Be decisiveA TOUGH THING ABOUT LAUNCHING a new business is that you typically need to do everything yourself—especially in the early days, before you have staff.
But then something even more challenging happens as you grow, hire, and expand. When you’ve got employees, customers, suppliers, and partners depending on you, then you need to become a leader.
Which gets us to an important questions: Are great leaders born or made?
We’ve asked a number of experts this very same question. The consensus: Leadership is a learned skill. Sure, there are inborn characteristics that can predispose some people to be leaders. But anyone with persistence, discipline, and passion can develop the abilities necessary to lead—and to do so exceptionally.
So that gets us to another important question: What makes a leader great?
Leadership is a difficult thing to pin down and understand. You know a great leader when you’re around one, but even great leaders can have a hard time explaining the specifics of what they do that makes their leadership so effective.
Over the years, we’ve interviewed countless successful entrepreneurs, and we’ve identified five traits or attributes that most share. From this, we’ve concluded that to be an exceptional leader, you need to do the following:
Be decisive
Communicate effectively
Behave generously
Learn self-awareness
Exude charisma
In the pages ahead, we’ll take a look at each trait, and provide some practical advice on how to get better at some aspects of leadership. The more you practice, the more instinctive it will become, and the more you’ll internalize your new leadership style.
All leaders must make courageous decisions. It goes with the job. You understand that in certain situations, some difficult and timely decisions must be made in the best interests of the entire organization. Such decisions require a firmness, authority, and finality that will not please everyone.
“I think everybody who creates something is doing something audacious. Because the most difficult time is when you are starting from scratch with no financial backing—just an idea. So true audaciousness comes about with just those people who have the pluck and the courage to say, ‘Screw it; let’s do it.’”
RICHARD BRANSON, Virgin Group chairman
There are a few truths when it comes to decision making, according to Anna Johansson, a business consultant:
Logical decisions tend to trump emotional ones. Since emotions can sometimes make us biased or see things in an inaccurate light, basing a decision on logic, rather than on a current emotional state, usually gives you more objective information to make the final call.
Thought-out decisions tend to trump impulsive ones. Because you’ve spent more time on the problem, you’ll understand it more thoroughly and be better versed in the variables that might arise from any possible route.
Flexible decisions tend to trump concrete ones. Things change frequently, so making a decision that allows for some eventual degree of flexibility usually offers more adaptable options than a decision that’s absolute or concrete.
These aren’t absolute rules, however. For example, many entrepreneurs trust their gut when making decisions—and indeed, instinct can sometimes beat over-analytical thinking.
Here are some strategies you can use in almost any decision-making process to ensure that you make the best choice, according to Johansson:
Scientific research suggests that distancing yourself from a problem can help you face it in a more objective way. For example, let’s say you’re trying to choose between two different opportunities, and you can’t tell which one is better for you. Instead of remaining in your own frame of mind, consider yourself as an outside observer, such as a mentor giving advice or a fly on the wall. Removing yourself in this way helps you filter out some of your cognitive biases and lean you toward a more rational decision.
Most of us end up being lousy decision makers when we try to force a decision in a moment, or push through to a final choice after first learning about a situation. In some high-pressure environments, this is a must, but it isn’t the most effective or rewarding way to do things. Instead, accuracy and reliability in decision making tends to increase if you first give yourself some time to decompress and collect yourself—even if it’s just a few minutes. This may also help you remove yourself from the problem, knocking out two of these strategies in one fell swoop.
You can stress yourself out trying to pin down the answer that’s objectively correct, if you believe one such answer exists. Instead, remind yourself that there’s almost never an objectively correct answer. “All you can do is make the decision that’s the best for you at the time, and it’s probably going to work out okay either way,” Johansson says.
Remember the lessons you’ve learned from the past, but don’t let your past experiences affect what you choose in the present. For example, if you’ve paid a hundred dollars a month for a service that isn’t getting you anywhere, you may be tempted to continue simply for the reason that you’ve already spent thousands of dollars. This skewed line of reasoning is an example of an escalation bias, in which you’re hesitant to cut your losses. You can’t change the past, so instead, look to the present and future.
You can overanalyze a problem as much as you like, but it probably isn’t going to help anything. It’s just going to bring up new complications, force you to second-guess yourself, and possibly double back on a decision you’ve already made. All of these will make the process more excruciating and will make you unsatisfied with whatever decision you land on. Instead, pick an option early and fully commit to it.
