You might think, What would virgins have to say about sex? In fact, they have a lot more to say than you might expect. In this chapter, we asked a number of virgins whether they have stayed pure and, if so, why they are glad they did. The boldness these people shared in their responses is remarkable, and they can give us some insights into what experiencing a life of purity looks like. Check these out:
Yes, I have stayed pure. I feel that God's plan is so much better than I can even imagine, so I'd rather wait on Him. I am so glad I've waited.
I haven't had a boyfriend for a year, which really helps. I'm glad that even in past relationships I've controlled myself, because now I can give myself to my husband completely.
Yes, I have stayed pure. I want to save myself for my wedding night.
Yes, and I am glad.
I made a promise to God and myself that I would wait for my future husband. I don't want to break that promise, because I know I'll regret it.
I haven't had sex, but I have messed around, and I don't feel pure anymore.
I want my first time to be with my husband.
I have stayed sexually pure, because that is the thing to do. God has really helped.
I know sex is more than physical and that you become one with that person, so the only person I want to share that with is my husband. It's saved me from carrying a lot of hurt and baggage.
Yes, I've stayed pure. I wear a purity ring, and I love my choice because it sets an example. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but it helps me in being a leader to others. Being a Christian means worshiping God in all you do. He said sex is for marriage—and that is final!
God really does have our best interests at heart when He tells us to remain pure. It's like a parent telling his or her two-year-old not to touch a hot stove. The child wants to do it anyway, but the parent knows what is best, which is why he or she tells the child not to touch the stove. You can see from the stories in the previous chapter just how many people have been burned. If you want to avoid this, just follow God's ways.
I have not lost my virginity because I believe it is a gift, and you can't get it back. It is very important to keep it.
I want to wait and see the woman God has picked out for me.
It's very important to me to stay pure until I'm married. I know it will be worth it and that God will bless me for it.
Sex really is a gift that God has given you to give to your spouse—and only to your spouse. It is a precious and personal part of you that only one person should ever have the privilege of seeing or experiencing. Believe me, those who wait to have sex until they get married (and I've talked to tons of them) experience the most incredible heavenly bliss of sexual pleasure. It makes a big difference when you make the choice not to listen to the world but to hold out for your future spouse.
Yes, I have stayed pure, because I made a promise to do so.
I want to stay a virgin for my future husband. I believe that I am worth more than to give away my special gift to just anyone.
The paradox is that while many young people give themselves away because they don't feel loved or important, the act of giving themselves away sexually actually makes them feel less and less valuable. This is why it is important to place a value on your innocence and purity. The only one who should have the privilege of knowing you in a sexual way is the one who has committed himself or herself to you for the rest of your life.
Sadly, I have lost my virginity, but I wish I hadn't. I wish I would have stayed sexually pure so that I could give something that is precious to my husband. I don't have sex anymore, because even though I'm physically not a virgin, I am saving my body for my husband.
Many people have chosen to become what has been called “recycled virgins.” Once they discover the truth about how God wants them to save their bodies for their future spouse, they make a commitment to live a pure and holy life from that moment on. One day, these individuals will be able to look their husband or wife right in the eye and say, “Listen, I messed up before I knew the truth, but ever since then I have been pure and kept my purity only for you.” There is no shame in that.
I stayed pure because I knew that sex before marriage would only result in pain, emptiness and a broken heart. I knew that God asks us to stay pure for a reason. His way is always best! I'm so glad I did, because I see friends who had sex who are now lonely and addicted. I am glad I saved myself from that pain.
I've remained a virgin because I want to live by God's Word and be pure for my husband.
I stayed pure because I knew that it was a sin against God not to do so and that it was not His will for us as His creation. I am glad I did, because I now can give myself completely to my husband with no regrets of past experiences.
Yes, I have stayed sexually pure. I believe the main reason is my parents. My father set standards for me from a young age. He said, “No dating.” I understand why he did this, but it was hard. I came to the point where I really wanted to date, but my dad came into my room and said that he wanted me to wait as much as possible for as long as possible. This really shaped the way I saw purity. My parents helped me uphold a standard.
I have stayed sexually pure as it relates to guys. It is so great knowing that I'm not emotionally attached or physically attached to any man. And the man I marry will be the first guy I'll ever kiss on the lips! Looking back on my high school relationships makes them seem so ridiculous now!
It's amazing how many young people are beginning to make this type of commitment. Not only are they choosing not to have sex, but they also want to have “virgin lips” when they get married because they realize the value of romance and the value of intimacy. They understand that it starts with a kiss. This idea seems pretty radical, but I know couples who have done this and have amazing marriages.
