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Academy Awards, 182–83
acceptance, 115, 215, 216
of criticism, 208–12
of people for who they are, 101–5
acknowledgment, 144–47, 191
action-inaction, 219
aggression, 206
aging, 97–98
agreement, 170–74, 210
airline travel, 140–43
Alaska, 44–45, 46
allowing failure, 175–77
Amazing Race, The (TV show), 86
Amazon, 47
ambiguity, navigating, 75–78
America Bowl, 166, 169
America’s Next Top Model (TV show), 86
anger, 2, 81, 95, 102, 104, 110, 121, 125, 171, 205, 206, 213, 214, 226
asking questions and, 152–56
antibiotics, 34
Apple, 58
appreciation, 135–39, 149
Apprentice, The (TV show), 86
approval, 29–32, 52
trusting yourself and, 29–32
arguments, 83, 106–9, 131– 32, 223
asking questions and, 152–56
walking away from, 106–9
arrogance, 66, 69
asking questions, 152–56
assessing options, 77–78
Austin, Texas, 89–90
auto industry, 19
Bachelor, The (TV show), 86
balance, 175–77
bedtime rituals, 60
being yourself, 89–92
bike riding, 175–76, 177
Birch, Leann Lipps, 226
BlackBerry, 207
Blakeslee, Mermer, A Conversation with Fear, 73
blame, 83, 110–13, 206
taking the, 110–13
bonuses, 1, 87, 137
boredom, 58–61, 221
PowerPoint presentations, 221–24
boundaries, 109, 148–51
breathing, 11, 13, 14, 16
meditation and, 13–16
bullying, 108–9
C.K., Louis, 38
cancer, 85
cell phones, 37–38, 40, 48
e-mail and, 218
texting and, 93–96, 219
Census Bureau, 34
CEOs, 67–68, 111–13, 144–46, 183, 205, 221–23, 235–36
change, 225–33, 237, 238
of environment, 229–33
of expectations, 27–28, 37–40, 115–18
solutions as temporary, 236–38
with the right stories, 225–28
Chekhov, Anton, 35
clumsy communications, 93–96
cold medicines, 34
colleagues’ work, responsibility for, 185–88
communications, 93–96, 230–31 accepting people for who they are, 101–5
arguments, 106–9
asking questions, 152–56
clumsy, 93–96
generosity, 140–43
listening for the unspoken, 131–34
receiving, 123–26
saying no, 148–51
texting, 93–96
thank-yous, 144–47
See also relationships
comparisons, 166–69
competition, 86
complaining, 170–74, 190, 192, 193
conferences, 89–92, 101
confidence, 65, 66, 74, 113, 205
inner critic and, 62–66
lack of, 64
Connecticut, 106
constructive criticism, 208–12
control, 15, 73, 239
cool, keeping your, 162–65
Coovadia, Jerry, 29–30, 31
courage, 124–25, 187, 188
gathering, 151
creativity, 26, 59, 61
accepting, 204–7, 208–12
feedback, 204–12
gift of, 208–12
inner critic, 62–66
cultural differences, 116–17
defensiveness, 209
asking questions and, 152–56
criticism and, 204–12
devil’s advocate, 211
disappointment, 99, 105
discipline, 161, 165, 198, 229
overcoming impulse of, 194–98
professionalism and, 162–65
restructuring environment, 229–33
disengagement, 47–49
dogs, 110, 113
doing nothing, 33–36
doing other people’s work, 189–93
Dunn, Elizabeth, 86–87
Economist, 166
economy, 78
18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done (Bregman), 4
e-mail, 144, 228, 231
stop checking, 217–20
thank-yous, 144–47
empathy, 127–30, 191
entrepreneurs, 34–35
environment, 229–33
restructuring your, 229–33
safe, 213–16
exercise, 56, 97, 98, 189
expectations, 12, 27, 37–40, 115
changing, 27–28, 37–40, 115–18
rules of engagement and, 114–18
experience, 50–53
Facebook, 56
failure, 28, 52, 65, 71–74, 77, 83, 113, 175–77, 226
allowing, 175–77
empathy and, 127–30
taking the blame, 110–13
visualizing, 71–74
false starts, 127–28
Fast Company, 56
fear, 73, 81, 120, 125
of failure, 71–74
feedback, 29–32
critical, 204–12
receiving, 123–26
trusting yourself and, 29–32
Fighter, The (movie), 182
flaws, 100
in others, 97–100
Florence, 54
focus, 4, 12, 14, 43, 54–57, 69, 131, 218
identifying areas of, 19–21
on outcome, 194–98
unfocused, 54–57
follow-through, 22–24
food, 185–88, 189, 199, 226–27, 229–32, 239
football, 19, 166
Ford Pinto, 19
four-second pause, 13–16
Fox, Chris, 56–57
France, 98, 140, 142
friends, 83, 85–88, 151, 214
accepting people for who they are, 101–5
high school, 87–88
prioritizing, 85–88
Frisbee, 123
Gallup Organization, 87
gardens, 54, 56, 57
Geller, Andy, 211–12
