For the last several chapters, you’ve been happily skipping hand in hand with food freedom, learning how to enjoy not-so-healthy-but-still-worth-it foods while feeling totally in control. You’ve tasted—then tossed—half a cookie that wasn’t that good, savored two glasses of wine that were really good, and are still deciding whether that birthday cake is going to be worth it. (You’ve been thinking about it too long, which means it’s probably not.) Once your delicious treat is over, you go right back to your normal, healthy diet, easy-peasy.

Except that sometimes, it doesn’t feel easy. Or peasy.

You can use all of your tools effectively, treating yo’self only when it’s really worth it, then getting back to your normal, healthy diet right on schedule . . . but still feel like you’re just barely hanging on to your food freedom. Like the next sugary, salty, fatty thing to come your way could be the tipping point that sends you running right back to old habits. Like if you have to deep-breathe in a business meeting one more time, you’ll probably hyperventilate that donut right into your mouth.

First, please know that this is totally normal. Second, it will get better and easier fast. Third, there are more tricks up my sleeve, and I’m about to share them all with you.

The in-the-moment success strategies from chapter 8 are like a temporary patch; useful right then and there to help you achieve your goal. But they’re not long-term solutions, because eventually it would be nice to not have to breathe, wait, distract, and imagine every time you’re face-to-face with a potato chip. Ideally you’ll be able to process the opportunity quickly and efficiently, responding with a decisive “Yes, please” or “No, thank you” right on the spot—and getting the “Is it worth it?” question right far more times than not.

To get there, you’ll need more than just a temporary patch; you’ll need some big-picture interventions designed to rewire your body and brain to be better at food freedoming.

Yeah, I just made that a verb.

Growth Mind-set

The first incredibly helpful trick is reframing your perspective from a fixed mind-set to a growth mind-set. What’s the difference? A fixed mind-set means you believe your traits or qualities are stuck, unable to be changed or improved. This is you if you can remember, with crystal clarity, your mom saying, “He’s going to be husky” or “She’s going to have my hips” and still seeing a husky/hippy person in the mirror, no matter what you weigh now. This is you if, having been told as a kid that you weren’t athletic, you never tried out for a sport and to this day won’t accept a co-worker’s invitation to play pick-up basketball. A fixed mind-set makes you believe your health, athletic abilities, intelligence, or other key traits don’t change as you move through life; they just are what they are.

A fixed mind-set will hold you back when it comes to embracing food freedom.

If you’ve long considered yourself unhealthy—if you’ve been overweight, sedentary, sick, or hooked on junk food for most of your adult life—a fixed mind-set will tell you that you’ll always be an unhealthy person. Even if you do lose weight or change your diet, your Debbie Downer brain will keep reminding you that you’re not really healthy, because you’re stuck with the health status you assigned yourself years ago.

It’s going to be impossible to create new, lasting, healthy habits if you believe you can’t really change.

The best thing you can do for your Food Freedom plan is to adopt a growth mind-set, as I did when I was first out of rehabilitation and working hard to stay clean. With a growth mind-set, you believe traits are malleable; able to develop and improve with commitment and effort. There are neurophysiological benefits to a growth mind-set, too—which is just a fancy way of saying that with a growth mind-set, your brain also gets better at recognizing and learning from missteps. If this was your way of thinking, you’d be motivated to get stronger and more coordinated so you could join that basketball team, change your study tactics to improve your grades, and . . .

Label yourself as a healthy person.

Adopting a growth mind-set as part of your initial reset can make a huge difference in your commitment, motivation, and effort. Starting on Day 1, make your mantra “I am a healthy person, living a healthy lifestyle.” Find ways to demonstrate to yourself how that’s true. Keep a journal of what you’re doing to take good care of yourself; revisit your Non-Scale Victory checklist (page 33) to see what’s improving; place sticky notes with growth mind-set reinforcement around the house, and every time you find yourself back in a fixed mind-set, thinking, “This will never change” or “I always give up,” reframe your perspective with a mantra that works for you.

Maybe that’s “I’m a Food Freedom badass,” which gets a thumbs-up from me.

There’s also another language trick you can use here, straight out of habit research. Instead of labeling your behaviors as healthy, committed, or motivated, label yourself as those things.

Instead of: “I eat a healthy diet.”

Try: “I am a healthy eater.”

These might sound the same to you, but attaching desirable characteristics to yourself instead of your actions makes you more likely to model those behaviors. In one example, students who practiced the mantra “I do not cheat on tests” were more likely to cheat when given the opportunity than those who practiced saying, “I am not a cheater.” The act of attaching the desired behavior to you as a person solidifies it in your brain, helping you maintain your commitment, even in times of stress.

You can apply that research to other areas of your life by changing your internal dialogue around the habits you’re trying to enforce. Think, “I am an exerciser,” instead of “I like exercise”; or “I am a self-motivated person” instead of “I will keep up my motivation.” The more you can embody these traits in your actions, words, and thoughts, the more likely they are to stick.

Seek Growth

Having a hard time getting into a growth mind-set? Find examples in your own life where you’ve already proven it true. Think back to a time when someone told you (or you told yourself), “You can’t do that” or “You’re not good at that,” but you got better by working hard. These examples can be small; a task at the office, an instrument you played as a kid, a social skill you developed, a class in which you improved. Find those examples in your own life and you’ll see you really can change any trait you want with the right motivation and effort, including your health.

Develop Routines

You may think of routines as boring and unimaginative, but when you’re trying to change or establish a new habit, creating a routine can make it stick much faster. This tip plays on the habit research of New York Times reporter Charles Duhigg, who writes in The Power of Habit that every habit starts with a cue. That cue (like the time of day, who you’re with, or the immediately preceding action) is like a subconscious kick in the pants, automatically moving us toward your routine (the habitual behavior that brings reward).

  • It’s 9 p.m.; time to prowl through the pantry for something sweet.
  • When I meet my best friend for coffee, I always eat the scones.
  • Just left my mom’s, and I am so opening a bottle of wine when I get home.

That last one is a totally hypothetical example, Mom.

Your reset should have helped you identify some of the cues for your less-healthy routines. As an example, let’s take the cues I just mentioned: In the absence of the less-healthy foods and drinks that made up your habits, you were forced to recognize the behavior (“I’m about to reach for junk food”), identify your cue (“This is a nighttime habit”; “I feel like poor food choices don’t count if my friend and I both participate”; “My mom really stresses me out”), and change your behaviors in those situations.

Now you’re going to turn this association around and make it work for you by creating a cue for the good habits you want to reinforce.

You don’t need to put your whole life on autopilot to take advantage of this trick; only create specific routines around specific behaviors you want to support. Choose a few situations in which you feel your willpower getting shaky or times of day when having a routine would help you feel self-confident and in control. Then create a cue to drive you toward healthy behaviors.

One example is the common practice of getting home from work and immediately snacking, even if you’re not hungry. In this case, the cue is the immediately preceding action (arriving at home), so design a new routine to follow that cue, to prevent you from ruining dinner with less-healthy foods. Your new routine could be changing into walking or exercise clothes to remind yourself that you’re a healthy person with healthy habits.* (Bonus: Actually go for a short walk after dinner!) Or you could brew a cup of herbal tea every day when you get home, a soothing ritual that allows you to shift from “work mode” to “home mode.” Whatever you plan, just think about using the cue to your advantage, encouraging the key in your door to trigger a healthy routine instead of the old snacking one.

* This is a favorite trick of mine. I’m way less likely to skip the gym or raid the pantry if I’m in fitness clothing. Just the act of putting on my tights and sneakers makes me feel stronger and healthier. That’s my excuse for basically living in yoga pants while writing this book.

Another good place to focus is your pre-bed routine. It’s common to crave something sweet, salty, and crunchy before bed, often out of habit, boredom, or insomnia. A really easy cue to signify that eating time is over is brushing your teeth every night after dinner, but before your cravings start to stir. The act sends a signal to your brain that bedtime is coming, and the minty flavor reminds you that you’ve finished eating. In this case, you’re adding a cue to trigger a new routine—brushing teeth after dinner, to prompt you to start winding down for bed instead of prowl through the pantry.

Morning Routine

While experts don’t agree on one ideal morning routine, they do agree that employing one leads to increased willpower, more productivity, and even better health. Waking up to a routine makes you feel like you’re running the day, instead of the day running you over. It helps you feel proactive instead of reactive, and ensures that you have time for your most important priorities. Over the years, I’ve learned that when I exercise before I start work, I’m far less likely to stress-eat, get anxious, or work too much. So I’ve built my morning around that healthy habit, and I follow this routine as often as possible, even when traveling. As you continue in your “healthy person” growth mind-set, think about what kind of morning routine you could build to support that notion. Perhaps you wake up and meditate, exercise, or go for a short walk; cook a healthy breakfast; write in your journal; or food prep for the day—all behaviors that will support your new healthy habits. The key is creating a routine that works for you, and then sticking to it every day until it feels effortless.