There’s no perfect way to make a decision, and there are very few situations in which a decision is ever “right.” However, with these strategies in tow, you’ll be well-equipped to make more rational, complete, and best of all, satisfying decisions in your life.
Communication is the real work of leadership. It’s a fundamental element of how leaders accomplish goals each and every day. You simply can’t become a great leader until you are a great communicator.
Great communicators inspire people. They forge a connection with their followers that is real, emotional, and personal, regardless of any physical distance between them. Great communicators tell stories and paint verbal pictures so that everyone can understand not just where they’re going but what it will look and feel like when they get there. This inspires others to internalize the vision and make it their own.
“Today, we’re introducing three revolutionary products. . . . the first one is a widescreen iPod with touch controls. The second is a revolutionary mobile phone. And the third is a breakthrough Internet communications device. So, three things: a widescreen iPod with touch controls; a revolutionary mobile phone; and a breakthrough Internet communications device. An iPod, a phone, and an Internet communicator. An iPod, a phone. . . . Are you getting it? These are not three separate devices, this is one device, and we are calling it iPhone.”
STEVE JOBS INTRODUCING THE IPHONE IN 2007
Communication skills are a powerful tool to have in your arsenal. Here are eight proven strategies that will improve yours, according to Travis Bradberry, coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
As a leader, you often have to speak to groups of people. Whether a small team meeting or a companywide gathering, you need to develop a level of intimacy in your approach that makes each individual in the room feel as if you’re speaking directly to him or her. The trick is to eliminate the distraction of the crowd so that you can deliver your message just as you would if you were talking to a single person. You want to be emotionally genuine and exude the same feelings, energy, and attention you would one-on-one (as opposed to the anxiety that comes with being in front of people). “The ability to pull this off is the hallmark of great leadership communication,” Bradberry says.
Great communicators read their audience (groups and individuals) carefully to ensure they aren’t wasting their breath on a message that people aren’t ready to hear. Talking so people will listen means you adjust your message on the fly to stay with your audience (what they’re ready to hear and how they’re ready to hear it). Droning on to ensure you’ve said what you wanted to say does not have the same effect on people as engaging them in a meaningful dialogue in which there is an exchange of ideas. Resist the urge to drive your point home at all costs. When your talking leads to people asking good questions, you know you’re on the right track.
One of the most disastrous temptations for a leader is to treat communication as a one-way street. When you communicate, you must give people ample opportunity to speak their minds. If you find that you’re often having the last word in conversations, then this is likely something you need to work on.
Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s also about listening to the tone, speed, and volume of the voice. What is being said? Anything not being said? What hidden messages exist below the surface? When someone is talking to you, stop everything else and listen fully until the other person has finished speaking, Bradberry advises. When you are on a phone call, don’t type an email. When you’re meeting with someone, close the door and sit near the person so you can focus and listen. Simple behaviors like these will help you stay in the present moment, pick up on the cues the other person sends, and make it clear that you will really hear what he or she is saying.
Maya Angelou said it best: “People will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” As a leader, your communication is impotent if people don’t connect with it on an emotional level. This is hard for many leaders to pull off because they feel they need to project a certain persona. Let that go. To connect with your people emotionally, you need to be transparent. Be human. Show them what drives you, what you care about, what makes you get out of bed in the morning. Express these feelings openly, and you’ll forge an emotional connection with your team.
Your authority makes it hard for people to say what’s really on their minds. “No matter how good a relationship you have with your subordinates, you are kidding yourself if you think they are as open with you as they are with their peers,” Bradberry says. So, you must become adept at understanding unspoken messages. The greatest wealth of information lies in people’s body language. The body communicates nonstop and is an abundant source of information, so purposefully watch body language during meetings and casual conversation. Once you tune into body language, the messages will become loud and clear. Pay as much attention to what isn’t said as what is said, and you’ll uncover facts and opinions that people are unwilling to express directly. (For more, see “Common Body Language Mistakes,” page 184.)
A little preparation goes a long way toward saying what you wanted to say and having a conversation achieve its intended impact. Don’t prepare a speech; develop an understanding of what the focus of a conversation needs to be (in order for people to hear the message) and how you will accomplish this. Your communication will be more persuasive and on point when you prepare your intent ahead of time.
