Two days later, Reagan came back home. She was worn and battle wearied, but she was happy to be out of the hospital. The staff there were friendly, she said, but not the same as home.
The frightening thing was that, with every passing day, another part of her faded into nothingness. Not just her physical weight. It was her spirit, her hopes and her determination as well. That precociousness that had been her calling card was but a shadow of its former self, and even when it did show up, it was forced for the sake of Eddy. He didn’t know if this was the chemo or the cancer. It was impossible to tell the difference and he just wanted it to stop.
‘Eddy.’
‘What are y-you doing out of bed?’
Seeing her standing there at her window, he noticed that not even the sunset could paint away the paleness. Her disease had even beaten the sun.
‘I need you to do me a favour.’
‘What?’
‘Climb over here and help me out the window.’
‘I can’t d-do that!’
‘Why?’
‘You know why.’
Reagan had been expecting his refusal. She’d rehearsed.
‘Eddy, listen to me, okay?’ she continued before he could respond one way or the other. Some things still hadn’t changed. ‘Let’s just say it was you who was sick. I mean really sick. Counting down the days sick. Here’s this stunning sunset, and right here in front of us is the best place on earth tonight to watch it. What would you do?’
‘I’d go b-back to bed.’ That was about the second lie Eddy had ever told to Reagan.
As a result, Reagan gave him ‘the stare’, the one that said, Don’t make the same mistake twice, buddy, because I know where you live.
‘Come on, Reagan,’ he pleaded. ‘Your mum will k-kill me.’
‘She’s having a nap. She doesn’t need to know. Not for long, I promise.’
Eddy must’ve given the impression he was still firmly on the ‘no’ track because, once more, she got in first. ‘Please, Eddy. I really need this.’
‘This is crazy. You know that.’
‘About as crazy as it gets,’ she agreed in that maddening fashion of hers.
Wishing she’d never asked the question, Eddy climbed out his window and across Mr Tree until he could reach over and grab Reagan’s forearm.
‘Don’t you dare let me fall,’ she said, as she mustered the strength and the courage to move.
‘Hey, this was your idea.’ Eddy reached even further, as far as his anchor hand would let him. Letting her fall was not an option.
As she levered herself out the window, with the support and careful guidance of Eddy, her face struggled to belie the pain. It rose in her cheeks with a hot flush and he could tell she was doing everything in her willpower to stop from groaning.
We should not be doing this.
‘Stop complaining,’ said Reagan out of nowhere. ‘You got the easy part.’
Eventually he got her out the window and on to the tree limb. Then, shuffling along to their jam sandwich committee spot, he gently lowered her until she was sitting on the broadest part of the branch. Satisfied that she was as safe as she was going to be under the circumstances, he planted himself beside her, not quite sure what was coming next.
Reagan seemed to be true to her word, and for a while she just sat in silence, watching the power source of the solar system complete its daily rounds. Eddy was caught halfway between the orange sunset and sneak peeks across at her, wondering if she was okay and trying to guess at what was going on in that mind of hers.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ she finally said.
‘It is,’ he answered, still caught somewhere between the sun and Reagan.
‘I like the sun.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Even when it dies it’s beautiful. And then it gets up and lives again every day.’ They were poignant words, and Eddy hated them for that. He didn’t want to hear her talking about death. It was close enough without her having to invite it in.
‘Somehow it’s going to be all right, Reagan. I know it is.’
Now Reagan looked across at him.
‘Do you know that, Eddy? Do you really?’
Eddy had to look away. With one silly comment, he’d failed her all over again. Mercifully Reagan went back to appreciating what was indeed a gorgeous sunset. Great swathes of purples were beginning to transform from among the oranges, like an artist layering the background for a wonderful masterpiece, and Eddy supposed in a way that was absolutely correct.
The quietness was absorbing, a black hole into which every noise a neighbourhood should make was swallowed, so that he and Reagan sat in utter stillness. So much so that even the silence had its own physicality, and Eddy felt it bounce around between them, wanting to be released but too blind to escape. In the end he could stand it no longer.
‘I’ll always be here, Reagan,’ he said softly. ‘No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.’
‘I know, Eddy.’ Reagan let the sunset go and looked back at Eddy with sad, sorry eyes. ‘Can you hold me?’
Shuffling over so that his hip touched hers, Eddy gently placed an arm around her shoulders and leaned in close. He tried not to notice how the hard bony knobs of her sickness-ravaged frame poked through against his hand. Not now. He had to embrace her for who she was: the girl whose soul had reached out and touched him when he’d most needed it. He wasn’t going to deny her that. Not here, not with this wonder of nature before them. Not here, not in the place where there had been so many joyful times. So Eddy held her close, as close as he dared, and loved her with all his heart.
‘I’m scared, Eddy.’
‘I know.’
‘Never leave me, please. Never let me go.’
‘Not in a million years.’
‘You promise?’
‘I promise.’