Appendix A

Specifics of Body Language

Using Body Language Correctly in the Workplace

Now that you have improved your verbal communication, you can learn about the specifics of what your body communicates. We will start with body language in the workplace. In general, you rarely see any expressions (other than the lack of one) in the office. It is commonly unacceptable to demonstrate an outward showing if emotion within the workplace.

As human beings, it is a part of our nature to show emotions, but in business it is discouraged. Nonverbal communication can be better understood if the employees have the knowledge of what the company’s background and goals are. Understanding how to speak, gesture, and dress within the workplace is important to create relationships. In order to create a proper business relationship within the workplace, companies institute what is called a “corporate culture,” which is simply a company’s standard. An attempt at a promotion or retention can fail if a person fails to follow these unspoken requirements within the workplace environment.

The style of dress you choose, such as a short skirt or not showing up with a tie, can send an alarming signal to the managers and colleagues of a conservative company, and threaten the culture of it. Likewise, a gesture that would send an alarming signal would be a facial expression you used when you were mad at the other person, or a closed-off stance you had while the other person is talking. You must take into consideration where you are when you are deciding on what gestures to use in the office.

Business Body Language Checklist

• Performing a series of gestures can help you exhibit an open body language, such as keeping your palms facing forward, and keeping arms and legs uncrossed.
• In order to bond with new colleagues, friends, or acquaintances, determine what their personality types are by noticing their nonverbal cues. Refer to Chapter 2 for an explanation of personality types.
• Knowing what to say, and when to say it, is just as important as expressing yourself verbally and nonverbally.
• Take the time to listen to the other person, both verbally and nonverbally.
• Showing confidence with your manager can be an important part in getting through the day.
• Knowing how to respectfully decline any further contact with a client, colleague, or manager can be an important part of your career.
• Bonding with colleagues can be difficult, but knowing who you are dealing with will help you to do so.
• Getting through a meeting without making enemies is crucial in the workplace.
• Meeting a new client can be difficult if you do not know anything about him or her, but building rapport is important to getting the account.
• Your first day on the job will always be stressful, but walking in with confidence and enthusiasm will help you get through the day.
• Interviews not only rely on what you say, but how your body language matches the verbal clues.
• Knowing your personal identity can help you make the necessary changes in your body language in order to ensure your success.
• Faking a confident body language until your brain automatically registers it can help you develop the confidence you need.
• Darting eyes and hesitant movements will convey that you are unsure of what you are saying.
• Speaking to someone on an elevated level, positioning your palms toward the floor when shaking hands, and stepping in front of someone gives of the impression that you want to be or think you are the dominant person.
• Body posture, touch, and seating locations are all a part of portraying your status.

Shaking Hand Motions

Once you have mastered the art of conversation and read all about workplace body language, you can advance to specific nuances. We will start with the handshake, and how it can differ greatly among all your acquaintances. How you shake someone’s hand says a lot about you as person. There are many types of handshakes, and for each, there is a time and a place. The handshake conveys a bond between the two parties involved. It can cement an agreement, offer a welcome, or bid someone a farewell. You must convey this gesture with a positive attitude, being congenial and open. Deciding which person advances their hand forward first is a key element. Typically, this gesture is done when first meeting a person, but if that person is immediately uncomfortable meeting you, it can be awkward. If you see this person as your equal, then extending your hand first should not be a problem. In the business context, some people are unsure as to whether they should shake a woman’s hand, so she should extend her hand first to show that she is comfortable with shaking hands. There are many types of handshakes used, each with a different meaning.

The Bone Cruncher

The bone cruncher tells you that the other person is overly aggressive and is compensating for something. This type of handshake will hurt your hand. The person that executes the handshake might not know their own strength or might not have very good social skills. There is nothing you can do to counteract this type of handshake, other than letting the person know he or she hurt you, especially if you felt that it was done on purpose.

The Wet Fish

This handshake sends the message that you are timid, insecure, or nervous. This is one of the most unappealing handshakes out there — the palms are moist and there is a lack of commitment. The people who execute this handshake come off as self-conscious and aloof.

The Power Shake

In order to execute the power shake, your hand should be facing in the downward position. This shows the other person that you are the one in control of the situation because your hand is on top. In this particular handshake, the person with the downward palm is dominant. This is a firm handshake used to let the other individual know that you, the person executing the handshake, wants to be in control of the situation. If you are on the receiving end of this handshake, counter it by giving your wrist a slight turn so that your thumb and the other person’s thumb are facing the same way. If the person resists, then he or she may just want to dominate the task at hand.