The business world is filled with jargon and metaphors that are harmless when people can relate to them. Problem is, most leaders overuse jargon and alienate their subordinates and customers with their “business speak.” Use it sparingly if you want to connect with people. Otherwise, you’ll come across as insincere.
Active listening is a simple technique that ensures people feel heard, an essential component of good communication, according to Bradberry. To practice active listening, he recommends doing the following:
Spend more time listening than you do talking.
Do not answer questions with questions.
Avoid finishing other people’s sentences.
Focus more on the other person than you do on yourself.
Focus on what people are saying right now, not on what their interests are.
Reframe what the other person has said to make sure you understand him or her correctly (“So you’re telling me that this budget needs further consideration, right?”)
Think about what you’re going to say after someone has finished speaking, not while he or she is speaking.
Ask plenty of questions.
Never interrupt.
Don’t take notes.
As you work to employ these eight strategies, try to avoid biting off more than you can chew. “Working on one to three strategies at a time is sufficient,” Bradberry says. “If you try to take on more than you can handle, you’re not going to see as much progress as you would if you narrowed your focus.” Once you become effective in one particular strategy, you can take on another one in its place.
Communication is a dynamic element of leadership that is intertwined in most of what you do each day. You’ll have ample opportunity to improve your abilities in this critical skill.
The brain picks up nonverbal cues in a fifth of a second, much faster than verbal ones, according to Minda Zeltin, an Inc.com columnist and coauthor of The Geek Gap. “Don’t let your unconscious signals send the wrong message,” she says. “Learn to avoid these all-too-easy mistakes.”
1.Leaning back. If you want to signal that you care about a conversation or the person you’re having it with, don’t lean back and stick your legs out in front of you. Sit up straight, or lean in.
2.Crossed arms and/or legs. This is such a clear indicator of lack of interest that some experts recommend actually ending a meeting or conversation if you see one or more people lean back and cross their arms. Crossed legs may be a danger sign as well.
3.Not making eye contact. If you don’t look the person in front of you in the eyes, he or she may unconsciously assume that you are being dishonest. Practiced liars make a point of looking in people’s eyes—so don’t make the mistake of equating eye contact with honesty yourself.
4.Making too much eye contact. Not looking someone in the eyes can make you seem dishonest, but looking them in the eyes for too long is usually a sign of aggression. To make people feel comfortable and trusting, hold their gaze for just a second or two at a time, but do it often.
5.Clasped hands. This is something people do when they feel stress—you’re literally holding your own hand! Don’t do it if you want to project self-assurance.
6.Hands behind back or in pockets. This is a natural position many of us take unconsciously, but it can be seen as a sign that we have something to hide.
7.Chopping the air. Many people do this when they feel strongly about something or want to emphasize a point. But it can be off-putting—almost as if you’re chopping off your connection with the person you’re speaking with.
8.Touching your face. Touching your face, especially your nose and mouth, is another one of those gestures that is unconsciously interpreted as a sign of deception—or resistance, if you’re listening rather than speaking.
9.Nodding too many times. Nodding is an essential part of communication and lets other people know you understand or agree with what they’re saying. But doing it too many times can make you seem weak. It can also come across as a sign of indifference.
10.Fidgeting. People fidget when they’re uncomfortable or bored, so that’s the signal you’ll send if you’re bouncing your leg or constantly messing with your hair. Just don’t do it.
11.Hunching your shoulders. Hunched or slumped shoulders are seen as a sign of unhappiness—and they often are. To project happiness and confidence, stand up straight, like mom nagged you to do.
12.Wrapping your feet or ankles around the legs of a chair. Like clasped hands, this gesture signals that you’re uncomfortable and need to comfort yourself. If you’re trying to project confidence, don’t do it.
13.Making yourself too small. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s fascinating research on nonverbal behavior shows that people who practice expansive body language feel more confident or secure as a result. The reverse is also true: Body language that makes you seem small will make you feel small.
14.Overly big gestures. Your body language should be expansive to project confidence. But don’t make the mistake of making great big gestures (unless you’re on stage speaking to an audience). In a non-performance context, it can be seen as arrogant.
15.Letting your feet point the wrong way. Our feet often unconsciously express what we’re really feeling, for example by pointing away from the person we’re speaking with. Most people pay more attention to faces, but it’s a good idea to keep your feet on-message as well.
