“PETER,” MY FRIEND BYRON E-MAILED ME A FEW DAYS AGO. “I HAVEN’T been diligent about working out over the past five years and I’m trying to get back in the gym and get myself into a healthier state. I’ve found that on my quest for a Mind, Body, Spirit balance, my body has been neglected. I need to fix it, and it’s VERY hard for me to get motivated. Any insight?”
Something you should know about Byron is that he recently started a business, and he’s constantly developing his skills through training programs he pays for with his own money. So it’s not that Byron is unmotivated in general. It’s just that he thinks he’s unmotivated to work out.
But Byron is wrong. “I need to fix it,” he wrote. He is motivated to work out; otherwise he wouldn’t have e-mailed me. He clearly cares about getting fit, and when you care about something, you’re motivated.
No, Byron’s challenge isn’t motivation. It’s follow-through.
It’s important to realize this distinction because as long as Byron thinks he’s solving a motivation problem, he’ll be looking for the wrong solution. He’ll try to get himself excited. He’ll remind himself that being in shape is really important. Maybe he’ll visualize the partners he’ll attract if he looks better or the years he’ll add to his life if he gets in better shape.
Each attempt to motivate himself will only increase his stress and guilt as it widens the gap between his motivation and his follow-through, between how badly he wants to work out and his failure to do so. We have a misconception that if we only cared enough about something, we would do something about it. But that’s not true.
Motivation is in the mind; follow-through is in the practice. Motivation is conceptual; follow-through is practical. In fact, the solution to a motivation problem is the exact opposite of the solution to a follow-through problem. The mind is essential to motivation. But with follow-through, it’s the mind that gets in the way.
We’ve all experienced our mind sabotaging our aspirations. We decide to go to the gym after work, but then, when it comes time to go, we think, It’s late. I’m tired. Maybe I’ll skip it today. We decide we want to meditate, but then, we look at our watch and decide, I don’t have the time. We decide we need to be more supportive of our employees, but then, when someone makes a mistake, we think, If I don’t make a big deal about this, he’s going to do it again. We decide we need to speak more in meetings, but then, when we’re sitting in the meeting, we think, I’m not sure what I’m going to say really adds value.
Here’s the key: if you want to follow through on something, stop thinking. Shut down the sabotaging conversation that goes on in your head before it starts. Don’t take the bait. Stop arguing with yourself. Make a very specific decision about something you want to do and don’t question it. By very specific, I mean decisions like these: “I will work out tomorrow at 6:00 A.M.,” or “I will meditate for fifteen minutes as soon as I wake up,” or “I will only point out the things my employee does right,” or “I will say at least one thing in the next meeting.”
Then, when your mind starts to argue with you—and I guarantee it will—ignore it. You’re smarter than your mind. You can see right through it.
I once took a golf lesson with a pro who taught me a certain way to swing the club. After the lesson, he issued a warning.
“When you play with others, some people will want to give you advice. Just listen to them politely, thank them for their advice, and then completely ignore it and do exactly what I’ve just told you to do.”
That, Byron, is precisely how you should respond to your mind.
If you are having trouble accomplishing a task or activity, the culprit might be follow-through. Rather than motivating yourself with an internal pep talk, shut down your mind: decide on a specific action or task, and don’t allow your internal thoughts to talk you out of it.