generosity, 140–43, 189–93
doing other people’s work, 189–93
Georgia, 85
gifts, 135–39, 213–16
criticism as, 208–12
global health, 29, 30
globalization, 29, 115
goals, 4, 12, 17–21, 111
negative side effects of, 17–21
sales, 20
setting, 17–21
“Goals Gone Wild” (paper), 18–19
golf, 24
gossip, 190, 191
Grand Canyon, 71–72, 74
habits, 3–7, 82
mental, 9–78
new, 5–6, 82, 79–156
relationship, 79–156
self-defeating, 1–7
work, 157–233
See also specific habits
hair salons, 162–65
handwritten notes, 137, 138
happiness, 82, 87
Harvard Business School, 18
Harvard University, 18
HayGroup, 211
hedging, 206
high school, friends in, 87–88
Holocaust, 50
honesty, and critical feedback, 204–7
humility, 184
Hurricane Sandy, 194–98
ice hockey, 167
imagining the worst, 71–74
impulses, resisting, 14
Inception (movie), 182
India, 116
individuals, 166–69
informal meetings, 221–24
inner critic, 62–66
inspiration, 97–100
in people, 97–100
Internet, 38, 47–48, 163
connection, 47–48, 49
stop checking e-mail, 217–20
interpretation, 95
iPad, 58–61
iPhone, 58, 98
iPod, 58
Italy, 54
Japan, 41, 116, 191
journal, keeping a, 56
Judaism, 42, 50, 62, 194
judgment, 51, 125
avoiding, 125
Kauffman Foundation, 34
kayaking, 44–46, 71–72, 74
keeping your cool, 162–65
kindness, 134
King’s Speech, The (movie), 182
knee-jerk reactions, 2–5, 11, 12, 14, 46, 69, 83, 155, 160
Lap-Band surgery, 230
Last Samurai, The (movie), 41
lateness, 1–6
laziness, 31, 63
leadership, 67–68, 76, 99, 111, 160, 161, 168, 223, 235–36
CEOs, 67–68, 111–13, 144–46, 183, 205, 221–23, 235–36
professionalism, 162–65
senior, 178–80
supporting others’ success and, 178–80
learning, 51, 55, 175–76
blame and, 111
failure and, 175–77
listening, 83, 108–9, 131–34, 191
for the unspoken, 131–34
instead of arguing, 108–9
love, 64–66, 88, 215, 216
self-, 66
medicine, 34
meditation, 13–16, 189
meeting people where they are, 119–22
mental habits, 6, 9–78, 81
boredom, 58–61
changing expectations, 37–40
doing nothing, 33–36
experience vs. performance, 50–53
follow-through, 22–24
four-second pause, 13–16
inner critic, 62–66
perfection, 25–28
preparation, 44–46
process, 75–78
resetting yourself, 47–49
rituals, 41–43
setting goals, 17–21
sweet spot, 67–70
trusting yourself, 29–32
unfocused focus, 54–57
visualizing failure, 71–74
micromanagement, 116
missed opportunities, 150–51
mistakes, 122
meeting people where they are, 119–22
taking responsibility for, 110–13
money, 87, 112
Moster, Marvin, 97–98, 99, 100
motivation, 22–23
follow-through and, 22–24
movies, 181–84
multitasking, 3
music, 89
National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS), 208–11
negativity, 160, 170–74, 193, 207
countering with positivity, 170–71, 172
neutralizing, 170–74
Netflix, 58
new businesses, 34–35
New York City, 106, 110, 116, 117, 194–98
New York Times, 19, 34
9/11 attacks, 39
no, 148–51
preemptive, 150
saying, 148–51
notes, handwritten, 137, 138
nothing, doing, 33–36
notice, 95
obesity, 179, 229–32
O’Brien, Conan, 38
O’Brien, Ken, 19
openness, 125
options, assessing, 77–78
Oscars, 182–83
outcome, focus on, 194–98
Outward Bound, 45
pain, 33–34, 36
Paris, 98, 140
parking tickets, 106–7, 109
perfection, 25–28, 40, 228, 237
ditching the urge for, 25–28
performance, 13, 19, 42, 50–53, 138, 139, 161, 167
appreciation and, 135–39
individual, 166–69
review, 136, 201–3
stopping, 50–53
permission, asking, 206
Petzoldt, Paul, 77
Philadelphia Inquirer, 166
police, arguing with, 106–7
politics, 107
positivity, 160, 172, 173, 174
countering negativity with, 170–71, 172
power, 140–43, 159, 205
generosity and, 140–43
struggles, 140–43
PowerPoint presentations, 221–24
practice, 150
preparation, 44–46
with process, 75–78
Princeton University, 152, 153
Prince William Sound, 44–45
prioritizing relationships, 85–88
process, 75–78, 194–98
resist following, 194–98
professionalism, 162–65
projection, 99
promotions, 144, 178, 179, 180
punishment, 110
pushiness, 150
questions, asking, 152–56
raises, 201–3
reality, accepting, 37–40
relationships, 6–7, 13, 35, 78, 79–156
accepting people for who they are, 101–5
