One day, my son, Whitney Sudler-Smith, called to tell me he was producing a reality television show for the Bravo Network and that he wanted me to appear on it. This new project, called Southern Charm, sounded like great fun. He explained that the series would chronicle the lives, loves, comedies, dramas, and did-she/he-really-do-that social and sexual misadventures of Whitney and his very attractive friends in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina, our adopted hometown.
Whitney wanted me to appear as myself—a woman (and mother) of a certain age who would be very different from the show’s cast of young revelers and reprobates, including captivating it-girl Cameran Eubanks, perpetually boyish Shep Rose, easygoing Craig Conover, sunny Landon Clements, and the on-again, off-again couple everyone came to love/hate, former South Carolina state treasurer Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Calhoun Dennis. “Mom, it will take five minutes of your time,” Whitney promised persuasively.
I decided to do it. Like most mothers, I cannot say no to my son, and I doubted that I would be on camera long enough to make much of an impression. After all, I was just Whitney’s mother. What did I know about “throwing shade,” having a “showmance,” or delivering a “bitchslap”—all staple moves in the world of reality television? I figured I had nothing to lose, and that I could be myself, speak my mind, and have fun with it.
With the help of my butler, Michael (the majordomo[1] of domestic affairs in my house for the past thirteen years), I showed the “Charmers” my way of doing things (which, naturally, I thought was the better way)—from mixing a perfect martini, to hosting a party, to dressing for a ball, to discussing the results of a paternity test at the dinner table (actually, don’t try this at home!). In short order, I was surprised to find that I had become a den mother (hopefully a glamorous one) for the cast, and a lifestyle muse for the ever-growing community of Southern Charm viewers.
That “five minutes” Whitney promised at the outset has turned into four sensational seasons, with Southern Charm becoming one of the most popular shows on Bravo. I mean, at my age, I’d thought I’d be sitting on my chaise, eating bonbons, and reading trashy novels, or possibly looking for a new husband—all worthy pursuits. Instead, Whitney has me working constantly. It seems that I’m always preparing, shooting, or publicizing and promoting another Southern Charm season.
However, my time on the show—and especially my engaged relationship with its fans—has reaffirmed something I’ve always known. Southern charm is more than the title of a TV show. It is a way of life that celebrates hospitality, good times, best manners, and great fun. I am a Southerner. I was born in Florida, grew up in Virginia, and subsequently lived in Washington, DC, and New York, so I know firsthand that the differences between North and South are based on more than geography: they are different states of mind.
Northerners, let’s remember, started out as Puritans in pursuit of religious freedom, so they were not famous for their high spirits or hijinks—while the people who settled the South descended from fun-loving courtiers and cavaliers, the playmates of kings. For them, entertaining and the pursuit of pleasure was practically a full-time job. They loved riding, shooting, drinking, playing cards, dancing, listening to music, and socializing. They were all about wine, women, and song. Actually, that pretty much describes the Southerners I know today.
If you are born and raised in the South, as I was, it gets into your blood. Even if you are not a true Southerner, you can appreciate the art of Southern charm. I didn’t invent it (no, I’m not that old): the South has a long and legendary history of politesse.[2] Fifteen-year-old George Washington, a fellow Virginian, was so concerned about being a proper Southern gentleman that he kept a list of rules in his journal. “Cleanse not your teeth with the Table Cloth Napkin Fork or Knife,” “Kill no Vermin as Fleas, lice ticks…in the Sight of Others” and “bedew no man’s face with Spittle,” are just a few of the everyday manners the father-to-be of our country deemed important.
These days we may not have to worry about fleas, lice, or spitting, but minding your manners in the twenty-first century can be a lot trickier than it was when Washington was a young man. Thanks to the show, I’ve discovered that all sorts of people—from Real Housewives aficionados to fashionistas at Vogue, from grandmothers to millennials, and everyone in between—want to know how to behave. Anyone who knows me, whether on the show or in real life, understands that I love to serve up advice on the rocks and with a twist. I like to have a good time and, more importantly, I want the people around me to have an even better one. Learn the rules so you can bend—and even break—them, is my philosophy. Then, let the fun begin!
I want to tell you my story and share my secrets. So, darlin’, put on your caftan, prepare your dressing drink (recipes for my favorites to follow), and settle into your most comfortable chair, preferably with a warm pug nearby. You want to have a lovely life, and I’m going to show you how. Together, we will explore The Art of Southern Charm.
[1] Majordomo: The head steward or butler in the household of a sovereign or great noble.
[2] Politesse: formal politeness or etiquette