16.Patting your leg or legs. This is a huge self-comforting gesture that will show how uncomfortable you are. Watch Britney Spears on Dateline gamely claiming her marriage was fine a few months before her divorce. She can’t stop touching her leg.
17.Glancing at a watch or phone. We think we can peek at the time or a text without people noticing, but they always do. Don’t shift your attention from the conversation unless you absolutely have to. If so, explain why—that you are awaiting an urgent message, for example.
18.Touching someone with your fingertips. In appropriate situations, touching someone lightly is a great way to begin building a bond (or to indicate romantic interest). But use your whole hand. A fingertip touch signals aversion.
19.Failing to “mirror.” People who are listening closely to what someone else is saying will often unconsciously mirror that person’s body language. Use this technique—consciously or unconsciously—to let people know you really care about what they have to say.
20.Invading someone’s personal space. We all have a different idea of how much buffer we need around ourselves to feel comfortable. So when you come close to someone, err on the side of giving that person a little extra room.
21.Forgetting that these rules might be different in different places. Body language has very different meanings in other cultures. Keep that in mind when dealing with people from different countries, or even other parts of this country.
“You know, as most entrepreneurs do, that a company is only as good as its people. The hard part is actually building the team that will embody your company’s culture and propel you forward.”
KATHRYN MINSHEW, co-founder of career-advice site The Muse
If you want to lead exceptionally, then you need to be generous, sharing credit and offering enthusiastic praise. You should be as committed to your followers’ success as you are to your own. Great leaders want to inspire all of their employees to achieve their personal best—not just because it will make the team more successful, but also because they care about each person as an individual.
Praise can be incredibly motivating. Praise can be extremely encouraging. Praise can be hugely inspiring—if you do it the right way. Take the wrong approach, and praising an employee can actually have the opposite effect.
The difference lies in whether you assume skill is based on innate ability . . . or on hard work and effort. “Put another way, are people simply born with special talent, or can incredible talent be developed?” asks Jeff Haden, an Inc.com columnist. “I think talent can definitely be developed, and so should you.”
According to research on achievement and success by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, people tend to embrace one of two mental approaches to talent:
Fixed mindset. The belief that intelligence, ability, and skill are inborn and relatively immovable—we have what we were born with. People with a fixed mindset typically say things like, “I’m just not that smart” or “Math is not my thing.”
Growth mindset. The belief that intelligence, ability, and skill can be developed through effort—we are what we work to become. People with a growth mindset typically say things like, “With a little more time, I’ll get it” or “That’s OK. I’ll give it another try.”
That difference in perspective can be molded by the kind of praise we receive, and that often starts when we’re children. For example, say a young person is praised in one of these ways:
“Wow, you figured that out so quickly—you are so smart!”
“Wow, you are amazing—you got an A without even cracking a book!”
Sounds great, right? The problem is that other messages are lurking within those statements:
“If I ever don’t figure things out quickly . . . then I must not be very smart.”
“If I do ever have to study . . . then I must not be amazing.”
The result can be that the person adopts a fixed mindset: He assumes he is what he is. Then, when the going gets tough . . . he struggles and feels helpless because he thinks what he “is” isn’t good enough. And when he thinks he isn’t good enough—and never will be—he stops trying.
When you praise employees only for their achievements—or criticize employees for their short-term failures—you help create a fixed mindset environment, according to Haden. “In time, employees come to see every mistake as a failure,” he says. “They see a lack of immediate results as failure. In time, they can lose motivation—and even stop trying.”
Fortunately, there’s another way, Haden says. Make sure you also praise effort and application.
“Hey, you finished that project much more quickly this time. You must have worked really hard.”
“Great job! I can tell you put a lot of time into that.”
“That didn’t go as well as we hoped . . . but all the work you put in is definitely paying off. Let’s see what we can do to make things turn out even better next time.”
That way you still praise (or critique) results—but you praise results that are based on the premise of effort, not on an assumption of innate talent or skill. By praising effort, you help create an environment where employees feel anything is possible—as long as they keep working to improve.
The same principle applies to how you encourage employees. Don’t say, “You’re really smart. I know you’ll get this.” While that sounds complimentary (and it is), “You’re really smart” assumes an innate quality the employee either has or does not have.