Exactly what you do is less important than doing something consistently. You want these routines to become habit, which reaffirms your growth mind-set, creates the cue for better habits, and frees up space in your willpower center for unexpected temptations.

Speaking of which . . .

Boost Your Willpower

When you think of “willpower,” what’s the scenario that comes to mind? It’s probably passing on dessert after dinner or walking right past the candy dish at the office. But willpower involves a lot more than food—and understanding what willpower is and how it works can go a long way toward and keeping yourself on a healthy path.

Willpower is the ability to delay immediate gratification for the sake of long-term goals. Think of it as self-regulation or, more simply, resisting temptation. Our brains want to take the path of least resistance to whatever reward is lurking right around the corner. It’s easier to sit on the couch watching Game of Thrones than it is to clean the kitchen. It’s tastier to eat the cookies now and worry about your diet later. It feels better to snap at your colleague for taking credit for your idea, rather than biting your tongue and waiting for the right time to broach the subject.

Turning off the TV, passing on the cookie, and holding your tongue are all forms of self-regulation. In fact, any time you resist temptation or immediate gratification (like in each of the following scenarios), you are exerting willpower.

  • Not hitting snooze when your alarm goes off
  • Committing to the gym instead of sleeping in
  • Ignoring those seventeen Facebook notifications while you pack your work bag
  • Drinking one cup of coffee instead of the two you really want
  • Making scrambled eggs for breakfast instead of grabbing a muffin
  • Not checking e-mail while driving
  • Warming up for ten minutes instead of jumping right into your workout
  • Not taking a selfie even though the gym lighting is excellent
  • Not stopping for another coffee on the way to the office
  • Not reaching for your phone at every. Single. Red. Light.
  • Feigning interest in your boss’s baby photos in the elevator
  • Filling up your water and ignoring the donuts on the break room counter.

And it’s not even 8 a.m.

Change Your Diet: Check

Poor diet and lifestyle choices are no bueno when it comes to willpower. Overconsuming calorie-dense, carbohydrate-dense, nutrient-poor processed foods (especially at night) leads to changes in blood sugar regulation and hormonal balance and promotes inflammation, all of which stress the body. The resulting sleep disturbances and chronic stress promote further disruptions to the brain’s reward and self-regulation centers. All these factors lead to more cravings for sugar and processed carbs—which, under these circumstances, require huge amounts of willpower to resist . . . and the cycle continues. Happily, we can now check this risk factor off your list, thanks to your healthy reset diet and new food freedom habits.

Researchers agree that your willpower “bank” (the amount of energy available in the brain to exercise self-regulation and resist temptation) is a limited resource—like having $100 in a bank account. Each time you exert willpower, you withdraw a dollar—or a few. When the account is down to $0, well . . . you know the kind of decisions you make then.

The problem is that in today’s world, you’re constantly bombarded with temptation and the promise of reward. If you start spending your willpower dollars before you’re even out the door, what do you think your balance will be by the time you get home from a tough day at the office? It’s no wonder you struggle with making good choices (like resisting the lure of the pantry) late at night.

There is good news, however. By applying some smart strategies, you can actually make your willpower bank more robust and make those dollars go further than they used to.

The Night Before

Improving your willpower for any given day starts the night before. Take as many decisions out of tomorrow as possible—especially the ones involving food. Lay out your clothes; prep your coffee, breakfast, and lunch; pre-pack your work bag. Try to predict ahead of time whether you’ll be feeling rested enough to hit the gym, or whether you will need the extra hour of sleep. This way, your brain won’t be forced to make trivial decisions early in the morning, and you’ll have more willpower bucks to spend later in the day.

Also, get your butt into bed earlier.

Sleep makes ample deposits into your willpower bank, while fatigue creates stress, which compromises willpower. According to researchers, sleep is the most important step toward keeping your willpower bank full. At first, turning the TV off or putting your smartphone away by 9 p.m. may feel like a Herculean effort, but you’ll more than make up for it in the morning by not having to wrestle with the snooze button. (Bonus: Eliminating the light from your phone, tablet, or television screen before bed will help you sleep better, too—the blue-wavelength light they emanate is especially disruptive to your circadian rhythm.*)

* Many smartphones now have apps or settings that shift the blue light emanating from the phone screen to a less disruptive rose hue, but the jury is out on how effective these are for actually improving your sleep cycle.

