CHAPTER 8

THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

On the short list of the most delightful roommates with whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of sharing the domestic sphere, several pets I’ve known over the years take some of the top spots. Whether hamsters, birds, cats, dogs, they were (mostly) all excellent companions—loving, fi lled with personality, and best of all, rarely (if ever) short-tempered or cross. On the downside, pets add a substantial layer of responsibility to our lives and force us to make lots of accommodations. Not only do they leave their waste lying around for us to clean up, pets also rely on us to provide them with absolutely everything in their lives, from entertainment and food to shelter and health care. (And deworming. Did I mention deworming?) The recipes in this chapter are suggestions for ways in which you can make your pets’ lives that much better, providing healthy, all-natural solutions to some of the challenges they (and you) face.

NOTE: With sincere apologies to fans of other species as life companions, this chapter focuses on dogs and cats.

Dog Shampoo and Rinse

Dogs get dirty. Really dirty. And smelly. And they love it. You know what else they get? Fleas, ticks, and other bloodsuckers that lurk in the grass, waiting for snuffling dogs to wander by. This shampoo is good for getting rid of dirt, odors, and biting insects (many of which don’t like the smell of rosemary). And it’s very mild, making it safe for dogs with sensitive skin.

NOTE: Test for potential allergic reactions by rubbing a small amount of the shampoo on a section of relatively hairless skin, rinsing, and waiting 5 minutes. If there is no irritation visible, it should be fine.

• In a small saucepan, bring 1 cup (250 mL) water to a boil and add 8 sprigs fresh rosemary.

• While the rosemary-water cools, in a clean 16-ounce (500 mL) glass spray bottle, add 1 cup (250 mL) distilled water, ¼ cup (60 mL) Castile soap, 2 tablespoons (30 mL) apple cider vinegar, and 2 tablespoons (30 mL) fresh lemon juice. With your dog standing in the bath, dampen the fur and liberally spray the shampoo over every inch of its body (but not the head), including in the creases between the torso and limbs. Work the shampoo into the fur with your fingers and wait for 10 minutes. Rinse thoroughly with warm water. Give a final rinse with the rosemary-water, working it into the dog’s entire coat. Towel dry.

• If your dog absolutely hates taking a bath, try a dry shampoo treatment. In a small bowl, mix 1 cup (250 mL) baking soda, ½ cup (125 mL) cornstarch, and 5 drops rosemary essential oil. Using a flour sifter or fine-mesh stainless-steel strainer, sprinkle the powder over your dog’s coat and work it into the entire coat with your fingers or a wide-toothed comb.

Cat Shampoo

You could, in theory, wash your cats. Every now and then, you come across eyewitness accounts—videos, even—of this remarkable feat. But cats are generally not agreeable to the notion, and you could get injured in the attempt. (You come across video evidence of that all the time.) On the plus side, cats take pretty good care of cleaning themselves—cat saliva may just be the best all-natural cat shampoo. (Which makes sense, since cat skin is notoriously sensitive.)

• If your cat is an outdoor traveler and has a flea problem—or if it has been sprayed by a skunk—I recommend taking your feline companion to a professional, who will be equipped with the appropriate body armor the job of cat-washing requires. But if you’re feeling brave, or desperate, find a human accomplice, grab a couple oven mitts, lock yourselves and your cat into the bathroom, and rinse your cat in the tub with lukewarm water while your partner does their best to hold the cat in place.

NOTE: Prepare to get serious side-eye from your cat for the rest of the day, and possibly for an entire week.

Pet Bed Deodorizer

If your pet’s bed is too big to fit inside your washing machine, don’t despair—you can remove that sweaty, hot-under-the-saddle, straight-out-of-the-jungle animal funk without upsetting your pet’s delicate sensibilities or putting undue stress on the cleaning equipment. As always with odor-eating solutions, the hero of this story is baking soda.

• First, vacuum your pet’s bed to remove hair and dander (the polite word for skin flakes). Then, using a flour sifter or fine-mesh stainless-steel strainer, sprinkle baking soda all over the surface of the pet bed and let it sit for at least 3 hours, but preferably overnight, making sure your pet does not have access to the bed during that time. Vacuum thoroughly and return the bed to your pet.

NOTE: Do not use scented baking soda for this application—animal skin can be quite sensitive, and some essential oils (especially tea tree oil) can irritate or, even in rare instances, prove fatal to some pets.

Flea-Proofing Cat and Dog Beds and Rugs

If you or I were to discover our skin was covered by parasitic insects feeding on our blood, we’d do something about it. But aside from vigorous scratching, our pets’ attitudes to such infestations is very live-and-let-live. Since your pets can’t take care of the problem (and since those bloodsuckers might move on to your skin if left unchecked), here’s how you can help keep fleas at bay.

• First, wash your pet (Dog Shampoo and Rinse, this page, or Cat Shampoo, this page).

• While your pet is tearing around the house, air-drying, vacuum everywhere, especially cracks and corners where fleas like to lay eggs. Daily vacuuming is one of the most effective home remedies against fleas.

• Next, thoroughly clean the pet’s bed and other preferred sleeping areas (if the latter category includes your bed, your mattress needs to be vacuumed and washed and your bed linens need to be thoroughly cleaned in hot water). In a small bowl, mix 1 cup (250 mL) baking soda and 1 cup (250 mL) fine salt. Using a flour sifter or fine-mesh stainless-steel strainer, liberally sprinkle this mixture over the pet’s bed and allow to sit for at least 3 hours, preferably overnight, before vacuuming again. The goal here is to dehydrate the fleas and flea eggs in the fabric. If you want to clean all the rugs and carpets in your home, scale up this recipe.

