Today is today. You are where you are now through a whole set of circumstances, and chance happenings. Some of these were within your control and many, many others were not. Acknowledge that you have only ever done the best you could do, and you already know that sometimes your best wasn’t that great, but at the time that was all you could do.

Maya Angelou said, ‘I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.’ We ask that you do the same. Allow yourself just to be, and to acknowledge where you are today without self-blame, or negative judgements. You’ve already come further than you think and survived times more challenging than anyone else really knows about.

The early stages of this work are designed to reveal and explore old habits and old, engrained and unquestioned ways of thinking about yourself that you may not even be fully aware of. There are revelations in this work that can surprise you. You are beginning to mine the past to recall half-remembered times which have somehow kept you stuck and influenced your relationship with food.

You are about to take a life-changing step on your road, and to see for yourself your potential to live every day as a brand new day, with a brand new dawn.

Tune in to your self-talk

We all hear self-talk – that voice in our head that can so effectively make us feel uncomfortable. Self-talk rarely talks us up or makes us feel great. It is that nagging, carping voice in our head reminding us of our limitations and our so-called failures.

We often don’t even know the origin of our self-talk, but it may certainly be telling us things that we would never share with anyone else. It is there inside our mind, and most likely has been there, unexplored and limiting our self-potential, for a long, long time.

It is this negative self-talk of limiting self-beliefs and twisted half-truths about our own body and our inability to successfully lose weight, that forms the basis of our well-practised self-sabotaging behaviour. It is helpful to acknowledge this self-talk by writing it down. Shining a light onto these self-critical, self-assassinating beliefs is the first step in taking away their power.

So, what is your self-talk saying to you?

Below are some examples of self-talk from our clients. There is a worksheet on page 56, http://your7simplesteps.com/book1 for you to use to record your own self-talk. You must first tune in to this, listen to it, and then write down what you hear. Take the time to really listen to your self-talk so you can identify whose voice or attitude it mimics. You may hear statements such as:

‘I’m fat because I’m lazy.’

‘I’m overweight because I have no will power.’

‘I deserve to be fat.’

‘My body is gross.’

‘I can’t help being big. My weight is genetic.’

‘I’m big boned. I’m known as big Sue/Dave [or whomever].’

‘I have a slow metabolism.’

‘I don’t deserve to be slim.’

‘Nothing works for me.’

Now it’s your turn:

See the ‘Your self-talk’ worksheet at http://your7simplesteps.com/book1.

For the A4 printer-friendly version of the ‘Your self-talk’ worksheet go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the Worksheets tab.

Reveal your hidden limiting beliefs

Limiting beliefs are often unspoken thoughts that are never questioned. These thoughts are rarely shared or ever see the light of day, existing as they do in the shadow-lands of our conscious mind. They remain untested and taken for the truth, even though that is most often not the case.

However, what limiting beliefs do is keep you in your place. They stop you from ever even attempting your goals, or they encourage subconscious self-sabotaging behaviour to make sure you never achieve them.

Some examples of limiting beliefs that we have heard from our clients are:

‘I’ve never been slim. It’s just not possible for me.’

‘Even if I lose weight I can’t keep it off.’

‘Everyone in my family is big. It’s my genes.’

‘My friends won’t like me if I lose weight.’

‘Everyone will expect more of me if I lose weight.’

‘I’m going to have to go out and live if I lose this weight.’

‘I won’t feel safe being slim, healthy and gorgeous.’

‘Diets have never worked for me, and this won’t help either.’

Your self-talk

 

In the following worksheet you have the chance to bring your limiting beliefs out into the light. Acknowledging them, and perhaps noting where they originated, is a vital step in releasing beliefs that hold you back and stop you from fulfilling your full potential. Here’s how you do it:

  • Sit quietly.
  • Tap with a soft fist on your collarbone and tune into your unspoken limiting beliefs about yourself around successful weight loss.
  • Think about how other people manage their eating and their physical wellbeing. Contrast those thoughts with your beliefs about yourself.
  • Take your time to really get in touch with your limiting beliefs. As in the previous worksheet, do not expect your limiting beliefs to be realistic, sensible or logical. Don’t judge or edit them. Write down as many as you can. Hearing and acknowledging them is the first step to recognising them for the nonsense they truly are.
  • Each time you note down one of your limiting beliefs, give it a Subjective Unit of Discomfort (SUD) number from zero to 10. Zero equals ‘I don’t believe that at all’ and 10 is equal to ‘I believe it strongly’.

To help with this, use the ‘Limiting beliefs’ worksheet at http://your7simplesteps.com/book2.

To download the A4 printer-friendly PDF of the ‘Limiting beliefs’ worksheet go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the Worksheets tab.

Limiting beliefs

Eliminating your limiting beliefs

As we explain on page 39, PSTEC is a technique created to remove or break the negative emotional connection to an uncomfortable memory, or an event. We use it extensively in our work to tackle the many aspects and layers of negative emotion that encourage stress and comfort eating. The audio technique uses pre-recorded rhythmic clicks (‘click tracks’) to which the listener responds by following the instructions and finger tapping in time to the click tracks. The audio tracks include extensively researched, and well-accepted, psychological approaches to help make the changes you desire. The basic tracks can be downloaded free from www.your7simplesteps.com (see the Free PSTEC click tracks tab) but there are additional click tracks designed to turbo-charge your results and build on the effects of the free click tracks. These optional click tracks can be purchased for a small fee as described on our website.

The PSTEC click tracks are really designed for dealing with negative feelings in response to uncomfortable memories from the past. They are also effective with events that have only been imagined. PSTEC works wonderfully to clear limiting beliefs and old patterns of behaviour and thinking that keep you overweight and stuck.

You should begin by focusing your PSTEC work on the negative limiting belief that you scored highest on the ‘Limiting beliefs’ worksheet. Here is an example of how to use the free PSTEC click tracks with the belief ‘My friends won’t like me if I lose weight.’ To deal with this limiting belief we recommend the following procedure, using the click tracks in the way outlined on page 41:

Explore your past with the timeline protocol

We have included a worksheet, at http://your7simplesteps.com/book3 for you to plot your weight history from the beginning, at your birth, all the way up to today.

The focus of the Timeline protocol is to explore times in your life when your body has felt in balance, and the times you have manifested imbalance by carrying excess weight. When did this start for you? What events in your life coincided with periods of weight gain, or periods of weight loss?

The dates in themselves are not important. Focus on what you were doing at key times in your life, and how you felt then while acknowledging the effect this had on the weight you carried at those times.

Here are some examples of Timeline events from some of our clients:

‘I have always been heavy; I was even a heavy toddler.’
‘My mum told me I was a premature baby so I needed feeding up.’
‘I was six years old, and moved mid-term from my infant school, and lost all my friends.’

Other key events that commonly play a factor in weight gain or loss are:

  • uncomfortable, or confusing, sexual attention.
  • traumatic experiences or events, either experienced at first-hand or witnessed.
  • bullying at school, or in the work place.
  • puberty and physical changes.
  • parents’ divorce.
  • leaving home.
  • feeling out of one’s depth and overwhelmed.
  • financial stress.
  • birth of own children.
  • relationship breakdown.
  • redundancy.

Life events are legion. You will have your own unique history and we invite you to consider these events, perhaps for the first time, in relation to the weight you carry. Carrying excess weight can be an expression of a survival strategy formulated in times of great personal stress. Acknowledging this can be the beginning of letting go of old and entrenched patterns of behaviour that no longer serve you.