Finally, use the end of your day to make a plan for handling stressful, tempting, or unknown situations that may arise tomorrow. Some will be obvious, like a researching the menu for your business lunch so you know what you’ll order, or stashing a hearty, healthy snack in your bag just in case you find yourself stuck at the office late (and hungry). Others may be more unknown, like saying to yourself, “Tomorrow is Friday. What will I do if I’m invited out for drinks after work?” Make a plan for staying true to your health commitments if you accept, or make other plans after work (like a yoga class) that are better suited to your goals.

Why go through this extra step? Because the brain loves a plan, and unfinished business tends to ping-pong around up there, creating distractions and anxiety. If you know you’ve got a stressful situation coming up, you may subconsciously worry about how you’ll handle it—“Will I stay strong, or will I give in?” This can disrupt sleep and fire up your brain’s “fear and worry” center, creating more stress and depleting willpower even further.

Welcome to the “if/then” plan.

This perhaps the most powerful tool in your food freedom toolbox. Creating an “if/then” plan for stressful or worrisome situations puts your brain at ease while helping you preserve precious willpower. The “if/then” framework is designed to identify a trigger (the “if”) and employ a predetermined routine you’ve designed (the “then”). Research finds this structure helps you feel more in control of difficult situations, triggering a more automatic response (the activation of your healthy plan), and making you two to three times more likely to achieve your goal. Some examples:

  • IF my business meeting runs late, THEN I’ll eat the healthy emergency food stashed in my desk.
  • IF I’m at happy hour and don’t want a drink, THEN I’ll order a sparkling water with lime, say “Not tonight, thanks” if offered, and change the subject.
  • IF there’s nothing I want to eat at the birthday party, THEN I’ll munch on the appetizer I brought and eat a full meal when I get home.

It’s also helpful to create a generic “if/then” for unknown temptations, just to reinforce the strategies you’ve been learning: “IF I get into a situation where I feel too pressured or tempted to make a smart choice, THEN I’ll implement a ten-minute waiting period.”

Finally, write your plans down. This forces you to make them clear and detailed; and the more detailed the plan, the better the chance you’ll actually follow it when the situation arises. You can even go back at the end of the day and rate your plan’s success on a scale of 1 (not at all successful) to 5 (knocked it out of the park) and make suggestions for improvement, so the next time that situation comes up, you’ll be even better prepared to handle it.

During the Day

The best way to conserve willpower is to avoid temptation.

Duh.

Well, I know it sounds obvious, but if I was tough-loving you, I’d say you probably don’t employ it as often as you could. The best way to start is to find areas in your life where temptations lurk, and see how many you can eliminate before they become a drain on your willpower.

It’s time to talk about your phone.

Technology has a vampiresque impact on willpower, sucking the life out of our capacity to just say no to temptation. Research shows that resisting the lure of technology—the “ping” of an e-mail notification, the text message alert on your iPhone, all those shows you have lined up on Netflix—are especially taxing on your willpower reserve. Think about how many apps you have on your smartphone, all the various methods friends can use to connect with you, and how many times you’ve used technology to procrastinate. It seems pretty clear that one of the smartest moves you can make is to reduce the sheer volume of temptations that come from your beloved Internet-connected devices. I know you don’t want to, but ask yourself this question (and do it in Siri’s voice, if that helps): “What if being less obsessed with my phone helped me stay in control with my food choices, maintain a healthy waistline, and build my self-confidence?”

You’re taking too long to answer. Regardless, you really should do this.

Your first mission: Turn off notifications on your smartphone and computer. The result: No more pop-up when someone hearts your Instagram photo, and no more message indicator on your e-mail icon (that triple-digit number was stressing you out, anyway), no more alerts when someone posts a new story on Snapchat. I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure nobody ever died from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Remove these cues, and you’ll cut way down on the RIGHT THIS MINUTE WHAT IF I’M MISSING SOMETHING mentality. In addition, move your most-frequented social media apps off your home screen, so every time you make a business call or consult your calendar, you’re not reminded that you haven’t checked Twitter in four whole minutes.