• Finally, wash those beds and carpets, either in the washing machine on the hot cycle (if they fit) or where they are, using Rug and Carpet Shampoo (this page). Until the fleas are eliminated, you may need to repeat these steps every couple of days—and keep your pets out of your bed until the fleas are gone!

Puppy Pee Preventer and Anti-Chew Spray

Like human babies, puppies need to learn how to control their bladders. But while you wait for that blessed level of self-control to arrive, you can discourage your puppy from peeing in certain areas by spraying floors and carpets with this concoction.

• Mix 1 part white vinegar to 1 part water in a clean 8-ounce (250 mL) glass spray bottle. Replace the spray nozzle and spray on the areas you’d like to discourage your pet from peeing on. If your puppy has an accident on your carpet anyways, see Rug and Carpet Stain Cleaner (this page) for next steps.

• This spray also works to discourage your puppy from chewing on things it really shouldn’t. If you can’t move the objects of your puppy’s affection into a closet or other protected space, spray them with this vinegar-water spray.

Cat-Scratch Deterrent

One of the more regrettable habits cats have is working out their nail care issues on the furniture. To prevent them from ripping up your sofas and club chairs, try spraying the areas your cats are attracted to with this spray.

• In a small saucepan, bring 1 cup (250 mL) water to a boil and add 8 sprigs fresh rosemary. While the rosemary-water cools, use a small funnel to pour 1 cup (250 mL) apple cider vinegar and ¼ cup (60 mL) Castile soap into a clean 16-ounce (500 mL) glass spray bottle. Add enough rosemary-water to fill the bottle and replace the spray nozzle. Gently swirl the mixture to combine (you don’t want to agitate the soap or it will foam) and lightly spray any of your cat’s preferred shredding zones.

Dog Crate and Cat Carrier Cleaner

If your dog or cat loses control of its bladder or bowels inside its crate or carrier, it’s important to clean it right away or your pet will be much less agreeable the next time you invite them to step inside.

• Remove any bedding and clean in the washing machine. Next, spray the floor of the crate or carrier with a clean 8-ounce (250 mL) glass spray bottle filled with white vinegar. Wait 10 minutes and mop up the dried vinegar with a clean, damp sponge. Thoroughly dry with a clean rag and, using a flour sifter or fine-mesh stainless-steel strainer, sprinkle the floor with a light coating of baking soda before replacing the pet bedding.

Paw Pad Protector

If your dog is an all-weather animal and loves to go outside in winter (especially when it snows), pay attention to the paw pads. Between the hard ground, the ice, and the salt used to melt the snow, your dog’s paws can become raw and cracked. To both prevent this from happening and to treat the discomfort if it does happen, try this.

• Thoroughly rub olive oil or coconut oil into your dog’s pads before and after any trip outside into the cold.

Hairball Preventer

Hairballs (or trichobezoars, as they’re also known) are going to happen no matter what you do. Because cats do such an efficient job cleaning themselves with their Velcro-like tongues, their digestive tracts regularly fill with hair. And when that hair needs to come out, your cat will start convulsing and retching and cough up a slimy log. (It is an unpleasant habit, but totally normal and far better than the alternative: some cats have trouble regurgitating this hair mass, which can grow inside the stomach to such proportions that it needs to be removed surgically.)

• To lessen the frequency of hairball expulsion (and the likelihood of a life-threatening ball of hair accumulating in your cat’s gut), mix 1 teaspoon (5 mL) olive oil into their food once per week.

Litter Box Cleanser

Because cats are apex predators—or at least, the distant relatives of desert-living apex predators—they have many fascinating qualities. They are skilled hunters, they have remarkable eyesight and can see in the dark, they are capable of jumping several times their height from a standing position, can run at speeds above twenty miles (thirty-two kilometers) per hour in short bursts, and they have the long, dagger-like teeth of a carnivore. And because of their desert heritage, cats rely almost entirely on what they eat for moisture—their bodies have evolved to be very efficient in their use of water, which is why you rarely see cats drink (unless they eat an all-kibble diet). Alas, this means that their urine is incredibly concentrated. And smelly: as bacteria break down the concentrated urea in the cat’s urine, one of the by-products is ammonia. For this reason, it’s critical for your cat’s quality of life (and yours) to scoop the litter daily, add clean litter every few days, and give the litter box itself a good cleaning every two to four weeks.

• Using a small funnel, pour ½ cup (125 mL) white vinegar, 1 tablespoon (15 mL) Castile soap, and 1½ cups (375 mL) water into a clean 16-ounce (500 mL) glass spray bottle. Replace the nozzle and gently swirl the contents to combine (you don’t want to agitate the soap too much or it will foam).

• Wearing rubber or latex gloves, empty the litter box into a garbage bag and thoroughly spray the interior with the litter box cleanser. Thoroughly mop up the box with a clean, damp sponge until all the litter powder and cleanser are gone and the box is odor-free. Dry thoroughly and sprinkle the bottom of the litter box with baking soda before refilling with a fresh batch of litter.

NOTE: Sprinkle the bottom of the box with baking soda any time you change the litter to help control odors.