Here’s how to do it:

  • Go to the Timeline worksheet on page 62 or download a copy from www.your7simplesteps.com (click on the worksheets tab).
  • Draw a long straight line down the centre of the worksheet with a ruler from top to bottom. One end of the line represents your birth and the other end represents today.
  • Look back through your life events and write each on the worksheet. How has your body reflected pressure and change in your life so far? What family legends or stories surround your birth and early years? Consider the milestones in your life and gain an awareness of when your body felt in balance and when your body felt out of control. If during your life you have ever achieved your target weight, what happened around that time to change that for you?
  • As you consider your timeline, do any events or memories still hold an emotional charge for you? The free PSTEC click tracks would be perfect for resolving and releasing those negative emotions so that you can no longer be triggered by them in the future.

Timeline

Clear your resistance to change

Clearing your resistance to change is core to your work. Holding onto unwanted excess weight is often about unacknowledged fear of change. You might feel incredulous when you read that sentence, given you consciously know how much you want to lose your excess weight. However, some resistance can be very deeply buried, perhaps even below your level of conscious awareness.

So, what is behind your resistance to change? Here are some examples of resistance to change, or of fear of change, from our clients. The next worksheet (see page 64, http://your7simplesteps.com/book4) is for you to tune in, listen and write out your own unique resistance, and fear of change. Here are some examples that may help prompt you to recognise yours.

‘My friends won’t like me if I lose this weight.’

‘I might want more from my life if I lose this weight.’

‘What happens if I lose this weight and my life is still awful?’

‘It’s too late for me to lose this weight. I’ve wasted all these years being big.’

‘If I get slimmer, I might not be able to stop.’

‘If I lose weight I may have to take my place in the world and be more successful, attractive, sexy…’

‘I can stay safe by staying fat.’

‘Being fat makes me invisible.’

‘I’ve always been the fat one in my family.’

‘I don’t want them to think that I am fixed.’

Resistance to change is similar to the many layers of an onion, and it is a theme we will return to later. Being willing to take the time to peel back the layers and allowing your resistance to rise to the surface is important work.

Resistance

 

Another way of considering this topic is to think about these questions:

‘What do I maintain by staying the same?’
‘What possible benefits can there be for me from not changing?’
‘What am I saying by not losing my excess weight?’

Initially you might think there cannot possibly be any positive gains from staying as you are, but give yourself time and space to consider this. As always with this work, it is important not to judge phrases or insights that pop into your mind. This is not about logical thinking. Just tap and breathe. Every time you allow another aspect of your old cruddy stuff to emerge you will be another step further on your way to thinking, and believing, differently about yourself.

Here is your opportunity to explore your resistance to change. Be aware you might be tempted to skip this worksheet altogether. That would be just another manifestation of resistance.

  • Take your time. Breathe. Tap on your collar bone. You can close your eyes if it is appropriate to do so, and allow your mind to drift. You are going to those places in your mind so often drowned out by your busy life so give yourself time to find your quiet core. It is where, so often, the answers are.
  • When you have experienced your ‘Ah ha!’ moments, it would be good to clear the emotions around those thoughts with PSTEC. Track back through those thoughts until you recall earlier patterns of thinking, or perhaps even the first time you had that thought. Get in touch again with what was happening for you then. PSTEC works wonderfully well on past events, both real and imagined, so play with this and do the work to clear whatever comes to mind.

EFT resistance-to-change script

Emotional freedom technique (see page 21) is a powerful tool for building emotional health. It uses tapping on the ‘meridians’ of the face and upper body long used in Chinese medicine and now confirmed by modern western research, coupled with ‘scripts’ of things to say/think while following a systematic programme of tapping. The EFT resistance-to-change script is a powerful tapping script that helps tackle resistance to change no matter what form this resistance takes.

As we explain in the detailed guide to EFT (see page 22), you do not need to follow our scripts word for word. Our recommendations are a rule of thumb; it would be more powerful if you used some of the insights you have made from your own layers of resistance, so feel free to adapt or even re-write the script that follows using the EFT script template (see below).

Do have a glass of water to hand, and sip regularly.

To download the A4 printer-friendly EFT aide memoir PDF, go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the EFT tab
To download the A4 printer-friendly EFT blank template PDF go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the EFT tab.

EFT set-up for first tapping round

As we explain on page 22, EFT involves a number of ‘rounds’ of tapping the meridian points, each beginning with a ‘set-up’ phase. For each phase and round a different script is used. Scripts you have worded for yourself are most powerful so the following is an approximate model for you to follow and adapt. For the set-up phase of the first round we recommend, while tapping on one hand with the other, or on your ‘sore sport’:

‘Even though I want to be healthy and eat nourishing foods, I don’t want to do this, and you can’t make me and I completely and fully love and accept myself as I am, even though it’s hard for me.’

‘Even though I don’t want to do this and I do want to do this and I can’t make me do it, I completely and fully love and accept myself as I am now even though it’s hard for me to accept myself.’

‘Even though I don’t want to be fit, lithe and healthy, I do and I don’t and I will and I won’t and NO, NO, NO, NO, NO – you can’t make me – and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

First round of tapping

Each round should only take about 30-40 seconds. The letters before each statement refer to the meridian points shown in Figure 1 on page 25:

     EB:   ‘No! You can’t make me be healthy and fit.’
  SE:   ‘I just don’t want to.’
  UE:   ‘Yes, I do want to be healthy and fit.’
  N:   ‘No, I don’t.’
  C:   ‘You can’t make me.’
  CB:   ‘No! No! No! No! No!’
  RIBS:   ‘Please! Don’t make me be healthy and fit.’
  UA:   ‘I have to… I just have to…’
  W:   ‘I can… I can’t… I will… I won’t… I must… I mustn’t…
  TH:   ‘I have to… I just have to…’

Take a breath…

EFT set-up for second tapping round

As before, these are model set-up statements to use prior to the second round of tapping on the meridian points.

‘Even though I am not healthy now, I choose to be healthy and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

‘Even though clearly I am not healthy, I choose to be healthy and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

‘Even though I am confused about good health, I choose to be healthy and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

Second round of tapping

These are the approximate statements for each meridian point you tap in the second round:

     EB:   ‘I say YES to health, today, right now…’
  SE:   ‘No! I say yes to staying the way I am’
  UE:   ‘You can’t make me be fit, lithe and healthy.’
  N:   ‘You can’t make me change.’
  C:   ‘You can’t make me fat.’
  CB:   ‘No wonder I’m confused.’
  RIBS:   ‘You can’t make me be fat and unhealthy… I choose to be in control’.
  UA:   ‘You can’t make me do anything and I now choose health and wellbeing.’
  W:   ‘I say YES to health and wellbeing.’
  TH:   ‘I choose health and wellbeing today.’

Take a breath…

EFT set-up for third tapping round

‘Even though I’ve been stuck, I do want to live my dreams and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

‘Even though I’m not taking enough action, I intend to live my dreams and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

‘Even though I’m stuck and it’s all my fault, I choose to live my dreams anyway and I deeply and completely love and accept myself without any judgement.’

Third round of tapping

These are the statements for each meridian point you tap in the third round:

     EB:   ‘No, I don’t, and you can’t make me.’
  SE:   ‘I want to live a fulfilling life.’
  UE:   ‘No, I want to be miserable and lonely.’
  N:   ‘You can’t make me have joy.’
  C:   ‘You can’t stop me from living my dreams.’
  CB:   ‘I’ve been so stuck.’
  RIBS:   ‘I choose to live my dreams.’
  UA:   ‘You can’t make me stay stuck… I choose to be in control.’
  TH:   ‘I say YES to life, love, and peace…and to being the biggest and best I can be, today, right now!’

Take a deep breath.

EFT set-up for fourth tapping round

‘Even though I’ve been arguing with myself, I deeply and completely love and accept all of me.’