Facebook, I Just Can’t Quit You

Why is the buzz of a new text, e-mail, or social media notification so darn addictive? Dopamine, that’s why. The same neurotransmitter responsible for “wanting” and “seeking” rewarding food also really loves the promise of a new notification. Your brain associates that little ping with validation (“Someone liked my comment!”), belonging (“I’m part of this social connection!”), and seeking (discovering new music, articles, or photos of dogs who are stuck in things but doing just fine*). Sharing stuff with your social group—and netting a ton of Likes in return—feels really good, encouraging you to seek more content, to share with more people, and generate more instantaneous feedback, which feels even better . . . Given how fast the rewards pile up thanks to technology, you can get stuck in an endless loop of wanting ➞ reward ➞ wanting more ➞ more reward. Plus, there’s the ever-present cue: that little chirp or notification that precipitates you picking up your phone. No wonder it’s so hard to ignore.

* You should Google this. It’s a thing, and it’s magnificent.

Bonus: Removing notifications means you’re more likely to stay on task while at work or at home, reducing the time you spend multitasking—a practice that also saps your willpower. Win-win.

Your phone isn’t the only area where temptation lurks. Netflix had you hooked when it began automatically showing you the next episode in the series—it’s an involuntary “opt-in” requiring effort to stop watching. This makes it all too likely that you’ll put off meal prep, housework, or a sane bedtime routine in favor of “just one more” episode of Orange Is the New Black. And iTunes now sends you a love note when a new episode of your favorite show is available, which means that checking your e-mail one last time before bed may translate to 43 minutes less sleep.

If you find yourself too spent by the end of the day to resist the lure of television, try creating some rules around that, too. Set a deadline for movies (must start by 7:30 p.m., no later), institute “No TV” nights, put a limit on the number of hours you watch in any given evening, or create a rule that you don’t sit down to watch TV until specific tasks have been accomplished.

One last proposed rule: No televisions, tablets, or phones in your bedroom. You hate that, but willpower really needs you to sleep, and right before bed is when you’re most likely to make poor choices.

It’s midnight. You can share that video of the screaming marmot tomorrow.

Now that we’ve covered technology, you can also make some changes to your daily routine to protect you from food-related temptation. If your co-worker’s candy dish catcalls you every time you walk by, try a different route to the bathroom, and hold meetings in your cubicle, not hers. If you know your office birthday party is at 2 p.m. (and that store-bought cake won’t be worth it), eat your healthy lunch right before so you show up full and satisfied. Tell your family to move their junk food to a special out-of-the-way cabinet, ask the waiter not to bring the dessert menu, and for the love of Oprah, don’t go to the grocery store hungry.

Or anxious.

Or sad.

Or without a list.

Think about every possible situation in which you could simply skip the temptation instead of having to resist it, and then put a plan in place to do just that. As the old military adage says, the best defense is a good offense.

Positive Thinking.

Research shows that people who (a) think positively, (b) believe willpower can be “strengthened” (there’s that growth mind-set again), and (c) are generally upbeat can stretch their willpower capacity, especially early in the day. I know, easier said than done, especially on a Monday. Still, you may be surprised at how small shifts in your thinking can lead to huge improvements in your outlook. Try adding a gratitude practice to your morning routine; recognizing negative thoughts or a fixed mind-set and substituting positive ones; reading more about positive thinking to reinforce the concept; or learning how to accept “what is” and reject negative thoughts by practicing what self-help and empowerment expert Byron Katie calls The Work.*

* The Work is a simple yet powerful process of inquiry that teaches you to identify and question the thoughts that are at the root of your suffering. It’s a way to understand what’s hurting you, and to address the cause of your problems with clarity. For more information, see Loving What Is, by Byron Katie, or visit thework.com.

More on Willpower . . .

Preparing the night before, kicking your phone out of bed, thinking happy thoughts . . . we’ve covered a lot of territory here, but there are a few more willpower-strengthening techniques to add to your toolbox.

Another proven willpower boost (not to mention growth mind-set reinforcer, waistline buddy, and generally healthy practice) is exercise. Moving your body leads to changes in the brain that support self-control; perhaps through modulating stress, which you’ll read more about in the next section.