Instead, say, “I have faith in you. You’re a hard worker. I’ve never seen you give up. I know you’ll get this.”
The best way to consistently improve employee performance is to create and foster a growth mindset. Not only will your team’s skills improve, your employees will also be more willing to take more risks.
When failure is seen as just a step on the road to eventual achievement, risks are no longer something to avoid. Risk, and occasional failure, will simply be an expected step on the way to inevitable success.
“When you first come into a position where you are in leadership, and you have a lot of employees underneath you, odds are you’re not going to know everything. You’re not going to have all the answers. And you’re not going to come across as completely polished and knowing it all. Rather than trying to trick people into thinking that you have all the answers, just be upfront and straight from the beginning. Admit your weaknesses. Admit your faults. Because if you do that, then you’re going to earn their trust.”
CRISTINA MARIANI-MAY, co-CEO of Banfi Wines, a family-owned wine importer with $300 million in revenue
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, a skill that most top performing leaders possess in abundance. Great leaders’ high self-awareness means they have a clear and accurate image not just of their leadership style but also of their strengths and weaknesses. They know where they shine and where they’re weak, and they have effective strategies for leaning into their strengths and compensating for their weaknesses.
In 1995, psychologist Daniel Goleman published the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, discounting IQ as the sole measure of one’s abilities. His research on business leadership, published in 1998 in the Harvard Business Review, found that emotional intelligence sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. Goleman likened IQ and technical skills to entry-level requirements for executive positions, noting that emotional intelligence is necessary for leadership.
“Emotional intelligence is the ‘something’ in each of us that is a bit intangible,” says Travis Bradberry, co-founder of TalentSmart, a San Diego provider of emotional intelligence tests. “It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results.”
Emotional intelligence taps into a fundamental element of human behavior that is distinct from your intellect. There is no known connection between IQ and emotional intelligence; you simply can’t predict emotional intelligence based on how smart someone is, Bradberry says. Intelligence is your ability to learn, and it’s the same at age fifteen as it is at age fifty.
Emotional intelligence, on the other hand, is a flexible set of skills that can be acquired and improved with practice. Although some people are naturally more emotionally intelligent than others, you can develop high emotional intelligence even if you aren’t born with it.
How much of an impact does emotional intelligence have on your professional success? “The short answer is: A lot,” says Bradberry. “It’s a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with a tremendous result.” Bradberry’s firm says it tested emotional intelligence alongside thirty-three other workplace skills, and found that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, explaining a full 58 percent of success in all types of jobs.
So how do you develop emotional intelligence? As with any skill, it takes some study and practice.
Justin Bariso, author of EQ, Applied, offers this series of practical steps that can help you increase your EQ:
Take some time to sit down and reflect on your own use of emotions. For example, think about how you typically respond when:
You read an email that implies you dropped the ball
Your significant other blames you for something you feel is unfair
Another driver cuts you off on the highway
A close friend or associate begins to cry unexpectedly
By first identifying your own emotions and reactions, you become more mindful and start the process of building control.
Often, we don’t realize that other people view us much differently than we view ourselves, and vice versa. It’s not about right or wrong; it’s simply understanding how perceptions differ, and the consequences those differences create.
By asking those close to us—like a significant other, close friend, or workmate—about our interactions with them, we can learn from their perspective. For example, we could think about a specific time when we were in a highly emotional state. Ask the other person: Did I act out of the ordinary during that time? Could you describe how?
Then, ask them to relate experiences regarding when they were going through an emotional situation.
You can ask:
How did I deal with you at that time?
Would you say I was sensitive to your feelings and emotions?
Getting the answers to these questions will help us to see ourselves more like others see us—and help us to understand others better, too. You can then use that knowledge to adjust your dealings with others.
Armed with this newly acquired knowledge, you can now be more observant of your current emotions. Your self-reflection and what others have shared will help you to be more in tune with what you’re feeling.
If you make any new discoveries, make sure to repeat step one. You can even write down your experience; doing so will help clarify your thinking and keep you in “learning mode.”
“The pause” may be as simple as taking a moment to stop and think before we act or speak. If everyone made that a practice, imagine how much shorter emails could be, how much time would be saved in meetings, and how many incendiary comments on social media would be eliminated.
But remember: The pause is easy in theory, difficult to practice.