The Glove, Double Hander

This particular handshake is favored by politicians and corporate leaders. When one person reaches out her hand, the other person will cup that hand with both of his hands, showing a sign of sincerity, honesty, and deep feelings toward the other person. You increase your physical contact by using both hands, showing the other person you have the upper hand. If this handshake is done when first meeting someone, it can have the reverse effect of the person receiving it. The person can become suspicious of you or your intention toward him or her. It can be seen as though you are trying to invade his or her personal space, or as though you are trying to control the situation. This is an overly affectionate handshake and should only be used for people you already know to avoid sending the wrong signals.

The Firm Handshake

This handshake is seen as a form of equality. The palms of both parties are vertical and meet in the middle. Women favor this handshake in a business setting because it lets the men know they feel they are their equals and are up for no-nonsense meeting of the minds.

The Stiff Arm

This type of handshake is used by aggressive people. It is used to keep you at a distance, away from the other person’s personal space. The people who use this come off as distrusting, aloof, or reserved. The types of people who will execute this handshake want to keep you as far away from their personal space as possible, and they will protect that space at all costs, even if it means locking out their joints to create more distance between you during a handshake. There are times when the person with the stiff arm will even lean forward to do this handshake as a way of keeping you even further from their space. By leaning forward, the person is actually forcing the other individual to take a step back, thus creating a larger space between them.

The Space Invaders

These are the people who automatically shake your hand and place the other on your arm or shoulder, invading your space. They are trying to tell you that they are the ones in control. But, if you thrust your hand forward and then bring it back to you, pulling the other person into your space, you are letting that person know that you are in charge. The people who execute this type of handshake are in demand of power and control. You might see this used by the managers of a company with their insubordinates or when a business meeting with a new client is about to take place.

All About Your Legs

Now that you know what to do with your hands, move down to your legs and feet. There are two different leg positions: the open and the closed position. The farther the body part is from the brain, the less aware we become of what it is doing. An open position of your legs shows dominance, relaxation, a high comfort level, and confidence. The crossed position shows a closed attitude and uncertainty, except for in the case of women, who tend to cross their legs when in a natural seated position.

Legs Crossed

This can be the most comfortable position while sitting down. The meaning of this leg position depends on whether the legs are outstretched and crossed at the ankles, or if they are crossed at the knee. If the legs are outstretched and crossed at the ankle, then this person is at ease and very comfortable.

The European Leg Cross

This is the standard way of crossing your legs. One leg is crossed over the knee of the other leg. If the person crosses the hands, he or she is perpetrating that they are completely closed off to the conversation, ignoring the rest of what you have to say. People have a tendency to talk in shorter sentences, reject more ideas, and overall do not remember a lot of what is said. You will not be getting through to the other person.

The American Figure Four

This position consists of you placing your left or right ankle on the opposite thigh, right above the knee. If you were to stand in front of a mirror and attempt this position it would look as though your lower body has made the number four. This is also a move used in wrestling, so it comes as no surprise that the position gives the perception of dominance. Conversely, it can also show that the person is relaxed and youthful, as demonstrated when the motion is performed as a stretch after exercising. Because it highlights the genital area and is seen as an argumentative or competitive way of sitting, this position is mainly used by men. Most women do not want sit like this because they do not want to seem too masculine or to come off as sexually available.

The Figure Four Leg Clamp

This is a variation of the figure four in which at least one hand is clamped on the crossed leg. This has the ability to project the person as strong-willed and stubborn. This person will reject any opinion, unless it is his or her own. When encountering this with a client or a figurehead, be careful, and tread lightly unless you are looking for an argument.

The Leg Twine

This sitting position is when a person locks the top of her foot behind the opposite leg. It shows an insecure attitude and is typically used by shy, timid women.

Stance

The way you stand, or your stance, can tell a person just as much about how to approach you, what attitude you are going to have toward what he says, and your commitment level. There are many ways we stand and present ourselves to the world. Here are a few common stances:

At Attention

This stance gives a no-commitment attitude and is used every day, unless we are feeling some sort of emotion toward the other person. You are standing with your feet together and hands at your side. In the armed forces, you will see all military personnel stand at attention. They will have perfect posture with their hands at their sides.

Straddle Stance, Legs Apart

In this position, the feet are placed evenly apart, distributing the weight equally between both sides. This is mainly a male standing position, but some females are known to stand like this, too. Depending on how your upper body is positioned, the meaning can differ, sometimes severely. If the person standing in this position has the hands on their hips or the arms crossed, do not approach him or her. They will most likely be cold toward you. This position is all about power displays.

