately saved their lives and allowed them to live on. For the rest of that life, the shaman questioned whether he had made the right decision, and he died feeling as if he had made a mistake. Faith carried this over into her current life, questioning herself constantly whenever faced with a choice.
Her guide assures her she has not made a mistake. There is a bigger plan in place. She is advised that although decisions can be difficult, she is to have the courage to trust her intuition and wisdom and move forward with plans she wants to make. In doing so, the Universe will support her.
Faith’s guide, still appearing as her Divine Child, takes her wand with the star on the end of it and touches Faith’s forehead with a tap similar to Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz. And the session ends just like that.
Faith feels as if the longstanding burden she carried has been lifted. She recognizes that whenever it came to decision-making, she worried over which choice to make. In the past she felt as if her choices would affect the tribe in a detrimental way, not considering that they may affect the tribe in a positive way. Her worrying overshadowed her intuition and ability to choose clearly so sometimes choices ended being made for her. When she wasn’t focused on worry, she naturally knew what to do. And other times when she didn’t act on her intuition, she found out she would have been right, had she followed through.
Just after the session, Faith contacts me to share that this new understanding has shifted her perspective. She’s relieved to be working on these projects, knowing that the many decisions that will be involved will be easier without the weight of the worry over decision-making. These projects are a chance to put it to the test.
_ Soul-Minded Journaling _
What Holds You Back
from Trusting Yourself?
Many habits are rooted in the emotions. It starts with a reaction that becomes a habitual response, such as not trusting yourself or not taking chances. It can also manifest as falling into the defensive habit of reacting off of others, rather than responding from your core self.
What are some habits you would like to change? Are decisions difficult for you to make? Do you allow others to make decisions for you? Do you hold back when you know what you’d like to do? Dig deep and find the courage to speak up. Start by observing yourself in situations with others. Do you join in? Why not?
Start joining in to conversations with others, instead of being a bystander. Add your thoughts to the conversation, recognizing that your opinions have value too. Notice how others respond. Listen to yourself and to them. Listen to your intuition and the guidance that you’re being given. Learn to trust it and to follow it to the amazing places you’ll lead.