‘Even though I’ve been saying NO to myself, I deeply and completely love and accept all of me.’

‘Even though I’ve been focused on being in control rather than being creative and flexible, I deeply and completely love and accept all of me.’

Fourth round of tapping

These are the statements for each meridian point you tap in the fourth round:

     EB:   ‘It’s okay to say no.’
  SE:   ‘It’s okay to say yes.’
  UE:   ‘I’m sick and tired of saying yes and no at the same time.’
  N:   ‘I’ve decided to be clear.’
  C:   ‘It’s okay to be safe, and say yes.’
  CB:   ‘It’s my choice.’
  RIBS:   ‘It’s OK for me to say yes.’
  UA:   ‘I’m in control.’
  TH:   ‘I love feeling safe, free, and in control of what I choose for my life, today, right now.’

Take a deep breath… and another… and now, one more big one…

Now, say to yourself in your best imitation of a three-year-old:

‘No! You can’t make me!’

Note: Inspired by a Rick Wilkes EFT script.

Review

How does that all feel? What emotions came up as you tapped around? What memory or idea do you feel would be good to tap on next? Remember there is no right or wrong to tapping. A round of tapping takes only a few moments – so what’s there to lose? If other words pop into your head as you are tapping around, simply forget the text written here and go with your own words and thoughts. The more you make this yours the more it will resonate with you and the more changes you will experience in your thinking and feeling.

Remember your words are always the most powerful so take this opportunity now to compose your own EFT script on this theme.

Clear resistance with PSTEC

The time you spend working through this book will help you to focus on, and appreciate, your own intuition. Perhaps you already have a growing awareness of your particular kind of resistance to change, and the part it plays in keeping you overweight and stuck? Often ‘Aha!’ moments, or moments of clear insight and realisation, come with increased awareness.

Perhaps you realise now that the last time you lost weight brought you too much attention from the opposite sex making you feel uncomfortable? Does your partner give you the impression that he/she prefers you just the way you are so you’re afraid your relationship will be jeopardised if you change by losing weight? Will you be the only slim one in your family if you lose weight, so there’s a part of you that is afraid to be successful as you may no longer be accepted? Is there a part of you that feels you kept yourself safe by being overweight, and that you may be expected to go out and socialise more when you are slim? Have you failed many times in the past, and fear that what works for other people just will not work for you, and you cannot face failing again?

Imagine the key scenario that is causing the most resistance. Use one of the free click tracks to clear the fear and anxiety, and then see how you’re feeling about losing weight. If you feel comfortable and safe to lose weight, then you’re done. If not, sit quietly and imagine yourself at your goal weight. What are the feelings? Is there still some resistance left? Can you work out what is causing it? If you can, then use one of the free click tracks to clear it.

If you’re unable to picture yourself at your goal weight you will need to work on this as we have found it’s nigh on impossible to be successful if you can’t imagine your desired outcome. Try the following process. Imagine that standing between you as you are now, and you at your goal weight, is a barrier of some sort. What is this barrier made of? How high is it? Is there any emotion when you’re looking at the barrier? Try to be spontaneous about this process. It’s not about over-thinking. This works best if you just make a note of whatever comes into your mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s illogical, or absurd. Try not to judge your responses. What SUD rating is the emotion when you focus on your barrier? Now run one of the free click tracks on this. Persevere as it may take you a few rounds for the barrier to eventually disappear, leaving you able to see yourself at your goal weight. When you can (and you will), well done!

Work with the free click tracks on all your negative emotions around achieving your goal weight. You can turbo charge your results by working with one of the optional purchase tracks, called PSTEC Positive or PSTEC Positive Extra, to help embed positive suggestions into your subconscious once you have cleared your resistance.

Reset your personal hunger dial

Figure 3: Understanding and resetting your personal hunger dial
Resetting your hunger dial gives you an opportunity to pause and assess what is happening around your hunger levels, and your desire to eat. So often, compulsive eating and sugar cravings are nothing at all to do with being hungry and are driven by emotional needs. A new awareness of what is driving your hunger allows you to pause and find new and improved ways of taking care of yourself without swallowing down your emotions with unnecessary food.

Cravings and the need to avoid being hungry are closely associated. If you haven’t eaten for a few hours and your stomach feels empty, and is maybe even rumbling, then this could be real hunger. The best way to check is to have a glass of water. If you’re still feeling those empty feelings and rumblings in about 15 minutes, you’re definitely hungry.

If you have just eaten a meal and feel that you still want more, this is simply a desire to eat rather than actual hunger.

If you have a really strong urge to eat a particular thing and you also experience feelings of tension, then this is a craving.

Remember that cravings will go away. Distract yourself. Go and get a glass of water. Get up and pat the dog. Ring a friend. Remove yourself from the situation and you’ll find the craving passes. It is only a thought and thoughts can be changed! If you see a craving as life-or-death, that needs to be dealt with immediately – for example, I really fancy that muffin and I need to have it now’ – then you can change this. Say to yourself: ‘This is just a craving, which is just a thought, that’s all… I don’t have to take any notice of it. If I concentrate on something else for just a few minutes I’ll forget all about it and I’ll be really pleased with myself that I didn’t eat something that I didn’t really need.’

Some deep breathing is often helpful as well. You’ll feel more relaxed and the craving should have passed. If you’re finding it impossible to let go of that craving though, use the click track to clear it.

Full… or satisfied?

The full feeling we experience usually comes from eating bulky carbs, particularly bread.

Try preparing a low-carb meal that looks the right size and eat it. You will find that you won’t get the ‘full feeling’, but it will be a right-sized meal and you will feel satisfied. In fact, you don’t want the full feeling as that would mean you’ve eaten too much. That full feeling is no longer wanted. In fact it’s a bad feeling! The better feeling is to have eaten a small low-carb meal and not feel full and bloated… but knowing that you have eaten a healthy and satisfactory meal.

If not feeling full and bloated feels scary for you, then run the click track on that fear.

The pause button

Using the ‘pause button’ is a really effective technique you can use for times when you are feeling tempted to eat something that you know very well you don’t need.

In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) the problem is called suffering from ‘low frustration tolerance’. What this means is that basically you can be perfectly controlled and self-disciplined in various other areas of your life – maybe you don’t drink or smoke, for example – but when you are faced with this one particular thing (in this case food), you suddenly feel completely helpless and powerless. It’s as if this thing has some sort of hold over you… like it’s consuming your whole being and turning you into a quivering wreck. You may even feel that the urge is so strong that if you don’t go ahead and give in to it, then you will literally just about collapse in a heap and die. Does that sound familiar?

This is when the ‘pause button’ is helpful.

Imagine that you have a remote control for your own life (similar to the one for your TV) so you can pause/fast forward/rewind as and when necessary.

Picture yourself there – that food you really want is right in front of you (crisps… biscuits… chocolate…) – and you’re starting to feel weak, wanting to gulp it down on the spot. Quick as a flash you must hit your pause button to freeze-frame yourself physically for the next few seconds. Now, while you are on pause, physically spend the next few seconds running through the whole scenario mentally in your head and seeing yourself eating whatever it is you’re tempted by and enjoying (or not!) a few quick seconds of gratification from it.

Then you need to fast-forward (mentally) to five minutes AFTER you’ve finished eating and think about how you’re feeling then and what you’re thinking. This will probably be the usual routine of feeling guilty, beating yourself up, telling yourself you’re stupid for eating all that unnecessary food… and so forth.

So now you’ve reminded yourself of exactly how bad you’re going to feel if you DO go ahead and eat this, you can mentally rewind back to the present and spend a few moments playing through the scenario once more, but this time add in the nice happy ending and see yourself recognising that you’re not actually hungry and you don’t really need this food… it’s just a craving which is no more than a thought that starts in your mind… and you are completely in control of your thoughts if you choose to be.

Consequently, you see yourself deciding to walk away from the food and then fast-forward to five minutes later. Now how are you feeling? Probably strong, positive and proud of yourself because at last you’ve reacted in the right way and done the right thing!

The reality is that the initial thought you had can be built up out of all proportion or stopped in its tracks. The choice is yours. You are the one in control.

Rewind mentally to the present and notice that there were two different possible outcomes to this situation – giving in to the craving and then feeling bad about it, or not giving in and then feeling good – and it’s up to you to choose which path you want to take.

After all that imagining, take yourself off pause and make your choice. Same old road by eating all that unnecessary food and putting up with the negative consequences that follow? Or the positive route of not eating the food and taking a step towards achieving your target weight? The choice is yours.

Resetting your hunger levels with EFT

Here we offer an EFT (emotional freedom technique) script for resolving and releasing the desire to graze after dinner, when you are not actually hungry but still feel compelled to eat. If in fact your personal compulsions occur at a different time of day, or perhaps a different location, such as in the car or during the afternoon at the office, then you can just adapt the words to suit.

EFT set-up for first tapping round

‘Even though I graze at night, I completely and fully love and accept myself.’

‘Even though I don’t know how to stop this grazing after dinner, I completely and fully love and accept myself as I am now.’

‘Even though I graze in the evening and I don’t want to stop it because I really enjoy it, I completely and fully love and accept myself without judgement.’

Firstly take three fairly deep and gentle breaths. Breathe in through your nose and softly out through your mouth. Don’t use any force or pressure.

Now focus for a moment on your desire to graze on food and assess the level of desire.

First round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I can’t stop this grazing,
  SE:   ‘and I don’t think I want to anyway
  UE:   ‘because it’s a reward for me after a long tiring day.’
  N:   ‘It’s a satisfying way to end my day,
  C:   ‘and I don’t think I want to stop,
  CB:   ‘even though my health is suffering and I’m eating far too much.’
  RIBS:   ‘All this extra food is making me fatter and fatter,
  UA:   ‘but I really enjoy these extra snacks,
  W:   ‘even though I know they’re no good for me,

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath.

EFT set-up for second tapping round

‘Even though I still have this desire to graze in the evening, I completely and fully love and accept myself.’

‘Even though my desire to graze in the evening feels like a habit I can’t release, I completely and fully love and accept myself as I am now.’

‘Even though I’m not sure I can stop this grazing in the evening, part of me wants to change and I completely and fully love and accept myself without judgement.’

Second round of tapping
     EB:   ‘Part of me does want to change,
     SE:   ‘even though I’ll miss the comfort of that food,
  UE:   ‘but it’s such an unhealthy thing for me to do,
  N:   ‘so I’m willing to start to let this habit go.’
  C:   ‘Perhaps I can start to change my thinking around this grazing habit
  CB:   ‘and see this behavior for what it is –
  RIBS:   ‘just a way of escaping.’
  UA:   ‘I choose to release this habit easily and effortlessly,
  W:   ‘even though I’m afraid I’ll miss the comfort of
  TH:   ‘this habit of grazing at night.’

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath.

Assess your level of desire and rate it again from zero to 10.

EFT set-up for third tapping round
Third round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I’m choosing to release this grazing habit now.’
  SE:   ‘I’m choosing to soothe myself in positive, healthy ways.’
  UE:   ‘I’m choosing to calm all this stress and anxiety in ways that are healthy for me.’
  N:   ‘I’m releasing this need to graze.’
  C:   ‘I’m releasing it from every cell of my body.’
  CB:   ‘I love this feeling of being in control.’
  RIBS:   ‘I can easily let my thoughts go and be in control.’
  UA:   ‘They are only thoughts and I can ignore them and choose to be in control.’
  W:   ‘I’m choosing health and happiness now.’
  TH:   ‘I’m choosing to change this pattern easily and effortlessly!’

Pause.

Take one easy, deep breath.

Assess your level of desire for grazing and rate it from zero to 10. You should repeat the first tapping round if required to further reduce your SUD rating.

You know when you are most likely to habitually eat even though you are not hungry, so use this opportunity to reset your hunger dial by composing your own EFT script.

Build your own ‘dream-come-true’ protocol

Building a dream-come-true (DCT) protocol is a transformational process to allow you to move your current thinking and belief system about your excess weight from where you are now to where you want to be. It uses goal setting, but in the most powerful way. It isn’t just about setting an arbitrary goal and thinking that by writing it down you can achieve your dream-come-true. This protocol highlights for you all the ways you currently do not allow yourself to achieve your dream. So for the first time, you can clear all the blocks to your success.

Now is a good time to refer back to the moment you began this process of emotional change. We asked you at the outset to write down your goal weight, or dress or trouser size. Now is the time to remind yourself of the goal you noted down all that time ago. Does it inspire you when you re-read your goal? Do you need to adjust it, or represent it in another way? Perhaps you could try seeing yourself again fitting perfectly into a favourite dress, or looking wonderful in a well-cut suit you own or admire. Use visualisation techniques that resonate for you as these will be the most powerful.

Here’s how to build your own protocol:

  • Compose one simple statement, written in the first person and present tense, that represents your dream-come-true (DCT) around your weight. That means you write a statement about yourself as if you have achieved your weight loss goal now. Your DCT statement will read something like this:

‘I feel wonderful at my goal weight,___’ [Write it out in full in your DCT statement]

‘I feel great now I am a size 10’ [or whatever your goal size or weight is]

‘I love weighing 140 lb’ [or whatever your goal weight is, in whatever measurement that has meaning for you.]

Now build on your intention. Really feel your emotions swell around your DCT statement and how that would feel for you. Re-read your statement. Allow yourself to feel the emotional pull and power of having that be your reality. Now is the time to add in the joy and self-pride in achieving your dream.

The next part of your DCT statement will read something like this:

‘I am so proud of myself for reaching my goal weight.’
‘I really enjoy taking care of myself and putting myself first.’
‘I am so happy to count in my own life.’

Next, add in some real physical benefits from achieving your DCT that really appeal to you now that you have achieved your weight loss.

The next part of your DCT protocol will read something like this:

‘I have so much energy, I can walk for miles.’
‘I can dance all evening long.’
‘I have so much energy to play with my kids/grandchildren/walk the dog.’

When you read back to yourself your three sentences you can see that you have begun to create a powerful intention that truly reflects what you want for yourself.

If you add more advantages and heartfelt expressions you can make your DCT statement even more compelling. Add in more emotional detail with regard to how it will feel when you achieve your dream. The completed DCT protocol may read something like this:

‘I love weighing 120 lb. I feel fabulous in my size 12 jeans. I can walk for hours, and even run for a bus! Life is good and I feel so proud of myself for achieving my weight-loss goal.’

‘I enjoy looking attractive and slim. The new slimmer and fitter me has stacks of energy. I deserve to look after myself. I love my new fit and lean body. I feel strong and supple. I’m enjoying again all the activities I used to do. I feel younger and more confident in myself.’

You can use the space on the ‘Dream-come-true’ worksheet (see page 82, http://your7simplesteps.com/book5) to work out the most powerful statement for you. Experiment in building your own DCT statement. Think of yourself as moulding, or carving, your intention with words into something real and tangible – the new you.