Even if we’re generally good at managing our emotions, factors like added stress or a bad day can inhibit our ability to do so at any given time. And we’re not just talking about upsetting situations; we are often tempted to jump on opportunities that look really good at the time but that we haven’t really thought through.
When you work on pausing before speaking or acting, you create a habit of thinking first.
Most of us would agree that qualities like empathy and compassion are valuable ingredients to healthy relationships. So, why do we often neglect to show those qualities when it matters most—like when we fail to show understanding to a close friend or partner when they’re going through a difficult time?
Scientists have studied what psychologist and author Adam Grant calls “the perspective gap.” In short, this term describes the fact that it’s extremely challenging to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. We often forget how specific situations feel, even if we’ve experienced very similar circumstances. (If we’ve never experienced something similar, you can imagine how that limits our perspective.)
So, how do we bridge the gap?
Demonstrating qualities such as empathy and compassion means that we try our best to see a situation through another person’s eyes. But we have to go further than drawing on our own experiences; showing true empathy means exploring the why:
Why does this person feel the way she does?
What is she dealing with that I don’t see?
Why do I feel differently than she does?
If you can’t effectively answer those questions, consider working alongside the person for a period of time to truly understand what’s going on, as viewed from that person’s perspective. Doing so will help you see your team and family members not as complainers, but for who they really are: Struggling individuals who need help.
As an entrepreneur, criticism is never easy to take. You’ve invested blood, sweat, and sometimes tears in your work. It can be extremely difficult when someone else comes in and knocks down what you’ve built.
But the truth is, criticism is often rooted in truth—even when it’s not delivered in an ideal manner. When you receive negative feedback, there are two choices: You can put your feelings aside and try to learn from the situation, or you can get angry and let emotion get the best of you.
When we are on the receiving end of criticism, whether it’s delivered ideally or not, it’s invaluable to consider the following:
Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternate perspective?
Instead of focusing on the delivery, how can I use this feedback to help me or my team improve?
There are times when you shouldn’t listen to criticism—for example, when it’s based on falsehood or given in a way that’s meant to destroy your sense of self-worth. But that’s not usually the case. If your goal is to truly get better, don’t let emotion close your mind to negative feedback. Instead, learn from it.
Like any other skill or ability, practice makes . . .
Better. Of course, it’s impossible to have perfect control over your emotions. And learning to improve your emotional intelligence isn’t a process that happens overnight.
However, consistently practicing these steps will allow you to begin harnessing the power of emotions—and to use that power to work for you, instead of against you.
Charismatic leaders believe in something powerfully and share that belief with others. Their conviction and consistent actions influence others to follow. Dedicated followers add exponentially to the energy that radiates from a charismatic leader.
If you want to be charismatic, you need to connect empathetically. Charismatic people make you laugh, they make you feel heard, they make you feel special or fascinated or safe or interesting.
Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.
We can’t always define it, but some people have it: They’re charismatic.
People who have charisma build and maintain great relationships, and consistently influence—in a positive way—the people around them. They’re the kind of people everyone wants to be around . . . and wants to be. “Fortunately we can, because being remarkably charismatic isn’t about our level of success or our presentation skills or how we dress or the image we project,” says Inc.com columnist Jeff Haden. “It’s about what we do.”
Here are ten habits of charismatic people, which anybody can practice:
Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond—not so much verbally, but nonverbally. That’s all it takes to show other people that they’re important.
When you do speak, don’t offer advice unless you’re asked. “Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice,” Haden says. Most people who are quick to offer advice say, “Here’s what I would do . . . ,” effectively making the conversation about them.
Some people hear only what serves their interests. They often don’t listen if they feel that the person doing the talking is beneath them in some capacity.
Charismatic people, in contrast, listen closely to everyone, and they make everyone, regardless of position or social status or level, feel like they have something in common with the listener. “Which they do—we’re all people, after all,” Haden says.
“I think of myself as an entrepreneur, but I love investing. People allow me to invest in their dreams, and I don’t have to come up with everything myself. They’re doing business in a whole new way and I’m fortunate enough to be partnering with them.”
DAYMOND JOHN, Fubu founder and Shark Tank star
In today’s highly connected the world, give someone the gift of your full attention. Don’t check your phone. Don’t glance at your monitor. Don’t focus on anything else, even for a moment. You can never connect with others if you’re busy connecting with your devices, too.
Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship. When you focus on what you can get out of another person, “you show that the only person who really matters is you,” Haden says.
Generally speaking, the only people who are impressed by stuffy, pretentious, self-important types are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important types. Most people are irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
You already know your own opinions, perspectives, and points of view. “But you don’t know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don’t know,” Haden says. “That makes them a lot more important—they’re people you can learn from.”
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they’ll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they’re doing. Then they’ll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.
The words you use can impact the attitude of others. For example, you don’t “have to interview job candidates”; you get to “select a great person to join your team.” You don’t “have to create a presentation”; you get to “share cool stuff with a new client.” You don’t “have to go to the gym”; you get to “work out and improve your health and fitness.” We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves—and make you feel better about yourself, too.
Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. “The problem is, we don’t necessarily like—and we definitely don’t respect—the people who dish that dirt,” Haden says. Don’t laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.
Be humble. Share your screw-ups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself. “While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself,” Haden says. “People will like you better for it—and they’ll want to be around you a lot more.”
One of the most persistent stereotypes within entrepreneurship is that founders must be true extroverts: gregarious, outgoing, and always ready to press the flesh. If the image of glad-handing your way through a crowd sets your teeth on edge, you might assume that running a business is not for you.
If so, put that thought out of your mind. According to Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, introverts not only can be effective in business, but they also have traits that support good leadership. The important thing is to understand how to make your psychology work for what you want.
The first step is to realize that shyness and introversion are not the same. “As one researcher explained it to me, shyness is a behavior in reaction to conditions, and introversion is a motivation,” Dembling says. Natural extroverts can actually be shy. Whether introvert or extrovert, it’s important to know that shyness can be overcome. “Introversion is hardwired, and there is no reason to want to overcome it,” she says.
As Dembling describes it, introverts lose energy from being around people and gain energy from being alone, while extroverts are the opposite. “It’s simply a different way of functioning in the world and no better or worse than extroversion, although we’ve all been told that extroversion is better,” she says.
When you know how you best function, you can come up with tactics to take advantage of your inclinations. For example, if you must be at a conference and interact with many people, be sure to keep evenings free for some downtime by yourself. “Maybe you don’t want to go to group events where you’re trying to throw elevator pitches out,” Dembling says. “Maybe you need to schedule one-on-one meetings.” You might also look for odd moments to recharge during the day, whether that’s taking a walk around the block or lunch by yourself.
Interestingly, public speaking may be fine if you can work from a prepared script or presentation and not improvise. “It’s really recognizing where your strengths are and where your weaknesses are and not judging them,” she says.
Being introverted will also affect strategic choices of how to structure your business. For example, an introverted business owner or executive might choose to lead a team of extroverts. “Your abilities to listen and process information are real strengths,” Dembling says. “You might need to listen, step back, think about it, and come back to them,” and avoid being steamrolled by team members. An extrovert might run into conflicts competing with extroverted team members, and be better off with a largely introverted team.
An introspective entrepreneur might favor a smaller business run out of a home office, with significant amounts of private time, rather than a larger undertaking, although it is possible to fall into the trap of isolating yourself too much.
Because of the confusion with shyness or its opposite—boldness—you might want to get a better sense of where you fall on the continuum between introversion and extroversion. Tests like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator can provide an inexact approach to understanding where you might stand.
Now that we’ve outlined the characteristics of high-performing entrepreneurs, it’s time to look at their unique habits.
Kevin Kruse, author of numerous business books, interviewed over two hundred ultra-successful people, including seven billionaires, thirteen Olympians, and a host of accomplished entrepreneurs. One of his most revealing sources of information came from their answers to a simple open-ended question: “What is your number one secret to productivity?”
In analyzing their responses, Kruse found some fascinating suggestions. Try them out and see where they take you.
Focus on minutes, not hours. Most people default to hour and half-hour blocks on their calendar; highly successful people know that there are 1,440 minutes in every day and that there is nothing more valuable than time. Money can be lost and made again, but time spent can never be reclaimed. As Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller told Kruse, “To this day, I keep a schedule that is almost minute by minute.” You must master your minutes to master your life.
Focus on only one thing. Ultra-productive people know what their most important task is and work on it for one to two hours each morning, without interruptions. What task will have the biggest impact on reaching your goals? What accomplishment will get you promoted at work? That’s what you should dedicate your mornings to every day.