Buttress Stance, One Foot Forward

This position requires one straight leg and one leg to either be bent or straight, but pointing in another direction. All the weight is placed on the perfectly straight leg, but if you see that person shifting his or her weight to the other leg, that person may be trying to tell you he or she is done with the conversation and would like you to leave.

Scissors Stance, Legs Crossed

This position is much like the outstretched legs crossed position, but done while someone is standing — which has a totally different meaning. This position conveys negativity, defensiveness, insecurity, commitment, immobility, and submission. Someone standing in this position will not take flight and leave in the middle of a conversation. The person wants to be there, but can feel the need to be defensive because he or she is insecure while in the company of the person speaking.

What Are Your Feet Saying About You?

The feet are one of the main sources of knowing if a person is lying to you. No matter how much the person can control his or her facial expressions and upper body movements, the feet will not remain still. When someone is lying, the increasing foot movements are a dead giveaway as to just how deceptive the person is trying to be.

Fidgeting Feet

When you see someone with fidgeting feet, it is as sign of impatience. These people are indicating that they want to run away and are unable to. During a business situation, if the person has been constantly bouncing his or her feet but then stops after the offer is off the table, it was done in anticipation of the deal. If the feet are only fidgeting at the end of a conversation, then the person is ready to take off, because he or she does not like how the deal is being negotiated.

Knotted Ankles

Twisting you ankles together is referred to as knotting your ankles, which gives the perception of a closed off space, insecurity, ambiguity, lack of confidence, and a negative attitude toward what is being said. There are instances when people say they are just comfortable sitting like this, and it may be true, but it is their frame of mind that will associate this with comfort and what they are feeling. Most people will knot their ankles when they feel left out, or if they are holding back something important.

If you are sitting across from an executive who has crossed his legs, pay attention to the foot position. If the foot is pointing toward you, then what you are saying is being received. If the foot is pointing the other way, he is done with the conversation and wants to leave. An easy way to find out if you can join in on a conversation is by paying attention to the direction of their feet. If the feet stay pointed away from you, then you are not invited, but if they make a slight turn toward you, then go ahead and join the conversation.

Self-Assessment

Everyone receives feedback, to a certain extent, on the body language signals their bodies send out. It is important to self-assess how you are perceived, because it is easy to ignore the feedback or to be confused by what the feedback really means. If you observe your own body language, you can make assessments and improve your own nonverbal behaviors, allowing you to make more effective statements in the future.

There are typically four categories to pay attention to while self-assessing:

• The body position: When you are speaking, is your body language saying you are confident and comfortable? Are you properly executing the correct body language position for the situation at hand? Are you coming off as interested and attentive to the needs of others? Are you positioning yourself toward the person who is speaking?
• The facial expressions: Are you expressing boredom, indifference, anger, interest, enthusiasm, or neutralization? Is it the correct expression for that particular situation? Are you giving off the correct response?
• The eye contact: Is your eye contact coming off as shifty or uncertainty, due to how you limit it? Are you able to make the correct amount of eye contact with the other people in the room? Is it showing that you are neutral or confident? Is it held for long periods of time or is it direct?
• The unconscious body movements: Are you coming off as bored, impatient, or deceitful? Are you tapping your foot, shifting your weight back and forth, or drumming your fingers? Do you use frequent hand gestures, play with your hair, or shuffle the papers in front of you? What do you notice about your subconscious body movements?

Once you have finished this assessment, take note of the things you want to change and create a planned method for executing this change. If you are the type of person who likes to use arms and hands quite a bit while making a point, then the next time you have a conversation, try to clasp your hands in front of you. This is the simplest way to control this type of subconscious body language movements.

Nonverbal Clues That Show Closed Body Language

When you assess yourself, keep the following charts in mind:

Body Part	Nonverbal Cue	Meaning
Head	Directing head toward something else, looking down or away from someone	Discomfort, negativity
Arms	Crossed arms in the center, folded, clasped, or holding on to one another, holding on to body, or crossing wrists in lap	Defensiveness, negativity, discomfort, dissension
Legs	Crossed legs at ankles or knees, resting on opposite thigh, wrapping around another object, pulled away, tucked under chair or facing away from other person	Discomfort, negativity, defensiveness, dissension

Nonverbal Clues That Show Open Body Language

Body Part	Nonverbal Cue	Meaning
Head	Nodding, straight ahead, sustained eye contact	Composed state, relaxed, comfortable
Arms	At sides, palms exposed, gesturing, moving in sync, rolling up sleeves, loosening attire	Comfortable, composed, relaxed
Legs	Uncrossed, parallel, relaxed, feet pointing outwards	Comfortable, composed, relaxed

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