This is only the beginning. Now you need to score your commitment and belief in your statement using the SUD ratings we have used for previous work. Zero represents ‘I don’t believe I can achieve this at all’ and 10 is ‘I truly believe I can do this’. When you initially set your belief score, it will most likely be quite low. Try not to be disheartened. Tap gently on your collar bone and breathe deeply and slowly. Re-read your completed DCT statement and allow your thoughts to drift to the reasons you think you cannot achieve your dream. These are your stumbling blocks to success. They may have been there a long time so give yourself time to explore this negative belief system.

We have found from our work with clients that common stumbling blocks to believing the dream-come-true statement are around self-esteem issues and fear of change. Make a note of the negative feelings your DCT statement evokes in you. This may be painful, but the negative thoughts are gifts as this is the work to be done. It is vital to clear the stumbling blocks to achieving your dream-come-true, or your subconscious mind will not let you succeed.

You can use EFT and PSTEC while focusing on your fear, or doubts around your own ability to succeed, or maybe even your belief that other people can do this but not you. As you clear your blocks to success, keep revisiting your statement.

To download the A4 printer-friendly PDF of the ‘Dream-come-true’ worksheet go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the Worksheets tab.

Clear the way for your dream-come-true with EFT and PSTEC

You can use EFT, or PSTEC, while focusing on fears or doubts around your own ability to achieve all the aspects of your dream-come-true statement. This may include even your belief that other people can succeed but not you.

Dream-come-true

 

If you want to use EFT to clear your blocks, then print out a copy of the EFT template, and using your own words compose an EFT script to acknowledge and release whatever blocks come to mind. If you compose your own EFT scripts, using your own words, the process is even more powerful and effective.

As you clear the blocks with either technique, revisit your DCT statement. You will have completed this process successfully when you score a 10 for your unassailable belief that you can embrace and achieve your DCT statement.

Affix your DCT statement to your fridge or bathroom mirror. Carry a copy with you in your wallet or handbag. Read it often. Score yourself often. If your score ever dips again then there is more clearing to be done, perhaps on an even deeper level. It is only by clearing these old blocks that you can be fully aligned with your intention.

End your self-sabotaging behaviour around food

Sometimes we find there is an unconscious desire to remain overweight, or perhaps you have a crisis of confidence that causes you to believe it will never be possible for you to lose your excess weight. The fears do not need to be logical and these feelings and beliefs can often be at odds with your conscious efforts to lose weight.

Track back using the timeline you produced (see page 62) to when you last felt in balance with your weight or happy at the weight you were. Recall what was happening for you around this time. Was it positive or was it negative? Think about the onion analogy again where emotions are layer upon layer and take time to unfurl to reveal deeper layers of emotion.

Find yourself a quiet, safe place. Close your eyes. Imagine yourself at your perfect, goal weight. You’re looking wonderful. You’re dressed impeccably. Feel all the aspects of being lighter and really enjoy your increased energy; your increased agility; the lightness of your step. Take the time to really get in touch with all of the positive emotions you can imagine yourself feeling at your goal weight. Now take yourself down a street. Just visualise yourself out walking on your own looking attractive, even sexy. People interested in you try to catch your eye. People desire you. All those years of being big and feeling invisible are stripped away and everyone can see you.

How does that feel? Does it bring up any anxieties? Use the next worksheet (see page 85, http://your7simplesteps.com/book6) to note down any negative feelings and insecurities around being at your goal weight. If you have any negative emotions around being slim and attractive and at your goal weight then it is almost guaranteed you will never achieve it.

This is an opportunity to explore and release more aspects around resistance to change and secondary gains that keep you stuck. Your self-sabotaging behaviour may be around food, but the emotional reasons for overeating or sabotaging your weight loss will be the core of the issue so here is some space to muse and write down your insights from the guided visualisation of you at your goal weight and everything that encompasses for you.

To download the A4 printer-friendly PDF of the ‘Self-sabotage’ worksheet go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the Worksheets tab.

End self-sabotage with EFT

Self-sabotaging your own chance of success is a key theme and it crops up in our work in many different guises. We’ve included here two powerful EFT scripts that can assist you in releasing your own fears and doubts. Work with the one that resonates the most for you, or mix and match between the two.

Self-sabotage

EFT for self-sabotage 1

EFT set-up for the first tapping round

‘Even though there’s a part of me that is afraid to lose this weight, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.’

‘Even though it doesn’t feel safe to change, I accept myself and these feelings.’

‘Even though I’m not sure who I’d be if I did lose this weight, I accept myself just as I am without judgement.’

First, take three fairly deep and gentle breaths. Breathe in through your nose and softly out through your mouth. Don’t use any force or pressure. Now focus for a moment on your feelings of self-sabotage and assess how strong they are from zero to 10.

First round of tapping
     EB:   ‘It’s not safe to change.’
  SE:   ‘I’m not sure I really want to let go of this weight.’
  UE:   ‘Others may not like it if I let go of this weight.’
  UN:   ‘I really hate upsetting others.’
  C:   ‘Who will I be if I let go of this weight?’
  CB:   ‘It’s so scary to change.’
  RIBS:   ‘I might not recognise myself.’
  UA:   ‘I’m just going to stay fat.’
  W:   ‘It doesn’t feel safe for me to lose this weight.’
  TH:   ‘Maybe I’ll attract too much attention if I lose all this weight.’

Pause. Take a deep breath.

EFT set-up for second tapping round
Second round of tapping
     EB:   ‘It’s scary to think about being slim.’
  SE:   ‘I just know I’ll always be fat.’
  UE:   ‘I’ll never be able to lose this extra weight.’
  UN:   ‘I think I must want to be fat; it must be helping me in some way.’
  C:   ‘Maybe I believe that those around me feel better when I’m fat.’
  CB:   ‘There’s a part of me that thinks being fat is safe.’
  RIBS:   ‘There is a part of me that’s afraid to be slim.’
  UA:   ‘Or maybe I’ll be rejected if I lose weight and look good.’
  W:   ‘Best to stay as I am.’
  TH:   ‘I feel safer being fat and I’d rather be fat than feel unsafe.’

Pause. Take a breath.

EFT set-up for third round of tapping
Third round of tapping
     EB:   ‘What if I could release these feelings around being fat?’
  SE:   ‘What if I could change and still feel safe?’
  UE:   ‘What if being at my ideal weight would feel great?’
  UN:   ‘What if I could trust myself to make these changes in a safe way?’
  C:   ‘What if I could allow this weight loss to be a positive change in my life as I do what’s best for me?’
  CB:   ‘What if I could start allowing myself to lose weight right now easily and safely?’
  RIBS:   ‘What if I could just lose this weight and feel safe?’
  UA:   ‘What if I could feel comfortable and trust the part of me that wants this change?’
  TH:   ‘What if I could find it easy and effortless to make these changes and still feel safe?’

Pause. Take a deep breath.

Set-up for fourth round of tapping

‘Even though it’s been a long and difficult struggle and I’ve sabotaged my success so many times, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.’

‘Even though I may slide back a little from time to time, I’m choosing to see myself as being successful and I accept myself without judgement.’

‘Even though I’ve struggled in the past, I choose now to see myself making the changes needed and celebrate all successes no matter how big or how small.’

Fourth round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I choose to believe that I am ready to release these feelings around being fat now.’
  SE:   ‘I choose to trust that all parts of me feel safe to allow the release of these feelings and weight now.’
  UE:   ‘I really do want to make these changes now.’
  UN:   ‘I choose to feel safe and protected and I trust my ability to make these positive changes.’
  C:   ‘I have decided that I deserve to make this change and I choose to start it now.’
  CB:   ‘I choose to believe that I am easily and effortlessly allowing myself to lose weight now.’
  RIBS:   ‘I choose to allow myself to lose weight now.’
  UA:   ‘I thank those parts of me for looking after me in the past.’
  W:   ‘I trust they are changing with me in positive, healthy ways.’
  TH:   ‘I choose to know and trust that others will be happy for me as I safely achieve my ideal body weight.’

