I let go of excuses
In this chapter, we will delve into how you can commit to a daily meditation practice by letting go of excuses around time, fear, discipline, and perfection. We will break down simple ways so you can stop finding reasons not to meditate and instead begin to shift that narrative and commit to a daily practice.
Did I find my happily ever after at twenty-five? No, I did not, and not many people do. If you are lucky enough to feel as though you have it all together at that age, that’s wonderful. My experience has been that the older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know and still have to learn and grow on my journey. Life humbles us, and age truly is our greatest teacher. I am sure the most enlightened minds that have ever graced our planet would agree with this truth.
It has taken a lot of time and effort to gain control over my mind and thoughts, and of course it is still a daily work in progress. I am not going to lie and make it seem as if I have mastered my mind completely and never have a negative thought or worry. Nor will I claim to be an “expert” or “master”—I am simply sharing with you what has worked for me in my own life and the lives of my patients and clients.
Five minutes of meditation a day changed my life. As a result, I have been able to gain more control over my mind and thought processes in order to change my mindset and in turn change my life. From there, I felt empowered to make the transition toward greater self-love and clarity from within. And in case you were wondering, this was all achieved through the intentions and five-minute exercises shared in the following pages. I have also been greatly inspired by the major transformations that have occurred in the lives of my patients and clients around the world. They all began with committing just five minutes a day to a meditation and mindfulness practice. For those who made the commitment to sticking with the practice, the experience has been incredibly transformative.
You Have Five Minutes to Meditate
It always amazes me to see how the commitment of a daily five-minute meditation and mindfulness practice, which seems so small, has such a powerful and lasting effect. I have witnessed patients previously so dedicated to their daily drinking routine make radical changes to their relationship with alcohol. I have seen the effect that only five minutes of daily meditation has on changing people’s relationship to toxic relationships and unhealthy lifestyle habits. When our relationship with ourselves is negative, we do not make positive choices, period.
The name of this section has been my favorite phrase over the past few years. We have to learn to let go of the excuses we make about not having enough time. Time is one of our most precious commodities—you can’t bring it back, no matter how much money or resources you have. But on your deathbed, you are not going to recall all of the reasons for why you didn’t do the things you wanted to or all of the excuses you made; all you will remember is that your life was unfulfilled. The most common regret of people on their deathbeds is that they wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves honoring their own needs and wants, not everybody else’s. They had not honored many of their dreams and in their final moments realize that it was due to the poor choices made in the past. They also understand that no one else can be blamed, the most difficult part to accept.
After this, the dying person usually has a profound self-realization—they must come to peace with the fact that in life, they were their own worst enemy. That elusive sense of peace and happiness could not be found within, as they were too busy doing everything else. As they say, hindsight is valuable, and sometimes it is too late to rewind the clock and go back to change things. It is not too late for you, however. Make the choice to spend your time engaged in practices such as meditation and mindfulness so you can find that peace and happiness within.
Finding Five Minutes in Your Day
Now let’s explore how you can let go of any lingering excuses and find time in your day to commit to a five-minute meditation. Visualize yourself doing your five-minute practice each morning. Think about setting your alarm five minutes earlier than your normal time. Or perhaps you arrive at work five minutes earlier so you can complete the practice in your car or at your desk before your workday begins.
Alternately, you may take five minutes when you get home, before dinner, or before bed. Whatever the case may be, think about how you can commit to making meditation a daily part of your life and committing right now to when you will find the time to add this five-minute practice into your morning. Once you have completed this visualization, it may be helpful to write down when and where you will be completing your practice and make a decision to commit to doing it from today onward.
Believe in Yourself
Believe that you have the power today to start reprogramming your mind away from excuses toward a greater commitment to your happiness and inner peace. My personal mantra has not been “Why me?” but instead “Why not me?” You must first believe that you have the power to change your life before inner and outer transformation can really begin Even if the odds are stacked against me and success seems impossible, I have to believe in myself first.
If you are trying to manifest anything in your life—be it a relationship, a baby, or a new job—if at some level you don’t believe those things will happen for you due to deep-rooted insecurities, then quite simply they won’t. Or they may occur and you get a fleeting glimpse of what things could be like in your life before it all goes upside-down because your self-sabotaging thoughts rear their ugly head and ruin it all.
Many people are unaware of the concept of thought as vibration—all of our thoughts actually have a vibration attached to them, so we therefore have the power to manifest our thoughts, good or bad, into reality. If your thoughts are positive, this power can be a blessing, but it feels like more of a curse if they are mainly negative, as most people’s tend to be. Could the constant negative thoughts be the reason you feel as though a dark cloud is hanging over you and bad things just seem to follow you wherever you go? Realize now that your thoughts become your reality. And the great news is that you have the power to control the direction of your thoughts and the flow of your life from negative to positive through meditation and mindfulness.
