Most of us are familiar with the concept of practice. As kids, some of us practiced piano, cartwheels, or shooting hoops on the basketball court. Cellists practice, surgeons practice, pilots practice. Here, we describe in detail some of the life-enhancing practices for working with grief that we introduced in earlier chapters.
This basic meditation focuses attention on the breath (inhalations and exhalations) as a way of bringing body and mind together in the present moment. The practice is about being curious about each new breath, maintaining concentration, and feeling the sensations of breathing in and breathing out.
As you attempt to do this seemingly easy practice, you'll soon discover something surprising. Most of us can sustain our attention on our breathing only for a couple of cycles. This is natural. Our minds wander. When thoughts, feelings, or sensations take your attention away from your breathing, be gentle and simply redirect your attention back to your in- and out-breaths.
If you experience problems holding your attention on your breath, you may want to try experimenting with a counting technique. For example, with each inhalation of your breath, say quietly to yourself, “In, one.” Then, as you exhale, “Out, two.” See if you are able to maintain your mindfulness of breathing for four breaths. If your mind wanders or you reach a count of ten, begin counting again, starting at one.
Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh offers another helpful approach.1 As you follow each cycle of your breath, repeat one of these phrases:
Example 1: “Breathing in, my breath grows deep. Breathing out, my breath goes slowly.”
You may shorten this to “deep” (on the in-breath), “slow” (on the out-breath).
Example 2: “Calming my body, I breathe in. Caring for my body, I breathe out.”
You may shorten this to “calming” (on the in-breath), “caring” (on the out-breath).
Example 3: Split one short phrase into two parts: “I am” (on the in-breath), “at peace” (on the out-breath).
As you become more experienced with this practice, try sitting for a longer period of time, perhaps ten or twenty minutes.