Pause. Take a few deep breaths.

EFT for self-sabotage 2

EFT set-up for the first tapping round

‘Even though I’ve sabotaged myself in the past, I completely and fully love and accept myself.’

‘Even though I’ve sabotaged myself in the past and I know that I’ll sabotage myself in the future, I completely and fully love and accept myself as I am now.’

‘Even though I’m convinced that I’ll sabotage myself, I completely and fully love and accept myself without judgement.’

Firstly, take three fairly deep and gentle breaths. Breathe in through your nose and softly out through your mouth. Don’t use any force or pressure. Now focus for a moment on your feelings of self-sabotage and assess how strong they are from zero to 10.

First round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I sabotage myself every time I try and lose weight.’
  SE:   ‘I’ve sabotaged myself in the past.’
  UE:   ‘I’ll sabotage myself in the future.’
  N:   ‘I always do it.’
  C:   ‘I’ve always sabotaged myself in the past,
  CB:   ‘and I know I’ll sabotage myself in the future.’
  RIBS:   ‘I’m the world’s best at sabotaging my success.’
  UA:   ‘I will sabotage my success.’
  W:   ‘Any success I have, I find a way to sabotage it.’
  TH:   ‘I’m an expert at self-sabotage.’

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath.

How to clear self-sabotage with PSTEC

Your kind of self-sabotage will be unique to you. You will have made huge strides forward in resolving your emotional eating when you have cleared all the aspects of your self-sabotage.

If you are working with PSTEC, spend some time remembering times when you did something to undermine your weight-loss goal. Try to remember as many occasions as you can. Score each memory or event using the SUD rating. Always work with the memory, either real or imagined, or events with the greatest SUD score. Use the free click tracks to clear your emotions around these memories.

Learn how to accept yourself

A great deal of your time and energy can be absorbed by thinking negatively about yourself. It may be such a well-developed habit that you are hardly aware of it. One way negative thinking manifests itself relates to the voice in your head that tells you how you are doing, and how well you are doing it. Guess what? It’s rarely, if ever, positive. It simply runs on an endless loop in the semi-background of your conscious mind just reminding you to feel bad about yourself.

Learning to accept yourself and to treat yourself with kindness is challenging while the negative loop continues to play. It’s important to spend some time tuning in to what your inner voice is saying. Instead of allowing it free rein, ask yourself if what it is saying is true. The combination of active listening coupled with consciously questioning what the voice says to you can be enough to interrupt the endless white noise and begin to make changes from the negative towards the positive.

The way you feel about yourself goes a long way towards how the world sees you. Begin a dialogue with yourself as if you were talking about your self-doubts with the best imagined friend in the whole world.

What would he/she say in response to your negativity?
Would he/she say harsh words to you, or show you compassion and acceptance of who you are?

As you continue this dialogue, ensure you allow your imaginary friend time to fully communicate with you all the praise and empathy he/she feels for you. Let these words wash over you. Remember them, and repeat them to yourself often. Practise hearing yourself speak to yourself with kindness and compassion and allow it to replace the old negative loop with a new life-enhancing positive voice.

Use the ‘Accept yourself’ worksheet on page 92 (http://your7simplesteps.com/book7) to write down all the things a friend would say to you to help you fully absorb them.

To download the printer-friendly A4 PDF of the ‘Accept yourself’ worksheet, go to www.your7simplesteps.com and click on the Worksheets tab.

EFT accept yourself script

EFT can be highly effective in changing your negative inner voice to one of acceptance.

Set-up for first tapping round

‘Even though I don’t accept myself, I accept how I feel.’

‘Even though I can’t accept myself as I am now, even though I want to I accept that I feel unacceptable right now.’

‘Even though I can’t accept myself because I don’t deserve it, I accept these feelings and I accept myself as I am right now.’

Accept yourself

 

Firstly, take three fairly deep and gentle breaths. Breathe in through your nose and softly out through your mouth. Don’t use any force or pressure. Now focus for a moment on your breathing and assess how unacceptable you are to yourself using the SUD ratings you have used before.

First round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I don’t accept myself as I am right now.’
  SE:   ‘I’ve had a really hard time.’
  UE:   ‘No one knows how hard it’s been.’
  N:   ‘It’s been a huge struggle for me,
  C:   ‘and I feel as though I don’t deserve acceptance.’
  CB:   ‘I don’t deserve acceptance by myself and I don’t deserve acceptance by others.’
  RIBS:   ‘All I want is to be accepted,
  UA:   ‘but I have too many faults to be accepted.’
  W:   ‘I’m not enough and I never will be enough,
  TH:   ‘so there are so many good reasons why I shouldn’t be accepted.’

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath.

EFT set-up for second tapping round
Second round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I’m still feeling unacceptable,’
  SE:   ‘So I’m pleasing others to make myself acceptable,
  UE:   ‘but I feel empty inside and I’m becoming resentful.’
  N:   ‘It’s just not working for me,
  C:   ‘and I doubt it ever will because I need to start accepting me
  CB:   ‘so I can start changing my mind.’
  RIBS:   ‘I’m choosing to change my mind and accept that I’ve done the very best I could do with the resources I had.’
  UA:   ‘But what if I change and others don’t like me any more?’
  W:   ‘I’m not sure I could handle that.’
  TH:   ‘I need to be accepted.’

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath. Again, assess and rate from zero to 10 how unacceptable you feel.

EFT set-up for third tapping round

‘Even though I’m still not accepting myself, I completely and fully love myself and accept how I feel right now, even though that’s hard for me.’

‘Even though I am still not accepting all of me right now, I am choosing to change my mind and be kinder to myself.’

‘Even though acceptance of myself is a struggle, I choose to start seeing myself differently, which will mean that others will start seeing me differently as well.’

Third round of tapping
     EB:   ‘I’m still not fully accepting myself,
  SE:   ‘but I’m choosing to start changing my mind.’
  UE:   ‘Changing my mind and changing the way I view myself
  N:   ‘because even though it’s been so hard,
  C:   ‘the truth is, I am still here and I haven’t given up,
  CB:   ‘and I’m acknowledging that I’m feeling a little more empowered every day,
  RIBS:   ‘and that feels exciting as I give up the struggle and start accepting me just as I am,
  UA:   ‘and I’m choosing to do this differently now because my past behaviours haven’t worked for me,
  W:   ‘and it feels good to start accepting myself,
  TH:   ‘and this will lead to the results that I want and deserve!’

Pause. Take one easy, deep breath. Assess again how unacceptable you feel and rate this feeling from completely unacceptable (10) to completely acceptable (zero). Repeat the first tapping round if required to further increase your self-acceptance.

Learn how to accept yourself using PSTEC

So many of us have that negative voice in our heads. It tells us we aren’t good enough. It tells us we’re being judged by others. It tells us we will never succeed. It tells us we don’t deserve to be slim. Or healthy. Or successful. And that voice feels very real. It isn’t, of course. The reality is that voice is just a part of us judging ourselves. It’s time to turn that voice off!

When that negative thought comes into your mind it needs to be challenged. Perhaps you’ve had a thought, ‘That person is staring at me and thinking I’m fat.’ As soon as you hear that negative thought you need to challenge it. Ask yourself ‘Is that true? Where is the evidence?’ Of course there is none as you’ve made it up. Just let that thought go and think about something positive.

