A Personal Reflection
I keep a journal beside my bed. Some nights, instead of writing,
I whisper my gratitude. I know that someone, somewhere is listening.
I'm grateful that the loss of my breast (from cancer)
has unearthed my beating heart and made it visible to me.
I'm grateful for the roof over my head.
I'm grateful I have enough money for tomorrow.
—JACKIE
A growing body of research links feeling grateful with being happier.1 When we stop to appreciate our blessings, we tap into positive emotions. We counter an ancient bias toward the negative that was once useful for the survival of our species, and instead we cultivate a greater sense of well-being.
Neuropsychologist, meditation teacher, and author Rick Hanson explains that our brain has a negativity bias that has evolved from our earliest ancestors, who constantly had to scan for threatening situations in order to stay alive. In our modern lives, we're no longer called on to fight tigers, and yet this predisposition to take in and remember negative experiences persists.
Negative experiences, Hanson says, adhere to our brains like glue and color our internal landscape toward focusing on what's wrong. We remember bad dentist visits when we were kids, or the time we fell off our bike and had to be taken to the emergency room, or when our first boyfriend or girlfriend dumped us for someone else. Though we might forget some of the details, we tend to remember and hold onto the feelings we had.
As you might guess, more enjoyable and positive experiences are much less likely to stick. They flow over us like water, hardly registering in our memories. Given the brain's negativity bias, “it takes an active effort to internalize positive experiences and heal negative ones,” Hanson writes. “When you tilt toward what's positive, you're actually righting a neurological imbalance.”2
Hanson invites us to begin by noticing good things, even small experiences that happen to us throughout the day. Perhaps you watched a lovely sunrise or sunset. Or, someone unexpectedly came over to visit, you solved a difficult problem, someone hugged you, or you felt a sense of belonging.
Hanson suggests that we take time to pause before jumping to the next thing, pay attention to these satisfying experiences, dwell on them for twenty or thirty seconds, and bring them inside so they may stay with us. “Imagine or feel that the experience is entering deeply into your mind and body, like the sun's warmth into a T-shirt, water into a sponge, or a jewel placed in a treasure chest in your heart. Keep relaxing your body and absorbing the emotions, sensations, and thoughts of the experience.”3
By making a deliberate effort to bring in the good, we can actually rewire our brains. By building on the good feelings we generate today, we increase the likelihood of positive feelings and well-being tomorrow.
Writing in a gratitude journal—in which you note things large and small that you appreciate and that make your day better—is one way of cultivating gratitude and helping yourself generate a spirit of contentment for what is, rather than longing for what you don't have.
Begin by thinking of a few pleasant experiences that occurred, or gifts that you received, throughout your day. As you recall these moments, linger with them and notice particular details, recalling different sensations (such as smells or touch), thoughts, and feelings. Take a moment to imagine what your life would be like without these kindnesses or this beauty.
See if you can be grateful for all the ways you are supported by other people and by the Earth's bounty. Can you expand your awareness to feeling grateful for clean water, healthy food, a comfortable home, your education, family members, and friends?
Sit quietly for a few moments, noticing the subtle flow of your breathing, in and out. When you feel settled, say slowly, to yourself, the following phrases:
May I pause and notice what's good in my life.
May I open all my senses to my blessings.
May I remember to offer thanks.
Write to someone and let them know you are grateful for something they have done:
Begin a gratitude journal:
Linger with a meal: