While writing this book, I flew to New York City for some business meetings. It was technically winter but unseasonably warm; 65 degrees and sunny. It felt like the whole city was out and about, and since my meetings ended midday, I decided to partake in my favorite NYC activity: getting totally lost. I threw in my headphones, tied my Converse, and headed south with no particular destination in mind. I walked for two hours; past parks, stores, and restaurants, stopping anywhere that looked interesting.

And then, out of nowhere . . . CUPCAKE.

Allow me to transport you back to that day with me.

I’m heading back toward my hotel when I pass a little bakery with cupcakes in the window. I don’t notice the name on the door, but it has pretty curtains, glows from the inside as if lit by angels, and I’m pretty sure I hear the cupcakes whispering my name.

It’s not my birthday. It’s not any sort of occasion. It’s not even special that I’m in New York, because I’m there all the time. It’s just 4 p.m. on a random Monday, the opportunity to eat a cupcake is upon me, and now I have to decide what to do.

Option 1: Go inside (which, let’s be honest, translates to “Eat a cupcake”).

Option 2: Heavy-breathe on the window until it gets awkward, then keep walking.

Here’s how my Food Freedom plan goes down.

First, I know exactly how the sugar and gluten in the cupcakes will impact me, thanks to several resets and careful reintroductions. Calling on all my cupcake-eating experience (because reintroduction is a lifelong process), I’m able to predict that a cupcake means fighting with my Sugar Dragon for a few hours and being a little bloated for the rest of the night.

I also know that, for me, even one bite more than one cupcake tips the scale from “worth it” to “not worth it”: a hard-earned lesson that finally solidified over New Year’s 2014 when I threw down four cupcakes within a 24-hour period (including two for breakfast), without deliberation, consciousness, or control.

That was not as fun as it sounds.

Armed with that knowledge and thanks to all the “worth it” practice I’d done over the last seven years, I run through my food freedom checklist in a moment’s time. I don’t need to slow my breathing, give the cupcake a time-out, or walk around the block; after so much repetition, this evaluation happens automatically.

Is this cupcake truly special or delicious? I think it will be, yes.

Will it mess me up? Nothing I can’t easily manage.

Is it worth it? Yes.

Do I really want it? Yes.

I also know from the mistakes I’ve made in the past (eating stuff that I told myself would be worth it, but wasn’t), that if I had waffled on any of those answers, it’s time to walk away. Those “mistakes” were actually valuable learning experiences, because now I know that if it’s not a home-run on the first consideration but I eat it anyway, I’ll end up regretting it.

So I go inside. It smells like vanilla and hugs.

Thinking back to my last birthday experience, I’m still asking myself, “Do I really want one?” as I look over all the flavors. It’s still coming back “Hell, yes,” so I carefully make my selection: vanilla, with chocolate buttercream frosting.

And sprinkles, because YOLO.

I leave the bakery with one cupcake, not two. (Suck it, Sugar Dragon.) I walk back to my hotel, trying not to squish the frosting. I have dinner plans soon, but I want the cupcake now.

I’m a grown-up. I can eat dessert first.

So I sit down in my hotel room with my cupcake. And by “sit down” I mean “climb into bed,” because eating a cupcake in a fluffy hotel bed is about the most decadent thing I could imagine.

I open the box with reverence, lift out the cupcake, and take a bite.

The angels sing.

I take a photo of the cupcake and text it to a friend with the caption, “This. Is. Happening.” That buys me some space and time to evaluate whether I need to eat more. I always follow the One-Bite Rule, still. I definitely want to eat more.

I take another bite. OMG, so good.

I eat the whole cupcake. I savor every bite. I save a huge gob of frosting and a tiny bit of cake for last. I take my time.

And then I stay in bed for a little while reading before I head off to dinner, where I order a Whole30-worthy meal, one glass of wine (worth it), and pass on the dessert menu, because nothing was going to be as good as that cupcake.

That is my food freedom.

Your Food Freedom

This book may be coming to a close, but your food freedom journey is just beginning. Here’s what you have ahead of you. (Spoiler: It’s awesome.)

You finish your reset looking and feeling better than you have in years, decades, maybe even ever. After successfully completing something that challenging, your self-confidence is through the roof. Your cravings are under control, and you’re secure in your belief that you are a healthy person with healthy habits. You practically vibrate with energy. You look amazing. Everyone asks, “What have you been doing?”

You have a good idea of how the foods you’ve reintroduced will impact you. This makes it easier to avoid things that aren’t going to be worth it, because a treat isn’t really a treat if it’s going to mess you up.

“Will This Mess Me Up?”

Need a reminder of symptoms to look for here? Ask yourself these questions:

 
  • Will it promote cravings or make my Sugar Dragon roar?
  • Will it make me feel lethargic or put me on an energy roller coaster?
  • Will it disrupt my sleep?
  • Will it mess up my digestion or leave me with gas or bloating?
  • Will it negatively impact my mood, attention span, focus, or motivation?
  • Will it make my symptoms (pain, swelling, fatigue) flare up?
  • Will it trigger an adverse reaction (asthma, migraines, skin breakouts)?

Thanks to the reintroduction process, you also bring some of the things you were missing on your reset back into regular rotation now that you know they don’t negatively affect you. You happily start eating them again, without guilt or anxiety.

This is your food freedom: the perfect balance of healthy and less-healthy-but-worth-it foods, eaten in a way that is totally sustainable and keeps you feeling amazing.

When you come across something special or delicious, you use your food freedom tools to help you decide “yes” or “no, thank you,” evaluating whether you really want it. You don’t stress out about it, you simply think critically, comparing the potential benefits (“Is this going to taste as good as I imagine?”) against the consequences (“Is this going to mess me up, physically or psychologically?”), and decide.

Worth it, or not worth it?

If it’s not worth it, you simply pass. You don’t feel deprived, because the decision was yours. If others question your choice, you use the conversation strategies you’ve learned to gain their support, or at the very least, honor your commitment to your goals. You walk away that much more secure in your food freedom.

This is winning.

If it is worth it, you accept. You savor. You enjoy it so hard. You eat as much as you need to satisfy the experience. Maybe that’s a tiny sliver of office party birthday cake. Maybe it’s of the entirety of That Cupcake In The Window. Maybe it’s the gelato and the wine and the pasta and the bread on vacation in Italy. There are no hard-and-fast rules here, because you are always evaluating what you need to satisfy that experience in that moment, and as long as your decisions are conscious and deliberate, there are no wrong answers. (Just potentially unpleasant consequences—but you’re prepared to deal with those.)

Whatever you decide, no matter how much you eat, you remain in control, because you’re paying attention the entire time. Your second bite only comes after you decide you really want more; your seventh bite is just as savored as the first. When you’ve had enough, you lick your fingers, sigh contentedly, and go right back to your regularly scheduled dietary choices. You successfully deal with any consequences of your choice. You don’t beat yourself up. There is no guilt.

This is also winning.

You feel like you could do this forever. In practice, you’ll just do it for a while. At some point, something will send you back toward the Land of Old Habits. You find you don’t feel as awesome and you’re no longer totally in control.

But.

You don’t panic. You don’t feel like a failure. You don’t wallow in your ice cream. You just return to your reset, already feeling better having taken the first step back towards food freedom.

You stay on your reset as long as you need to, but no longer; maybe that’s 10 days, maybe it’s 40. You successfully complete a full reintroduction, again. You’re incredibly proud of yourself, again. Your self-confidence, energy, and waistline return. As with every reset, you learn even more about how food impacts you and apply that new knowledge to “life after,” so your everyday food freedom diet works even better for you.

You spend more and more time enjoying your food freedom. The process will feel easier and easier. Weeks will pass, and you won’t even think about it, because you’re just living it. You don’t need to belly-breathe or distract yourself, and you don’t need to run past your checklist line-by-line; you just ask yourself, “Worth it?” and answer, “Yes” or “No, thank you.”

More times than not, you get it right. When you don’t, and it’s not actually worth it, you just make note for next time, and move on.

No guilt. No failure. Just a learning experience.

In the months and years that follow, you return to your reset less often, and for shorter periods of time. Your definition of “worth it” evolves based on your experience, your goals, your life. You have fun with your food, seeing how far you can expand your food horizons and not stressing when you get it wrong. You are happy and healthy, enjoying your food but no longer controlled by it.

This is what your life could look like. This is what food freedom can bring you. You want this, and I really want you to have it.

Food Freedom Forever

You’ve got all the tools you need to create your own version of food freedom. You’ve learned strategies for staying in control while savoring all the foods you decide are worth it, both in the moment and big-picture. You know your triggers and have plans in place to return you to the food freedom path if you find yourself off track. You’re sharing your healthy eating efforts with the people you care about in a way that brings you closer together and might even motivate them to embark upon their own food freedom journey.

All that’s left is to give yourself a high five and keep working the plan.

Notice I didn’t say “follow the plan” or “stick to the plan.” To quote musical superstar Rihanna:

Work, work, work, work, work.

Which is the only part of that song I understand; thank goodness it’s applicable.