If you find you can’t release the thought, and it’s creating anxiety for you, it’s time to use the PSTEC click track (see page 39). Go to the experience in your mind and give it a SUD rating. Keeping the emotion as high as possible, run the click track on it. After each round, check the SUD rating. Continue using the click track until it’s at zero.

Choose to change

The ‘Choices Method’ was developed by Dr Pat Carrington and is a powerful extension of EFT. This method allows you to change a negative reaction you may be having into a reaction you choose to have.

There are three distinct rounds of EFT required to complete the choices method.

Always state exactly what you want. You should use a choice, such as ‘I choose to immediately feel calm, relaxed and in control.’ So your wording might be ‘Even though I feel angry and upset when ___, I choose to immediately feel calm, relaxed and in control.’

State your choices in the positive. Avoid words and phrases such as ‘no’, ‘don’t’ or ‘not’. An incorrectly worded Choices Method would be ‘I choose to not be anxious.’ This should be worded as ‘I choose to immediately feel calm and relaxed.’

Visualisation – the secret tool for successful weight loss

Over two hundred years ago the English poet, and painter William Blake said, ‘Man’s conceptions are limited by his perceptions; man cannot conceive that which he cannot perceive.’

In simple terms, Blake knew all that time ago exactly what so many sports heroes and successful business people today know for certain – if you can’t imagine yourself, or see yourself succeeding, winning, or achieving your goal, then it will not happen – it simply can’t.

So, right on cue, this is where visualising your goal of weight-loss success – and yourself actually at your goal weight – comes in.

Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between reality and imagination: research with top athletes has shown that the improvement achieved by those who merely sat and imagined shooting the ball on the basketball court was equal to those who physically practised every day!10

The brain works best with visual stimuli. A picture of yourself when you were happy with your weight, your life and everything that was going well for you would be an ideal visualisation to focus on for a moment or two before you sleep so that your brain knows very clearly what it is you desire. If such a picture does not exist for you, or becomes complicated with other feelings, then simply find a picture in a magazine of the physical size and shape you are aiming for and focus on that instead.

A visualisation aid can be as simple as a single picture. However, a scrap book of several images makes the whole process more powerful and evocative and reinforces your goal within your subconscious mind. You can include pictures of clothes that you want to wear; exotic beaches you want to run along; pictures of ideal partners you want to be with; even your dream house. You can add sensual fabric scraps as well that appeal to you – they could be leather, lace or silk – it’s your choice. Give your brain the visual stimulus it needs to clearly know the goals you have in mind.

And add notes too. Make them present tense, in the here and now, and not set in the future or that is where your goals will stay – some time ahead of you, just out of arm’s reach.

Now add the emotions. Your subconscious wants to know what you’ll be feeling when you’ve achieved your goal, so put these emotions into the mix as well. Allow yourself to feel the pride you are experiencing as you imagine someone commenting on how awesome you look now that you have reached your goal weight. Allow yourself to feel the excitement as you imagine trying on that gorgeous dress or suit designed for someone slim… the absolute delight you feel as you imagine buttoning up your shirt without that big stomach nearly popping all the buttons… how wonderful it feels after you have easily walked up to the top of that steep hill on your holiday where the view is amazing. Really feel those emotions and intensify them as much as you can.

Release any feelings of desperation you may be experiencing because you will only attract more of those otherwise. Take yourself to a lovely relaxed place and feel yourself having achieved your goal easily and effortlessly. If the desperate or negative feelings persist, then use EFT or PSTEC to let them go.

Stay with the visualisation for at least two minutes. Repeat this during the day as often as you can – the more often you do it the better the results will be. Make it the last thing you do at night as you settle down to sleep. Feel it just as though you have it all now.

Mental imagery is very powerful, especially when used in conjunction with hypnosis. The mind is capable of using imagery to assist us in creating what we desire. Listen to one of the hypnotherapy audio tracks (see page 186) on a daily basis to keep up the positive reinforcement and suggestions that work on a very deep level with your subconscious mind.

As mentioned earlier, the subconscious cannot tell the difference between reality and imagination so picture or imagine yourself having achieved your ideal weight and feeling content eating small portions, for example. Your mind will then believe that it must create that scenario and work with you as you move towards your goal. As long as you are highly motivated to achieve your natural weight and have dealt with all your resistance, fears and old self-sabotaging behaviours with EFT or PSTEC, then it will happen just as you visualise it.

Visualisation – using the technique

Here is a great visualisation technique to help get your subconscious mind on board with your weight loss.

This exercise can also be done in your mind and therefore virtually anywhere. If you have a few minutes sitting on a bus, train or tram, just close your eyes and do it. The more often you do this, the more you will be reinforcing your desires in your subconscious mind.

Emel’s story

Emel’s story was given in an interview with Sally and is included here with Emel’s permission.

‘The journey to the seaside was exciting and I remember being really happy. Everything changed when he took me into the bushes and did what he wanted to do to me. Everything was hot and bright. He then carried me into the sea. I remember the waves crashing over my head and me losing my footing. I was tiny; there was nothing of me. I was five, maybe six years old. The waves were big, but he was insistent and pulled me into the surf anyway.

‘The sexual abuse began that day, with the sea’s breakers washing away what he had done to me. It was confusing and alarming. He was my Dad. I loved my Dad but he hurt me and told me to keep quiet and this secret thing of his kept happening to me whenever he managed to get me on my own.

‘I was thinking about that memory today as I sat in my car outside your house. I was early and just sitting there waiting until it was time to knock on your door. So much has happened since then, and sitting waiting to see you, I really got a sense of how far I have come.’

Emel paused. ‘I very nearly just said it’s been one hell of a journey, but in truth it’s been an amazing journey of healing and it began here, at your door all those years ago.’

Emel had come at my invitation to recall some of the work she had done with Liz Hogon and me in our early workshops. Now 70 years old, she is sprightly, slim and full of life, almost unrecognisable from the woman we first got to know.

At the time I was practising as a massage therapist specialising in working with women survivors of abuse. Emel had written to me explaining that she was interested in receiving a massage, but wanted to know exactly what that entailed before she booked an appointment. I can’t remember exactly my reply, but I must have allayed her fears as the following week she booked her first appointment. I was already trained in EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and found it to be the perfect, natural complement to body work as a way of releasing and resolving the often profound emotional responses that physical touch can release.

Completing my intake form, Emel spoke quietly to explain that she had rarely ever been touched with kindness and she was desperate to know how that might feel to her. She said that growing up she had only known her father’s sexual abuse and her mother’s violent jealous rages, and savage beatings. The only real kindness she had known was the rare times with her grandmother. One time in particular she remembered resting her head against her grandmother’s knee and having her hair gently stroked.

Her arranged marriage at the age of 17, to an older man she barely knew, brought her three daughters she adores to this day, but no respite from cruelty and abuse.

By the time we met she was making tentative steps towards recovery and finding herself following a mental breakdown. She had spent great swathes of her unhappy married life on anti-depressants and submitted herself to much of what was offered through the NHS (UK National Health Service) mental health services. With her daughters grown, she had finally divorced her abusive husband and was, for the first time in her adult life, living alone in her ex-marital home. Even with her survivor’s spirit, her collected memories and experiences of sexual and physical violence had taken their toll on her. She was depressed, and her petite frame was over-burdened with excess weight, leaving her with stiff and aching joints. Her years of yo-yo dieting were regularly sabotaged by her compulsive cravings for sweet treats as her main source of self-comfort. Fifty-something years later, cooking dinner for herself in her own kitchen, she would habitually pick and graze from food in her cupboards, even though she knew her dinner was almost ready.

‘From the age of nine I was cooking meals for my younger siblings and even as I prepared the food, stirred the pot and served it I knew there wasn’t enough for me. There was never enough for all of us and that feeling of knowing I was going to go hungry was still triggering me all these years later to overeat, even when I knew good food was plentiful in my house.’