I work with many breast and ovarian cancer patients, both people with a high risk of developing cancer due to a genetic mutation as well as those fighting cancer, surviving, and thriving. Research shows that people with a more positive outlook to their cancer diagnosis and treatment do much better with chemotherapy and radiation versus those who have a more negative and fatalistic attitude. Our bodies pick up on what we tell it at a cellular level through our thoughts, good or bad, via our unique mind and body connection.
We see on numerous occasions the power of the mind that has healed people from incurable diseases and given people the ability to walk again after being told they would spend the rest of their lives in a wheelchair. There are many other miraculous feats that people
have achieved against all odds through mastery of their thoughts and minds. If you heal your mind, you can heal your body and your life. Learning to trust your intuition and be led from within is pivotal to this process, as is finding the strength to not give up when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will. It is staggering to think of how many people give up on themselves and their dreams because of barriers along the way.
You can learn to tune in through meditation and mindfulness and if your instincts are guiding you forward to trust them and not be deterred by any obstacles that cross your path. I have learned more and more over time to become guided from within, and it is amazing how the obstacles are cleared away. Obstacles can also be placed in our way to guide us on a different path, perhaps one we would never have gone down if we hadn’t started our journey with meditation in the first place.
Let Go of Fear of Tradition
We must first let go of any fear we may have around embracing traditions and cultures that are different to our own. True beauty lies in diversity, and the wonderful thing about meditation is that even though the practice’s roots are in Hinduism, they are nondenominational. No matter what your religious beliefs or faith may be, you can use these practices and build them into your own life. In fact, many of these faiths have a meditative aspect to their prayer practices; they just call it by a different name.
The point of meditation is that we are connecting to a higher source outside of ourselves. You can call this whatever you want or what makes you feel most comfortable, whether that name is God, the universe, light, spirit, source, and so on. Whatever you want to call this higher power is your choice. Don’t let that be the deterrent of why you are not meditating. You don’t have to put a label on it, you can incorporate meditation and mindfulness into your life in the way that serves you best.
Let Go of Perfection
If you don’t meditate because you feel you don’t do it “right,” let that go. Perfection isn’t the goal. Failure is a necessary part of the journey toward success, speak to any super successful person and they will tell you this themselves! You may not succeed the first time you try or the tenth time, and this may even relate to your meditation practice! Making mistakes is part of the journey as without the mistakes that you make along your path and the learning that comes from picking yourself up after you stumble or fall, sometimes falling flat on your face, you don’t learn the valuable lessons you need to that make you stronger and more resilient.
If you feel as though you have hit rock bottom, welcome that feeling instead of resisting it. The only way forward is up. We may avoid meditation because we don’t want to be reminded of things we are resisting, but meditation and mindfulness help so much on this path because they teach us how to tune in and actually listen to what intuition tells us rather than just drowning out that voice or not trusting it. The more you are able to learn to surrender and actually follow your guidance from within, the more you are able to realize your truth and let it guide your life, even if everyone around you tells you something different.
Meditation is not about striving for perfection but about embracing our own imperfections with humility, love, and nonjudgment. I am not perfect at these three things all the time, but I am certainly doing much better as a direct result of my meditation and mindfulness practice. It isn’t necessary to become a monk to have a meditation practice that works, nor must you experience some tragedy that leads you down a path of self-realization.
Let Go of the Meditation “Image”
If your excuse not to meditate is that you aren’t the right type of person for it, let that go. Meditation is for everybody, not just the self-help addict, vegan warrior, and yoga-pant wearing, green juice drinker. If we are honest, this is in fact what turns many people off the practice as they feel they have to look or act a certain way in order to be accepted or for their practice to be taken seriously. Note to self here, reader, your meditation practice is for you! You do not need to justify it or explain it to anybody else. It is your truth and your practice.
I am not a vegetarian; I drink alcohol; and I love handbags, shoes, and lipstick, yet yoga and meditation are still the foundations of my life. It does not mean that I am any less of a practitioner than anybody else, as ultimately what matters is what is in the heart. If you outwardly do all the right things but harbor negativity or ill will toward others, eating a plant-based diet or cycling everywhere won’t discount what is going on internally.
The amount of people who do what looks like the right thing to others but fail to do the internal work—which is what’s most important—shows that no matter what a person does externally, it still won’t shift their internal perspective. The inner peace they crave in life will remain just beyond their reach. What many do not know is that our thoughts shape our lives more than anything else.
Be authentic. Would being vegan help my yoga and meditation practice and the world at large, no doubt it would but I am not ready for that sacrifice just yet. This is something I am seriously working on though and aspire to be as Hinduism espouses vegetarianism and it is a part of our religious practice and belief system. The reason behind it is the concept of ahimsa or nonviolence and nonharming as detailed in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra. Ahimsa is the first of the yamas, which are the ethical codes and universal values related to the path of yoga. Ahimsa is having respect for all living beings and avoidance of violence toward others in thought, word, or action.