Two key points when it comes to exercise and willpower: First, you don’t have to exercise seven days a week to see the benefits. In one study, participants were asked to exercise just once a week for the first month, and three times a week for the second. After just two months, all participants demonstrated significant improvement in self-regulation and emotional control, as well as a decrease in stress. That’s a pretty good return on investment. Second, you don’t have to exercise at high intensity for this to work—walking, yoga, weightlifting, a dance class, or playing soccer with your kids all do the trick.

In addition, adding a meditation practice to your day can help with self-regulation, stress management, and even balancing hormone levels. (In fact, the more research I do, the more I’m convinced meditation makes everything better.) You needn’t sit in lotus position for hours on end; studies show that just eight weeks of brief daily training (about a half hour a day) can boost self-regulation, and comments from the study suggest that even ten minutes a day could be beneficial.

A basic routine looks like this:

  • Choose a time of day that will allow you to be consistent in your efforts. Adding meditation to your morning routine is a great way to start the day off calm and centered, but you can meditate any time.
  • Choose a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.
  • Get into a comfortable seated position, using blocks, bolsters, pillows, and any other props that work for you. (Don’t lie down—you’re not relaxing into sleep!)
  • Set a gentle alarm for a time that feels reasonable for you. Start with just five to ten minutes if you’re new to the practice.
  • Now just sit. You can focus on your breath, counting while you inhale and exhale; practice a mantra (the Hindu Om, a motivational mantra like “Change my thoughts, change the world,” or a loving kindness mantra like “May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease.”); or visualize breathing in light and breathing out stress.
  • When you find yourself distracted, simply return to your chosen focus. This will happen approximately 173 times in ten minutes, but that’s actually a good thing; the act of gently shifting your brain back to your focus is part of the process. That’s why meditation is called a practice.
  • When your time is up, gently return to your body and your surroundings, wiggling your fingers and toes, slowly opening your eyes, and standing.

If you’d rather be more directed in your practice, there are many smartphone apps (like Headspace or Calm) to guide you through meditation. The website Zen Habits has a great tutorial to get you started (zenhabits.net/meditation), and the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris offers some very practical tips for establishing a meditation practice in a highly entertaining, often irreverent fashion, which may appeal more to all of your type-A, high-energy, can’t-sit-still rebels.

Not that I’d know anything about that.

One Moment Meditation

You can even train yourself to use “one-moment meditation” to help get you through a tough situation. One study found that practicing mindfulness in the moment is a quick and efficient strategy to foster self-control, even when you’re feeling like all willpower has abandoned you. Psychotherapist Martin Boroson has developed an easy tutorial for practicing mindfulness in the moment; visit his website at onemomentmeditation.com.

Finally, as I alluded to earlier, adopt a growth mind-set here, too—then create a situation to prove you’re actually better at implementing self-control. Choose to believe (as most research suggests) that willpower works like a muscle; you can strengthen it by working it. You can do this by picking a low-risk task (flossing, doing all the dishes after dinner, or writing in your journal) and committing to it for 30 days. Consistently resist the temptation to bail on your task, and you’ll gain willpower strength over time.

Manage Stress

Finally, the big-picture tip that probably could have gone first because it’s that important: Reduce your stress. (Aside: It’s featured last because if you do all the other stuff that comes before it, this one is going to be way easier.)

You don’t need a Genius Bar appointment to know that chronic stress ruins everything. It promotes anxiety, heart disease, weight gain, depression, sleep disturbances, impaired concentration, neurological disorders, immune dysfunction, chronic pain, cravings, and bad hair days. Okay, not that last one . . . but maybe, because when you’re under chronic stress, everything looks harder, feels worse, and provokes more worry than it should.

Most people think of stress in terms of hating their job, worrying about money, or feeling out of control. That last one is closest to the truth; stress is defined as a perceived threat to your physical or social safety. The “chronic” part just means it’s ongoing or prolonged, instead of acute (short term). Need an example?

Acute stress is being chased by a snarling dog from the mailbox back to your house. It’s really scary, but it’s over quickly—as soon as you slam your front door, you know you’re safe and can relax and recover from the experience. Chronic stress is being chased by a snarling dog all day long, everywhere you go. You wake up, the dog is there, so you start running. You get out of a meeting, and there’s the dog, so you start running again. You lie down at night and you can still hear him breathing, just waiting for you to get up again so he can chase you some more.

That’s not normal.