Emel described having many vivid memories of being hungry as a child. She would sometimes steal a spoonful of home-made jam from a jar in her mother’s pantry. She was careful not to get caught as her mother would certainly have beaten her. Equally, her mother, in a jealous rage, would often beat her over the special attention her father paid her. In her adult life, Emel would often feel restless and uneasy after dinner, and experience the same childhood compulsion for eating something sweet.

‘I would sit in the evening knowing that I had eaten my dinner. Eaten my pudding. I would know that I wasn’t hungry, but I would still need something nice. Something for me, and the only way I knew to have something nice for me was to eat something sweet.’

For years Emel slept fitfully and she would often wake with a start, feeling echoes of old anxieties and fears.

‘Often I would wake in the middle of the night with a panic attack and feel all those old anxieties, over and over again, and the only way I knew how to calm myself was again to eat something sweet. I can remember going down to my kitchen on many, many occasions and just stuffing food down my throat, stifling my rising fear, swallowing it down.’

Emel said that having that first massage was a powerful step for her healing.

‘To allow myself to accept those good feelings in me, from being stroked and touched with kindness, was such a breakthrough for me. I began to realise I had thought it was normal to feel tense all the time, but through massage I also began to notice what feeling relaxed felt like, and I learnt to tell the difference.’

Emel had never been able successfully to lose weight following conventional diets, and she had struggled with her weight for years. She joined one of our first seven-week group workshops in London that focused on resolving and releasing the emotional connections to comfort and stress overeating.

She recalled, ‘My overeating and desire for sweet things was all to do with my childhood. The only way I knew how to cope with all of the memories of cruelty and trauma I experienced with my Mum and Dad was to eat. It’s all I knew.

‘Working with Liz and Sally I realised how much I blamed and punished myself for what had happened to me. I believed it was somehow all my fault and if I’d been a better daughter then none of those terrible things would have happened to me. The gradual process of forgiving myself, and learning to love and cherish myself, was a life-saver for me and in turn, in time, I was able to forgive my parents. It didn’t all happen at once, but for the first time I had the therapy tools and trusted my intuition enough to see things differently. From the work I did I changed how I thought about myself and the beliefs I had about me. It was never, ever my fault.’

She continued, ‘The irony is that years and years later, when my Dad was an old man, I became his carer as he grew more frail and slipped into dementia, with his eventual death just a few years ago. It was a difficult time. I had so much anger towards the man who had betrayed me as a little girl and yet here was a broken, old man in front of me. I did lots of tapping (EFT). Hours of tapping!’ She laughed. ‘I could let it go. It’s over. I’ve learnt to protect that little girl inside of me. She’s safe with me. You and Liz showed me how to do that.’

‘And,’ she continued, ‘there were even moments of healing with him. I remember him being very sharp and unfair with me one day when I was caring for him. Without even raising my voice I told him that I remembered everything he’d ever done to me. It stopped him in his tracks. He was about to shout at me to shut me up, but this time I stared him out. I just looked deep into his eyes. He knew. His mouth closed and he held his head in his hands in shame as he walked away from me.’

Emel continued, ‘It’s not as though I’m completely fixed,’ she smiled, ‘I thought I was. I’ve been very happy – much happier than ever before for many years now – but sometimes, something comes out of the blue, and I’m thrown off my feet again. When Jimmy Savile hit the news [for readers outside the UK, the investigation of a high-profile paedophile who had gone unchallenged for years], I could feel all the anger choking up in me again and I was right back there, but this time, instead of swallowing those feelings down with food, I had the therapy techniques I had learnt, and the trust in myself to understand that it’s just another layer that I need to clear. I can do that.’

Having enjoyed sound sleep for a long time, Emel told me she had begun waking again in the middle of the night, feeling again traces of that old panic. ‘I know what it’s about though, now. Back then I never knew. I’m excited. I’m actually in the middle of selling the house I lived in with my ex-husband. I’ve got a buyer and everything is going through. It’s the next stage of my life. Those last memories of him will go with the old house. I’m buying a bungalow and I’m staying with one of my daughters while I have it completely renovated. I want everything new and fresh because I deserve it.’

Rising to leave I commented on how well Emel looked. I asked what weight she had been when she started her work with us.

‘Probably about 12½ stone, or maybe even more (81 kg/177 lb) and now I’m 9½ stone (60 kg/133 lb) and have been for a long time.

‘But you know,’ she smiled, ‘for me it was never really about the food. It was those old, terrible memories and all of that self-hatred I had. But it’s truly gone now. I’m a member of a theatre group. I sing; I act; I live well.’ She paused. ‘You know, I took swimming lessons and I did learn to swim. I still don’t like the deep end where my feet can’t feel the bottom. I get scared and tense when I’m out of my depth. I always need to be by the side so that I can hold on. It’s the little girl in me, from all those years ago that he was bouncing up and down in the sea, and her little feet couldn’t touch the sand. I must have passed out because I don’t have any other memories of that day other than being back at home much later and my grandmother calling to me to wake me up.’

She looked off into the distance, remembering. ‘Maybe that’s something I need to do to help heal that little girl who was so scared that day in the sea.’ Pausing again as she thought back to that day she said, ‘Yes, maybe I’ll do just that. Swim to the deep end. Why not?’

Emel added, ‘I want my name to be mentioned. I have nothing to be ashamed of. This is his shame, not my shame. I had to learn to love myself instead of punishing and comforting myself with food.’

Authors’ note on Emel’s case history

Working with Emel it was clear that there were many traumatic experiences and memories to resolve and release. If each memory, or event, had been taken one at a time, it would have felt overwhelming to resolve years and years of trauma. Consequently, the way we worked with her was to encourage her to note down as many memories as possible, and to write them down as a stream-of-consciousness list with as little deliberation as possible. We worked with her using EFT while she compiled the list to reduce the distress of recalling events and memories.

Many individual events were grouped together. For instance, some were called ‘The morning memories’, or the ‘Alone with Dad memories’, or ‘Mum’s cruelty around food’ memories. Once as many events as possible had been recalled, we asked Emel to give each memory, or group of memories, a SUD rating from zero to 10. The highest number represents the greatest level of distress connected to a memory.

We always begin focusing our work on events or memories with the highest level of distress. The analogy is when cutting down the biggest tree in the forest many other smaller trees are also knocked down at the same time. We worked through the list with Emel using EFT and PSTEC until the distress around the memory had gone and the SUD rating was reduced to zero. When returning to the list we always focused on the remaining events or memories with the highest SUD score. It only took a few rounds of EFT, and three or four repeats of the free PSTEC click tracks, to bring the highest SUD rated memories down to more manageable levels and not very long at all until they were down to zero. Checking back with the initial list, Emel confirmed that she felt very little negative emotion attached to the rest of the list. We did a couple more rounds of PSTEC to be absolutely sure those events no longer held any emotional pain for her, and then that part of our work was completed, leaving Emel feeling lighter in spirit than she ever had.

Emel’s story is certainly one of the more distressing life experiences we have worked with. However, it is not uncommon for women who have suffered from uncomfortable experiences around sex, through to sexual abuse, to have this reflected in their relationship with food.

Working with your own issues of trauma, it is important at all times to keep yourself safe and only to tackle issues which you are confident will be manageable. If you are thinking of compiling your own list of negative memories or events, it may be advisable to begin your work with EFT and PSTEC at the lower end of the SUD score and work up the SUD scale as you become more experienced in working with the therapy tools. The alternative is also to seek out a therapist who can support you as you do this work.