I stayed pure because I wanted to honor God with everything—my mind, soul and body. I wanted to save myself for my husband. I'm glad I did, because now I have that gift to give him.
I grew up in a Christian family, and my parents taught us that sex was for marriage. I am glad they did, because when I get married it will be a blessing and not a problem.
I stayed pure because I was always scared that if I didn't I was going to get sick. I didn't know anything.
There were not very many girls where I come from, and I was never good friends with any of them. The issue never came up. I am very happy for that.
Guys didn't like me. It wasn't hard.
Some have said that being beautiful as a young person can actually be a curse, because people are constantly attracted to you for the wrong reasons (for your face or body). One young lady told me that she wanted to be ugly while she was young so she could stay pure and then get prettier when she got older. Regardless of whether people find you attractive or not, you are valuable and your purity is valuable. Hold on to it.
I believe that sex is special and should be saved for marriage because God's Word commands it. I am very glad I have made this decision. Not only does it save me a lot of heartache, but I'm also honoring God.
God knew what He was doing when He made sex for marriage only. Relationships are broken by sex outside of marriage. I've seen it happen. I want to stay pure for my wife for that reason.
I am waiting for my wife. It's going to be the most precious moment we have.
I have remained a virgin because I was scared. I am glad, because now I can give my virginity to my wife.
When I was in sixth grade I decided to not date, because I thought dating was silly. For this reason, I've remained sexually pure. I'm glad I made this decision, because I know that it praises God!
I stayed sexually pure because I had an indescribable deep conviction to do so. I didn't understand why I did so at the time, but now I see that God had been protecting me. I am glad to be able to someday give my future husband my purity.
I made a decision to live a pure life to obey the Lord and bless my future husband. My parents, friends, fellow churchgoers, mentors and others have helped by watching out for me.
I have remained sexually pure. I grew up being taught that sex was for marriage only and that anything other than that would only hurt me. I, myself, was born out of wedlock, so my parents relayed to me the heartache they went through because of their decision. Even though by the grace of God they are still together (they were only 16 and 17 when they had me), I never wanted to go through that same thing.
A lot of people will point a finger in your face and say that sex outside of marriage “is wrong, is wrong, is wrong,” but the truth is that “it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.” Sex before marriage destroys relationships, is painful to the people involved, and can create a potentially destructive environment for the children who are brought into the world as a result of it.
I have chosen to remain pure because I saw how some of my closest friends fell apart after having sex with their boyfriend. They thought they'd be together forever, but a few days later the guy would walk away.
I was always taught that sex was for marriage. Later, I realized that it was something I wanted to give my wife.
I am still a virgin, if that is the definition of sexual purity. I was raised with the understanding that God desires us to stay sexually pure, so I wanted to try to please God.
Remaining sexually pure is something asked of me by God. I want to have that special bond with my future husband. I am glad I have remained pure, because I have seen the pain caused when people have sex before marriage.
I've remained pure because I know that sex is more than a physical action; it also takes an emotional part of you. It is what God calls us to do.
I didn't have sex because I was told not to—and I followed this even when I really wanted to give in. Eventually purity became a passion of mine, because “the pure in heart will see God.”
I stayed pure mostly because I was aware at a very young age of how sacred sex is and because I always knew that it was intended for marriage only. I am glad that my parents set boundaries for me when I was too young to make such decisions on my own. Through reading many books and being influenced by other Christians, I began to make choices for myself to keep myself pure. Although there were times when I was ready to date in high school—abstaining from it is one of the best things I could have done for myself—I don't regret it at all.
Many people say that they want a relationship that is pure—one that has no dark places or secrets. The way to stay pure in a relationship is by inviting others to hold you accountable to do what you say you want to do. Many people actually come up with a document of accountability at the beginning of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It's a certificate similar to the one in the back of the book in which you ask each other questions such as, “What are our standards?” “How will we treat each other?” “What is the purpose of this relationship?” Essentially, you discuss these issues and then sign the document, saying, “This is what we're all about.” After this, you have your parents, your closest friends and maybe even several leaders in your life also sign the document. In this way, you are publicly saying, “We are going to date each other, but we are not sliding off the mountain into sexual immorality. We want you—the people in our lives closest to us—to hold us to our word.” Once you sign it, keep it public, and ask those who signed it to keep you accountable. By being honest and open about the relationship, you will honor God through the way you're honoring each other.