Don’t use to-do lists. Throw away your to-do list; instead, schedule everything on your calendar. It turns out that only 41 percent of items on to-do lists ever get done. All those undone items lead to stress and insomnia because of the Zeigarnik effect, which, in essence, means that uncompleted tasks will stay on your mind until you finish them. Highly productive people put everything on their calendar and then work and live by that calendar.
Beat procrastination with time travel. Your future self can’t be trusted. That’s because we are time inconsistent. We buy veggies today because we think we’ll eat healthy salads all week; then we throw out green rotting mush in the future. Successful people figure out what they can do now to make certain their future selves will do the right thing. Anticipate how you will self-sabotage in the future, and come up with a solution today to defeat your future self.
Make it home for dinner. Kruse gleaned this one from Intel’s Andy Grove, who said, “There is always more to be done, more that should be done, always more than can be done.” Highly successful people know what they value in life. Yes, work, but also what else they value. There is no right answer, but for many, these other values include family time, exercise, and giving back. They consciously allocate their 1,440 minutes a day to each area they value (i.e., they put them on their calendar), and then they stick to that schedule.
Use a notebook. Richard Branson has said on more than one occasion that he wouldn’t have been able to build Virgin without a simple notebook, which he takes with him wherever he goes. In one interview, Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis said, “Always carry a notebook. Write everything down. That is a million-dollar lesson they don’t teach you in business school!” Ultra-productive people free their minds by writing everything down as the thoughts come to them.
Process emails only a few times a day. Ultra-productive people don’t check their email throughout the day. They don’t respond to each vibration or ding to see who has intruded into their inbox. Instead, like everything else, they schedule time to process their emails quickly and efficiently. For some, that’s only once a day; for others, it’s morning, noon, and night.
Avoid meetings at all costs. When Kruse asked Mark Cuban to give his best productivity advice, he quickly responded, “Never take meetings unless someone is writing a check.” Meetings are notorious time killers. They start late, have the wrong people in them, meander around their topics, and run long. You should get out of meetings whenever you can and hold fewer of them yourself. If you do run a meeting, keep it short and to the point.
Say no to almost everything. Billionaire Warren Buffett once said, “The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.” And self-help guru James Altucher colorfully gave Kruse this tip: “If something is not a Hell Yeah! then it’s a no.” Remember, you only have 1,440 minutes in a day. Don’t give them away easily.
Follow the 80/20 rule. Known as the Pareto Principle, in most cases, 80 percent of results come from only 20 percent of activities. Ultra-productive people know which activities drive the greatest results. Focus on those and ignore the rest.
Delegate almost everything. Ultra-productive people don’t ask, “How can I do this task?” Instead, they ask, “How can this task get done?” They take the I out of it as much as possible. Ultra-productive people don’t have control issues, and they are not micromanagers. In many cases, good enough is, well, good enough.
Touch things only once. How many times have you opened a piece of regular mail—a bill perhaps—and then put it down, only to deal with it again later? How often do you read an email and then close it and leave it in your inbox to deal with later? Highly successful people try to “touch it once.” If it takes less than five or ten minutes—whatever it is—they deal with it right then and there. It reduces stress, since it won’t be in the back of their minds, and it is more efficient, since they won’t have to reread or reevaluate the item in the future.
Practice a consistent morning routine. Kruse’s single greatest surprise while interviewing over two hundred highly successful people was how many of them wanted to share their morning ritual with him. While he heard about a wide variety of habits, most nurtured their bodies in the morning with water, a healthy breakfast, and light exercise, and they nurtured their minds with meditation or prayer, inspirational reading, or journaling.
Understand that energy is everything. You can’t make more minutes in the day, but you can increase your energy to increase your attention, focus, and productivity. Highly successful people don’t skip meals, sleep, or breaks in the pursuit of more, more, more. Instead, they view food as fuel, sleep as recovery, and breaks as opportunities to recharge in order to get even more done.
You might not be an Olympian or a billionaire (yet), but their secrets just might help you become more productive and successful.
Now that we’ve defined the qualities of exceptional leadership, and given you tips on how to be more productive, it’s time to take the world by storm. In the following pages, we’ll look at the growth strategies you can use to take your startup to the next level.