In the prehistoric world, stressors were intense but brief: you were chased by a boar, fell down an embankment into the river, or were confronted by a rival intent on stealing your wild game. In today’s world, however, stressors are much different: a perpetually packed schedule; a 60-hour-a-week job; balancing responsibilities as a spouse, parent, employee, and friend; pressures to “keep up” with the neighbors and achieve your own goals.

Your stress-response system was not designed to be constantly activated, yet this is what most people deal with, day in and day out. We are on perpetual high alert, because our brain interprets the constant stress of life as it would the stress of constantly being chased. That’s the first truth about stress: Perception is reality, so when you think a stressful thought, your body responds as if something stressful is actually happening. The second truth: Your body responds the same way to psychological stress as it does to physical stress. That means hating your job and being chased by a snarling dog are basically the same thing. The third truth about stress: There are more stress inputs in today’s modern world than ever, and you probably didn’t even recognize all the ones affecting you until now.

This is very depressing. Which is stressful. I’M SORRY. Please keep reading.

In the wild, where stressors are intense but brief, your body has an elegant and balanced way of coping. Let’s say you really are being chased by that barking dog. At the first signs of stress, chemical messengers prepare your body to fight or flee. Blood sugar is released from temporary storage sites into the bloodstream for immediate energy; the immune system activates in case you get hurt; and digestion shuts down, because who has time to break down a steak when you’re running for your life? Once you’re safe inside your house, other messengers bring all those systems back to a healthy balance: Blood sugar returns to your muscles, the immune system calms down, and digestion comes back online, which brings your body back into homeostasis. See? Not all stress is bad! It helps your body adapt, get stronger, and survive, if presented in the right context and dose.

Sources of Stress

In today’s busy, modern world, stress comes from a variety of sources, both physical and psychological. From this still-not-exhaustive list, you’ll probably recognize more than one cause of stress in your own life. An even bigger bummer: They all add up, compounding the havoc stress wreaks on your body and brain.

PHYSICAL SOURCES: Manual labor, hard training, illness, infections, injury, surgery, pain, disability, malnutrition/undereating, sleep deprivation, inflammation, toxic exposure, allergies, food sensitivities

PSYCHOLOGICAL SOURCES: Anger, fear, worry, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, abandonment, rejection, betrayal, jealousy, comparison, social isolation, divorce, death, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, financial, career, relationships, children, self-worth, self-esteem

In today’s world, though, where stressors are intense and ongoing, the stress response is overdone. The brain constantly perceives stress, so the stress response is constantly activated. It’s like you’re encountering that snarling dog 17 times a day, and some encounters last three hours. This jacks up all kinds of stuff in your body.

Chronic activation of the stress response changes neurotransmitters like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, as well as feel-good opioids, making you “want” high-reward things (like chocolate) more, but “like” them less. You’ve probably already experienced this; you imagine a treat, how good it will taste, and how much better it will make you feel, but once you actually eat it . . . meh. The anticipation was huge, but you didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as you imagined you would. (Oh, but you ate it all anyway, because the “want” is hard to resist.)

Chronic stress also affects blood sugar regulation and hormones like insulin, so your cells aren’t as good at managing energy. This leaves you with blood sugar dips that feel a lot like hunger, and signals your brain that you need fast energy in the form of sugar—NOW. Stress also specifically targets your brain’s prefrontal cortex, the home of executive function and self-regulation (also known as willpower). These three issues join together to form the perfect sugar-storm: Under chronic stress, you want rewarding foods more but enjoy them less when you actually eat them. Your body isn’t as good at managing blood sugar, making you hungry even though you’ve eaten plenty of calories. Your brain sucks at converting sugar into energy, which makes it think you just need more sugar to function. And amid all this, your willpower center is just phoning it in.

What does this have to do with maintaining your food freedom? If you get one thing from this section, get this:

Stress makes you crave . . .

And not grilled chicken and steamed broccoli, either. Under stress, your body demands the sugary, processed, carb-dense, rewarding stuff. And because it’s biological—an automatic response to a perceived threat—no amount of willpower can completely combat these cravings. To retain your food freedom, successfully manage cravings, and stay in control, the most important thing you can do is manage your stressors. All of them.

And no, I’m not going to tell you to “just relax,” because never in the history of relaxing has anyone ever relaxed by being told to just relax.