It will be work. You will have to actively participate in every part of this process. You can’t just show up at the gym and expect to get fitter—you need to actually flex your muscles. Same here. Reading this book is a great first step. Completing a reset is huge. But that’s only the very first part of this journey. Now you must work.

Pay attention. Think before you eat. Reflect on your choices. Journal. Commit to the process every single day. Even on vacation. Even when you’re stressed. Even when you’re so over the idea of “awareness” and “worth it” that you think, “Screw it, I’m going to take the weekend off and come back to it on Monday.”

Especially then.

It will get easier. You will move through the steps and strategies with more fluidity. When you veer off course, you will quickly find your way back. You will experience glorious moments where it’s completely effortless; you automatically run through the process, make your choice, enjoy the hell out of it, and move on. This will feel amazing. Stop here, and let it feel amazing. You’ve earned that.

You will drink a glass of wine on your birthday, or two, or none, and you will be happy.

This can be your food freedom future, if you do the work.

This work will be significantly easier if you stay connected to the healthy-eating communities you joined during your reset. This is something you may not have even considered. The camaraderie of your online group during your reset was really helpful, but you’ve graduated now. It’s a reset-focused support group, and you’re done with your reset, so it’s time to move on, right?

Oh so wrong.

Consider this tip your secret food freedom weapon: Post-reset, continue to comment on your favorite healthy-eating social media feeds, check in with people on the forum, and answer questions in your Facebook group. Share resources. Help new people. Talk about what “life after” looks like for you. Ask for help when you need it. These simple acts will provide a number of food freedom benefits.

Find the Right Support

If you find, post-reset, that you’re no longer getting the right kind of support in your support group, don’t be afraid to find another! Every forum, message board, and blog has its own dynamics and culture; finding the group that’s right for you long term is critical. You may want to “audit” a few new communities before committing to any one group, or use different sites or feeds for different reasons: one to hold you accountable to your Food Freedom plan, one when you just need someone to tell you “good job,” and another for when you’re back on your reset protocol. Take as much time as you need here to find the right post-reset communities for you, because getting this right can make a huge impact on your continued food freedom success.

Staying connected with your reset support group reinforces your growth mind-set, reminding you that you’re still a healthy eater with good habits, even though you occasionally eat (totally worth it) less-healthy foods. If you’ve connected with the right people, their offerings will make it easier to maintain your healthy habits, providing a wealth of delicious recipes, meal planning strategies, and cooking tips.

Offering advice to others through their reset might also make you feel really good. In fact, it could actually help you just as much as it helps them. Earlier this year, I jumped on the Whole30 Instagram account to provide guidance to a woman caring for a sick family member and beating herself up for her boring-but-still-compliant reset food choices. I advised her to shift her mind-set away from trying to do the “perfect” reset with fancy recipes and homemade everything; focusing instead on sticking to the rules 100% and being proud of herself for it—even if that involved a microwave, a grass-fed hot dog, and a paper plate.

As I typed this response, something clicked for me, too—this concept of letting good enough be good enough during times of stress, and the ways in which I could apply this in my own life while writing this book. This was when, as I mentioned earlier, I immediately stopped putting pressure on myself to cook (and Instagram) complicated recipes and started making variations of simple meals I could put together quickly but still really enjoy. My point is, you may also find yourself offering advice to someone else, only to realize that was exactly what you needed to hear, too—a major win-win for your food freedom.

Remaining involved in your community will also help prevent the dreaded slow slide (back on page 129), keeping you focused on and committed to working the program and accountable to your community for your choices.

It’s hard to pretend all those grabbed-a-muffin-for-breakfast mornings aren’t happening when people still want to know what you’re eating and how it’s going.

You can also reinforce your new relationship with food by expanding your focus and commitment to include other healthy pursuits, like exercise, sleep, or meditation. This often feels natural and intuitive; taking back control over food is a powerful experience, and the sense of self-confidence it brings will spill over into every other area of your life.

You’ll watch less television. You’ll take the stairs. You’ll join a book club. You’ll plant some herbs. You’ll write in your journal. You’ll try a yoga class. You’ll meditate. You’ll call your mother.

Bonus: Surrounding your food freedom with other healthy habits makes it easier to maintain them all. When you feel great, you’ll be motivated not just to continue paying attention and working the plan, but to adopt other feel-good habits, like walking more, joining a gym, or taking that cooking class you’ve been wanting to try. Once you do those things, you will feel even healthier, and the lovely cycle will continue.

This is who you are now.

This is what you do now.

You are a healthy person, with healthy habits, living in true food freedom.

It makes me want to heart emoji.

I am so honored to be on this journey with you, and I wish you nothing but health, happiness, food freedom forever, and the occasional cupcake with two inches of frosting.

But only if it’s worth it.