Beef has always been off-limits for me, as the cow is considered a sacred animal in Hinduism. Dairy is something I have never liked, so it was easy for me to cut out and use nondairy alternatives as much as possible. What I do is my best and right now that is being plant based for my breakfast and lunch and only eating meat or seafood at dinner. Being honest with yourself and accepting where you are at on your path is also a vital part of a meditation and mindfulness practice. There is no point in pretending you don’t eat meat and then shoveling bacon down your throat the first chance you get when you are alone.
People who announce they are vegetarian and then in the same sentence say they eat meat always confused me. Why rush to put a label on yourself? Do it because you want to do it, not because it sounds good or you are trying to live up to the expectations of others, as that is always a recipe for unhappiness and brings us back to the point I made earlier about being authentic and living your best life, not somebody else’s version.
You can be many different things without needing to try to be everything to everybody. The path of meditation and mindfulness teaches us to accept ourselves where we are on our journey wherever that may be and to look at our past with love, compassion, and nonjudgment. To learn to fully accept yourself flaws and all that has led you to the place you are at today. To truly make your message authentic, you have to be sincere and that comes from being comfortable in your own skin.
Using the practices of mindfulness in your everyday life will help you become the best version of yourself, not somebody else’s best version. Once you become happier with who you are, what anybody else thinks or says starts to become less relevant. Meditation helps you in quieting that inner critic, embracing your strengths and flaws, and gaining the confidence and courage to be who you are truly meant to be in this life. From there, you can go for what you want in accordance with your highest good.
Cultivate Commitment
You are what you do, not what you say you will do. We so often find ourselves saying that we are going to do a lot of things and talk incessantly about doing them without actually making the commitment to ever doing them. We continually make excuses for why we are not doing the things we need to do yet somehow find the time to do the things we want to. I have lost count of how many times I have heard people tell me about how they really want to try meditation. Perhaps they have tried it and know it can help them, but they never seem to find the commitment or resolve to stick to a regular practice because they lack the discipline. Re-read that sentence; as difficult as it may be to swallow, it is the truth.
Discipline is key to success with anything we do in life, and meditation is no different. We need the discipline, motivation, and perseverance to do these practices regularly to feel the benefits. By “regular,” I don’t mean once every six months. In this book, I will teach you how dedicating just five minutes a day to a meditation practice can and will change your life. I see how life-changing these practices are for people who actually commit to doing them. I am not talking about subtle changes either; I am talking about complete, one-hundred-and-eighty-degree, life-altering changes.
Ultimately, like anything, a mindfulness or meditation practice is not going to work unless you actually do it. So often I hear people say that they have been practicing on and off for periods of time but meditation has not worked for them. If you are not able to commit to a dedicated daily practice, you simply will not see the results in your life and that is the cold hard truth.
It is no surprise that meditation has not worked for you if you have only done it five times over the past three years. Like I keep saying throughout this book, we all have five minutes and nobody can honestly tell me they don’t have five minutes to spare in their day. Especially when meditation can and will change your life. I see the results in the lives of my patients and clients who adopt meditation and make it an integral part of their daily lives.
The pranayama or breath work meditation provided in chapter 1 is a great place to start a daily practice, only requiring five minutes. I have taken the effort out of it for you. If you don’t want to do my meditation, there are countless apps and YouTube videos that will aid you on your journey. Find something that works for you, whether it be what appears in this book, following along with a video or app, or simply sitting in silence for five minutes each day.
Whatever it is you decide to do, make sure you actually do it, as that is the key to success with anything in life. If you don’t do the practice, it won’t work. View meditation and mindfulness as an essential part of your day, like brushing your teeth, showering, or eating. The more you meditate, the more you realize how much you do miss it if you skip a day and that your life is certainly better with it.
Exercise
Five-Minute Mindfulness Practice
This exercise will help you to commit to a daily mindfulness practice that actually works and it only takes five minutes a day. You gotta love that! Choose to not begin your day with scrolling through endless social media feeds or checking texts and emails immediately upon rising. Instead, devote at least five minutes as soon as you wake up to this simple and easy mindfulness practice, setting the intention for your day ahead to begin with a new outlook of peace and balance.
Instead of picking up your phone as soon as you wake up—and we are all guilty of doing this—stop scrolling and take a few minutes to draw your attention to your breath. As you lie or sit up in bed, close your eyes and focus your attention and awareness on your breath in your body. Feel the breath moving upward in your body on the inhale and feel the breath moving downward in your body on the exhale. While doing that, repeat the intention for this chapter to yourself three times, first aloud, then at a whisper, and finally silently: “I let go of excuses.” Remember this intention throughout your day. It will serve as a great reminder to be more present and mindfully aware.