appreciation, 135–39
arguments, 106–9
asking questions, 152–56
blame, 110–13
boundaries, 148–51
clumsy communications, 93–96
critical feedback, 204–7
doing nothing and, 35
empathy, 127–30
friends, 85–88
generosity, 140–43
inspiration in people, 97–100
listening for the unspoken, 131–34
meeting people where they are, 119–22
prioritizing, 85–88
receiving, 123–26
rules of engagement, 114–18
saying no, 148–51
showing people who you really are, 89–92
strengthening, 79–156
thank-yous, 144–47
writing people off, 101–5
religion, 42, 50, 107
resetting yourself, 47–49
respect, 143 critical feedback and, 204–7
responding, 95
responsibility, 160
for colleagues’ work, 185–88
taking, 110–13, 159–60, 168
restaurants, 185–88
restructuring your environment, 229–33
rewards, 135–39
risks, 44–46, 75, 168, 173
preparation and, 44–46
process and, 75–78
rituals, 41–43, 60, 137
role-defining, 89–92
Rosenfield, Allan, 29, 99
rules of engagement, 114–18
safe space, creating a, 213–16
sailing, 75–78
sales, 112, 182
goals, 20
Savannah, Georgia, 85
saying no, 148–51
Schell, Michael S., Managing Across Cultures, 116
Sea Kayaker, 45
Sears, 18
self-criticism, 62–66
self-defeating habits, 1–7
sharing success, 185–88
showing people who you really are, 89–92
silo mentality, 185–88
skiing, 119–22, 167
sleep, 189
Social Network, The (movie), 182
solutions, as temporary, 236–38
South By Southwest (SXSW), 89–90
sports, 19, 24, 75, 119–28, 166, 167, 182
startups, 34–35
Steinberg, Don, 166, 169
stop checking e-mail, 217–20
stories, telling the right, 225–28
storms, 75–77
stress, 3, 6, 37, 38, 81, 189–93
changing expectations and, 37–40
doing other people’s work, 189–93
reduction, 37–40
success, 4, 12, 28, 52, 65, 67, 69, 87
sharing, 181–84
supporting others’, 178–80
visualizing, 73–74
Sundance Film Festival, 181, 183, 184
supporting others’ success, 178–80
Survivor (TV show), 86
sweet spot, 67–70
swimming, 127–28
taking responsibility, 110–13, 159–60, 168
for colleagues’ work, 185–88
taking the blame, 110–13
taxes, 35
tea ritual, 41
technology, 35, 37–38, 47–48, 55, 58–61
stop checking e-mail, 217–20
TED talks, 25–26, 30
television, 58, 59, 86
reality, 86
telling the right stories, 225–28
temptations, 12
tendonitis, 33–34, 36
Texas, 89–90
texting, 93–96, 219
thank-yous, 144–47
time, 27
lack of, 27
management, 69
protecting your, 69–70
spending less, 25–28
Tokyo, 116
Top Chef (TV show), 86
Tourist, The (movie), 184
training wheels, loss of, 175–77
True Grit (movie), 182
trust, 29–32, 205, 215
safe space, 213–16
in yourself, 29–32
tsunami, 191
Ultimate Frisbee, 123
unexpected, dealing with, 75–78
uniqueness, 166–69
University of British Columbia, 87
unplugging, 47–49
unreasonable requests, 131–34
unspoken, listening for the, 131–34
USA Today, 218
visualization, 72
of failure, 71–74
of success, 73–74
Vonnegut, Kurt, 180
walking away from arguments, 106–9
Weeds (TV show), 58, 59
weight loss, 229–32
why, explaining, 149
willpower, 12, 15, 161, 229–33
restructuring your environment, 229–33
Winter Olympics, 167
work, 7, 34–35, 42, 157–233
allowing failure, 175–77
appreciation, 135–39
blame, 110–13
comparisons, 166–69
complaining, 170–74
critical feedback, 204–12
doing other people’s work, 189–93
focus on outcome, 194–98
friends and, 87, 88
gift of criticism, 208–12
individuals, 166–69
informal meetings, 221–24
keeping your cool, 162–65
neutralizing negativity, 170–74
optimizing habits, 157–233
PowerPoint presentations, 221–24
professionalism, 162–65
raises, 201–3
referrals, 87
restructuring your environment, 229–33
safe space, 213–16
sharing success, 181–84
startups, 34–35
stop checking e-mail, 217–20
supporting others’ success, 178–80
sweet spot and, 67–70
taking responsibility for colleagues’ work, 185–88
telling the right stories, 225–28
thank-yous, 144–47
turnover rates, 225
zeroing in on top priorities, 199–203
writing, 56
writing people off, refusing to, 101–5
Wyoming, 208
yelling, 152–56
yes, saying, 151
yourself, 89–92
being, 89–92
trust in, 29–32
zeroing in on what matters, 199–203