Control the Things You Can Control

Here’s how:

Sleep: Go to bed earlier, sleep later when you can, and create a healthy nighttime routine; no screens an hour before bed! If you live in a brightly lit area, customize your bedroom with blackout curtains, and remove all electronic lights from your sleeping environment, including LED alarm clocks, iPads, laptops, and nightlights. Studies also show you’ll sleep better if your bedroom is cool, so turn your thermostat way down at night—and be prepared for a rather brisk a.m. potty trip. Bonus: Being overtired hits your prefrontal cortex especially hard, so using these tips to restore good sleep will also reboot your willpower.

Exercise: Modulate your intensity, frequency, or duration. (My rule of thumb: You can go hard, you can go often, you can go long. Pick two.) In times of stress, reduce the intensity first—try long, slow distance exercise in nature, like hikes, easy bike rides, or walks. These are healthy for the immune system without being stressful on the body.

Environment: Get outside! Studies show even small amounts of time spent in “green spaces,” like a park, your backyard, or the woods, moderates stress. Add a short walk to your lunch routine, eat breakfast outside on the patio, and in warmer months, bare your body for regular, safe sun exposure while you’re out there to soak up that vitamin D.

Social: Connect with real people. No, not via text message. In-person social connection is a powerful stress-reducer, so reach out to friends, family, or a trusted counselor. Volunteer work can also be profoundly stress-reducing, even if giving away some of your already limited time sounds counterintuitive. For bonus points, combine healthy exercise and green spaces with your social connections: invite a friend for a walk in the park or a hike in the mountains.

Psychological: Reconnect with your faith, seek the counsel of a mentor or pastor, or explore different therapeutic modalities, like energy healing, massage, or acupuncture. Improve how you respond to difficult people or situations using techniques like Byron Katie’s The Work (see page 115). Build quiet time into your morning routine, to start the day off calmly.

E.R.C.: Finally, when stress feels overwhelming and you don’t know where to start, think Eliminate, Reduce, and Cope. Make a list of your stressors, first identifying those you can eliminate completely. Cancel the social obligations that feel the most burdensome, politely decline the offer to join the Parent-Teacher Association, and tell your in-laws it’s just not a good time for a visit. Then figure out which stressors you can reduce. Let the house stay a little messier than you’d like, take a break from tension-filled interactions with your co-worker, and put a freeze on nonessential purchases for the month. Finally, identify those stressors with which you must simply cope. A newborn baby is something you just have to work around, so create strategies to help you manage the sleep deprivation and routine disruption for the next few months, using the tools you’ve learned here.

Magnesium Supplements

Smart supplementation can also support your everyday stress-reducing practices. Stress at the cellular level drives down magnesium levels, which makes it hard to relax (especially at bedtime) and harder for your body to utilize glucose as energy. You can take a patented magnesium form called Magtein (like that offered by NOW Foods), which is designed to cross the blood-brain barrier more effectively, or supplement with a powdered magnesium citrate like Natural Calm. Split your dose up throughout the day, taking some midday and the rest just before bed. If sleep is your biggest issue, try an all-natural supplement like Dr. Kirk Parsley’s Sleep Remedy (docparsley.com), which contains magnesium and other micronutrients designed to promote deep, natural sleep.

Happier Ever After

After reading this chapter, you’ll have a lot of tools in your food freedom toolbox; enough to help you MacGyver your way out of some of the stickiest food situations. In addition to those in-the-moment techniques designed to help you manage cravings, evaluate your options, and retain willpower, you now have four big-picture strategies to support your new, healthy lifestyle:

  • Adopt a growth mind-set
  • Develop routines
  • Boost willpower
  • Manage stress

Ideally, with these tools (along with ample opportunities to practice), you’ll be able to maintain your food freedom indefinitely; indulging when it’s worth it, declining when it isn’t, and feeling satisfied and in control.

Full disclosure: That’s probably not going to happen just yet. Your food freedom journey is still new, and old habits die hard. At some point in the months following your reset, 90 percent of you will find yourself on a slippery slide back to Old Behaviorsville, waking up one morning realizing you aren’t as energetic, happy, or confident as you used to be.

Also, someone shrunk your jeans, which is sneaky and mean.

In the past, this would have been met with shock and confusion. You were doing SO WELL. You were feeling SO GOOD. How could you have let this happen?

Well I’m telling you now so you’re not surprised . . . something happened, and chances are, it’s one of the five scenarios I’m about to outline in chapter 9. So let’s target them now, to prevent the situation from happening in the first place, control it while it’s happening, or at the very least, recover from it more gracefully than falling face first into a pint of ice cream.